Does anyone have a funny joke or a bad joke?

Car crash

The sound of a car braking suddenly

A and B collided on the stage, and B fell to the ground. A is well-dressed, in a suit and leather shoes. B wears work clothes.

B (Sitting on the ground as if in pain, protecting his waist with his hands, shouting "Ouch, Ouch").

A (B, who angrily acted like getting out of the car and fell to the ground with his fingers): "You don't have eyes!"

B (looking at A in shock on the ground): "You hit me, and you're so unreasonable!"

A (pointing to the car behind him): "Look clearly, this is a car!"

B (angrily): "What's wrong with the car? Should it hit someone?"

A (slyly): "Car, how big is my car? Do you have eyes because you're breathing? You said you have a broken bicycle, I don't know I don’t know my identity! Get up and get out of my way!” p>

B (shaking his head in pain on the ground): "You are so unreasonable. I was injured and can't move."

A (pointing his finger dismissively to B): " You want to blackmail someone, right?" (He shook his head helplessly, took out the money from his pocket, and handed it to B): "Okay, I'll give you 5 yuan and leave quickly."

< p>B looked at A angrily and was speechless.

A (takes money from his pocket again): "That's too little, right? I'll give you 10 yuan and leave quickly."

B (glaring at A): "What are you doing? "Insulting!" I won't give it to you."

B (throwing the money back to A): "Take your stinky money" (glaring at A).

A (pointing to the car behind him): "Open your eyes and see whose car this is! You're still not convinced that you don't have eyes. Don't you get up? In a moment, the police will come and take care of you. Okay."

C (dressed as a policeman, hurried on a motorcycle.) "Get out of the way, get out of the way. Bicycles get out of the way."

A (waving to C): "Hey, police, come here."

C ignored A and went straight to look at the car license plate.

C (lowered his head and read the license plate): "888888." (turned his head and whispered to the audience): "My mom, the mayor's car."

A (To C): "See clearly, do you know me?"

C (winks at A, angrily walks to B who is moaning on the ground): "You don't have eyes!" < /p>

B (glaring at C): "Who are you talking about!"

C (squinting at A guiltily, whispering): "Do you have eyes?"

A (came over and grabbed C by the collar): "Who are you talking about?"

C (hurriedly pointed to B on the ground): "I said - him."

B (Angrily scolding C): "What kind of policeman are you, so indiscriminate? He hit me, don't you understand?"

C (pointing to B on the ground): "I mean your bicycle You don’t have eyes. If you look at people’s cars, they have two lights on the front, which are two big eyes. Does your bicycle have them? So you don’t have eyes, so you are just riding blindly.”

A ( Also shouting at B): "You are so brave that you dare to hit my car. You can't afford to pay for it. If you sell your life, it's not worth a wheel."

B: "My life is so worthless?"

C (spreading his hands towards B) "What do you think?".

B (accusing C): "As a police officer, is this how you deal with traffic accidents?" This way I won’t lose my job. What a nice car. It’s so good. It doesn’t say a word because it’s being bullied by you.” (Make a gesture of cleaning the car.)

A (said to C impatiently): "Okay, okay, let him go away. I'm going to pick up the mayor now. If I delay the mayor, I'll blame you."

"

B (pointing to C's leg in pain): "He broke me. "

C (said to A): "His leg is injured. ”

A (looking at B anxiously): “It’s just a calf, I bought it!” "

B and C looked at A in surprise.

C (looked at B's legs, then turned to A): "He is a thigh. ”

A: “What’s wrong with the thigh? How much is it worth!” "

B (angrily): "How much do you think my legs are worth? ”

A: “Our old mayor said that the thighs of female celebrities are the most valuable and cannot be touched. You are a common man,"

B and C looked at A questioningly: "How is it? ”

A: “At most, it’s just a piece of money.” "

B (reprimanding A angrily): "The scum of society will be punished sooner or later. "(Turns to C again): "Are there any police officers like you? Not even the most basic investigation! ”

C: “Okay, okay, okay, do the investigation.” Tell me, tell me, how did you hit this car? ”

B: “He suddenly turned without turning on the turn signal and knocked me down. Does anyone drive like this?” ”

C (turning to A): “Why don’t you turn on the turn signal?” "

A (impatiently): "What is the turn signal? He didn't mess with me, why should I hit him? (Speaking, he waved his fist at Bing): "If you mess with me, I'll kick him!" ”

C (asked A in surprise): “Can you drive?” "

A (glaring at C): "What a joke, can you drive for the mayor if you don't know how to drive? Let me tell you, I was once a special pilot, which is equivalent to a senior professional title. ”

C: “You know how to drive but don’t even know what a turn signal is?” ”

A (anxiously): “That’s just teasing you. How can I not even know what a turn signal is?” But I haven’t used it for about ten years. ”

C: “Have you stopped driving in ten years?” "

A (gave C a sideways glance): "I have been driving for the mayor for more than ten years. ”

C: “Don’t you need a turn signal when driving for the mayor? ”

A: “As soon as my car drives, everyone gives way to me. Except for the accelerator and brake, the steering wheel is of little use. ”

B (reprimanded angrily): “If you drive like this, the police won’t care? "

A (said to B): "Control? "(turning to look at C): "He dares? "

A (continues to talk to C): "Did you see that building in front? "

C (nodding in confusion): "I see it. ”

A (glances at C and B): “I’ll drive over, it has to make room for me!” ”

C (helping B with his hand): “Did you hear that? Get up quickly!” The buildings have to make room for others," (pointing to the bicycle lying on the ground): "You should have pulled over to the side on a broken bicycle. "(Tugs B's work clothes): "Plus you are wearing work clothes, can you drive in this city? Just stop holding on. "

B (stubbornly throwing away C's hand): "What's wrong with riding a bicycle? What’s wrong with wearing work clothes? Should you get hit if you go out on the street? ”

C: “Do you work in this city?” Why don’t you know your identity? If you are riding a bicycle, you should take the initiative to pull over, and if you see a car, you should stay away. Do you understand? ”

B (said angrily): “What’s wrong with me working in this city?” Is there no traffic rules or laws and regulations in this city? "

A (said to B): "As long as you work in this city, if you don't get up today, you will be laid off tomorrow. ”

C (also echoed helplessly): “You still have to pay for the repair costs of the car. ”

B (pointing at A angrily): “He knocked me down. Can I get up?” ”

C went to help B, but B struggled painfully. A strangely pretended to get into the car, started the car, and honked the horn vigorously. C was surprised to avoid it, and B staggered to the side. < /p>

C (surprised and went to help B again): "Did it break? ”

A (As if getting out of a car.

Pointing to B): "You clearly stood up just now, pretending to be dead, and still want to blackmail someone!"

B (holding his thigh in pain, pointing to A): "If you can, you can run over me. !”

A (said to B contemptuously): “Let me tell you, I was transferred to drive for the mayor because of my high driving skills. I learned to rush forward in traffic jams in the first two years of driving; I learned how to run a red light in 2008. Today, I went to pick up the new mayor and bumped into you. If the old mayor was still here, it would be nothing more than running over you today..."

< p>B asked: "How is it?"

A (said arrogantly): "I will buy you an urn."

B (said angrily): " You are so bullying! The new mayor is here, and your days of being domineering are over!” The mayor is a human being, and he can’t live without me."

B asked: "Do you know the new mayor?"

C (responded to B): " What are you talking about? Can the mayor’s driver not know the mayor?”

A (pulling C aside and whispered): “I haven’t seen the mayor since he came here. On his first day at work, he said he was going to plant trees. When I went to pick him up, I ran into this unfortunate guy and quickly dragged him away." C (asked A in confusion): "I don't know the city. "How do you pick him up?"

A (looked at C with contempt): "No, I know the mayor's address, and the mayor knows my car number, that's all." (Again. Putting his hand on C's ear and whispering): "It's called planting trees, but it's actually just a show. Unlike our old mayor, who never does such useless things."

C asked: "Old Where is the mayor?"

A (answered in frustration): "I went out for an inspection."

C: "It won't change the mayor if I go out for an inspection, right?"

A (sighed): "The place he went to was not good."

C asked: "Where did he go?"

A (pointed to the distance): "Prison."

C (said in confusion): "It's normal for the mayor to visit the prison. What's wrong with it?"

A: "I went, no. Let's come back!"

C (suddenly enlightened): "It's such a roundabout way to just say I'm sentenced."

A (furious): "You're not allowed to insult me. Our old mayor, what do you, a little commoner, know!"

B (groaning in pain): "The common people know everything. They will not insult any honest officials, but they can also see clearly everything. The face of a corrupt official."

C (thumbs up to B): "The people are right." (Turns to A): "Is it corrupt?"

A (holding out a finger, facing the audience): “In total, the corruption is less than 10 million. You think it's unfair to have to go to jail even with such a small amount of money? "

C (shouted): "10 million! Shouldn't he be shot? "

A (against C): "Look, you are just old-fashioned. What is 10 million? What is 10 million enough for? Not enough to support his five little lovers! ”

C (yelled again in surprise): “Five lovers! "

A (looked at C with contempt): "Aren't there just five little lovers? What are you shouting about? ”

C (frustrated): “I don’t have a wife yet! "

B (moaning loudly from the side, touching his leg with one hand and pointing to his nails with the other): "You are defending him. It is nonsense. It is really unreasonable! "

A (walks up to B and pushes B gently): "Are you greedy? ”

B was pushed so hard that he screamed, “Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch”.

A (said to B with a smile): "Look at you, you look like a bear. Didn't you just bump him slightly? You can't get up? Our old mayor, I drive him from there every night. This lover went to that lover and then to that lover. Sometimes the little lover who was not on the wheel had to wait in vain all night before dawn. The mayor couldn't bear it and had to send me to comfort him. "

< p>B and C: "Ah!"

A: "Don't get me wrong, we are very principled. I am just going to convey the mayor's instructions: No one will be on the wheel tonight, but no one will be on the list tomorrow night. one.

I am very professional and ethical. ”

B: “So you have worked hard enough. Are you worth working for him like this?” "

A: "He is good to me! "(Walks up to B, tilts his head towards C and says): "I'm not bragging to you, my status in his mind is..." 　　　

B (lowering his head and glancing with eyes) A asked): “How is it? ”

A (proudly): “Second only to his purebred pug. ”

B (disdainfully): “It turns out it’s worse than a dog!” "

A (to B): "Don't underestimate his pug. He usually has a special nanny to take care of him. As far as what it eats, one meal can last you a month. ”

C (comes closer): “What does it eat?” "

A (proudly): "It doesn't eat anything else, it only eats large lobsters weighing half a catty each. If there is more than one ounce, you will not smell it, and if there is less than one ounce, you will not eat it. ”

C: “Even the dogs are different from those in ordinary people’s homes. I still don’t know what a lobster looks like. ”

A (disdainfully to C): “Every time I buy it, the mayor always says: I’ll give you the leftovers.” Look, the mayor is so kind to me. "

B (attacking A): "It's good for you. It seems that you will have to follow him sooner or later. ”

A: “I bumped into you today, so you have the honor to touch the mayor’s car. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to take a second look, so you should feel honored.” ”

B (asked angrily): “You bumped into me, and I still have to feel honored? ”

A (smiling): “Isn’t that right? Think about it, can ordinary people see the mayor?” Even if we just saw one from a distance, you were given a warm hug today! "

C (laughed after hearing this and said to B): "If you think about it this way, you won't feel wronged. ”

B (accusing C angrily): “As a police officer, why don’t you follow some principles? ”

C (to B): “I used to be a captain, and I was very principled. ”

B: “Why don’t you talk about it now? ”

C (to B angrily): “I punished the old mayor’s sister-in-law’s second cousin’s car, and ended up becoming the squad leader. ”

A: “Who told you not to have eyesight?” ”

B: “Don’t you follow principles when you are promoted to squad leader? "

C (raising his voice angrily): "Later, I dealt with the car of the mayor's sister-in-law and second aunt, and now I am an ordinary traffic policeman. ”

B: “Ordinary traffic policemen don’t follow principles? "

A: "Principle? Haha, I turned into a little policeman who can’t even lick the mayor’s dog’s butt! ”

C (asked A angrily): “What’s wrong with the little policeman?” My little policeman also has principles! You can't insult me ??either! "

Jia Chong C: "You are a little policeman, what's wrong with insulting you? Don't be impatient, see clearly, this is the mayor's car today, eh! ”

C (angrily threw his two white gloves to the ground with a “pop, pop” and rushed to A): “This is too much! Don't say today that if you are the mayor's car, it is the governor's car, I will also punish you. Otherwise, I would be sorry for wearing this police uniform. "

A (not to be outdone): "Oh, a little policeman has such a big temper! Aren't you afraid of being laid off? Let me tell you, although the old mayor entered, this is still the mayor's car. If you can't get along with me, you can't get along with the mayor. ”

B (told A loudly): “I am the mayor, and today, you must be punished.” ”

Both A and C looked at B in surprise, and then,

A (laughing loudly and kicking the bicycle on the ground): “If this is the mayor,” ( Kicks the motorcycle again) “Then this is the governor,” (pats the car again) “I am the prime minister. "

C (said to B): "You don't have to scare him. "

B (said seriously): "I didn't scare him. ”

C (pointing at A angrily): “You see, you not only damaged his body, but also damaged his nerves. I want to leave today, but there is no way. The person must be sent to the hospital. ”

At this moment, A’s cell phone rang.

A (answering the mobile phone): "Hey, this is me, okay, okay, hello, Director, good morning. I haven't received the call from the mayor yet. What, the mayor has already rode his bicycle from home. "Come out?" (A looked at B while talking, his voice became more and more trembling): "The mayor is wearing work clothes..." (Before he finished speaking, the phone fell to the ground, and he plopped at B Kneel down): "Mayor..."

C (staring at B in surprise, then standing at attention and saluting in surprise. He murmured): "My God, luckily the principle is back in the end!"

B wanted to return the favor, but he let out an "ouch" in pain.

A (gets up from the ground to help B, and shouts at C): "Call an ambulance!"

B (throws away A's hand): "Let's go , I don’t need you here.”

A (said flatteringly): “Mayor, I’m wrong, I really am not a human being.”

B (loudly) Angrily scolding A): "No!"

C (to A): "You can't eat the lobster."

B (to C): "A lot of people have gathered here , hurry up and divert the traffic!"

C (then yelled loudly): "Move over the bicycle, move over the bicycle..."

B (waving at C): "You shouted like this , it will remind people of officials traveling in feudal society, and the people will feel uncomfortable hearing the word 'avoid' on the sign in front." C (saluting apologetically to B): "The mayor is right. ”　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 ung in a flattering tone. /p>

A shouted: "Everyone give way to me, everyone..."

B (rushed at the two angrily): "Huh?"

A and C together Said: "I'm used to it."