How to cultivate hardworking and independent children

Let's tell some animal stories first:

The first way for an eagle to teach its eagle to fly is to take it to the edge of a cliff that is not too high, and then kick it out; The second time, I took the baby eagle to the edge of a slightly higher cliff, and then kicked it out … until I trained the baby eagle to fly freely in the sky.

When the young lion grows up, the lioness specially cultivates its hunting ability. The lioness leads the lion cub to the place where the small animals haunt. When it finds the prey, the lioness asks the lion cub to chase it. If the lion cub fails to catch the prey and comes back exhausted, the lioness will scratch and bite, forcing the lion cub to chase it again until the lion cub catches the prey.

Antelopes on the grassland pay special attention to the running ability of young antelopes, because they know that when the enemy comes, they have no other way to compete with each other except to run away quickly. They have no attack ability but to run away quickly. If the young antelope can't practice the ability to run well, it will become a good meal for carnivores.

in the animal world, whether they are carnivores or herbivores, whether they are flying in the sky or swimming in the water, they attach great importance to cultivating the viability of the next generation. Because this is the only way for animals to survive and reproduce.

animals are still like this, not to mention human beings, who are the spirits of all things. What is the responsibility of every parent in the face of the only child today and the fierce competition for talents? Of course, it is also to cultivate children's viability and competitiveness. Dr. Dong Jinyu, an expert in modern family education, said: The purpose of educating children is not just to go to college, but to cultivate real people. To cultivate children into real people, we should cultivate their sense of independence and self-reliance from an early age.

but in real life, many people don't.

I have a friend whose son is seven years old. When eating, his son puts his hands behind his back and his head forward, waiting for his parents to take a bite of food to his mouth.

There is another girl whose parents have high expectations for her. In order to make her do a good job in her studies, from primary school to high school, everything is arranged by her parents, with a mouth full of food and a hand full of clothes. The girl listens to her parents very much and her academic performance is excellent. In 1998, she was admitted to a famous university in Beijing. On the first night of reporting to school, I called my mother thousands of miles away for help: "Mom, how can I sleep with so many mosquitoes here?" Mom said, "Didn't you bring a mosquito net?" "But mom, I can't hold a mosquito net." We don't know how the girl spent the night.

What's more, I heard from a friend that she had a neighbor who had no children and hugged a girl. The girl was beautiful and lovely, and her parents loved her so much. Throughout the year, the couple take turns to look after the baby every night. In the middle of the night, their father is on duty, and in the middle of the night, their mother is on duty. In summer, they are afraid that the child will be hot, turn on the electric fan for a while, and be afraid of freezing, cover it with a towel, and then they will be afraid of being hot. I am afraid of freezing in winter, and I am afraid that my children will catch a cold when they push the quilt in spring and autumn. They guard their baby night after night. My father is a driver. Once he drank too much wine at night, he still made up his mind: "Anyway, I will watch the first half of the night." Once a child was allergic to skin, parents didn't trust the local doctor, so they took their child to Beijing to see a doctor, and spent a lot of money to cure a minor illness. Look how tired these parents live! Whether they can train their children into geniuses in the future, I really dare not think. This excessive doting and excessive protection has reached the peak!

There is a high flyers in Ningxia who won the first prize in the national middle school chemistry competition, and was later sent to the Chemistry Department of Peking University. Although his academic performance is very good, he has never had any friends since he was a child. When he came home from school, he was kept at home by his parents to study. He would not associate with people, hoping to have friends but would not make friends. After he went to college, he had a close relationship with a roommate and a male classmate in the same dormitory, almost inseparable, and he followed the male classmate wherever he went. After a long time, the classmate felt that the male classmates were too close, and he was afraid that others would suspect that they were gay, so he didn't want to be too close to him. The classmate in Ningxia was very painful. He quietly bought poison and put it in the classmate's glass. Although the classmate was rescued, he was sentenced to eight years in prison.

There was a girl in a certain community who went to junior high school and didn't separate from her parents. One day, her parents took turns to pick her up and drop her off twice, always afraid that her child would be unsafe. Once the child was late, her mother sent her to the school gate and went home. But when her mother got home, she was restless and always worried that her child would be criticized or punished. She rushed to school again and saw her daughter in a quiet class, and she was relieved. Parents are always reluctant to let go of their children. In junior high school, you still pick them up. What about in senior high school? What about going to college in the future? What about going abroad in the future? There are many unsafe factors, so there is no danger sitting at home every day?

In Yilong County, Sichuan Province, there was a child named Peng Hui. During his middle school years, his academic performance was always the highest in the whole school. His parents were eager to make their children succeed, and he was not allowed to do anything at home. His self-care ability in life was very poor. In 1993, 16-year-old Peng Hui was admitted to Tsinghua University with a score of 63, becoming the first person to knock on the door of Tsinghua University in the county for ten years. Parents' happiness is self-evident. However, when Peng Hui entered the gate of Tsinghua, his life was completely unable to take care of himself, and his heart was very painful. Soon, regardless of the school and parents' dissuasion, he dropped out of school and returned to Yilong. On August 21, 1994, Peng Hui received a telegram from Tsinghua University, asking him to prepare for the resumption of classes. At that time, Peng Hui's ideological burden increased. One day after lunch, he jumped off the fourth floor and took his own life.

The above examples make us feel heavy, but they can also enlighten us and make us reflect.

The love of a son and the feeling of a calf are the most beautiful feelings of human beings. Which parent doesn't love their children? Which grandparents don't love their grandchildren? But how to love, what is true love? How to grasp this degree of love is not clear to every parent. Because parents have many problems in family education, they will inadvertently neglect to cultivate their children's independent consciousness and self-reliance ability.

so how to cultivate children's independent consciousness and self-reliance ability?

1. First of all, let's take a look at the good ideas and practices of cultivating children in some western countries. In families in developed countries, parents generally attach importance to cultivating children's sense of independence and self-reliance from an early age. This is because the developed market economy society requires children to have this ability and spirit. With this ability, children can stand on their own feet when they grow up.

In the United States, the starting point of family education is to cultivate children's pioneering spirit and become self-reliant. Parents let their children know the value of labor from childhood. Let the children repair their own motorcycles and go out to work. Even rich children have to go out to make a living. Middle school students in the United States have a slogan: earn your own money. After the son of former US President Ronald Reagan lost his job, he did not rely on his father's power, but made a living and found a job himself.

In Switzerland, in order to prevent their children from becoming incompetent, parents cultivate the spirit of self-reliance from a very young age. For example, after graduating from junior high school, a girl of sixteen or seventeen went to work as a maid in an educated family for about a year, working in the morning and studying in the afternoon. On the one hand, it can exercise the ability to work and seek a way to make a living independently; On the other hand, it is conducive to learning a language. Because there are German-speaking areas and French-speaking areas in Switzerland, girls from one language area usually work as servants in other language areas.

In Japan, when a child is very young, adults give her an idea and don't bother others. And pay attention to cultivating children's self-care ability and self-improvement spirit in life. When the whole family goes out to travel, no matter how young the children are, they must carry a small backpack on their backs without exception. Why should I ask? Parents said, "This is their own thing and they should carry it by themselves." After school, many students will take part in labor in their spare time to earn money. Work-study programs are very common in universities, even the disciples of rich families are no exception. They earn their tuition by serving dishes and washing dishes in restaurants, selling goods in shops and being tutors.

The pocket money of the children of American rich Rockefeller is pitifully small. The regulations on children's pocket money are printed on the title page of the account book of the rich Rockefeller family: 3 cents a week for 7-8 years old; $1 per week for 11-12 years old; Three dollars a week for people over 12 years old. Pocket money is paid once a week, and children are required to remember the purpose of each expenditure and submit it to their father for inspection when they receive the money next time. Rockefeller believes that "too much wealth will bring disaster to children."

When we go to Beijing for business, we often see a foreigner's family of three traveling as a whole: the younger child walks in front with his boss's big bag on his back, panting, and the couple walks behind empty-handed, talking and laughing, as if nothing happened. At first, I really didn't understand it. I thought foreigners were unreasonable, but China parents could not bear to do so. In fact, what others did was more desirable.

A girl with a disabled leg fell down in the rain. The mother standing beside her just let tears roll in her eyes, but she didn't come forward to help her child. Some people scolded her for being too cruel. However, the mother said, I can help my child once and for a journey, but I can't help my child all my life. In the end, the child has to walk by himself. This is really a wise mother.

In my opinion, these practices in developed countries are worth learning from our parents in China.

2. Looking back at the history of our nation, there are many examples that attach importance to cultivating children's independent consciousness and self-reliance ability.

Zheng Banqiao, a famous person in Chinese history, once said, "Sweat yourself, eat your own food, and do your own thing; Relying on the sky, relying on the ground and relying on the ancestors is not a hero. "

Everyone knows Xu Xiake in history. After her husband's death, Xu Xiake's mother encouraged 19-year-old Xu Xiake to travel far and wide, and spent three days and nights sewing a "traveling crown" for her son. With his mother's incomparable love and full hope, his son traveled to the great rivers and mountains of the motherland for 34 years, and wrote Xu Xiake's Travels, the first geographical focus in China.

During the reign of Emperor Kangxi, Liu Yinshu, the governor of Guizhou, retired and returned to his hometown, and wanted to build a bridge for his hometown with his life savings. However, the children opposed him: "You have been a senior official all your life, but we have not touched any light. It is easy to expect you to go home, but you are so indifferent to us." Liu Yinshu was very sad. He felt that although he was innocent, he neglected the education of his children. So, he used up his savings, and it took him five years to build a bridge, named "Yuliu Bridge". After the bridge was repaired, he said to his children, "The reason why I used all my savings to repair the bridge is to tell you with facts that I should go my own way and create my own life. It is better to rely on myself." In order to completely eliminate the children's dependence on their parents, he sold the bridge to the government for fifteen taels of silver.

What Liu Yinshu did deeply touched his children. His children will become pillars of the country in the future.

It should be said that Liu Yinshu is far-sighted in paying attention to the cultivation of children's spirit of self-improvement, and he has a good intention in educating children with his life savings.

Cai Zhizhong, a Taiwanese cartoonist, let his 15-year-old daughter wander around the world and live alone. Some people don't understand, and ask him if he is really so worried about his children. Aren't you afraid of accidents? Cai Zhizhong said: "Now let the child break in by herself. I can help her and teach her when she is in trouble. If she is afraid of this and that now, keep her in the greenhouse. Once I am gone, no one will teach her to help her clean up the stall." What a loving father he is!

president Liu Shaoqi also advocated letting children do things freely. In the summer of 1964, Comrade Wang Guangmei, the wife of President Liu, stayed in Xincheng County, Hebei Province. Comrade Liu Shaoqi was in Beijing at that time. She wrote a letter to her 15-year-old daughter to send her there, and told her secretary not to buy a ticket for her daughter, not to send him to the railway station, and not to pick her up by Comrade Wang Guangmei. The child should take care of everything. The secretary felt very embarrassed. I thought Pingping was a little girl after all, and she had never traveled far. When Comrade Liu Shaoqi saw what was on his mind, he said, "One is to control the children, and the other is to let them go. What does it matter? If you don't study hard, you should take care of your bad moral character. What is put? Let the children do everything that is hard-working and hard-working. In this way, children may fall down, but only in this way can they be exercised and grow up better.

these examples in the history of our country will give us a lot of inspiration.

3. To cultivate children's sense of independence and self-reliance, we should cultivate children's sense of responsibility from an early age.

Before I retired, I saw a very touching example on TV. Du Yaoyao, a fifth-grade primary school student in Taitung District, Qingdao, died three years ago, and her mother suffered from a serious heart attack, and her lower limbs were paralyzed, so she could not take care of herself. In this very difficult adversity, Du Yaoyao's high sense of responsibility has been cultivated, as well as her love for her mother and her self-reliance ability. Nine-year-old Du Yaoyao propped up the burden of family life, from purchasing rice, oil, salt and pickles to cooking and feeding, asking doctors for medicine, and doing everything by herself. She studied very hard and got the best grades. In 1993, Yaoyao was named one of the top ten teenagers in China.

Let's listen to the self-reliance of the daughter of a poor family.

My parents are ordinary workers. When I was six years old, when my father was working the night shift, iron filings collapsed into my eyes and my left eye became blind. When I was eleven years old, my father had his left kidney removed due to the operation of hydronephrosis. My mother was laid off when I was in the first grade, and my family's life was only maintained by my father's monthly work injury allowance in 2 yuan. Such a family needs a person to take the lead. The responsibility of the family made me resolutely make a decision: to work to earn money for my own school.

I borrowed 5 yuan from my classmates and went to the wholesale market to buy some small decorative paintings and handicrafts, ready to be like a vendor at the school gate. At noon that day, I didn't take the goods out of my bag. But if the goods can't be sold, I can't even repay the fifty yuan I borrowed. At noon the next day, I went to the gate of a distant school and arranged the goods. A month later, I made 8 yuan money. I bought a long-awaited Dictionary with 23 yuan. When I came home, my father asked me where the money came from, and I told him. He didn't say anything. At noon more than a week later, everyone was eating, and my father suddenly asked me, "Where did you get the goods?" Soon, my father, like me, began to sell goods at the gate of a primary school ... I am very grateful to my father, whose behavior is a silent encouragement to me.

once, I squatted in a corner of the night market and shouted. An eight-or nine-year-old boy was attracted by my handicrafts, but his mother said she wouldn't buy anything. When she dragged him out of five or six meters, I suddenly heard her yelling, "See, if you don't study hard, you can only set up a stall in the future."

Although I am used to being scrutinized, I also feel the pride of self-reliance. But at that moment, I was deeply hurt. I think of my mother who cleans the corridor and my father who works sick. They are also engaged in the work at the bottom of society, but they are the most loving parents and the most perfect parents in my heart. I think I will win the respect of others with my own labor and make my parents live a happy life.

During the winter vacation that year, I wholesaled a bag of sticky bean bags from the morning market. In the afternoon rush hour, I went to the nearby road to sell them. In less than two hours, all the bean bags were sold out, and I made money in 36 yuan. In twenty days, we traveled all over the nearby roads and earned more than 6 yuan. Which Spring Festival is?