Workplace PUA, our company is a small company, and my direct boss never delegates important work to me. I feel very uncomfortable?

I also had the experience of being led by my direct boss at PUA, that is, I worked in a private company six months ago. Resigning was not my first choice, but it was not the worst option either. What is workplace PUA? Baidu Encyclopedia explains it this way: Workplace PUA refers to the mental control of subordinates by superiors in the workplace. From the point of view of the "schooling" in love, there is only one new target in the workplace, and that is the leader's precise attack on the confidence of employees, thereby achieving the purpose of controlling employees mentally. Please refer to the web link for details. To put it simply, a PUA in the workplace is a mind-controlled employee, honey and arsenic coexisting. Let me first talk about how my leader came to PUA. Because it is a national real estate company, the local project manager was just transferred here when the local project leader was vacant. When he first arrived, the old leader took him to have dinner with our employees. He had a drink at the dinner table and was very polite. He felt like a real person. Later he discovered that he was really a real person and really scary. First, he always loses his temper, but whenever something goes wrong at work, he will find a reason to scold you. At the meeting, he said that you would not report the project progress to him in advance and that you would hide any problems. If you tell him later, he will tell you. You should also tell him about such small things. Once, because the project required elevator equipment to transport materials, the manufacturer did not discuss the usage fee of the elevator equipment with the elevator unit, and the elevator was not delivered. Because it is a manufacturer I manage, I start calling the manufacturer at 8:30 in the morning when I go to work. Turns out he was sitting across from me and he heard it. He broke out and said why he needed to call the manufacturer and let them handle it themselves, or ask them to come over. Really stupid. I couldn't sit still at that time. When replying to him, I will definitely ask what happened first and then deal with it. Then he would be even more irritating. I can't do this little thing well. Barabara's. This was the worst start to my day. Secondly, he will always take care of you, just like an adult takes care of a child, saying it is for your own good, and it will be better for you if he jumps out in the future. For example, everyone has their own style and way of doing things. The key is that everyone is an adult and at least has self-respect and self-discipline. However, he suddenly came over from the opposite side and looked at your computer desktop icon. It was not very flat or simple. He said you should sort it out quickly. The worst thing is that you use WeChat to contact the manufacturer. When he sees it, he will say, why use WeChat to contact me instead of calling directly? That was the most speechless moment for me. Then, he will always feel that he is doing things for himself, without considering the feelings and dignity of others. Once, there was a problem with the materials on the project, and the manufacturer was asked to communicate the situation. He called me to negotiate with him. As a result, halfway through the negotiation, he actually scolded the manufacturer for not reporting progress and problems to him in a timely manner. He had just taken over and knew nothing about what had happened before. That was when I was most helpless. He indulged in it right in front of him. Later, how do I manage this unit? If something goes wrong, it's my fault. The above three things are his daily management, but if that were the case, I would probably have resigned a long time ago, but he will also be a good person in this kind of daily life, and will invite you to participate in the company's daily activities from time to time. Before the activities The leave adjustment will be approved in a timely manner, and the company's salary adjustment will give priority to us. The monthly department dinners were arranged by himself after he came here, and he paid for them himself. When we have dinner together, we often say that sometimes things at work are not perfect, but they are all for your own good. If it were placed on his previous projects, he would definitely be scolded even more fiercely. This is the kind of guy who instills his work values ??in you while mixing honey with arsenic. When he becomes good, he will take care of you, and when he becomes bad, he will scold you. Except that he is your leader, he is of no use to anyone else. In fact, I am quite independent and self-disciplined, but when faced with his PUA in the workplace, I can only accept it cautiously for the sake of salary. That half year was the most tiring half of the year for me. I don’t know when another bomb or a bowl of sugar water will come. Fortunately, I was looking for other jobs while facing the situation normally. Resigning is not the first choice, but it is not the worst option either. No matter what happens in the future, I will keep moving forward and work hard. PUA workplace

Have you ever been held by a PUA? Is it your first choice to leave? I have been led by PUA, but I feel that leaving is not the first choice, but being prepared to leave is the first choice. I can understand the pain of being led by the nose by a pua. I was in a bad state, very tired, and felt like I was nothing and could do nothing. One day after get off work, I thought about it. I still need to get out of this state as soon as possible and make some changes.

Either you are ready to leave, or you are in this company with a completely new attitude. In addition, I will conduct a detailed analysis of the above from the perspective of emotional psychology. Let’s first talk about what PUA is like in the workplace. The main method is "suppression" in language and behavior. Judging from the situation described above, your little leader is not "PUA" you in the strict sense. Because as you said above, he often tells you "you can't do this", "think for yourself", and "search for yourself". These words are more because you don't want to be responsible for yourself, want to push things out, and don't want to care about you. Although the words may be harsh, the verbal reprimand may even mean to suppress you. But if you think about it carefully, you will find that this is essentially laziness and selfishness in human nature. Because if we have to talk about "workplace PUA", these actions may even involve manipulating you, but obviously you, the little leader who is directly under you, do not. He is just lazy. His laziness and selfishness cannot be said to be his fault. This is engraved in the genes of human nature. There’s no point in judging whether he’s right or wrong, it’s more about how to deal with it. First of all, the most helpful coping strategy for you is to have a "growth mindset" to face your job and this unhappy work environment. You have to know that you come to this company mainly to learn and make money, not to waste yourself on these messy interpersonal relationships. No matter how stupid this little leader is, it is still his business. Let's learn and do more for ourselves. So it’s important to know what you want in this job and then execute on it. Obviously, leaving is not the first option. Because whether you leave or not, even if you go to a new company, there will be new leaders, and the new leaders are likely to have similar problems. Because no one in the workplace is obligated to help you. This is because everyone is here to work and create value for the company. It’s really easy to feel uncomfortable in this situation, but we need to do more to address these issues after we complain. If your boss doesn't want to teach you, you can learn it yourself or ask other colleagues. If not, you can search on Baidu. If this leadership problem cannot be solved, it can be solved. You can apply to change teams or transfer positions. If that still doesn't work, you can get rid of the leader. Leaving is the first choice at that time.

I have never been led by a PUA because I have a little bit of blind confidence in my personality. Even if the leader wants to PUA, it is difficult because it is difficult for me to doubt my ability. Therefore, if your normal work has been affected by your leader's PUA management, or you are under strong psychological pressure, my suggestion is that leaving your job is the first choice, because PUA in the workplace is when you suffer too much criticism, They are not confident and doubtful about their abilities, and slowly accept the content of criticism from leaders. As a result, you really end up in a state where you don’t understand anything and don’t think about anything. It can be said that if the severity reaches a certain level, your working status will be ruined and the psychological trauma will be great. Leave as soon as possible. You will slowly get better after leaving this environment. The sooner you leave, the better. Understand that PUAPUA is a kind of implicit mental bullying, also called the gaslighting effect, which usually occurs when two people are together. On one side is the operator of gaslighting, who always upholds justice and all the right people. On the other side is the operator of gaslighting, who always lets the operator define his own real world and expects his approval. This often happens among friends, family, superiors and subordinates, between lovers. In fact, this kind of implicit mental manipulation takes advantage of our deepest fears, worries, and desire to be understood, appreciated, and loved. At this time, the manipulated person will trust and want to rely on the manipulator who is idealized by him. So he was controlled by his own spirit, and in the process of being destroyed, he was constantly trying to prove himself in pain. How to identify and get rid of the common behaviors of PUA workplace leaders: PUA constantly negates you, always finds fault with you, never praises you, and tells you that this is a spur to you to make you better and better. In order to prove the authenticity of what I said, I kept comparing you with other employees, which caused a psychological gap. Give you unreasonable work content and tell you to do it well. This is reusing you and even letting you do your own personal things. When you did it, you said you didn't do it well. He treated you as one of his own, and you betrayed his trust. Give you an overloaded workload, encourage you to work overtime, and always remind you to be grateful! If you have a job opportunity, you should know how to cherish it, seize it, and do it well. But in private, you can take your credit and tell me that the reason why you did well was because of his good leadership. At the same time, it will give you hope and tell you that if you work harder, you will get his approval.

If we want to get rid of PUA in the workplace, we must maintain a proper understanding of the workplace. We must understand that we can get this job because we have the ability to work. We are here to use our abilities to create value and gain our own achievements, not to get the love and attention of our leaders. You must always know your market value, such as objectively comparing yourself with your colleagues, going to recruitment platforms to see recruitment requirements, submitting resumes, participating in interviews, looking at your own value outside, and making yourself clear about your own value. Understand that the purpose of work is to realize your own value. If you work happily, you can learn from hard work. But if the working atmosphere is not good or the leadership is not good, it will affect your future development in this workplace, so it is important to resign in time. Remember to keep a clear mind. At work, what is compared is strength, not feelings.

Everyone who comes into contact with a new field is at a loss or even rejected. So how can this embarrassing situation be changed? In order to quickly become familiar with the company's business, you must first understand the company's products and systems. Then approach and help colleagues flexibly and proactively to achieve a harmonious effect of integrating into the team. In this way, colleagues will more or less teach you some operating procedures, business priorities, leadership characteristics, etc. Although it is hard work, the efficiency will improve quickly. Based on the above understanding, be careful not to have obvious contact with the opposing management of your direct supervisor, so as not to cause a psychological gap between superiors and subordinates. Secondly, you must skillfully communicate with your direct leaders within 3-7 days of joining the company and solicit opinions on business issues. Even if you know it, you often need to let the leader know intentionally or unintentionally, and praise the leader (which is more effective than complimenting in person). This way, you can be comfortable in the office.

I know what you said about being led by pua. In recent years, workplace PUA incidents have become common. Some people do it for their own reasons, some people are really bullied by their superiors, some people choose to be patient and some people choose to be free and easy. This reminds me of everything I have experienced. Speaking of this matter, I was not very mature at the time, so every time I was led by PUA, I was very angry because I was an old employee of the company. After working for five years, not only did I not get promoted, but a new junior leader occasionally suppressed me. I remember that many times senior leaders came over and said that they needed to cooperate with other departments to handle work that did not belong to our department, and suggested that I do it. The junior boss deliberately refused to let me do it, and the senior boss asked the junior boss to find a few colleagues to have a meeting. It happened that I was the one who assigned new employees, not our old employees, and often told everyone that I had done something wrong at work, deliberately embarrassing me, etc. In fact, my character is diligent in doing practical things. In the eyes of others, this leader is new because of my seniority, and every time the big leaders hold a meeting, they will say that we old people have been working for the longest time, and the new partners should learn more from us, while the new small leaders will I always feel overwhelmed by me and the old employees. My personal understanding is that what a job brings to people is nothing more than motivation and gain: the first point is future, which can be reflected in promotion and income or gains. If you have a good income and room for promotion, you will be very motivated, and it doesn't matter if you are bullied by your boss. Unfortunately, the average salary in our company is 5,000, while mine is only 3,000, so this is a job with low technical content that is not attractive to me. The second point is happiness. If a job brings you happiness, do it. I was happy at my job for five years. This is because the partners in the same group are very united and like-minded. Unfortunately, everyone gradually left because of various things. The new faces were incompatible with me, and the new leaders couldn't get along with me. I remember a popular resignation letter that went something like this. The world is so big and I want to see it. Yes, after two years of persistence, which was the seventh year, I decided to resign. Of course, I did it thoroughly. First of all, I have no pressure in life. Even if I quit my job for half a year, I can still have enough food and clothing for the time being. Besides, if you can’t find a job with 1,000 yuan, you can’t find a job with 3,000 yuan? Ha ha! As it happens, my best brother is not as free and easy as I am. He works in a private company with a monthly salary of 9,000 and works two to three hours of overtime every day. He was often criticized by his leaders, but he did not choose to leave because he had a mortgage and a car loan, his parents were both migrant workers, and his wife and children looked at him eagerly. Therefore, his works are extremely valuable. Under the pressure of life, his face was full of water. Should he endure it or not? What protections are there for elderly parents? As the saying goes, you get what you pay for.

Isn't this the most realistic Ukiyo-e? Having said so much, have you ever thought that sometimes you can't just think about what your leader has done to you, or you have to find some of your own shortcomings to solve the current predicament, and consider every experience you encounter in your life? , everyone treats them as their own teachers and learns from them. As the old saying goes, there are all kinds of people. Whether leaving your job is the first choice must be decided based on the pros and cons. Although all decisions must be respected, when you are led by a pua, you still cannot make impulsive decisions and must consider them carefully. For example, what should you do if you can’t live on after you leave your job? Therefore, it is not shameful to bow to life. The most shameful thing is to be stubborn and proud.