Funny copywriting in friends circle

Funny copywriting in friends circle (selected 34 sentences) 1. I'm getting married and haven't bought any furniture yet. My mother secretly told me: you can't buy a bed one meter eight, buy one meter five. In case of quarrel in the future, the bed is too big and everyone sleeps separately. A smaller bed is better. I just want to say, mom, you are so naive. Do you think I can sleep after the quarrel? I want to advise all men that no matter whether their wives or girlfriends want to buy bags in the future, they should not object, because it is useless to object, and it is more generous to buy them directly. But be sure to choose your favorite color, because shopping in the future is likely to be back. 3. Every time after the exam, there are these kinds of people. "I didn't review at all", 80 points; "I just started reviewing yesterday", 82 points; "The question is really difficult to do", 85 points; "I almost didn't finish it", 90 points; "The last one almost succeeded", 95 points; Don't say anything next to it, 98 points; "Steady this time", 59 points! In class, the teacher said, "Boys with glasses in the last row, get up and answer this question." I saw that classmate silently took off his glasses and sat motionless under the teacher's gaze. Teachers and classmates were shocked. Under the gaze of everyone, his schoolmaster silently put on his glasses and stood up slowly. Did your wife make a scene last night? Yes, she is angry with dogs. Poor dog! I think I heard your wife even threaten to take the key to the door! 6. Turning your face is faster than turning over a book. The terrible thing is that she will turn back. 7. Seriously warn my mother again that we young people are only nominal years old. Please don't lie about my age to friends and relatives. 8. I want to buy things as soon as I am in a hurry. It costs money to buy things, and soon there will be no money to spend. When I have no money, I start to feel anxious. 9. Tomb-Sweeping Day, it is not easy for students to have a holiday these days. Even vacations should be moved by their ancestors. 10. Go home by bus after work and take a taxi when you are in a hurry one day. After getting on the bus, the driver asked enthusiastically, "Do you listen to music?" "Listen!" Then the driver sang to me all the way. 1 1. Why do you feel sleepy when reading? Because books are where dreams begin. 12. Mom: "The big chimney in this factory is really annoying. It emits black smoke all day and makes me breathless. " Xiaohong: "Never mind, I'll get you Dad's smoking cessation candy." 13. Behind every successful man, there is a woman who is full and has nothing to do. 14. "Senior, can you help me see how to do this problem?" "Junior, do you have a boyfriend?" "I have." "Junior, I can't do this problem either." 15. Mosquito, you have hands and feet. Why don't you get a job and live a good life? 16. If there is an afterlife, I want to make a quilt, either lying in bed or basking in the sun. 17. I gave my love to my dog last night, and the next morning I found the dog dead. 18. One day, Xiao Qiang, who was in primary school, went to school with a hundred-dollar bill given by her mother, but the school didn't accept it that day. When I passed the grocery store on my way home, Xiao Qiang spent 5 yuan money. When I got home, my mother asked, "Did you pay?" Xiao Qiang: "I confiscated it today. Give it back to you. " Mother asked angrily, "How come it's only 95?" Xiao Qiang pouted and said, "I lost 5 yuan 19 on my way back. I have settled down your brother since I met your sister. 20. Just after being woken up, I heard a person in the community shouting: kill, kill, kill, back up, back up. This is the rhythm of great events! Look what happened. I got up quickly and ran to the window. I saw a man directing his wife to reverse the car! 2 1. People like you can make you live for two episodes in the drama I directed at most. 22. Question: Why is summer vacation necessarily longer than winter vacation? Answer: Because it expands with heat and contracts with cold. 23. A new generation of lawn environmental protection slogan: "Today you step on my head, tomorrow I will grow on your grave! "24. The teacher confiscated my game machine, and when I returned it to me at the end of the term, I found that the games were all cleared. 25. If sleeping is to recharge the human body, then I want to say that I have never been full. 26. My girlfriend asked me: Your mother and I fell into the water. Do you start from Weibo or your circle of friends? I'm speechless. After working outside for three years, I came home with nothing. I thought mom would be furious. Unexpectedly, my mother didn't scold me, but comforted me: "Son, you don't have nothing, at least you have the face to come back." "28. Although I am often beaten by my wife, God knows that my wife is not an unreasonable person. She always asks my permission before calling. When I said no, she called me and said yes. 29. It's almost Valentine's Day. Better have a typhoon, or 12. It's like a couple blowing away. 30. My daughter-in-law's strict education method makes me very angry. My son plays with paper drawing, and draws out the papers one by one. If I had known that she would let me fold them back one by one, I wouldn't have let my son play. 3 1. Every time someone asks for directions, I blindly point, because I don't know the way at all, and to teach the world a lesson: don't trust good-looking people casually. If poverty limits our imagination, why can I think of so many ways to save money? 33. Every morning, my bed tugs at me desperately and won't let me go. It's too greasy. No, I have to find a cure for it. 34. Say to the girl who has been secretly in love for a long time: I don't think as much as you do when firecrackers ring again on New Year's Eve. The girl slapped me with a big mask. "Do you think this mask will ring? "