How to treat the "Bullfrog Wars" of retired professors in Shanghai?

First of all, I want to say that this incident is really heartbreaking and I feel very sorry for this child.

From a baby in the summer vacation to nine training classes a day, and then to the monthly salary of 30 thousand, which is hotly discussed in the circle of friends, I still can't afford a summer vacation for my children. Before, the teachers in the WeChat group angrily kicked their parents. The result of such an incident is getting worse and worse. For grandpa bullfrog.

Dickens said at the beginning of A Tale of Two Cities: "This is the best time and this is the worst time. This is the age of wisdom, this is the age of stupidity. This is a period of faith, this is a period of doubt. This is the season of light, this is the season of darkness. This is the spring of hope, this is the winter of disappointment. There are all kinds of things in front of people, but nothing in front of people. People go straight to heaven and people go straight to hell.

Looking back on the incident itself, a 68-year-old retired professor in Shanghai became popular because he wrote an article entitled "The Pit of Bullfrog". The old professor bombarded the "Bullfrog War" from an early age, and his words were meticulous. The retired professor who wrote this article was affectionately called "Grandpa Bullfrog" by netizens ~

Excerpt:

Niuwakeng

I am 68 years old. I have worked hard all my life in the National Research Institute for the scientific research of the motherland. I have been stubborn all my life, and I am not satisfied when I am old! But just now, on my 6-year-old grandson, the whole family fought a three-year "bullfrog war" and ended in failure. Now, I feel that not only my face and heart, but also the appearance of these words are covered with moss and wrinkles.

Especially when I came back from the hospital and looked at my 6-year-old grandson, my innocent eyes seemed to be covered with wrinkled bloodshot. He suffers from Tourette's disease, a chronic neuropsychiatric disorder. Although it is not serious, it is difficult to cure it. This time, the child didn't improve obviously, but he couldn't help raising his eyebrows, blinking and kicking. The doctor said that only from a psychological point of view, prescribe some medicine and let it go back.

As parents, in the past education, we always told him not to move, to sit quietly, write and read ... Now his convulsions are not subconscious resistance?

About three years ago, my beloved grandson was still 3 years old and was not sensible. His parents and I pushed him to prepare for the entrance exams for four private primary schools in Shanghai. Yes, three years in advance. Just because there is an unwritten saying in Shanghai: children who are admitted to the four private primary schools in Shanghai are bullfrogs, and those who are not admitted are frogs. In order to prepare for the "young to small", parents often began to draw blood from the age of 3 in order to win this "bullfrog war". These four private primary schools, like the four in Shanghai, are at the top of the pyramid, where all families are trapped. Mother, my daughter, civil servant, has worked for more than ten years. I hope my grandson will grow up according to the "bullfrog" route of famous private primary schools-famous private junior high schools-famous public high schools-Fudan University of Tsinghua Peking University and Ivy League overseas. It was also when the child just turned 3 years old that she started the "bullfrog mode" plan, taking the lead in letting the child put down babbling, enter various training institutions and start reading ABC.

The child's father, my son-in-law, has been living and studying abroad since middle school, which is regarded as a returnee. For children's education, he is not as radical as my daughter, but he doesn't care much about details. At first, he was skeptical about the education of the "bullfrog model", but there was no better alternative method and reason to convince his wife, so he acquiesced in this "operation". The article is really a bit long, but the old man's writing style is good, and he really shows his true feelings and regrets it.

1. First of all, I want to say that having a successful daughter and a successful child is the wish of parents. But can the path you choose for your children make them happy? It's easy to be self-defeating As parents, our children are individuals, not things, and we should not impose our ideas on them. We actually turn love into harm.

They couldn't resist their parents when they were young, so they grew up. When I grew up, I found myself living in an "excellent" birdcage woven by my parents. They found that this kind of "Excellence" was not the life they really wanted. They have an adult body, but they still have only a young and fragile heart.

Yes, what is love? How to love? Many parents can't wait to love before they seriously consider this issue.

Love is the foundation of all growth. Love is the premise of all education. In the face of love, all education should give in. If love is not correct, all education is out of the question.

Love in parent-child relationship, like adult love, is the result of interaction and "two of a kind". Otherwise, love that ignores each other's wishes and feelings is actually just a kind of control, not real love. There is no love without respect. When parents carefully examine this problem in their minds, they will feel humble as parents and truly realize that they have done something wrong.

2. Parents' comparison psychology. Grandpa Bullfrog's own children didn't enter a prestigious school, but his neighbors were admitted.

Original text:

What makes the mother of the child collapse most is that the children in the neighborhood almost started a "bullfrog war" with us, and their children successfully entered one of the "four big families". The daughter immediately proposed to find a relationship to let the children go to school one year later and take the exam next year.

The comparison of China people often comes not from class, but from neighbors. Our family has always been superior to theirs, but this time it was overwhelmed by them, laughed at by them, looked down upon by them, and made it difficult for us to swallow. (Comment: To put it bluntly, we actually experienced this when we were young. Parents seem to like to compare their children with each other. When I was a child, I compared my grades, my school and my children. When I grow up, I compare my job with my salary ..... Up to now, I am still more capable than anyone, and I have made a lot of money there. Over time, parents' comparison has become the reason for our efforts. But now that we are parents, if we are still educating our children in the same way, we should not. )

3. Parents carry out all kinds of predatory education in order to make their children "excellent". From prenatal education music, living environment, communication, exercise to diet and daily life, all provide various "best" conditions for fetal growth. Prenatal education does have a positive effect on the development and growth of the fetus, but some families overemphasize the role of prenatal education, especially the "absolute" role of early education in one's life, which deserves vigilance. This is what the mother of the child did in the article. I really want to shout for the children: Mom, I am a child.

Let children get involved in all kinds of "useful knowledge and skills" training prematurely, but ignore the basic cognitive rules and age and physiological characteristics of children. We can't simply think that "more early" is the quality education for children. In fact, children have "optimal development areas" in terms of shape, color, distance, proximity, language and numbers. The sooner the better, the more the better. Similarly, not all good and useful things must be learned, because everyone has different abilities and interests. Too early and too much precision education can't bring much help to children. Because this will often improve children's skills, but the price paid is that children lose their curiosity, exploration spirit and spirituality, thus lacking the internal motivation to learn. In fact, this is an excessive predatory development of children's intelligence, attention, interest and learning attitude, which is not conducive to their health and long-term development.

At present, there is polarization in family education, which is either too advanced or too accurate; Either there is no awareness of education and only pays attention to the child's physical growth. As a result, children lack the best enlightenment education. The former is plunder and the latter is waste, neither of which is desirable.

4. In the street, I believe everyone has seen a flying advertising slogan called "Don't let children lose at the starting line", which seems to have become the mantra of parents; The competition in today's society is becoming more and more fierce. In order not to let their children lose at the starting line, many parents began to fill their immature lives with all kinds of knowledge early, and reported interest classes and excellent classes. This is a gesture of "the head can be broken, and the children can't help but teach early".

In fact, this is very terrible. Whenever I see this slogan, I always ask in my mind, "Who sets a different starting line and the ending will be different?" In fact, education is not as early as possible, but as appropriate as possible.

However, many parents still stubbornly believe that rushing to run is a race against time for children after being brainwashed by some wrong values. Even many parents think that children will really lose at the starting line if they are not allowed to attend more remedial classes and talent classes.

As we all know, education is only a "tool" for children's growth in life. What parents think is very important may not be beneficial to children for life. The "trick up our sleeve" that we think we are preparing for our children may just be a heavy burden and an obstacle to progress. Life can't be preset, and everyone has a different understanding of life. Education should help people acquire ability rather than technology; It is necessary to help people face the future and life calmly, rather than being nervous and scared; It is necessary to help people face things with curiosity and interest, instead of simply following the rules and living step by step; We should help people to serve others with knowledge, ability and technology, instead of making people containers of knowledge, ability and technology.

Finally, I think that in fact, children's nature is to play, and they must play when they are old enough to do something. Haste makes waste, and it is really undesirable to rush for success and encourage others to do things. But in real life, it is we who place too much hope on children. Use the expectation and survival rules of the adult world to urge children to grow up. This comparison makes us forget to respect the uniqueness and uniqueness of children's lives.

The most suitable place for children's development is actually a warm family, and the best stimulation is actually the company of parents. With these conditions, you don't have to take your children to this cram school all day and which cram school to go to. Because in a warm, loving and correct family environment.

What a child sees in his eyes is the environment in which he will live in the future, and what he hears in his ears is the language he will speak in the future. When he has a sound mind, a healthy and happy outlook on life, values and world view, he can face any challenge.

The original intention of education is not to satisfy adults' sense of accomplishment, but to help every child become the best self. We just need to guide it when it's time to guide it. Happiness is really priceless. In fact, sometimes I feel that if we want to create a good future for our children, we should give them a good way of education. There is a saying in the Tao Te Ching that "governing by doing nothing". When I say nothing, I don't mean that as a parent, I don't do anything for my children. It is a good guide and example, and letting children grow up naturally and happily is the true meaning of educating children.