Funny jokes come your way

Money is not the problem, the problem is lack of money!

A colleague went to meet a client, maybe because he was nervous, and as soon as he opened his mouth he said: "Hello, Mr. Liu, what is your last name?" Oh~~~~~~

A woman Her classmates were too dark, and her boyfriend was too fair. One day in the dormitory, the venomous diva suddenly said to her: "You can't do this, you will give birth to zebras."

Don't be lazy with me , I am too lazy to compare with you

. I am not a casual person. I am not a human being even if I am casual

My big name is God, my nickname is Jesus, my English name is God, and my dharma name is Tathagata...

You can't hang yourself on a tree. You have to try to hang yourself on several nearby trees.

If a tree doesn't need bark, it will definitely die; people have no shame. , invincible in the world.

. The three punches from the farmer are a bit painful

Don’t be afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs

Go your own way and let others take a taxi< /p>

The mouse carries the knife and looks for the cat all over the street

. Only when there is a long queue at the train station can you truly realize that you are the "descendant of the dragon".

Lie down wherever you fall

If the tiger doesn’t show its power, you think I am HELLO KITTY!

Donkey’s thoughts are too much~ 1. You are walking on the road, and a female dog pounces on you, bites a piece of meat from your foot, and quickly swallows it. When you stretch your foot to kick it , the dog said with tears: You go ahead and beat me, I already have your flesh and blood in my belly anyway!

2. Life is a long road, who can take a few steps! The family needs to be taken care of, and the lover needs to be taken care of! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a good-looking person sitting across the table, and someone I miss far away! Keep two, keep one, and develop three, four, five, six, seven!

3. A friend asked a bat how he could marry a mouse. The bat had tears in his eyes and said meaningfully: Alas! That day he took Viagra, which gave him strong firepower. He jumped up to the ceiling and succeeded.

4. A beautiful woman found that her lipstick was too heavy, so she wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly realized, he caught up and said: Girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off!

5. There was a mountain man who had never seen the world. One day he went to a city park and saw a man doing push-ups. He didn’t know what he was doing. He walked around for several times and couldn’t figure out: Why was there no push-ups underneath? Man, just use your strength?

6. A male and female friend slept in the same room. The woman drew a line and said: "Those who have crossed the line are animals." When she woke up and found that the man had really not crossed the line, the woman beat her hard. The man slapped him: "You are worse than a beast."

7. The next day when men and women slept in the same room, the woman still drew a warning line, and the man learned the lesson from last time and made plans late at night. line, but failed due to nervousness. After dawn, the woman would slap the man and say, "I didn't expect you to be worse than an animal."

8. The kangaroo and the frog went to have sex with the chicken. Night one, two, three Hey! One, two, three Hey! The kangaroo was so envious. The next day, the kangaroo said: "Wow!~~Brother Frog, you are great!" The frog said: "cao, ** didn't jump on the bed all night!~~"

9. The little girl always showed off her new toys to the little boy. The little boy had no choice but to take off his pants and said: You will never have this! The girl also took off her pants and said: My mother said that as long as you have this, your toy As much as you want!

10. Twenty years ago, when your father was holding you in his arms while waiting for the bus, everyone laughed at the child because he looked ugly, and he cried. An old man selling bananas patted my father and said, "Brother, don't cry. Give a banana to the monkey! It's so pitiful. He's so hungry that he has no hair left."

11. One day in a crowded shopping mall A conversation on the bus went as follows: A standing pregnant woman said to a man sitting next to her: "Don't you know I'm pregnant?" "(I want him to give up his seat...) The man said nervously: "The child is not mine! 』

12. Don’t panic when you meet a dog on the road. Fight with it bravely. There are only three outcomes: first, you win, and you are worse than an animal; second, you win. If you lose, you are worse than a beast; third, if you draw, you are a beast.

13. The most annoying song for eunuchs: Keep the Roots; the most annoying script for eunuchs: Yi Jian Mei; the most annoying advertising slogan for eunuchs: I have it, I can; the most annoying idioms for eunuchs: unprecedented; the most annoying eunuchs What I like to do: Laugh while reading text messages.

Someone gave Sister Furong a magic mirror. She was very happy and immediately came to the mirror! Question: Mirror Mirror tell me, who is the most beautiful woman in the world?

Magic Mirror: It’s not you anyway.

Sister Furong: Then who is more beautiful than me in this world?

Magic Mirror: Sadako, Zhang Fei, Zhao Benshan, Einstein...

Sister Furong got angry and beat up the Magic Mirror! Asked again: Mirror, Mirror, tell me, who is the most beautiful woman in the world?

Magic Mirror: It should be you!

Sister Furong: Then who is the second most beautiful woman?

Magic Mirror: Sadako, Zhang Fei, Zhao Benshan, Einstein...

Sister Furong was angry again and beat the magic mirror again! Ask the Magic Mirror: When does my charming and sexy face look best?

The magic mirror turned into an astronomical telescope with a "pop" sound, "It is best when you can't see anything clearly!"

Sister Furong: The magic mirror tells me, I When does this devilish figure look the most elegant?

The magic mirror turned into a funny mirror with a "pop" sound, "When the body is deformed, it is the most elegant!"

Sister Furong: The magic mirror tells me which part of my body can So hot that it makes a man's nose bleed?

Magic Mirror: Fist!

Sister Furong was so angry that she beat Magic Mirror again, "Are you Magic Mirror? A fake, right?"

Magic Mirror: I am Magic Mirror. Mirror, after meeting you, I turned into a demon mirror!