Self-deprecating classic sentences

1. When I was a child, I was a genius. After more than 20 years of education, I have finally been successfully cultivated into a mediocrity!

What I have done is so insignificant. But what I do is very important.

3, although I am abnormal, in fact, I am old and talented!

My friends, at first glance, they all said that I was awkward, but in fact, I was not awkward at all. I don't believe you will be careful ... I might as well have a look!

If you are destined to depend on others, choose an ideal environment.

6. My face is so clean that flies will die if they lie there. Sadly, my pocket is cleaner than my face.

7. When life turned everything into black humor with malice, I went with the flow and turned myself into a hooligan with higher education.

8. Behind the house is a person show. Behind the person show is implicative, implicit and low-key. Behind it is introverted, behind it is calm, behind it is pretending to be B, behind it is pretending to be forced? The helplessness of diaosi!

9. A Beijinger lamented that the subway in Beijing is really crowded. Last Monday, a pregnant woman was squeezed to have an abortion. People in Shanghai don't cut it: the subway in Shanghai is very crowded. Last year, a girl was squeezed pregnant.

10, it's hard for people to fight shit. You step on it and hit it, but it's still shit. It's you who gets dirty.

1 1, I am not inseparable from you, but will be swallowed up by my thoughts.

12, I am a professor who doesn't sit on the stage and always leaves after class.

13, my father expressed his opinion on my obesity: Han Hong didn't die, but Han Hong was ill.

14, I am a wolf (lang) from the south. This society never appreciates this style, preferring moderation and stability. So I have been working hard for decades.

15, I love love, I am in my heart, I am so erosive.

16, everyone is drunk and I wake up alone, and the world is cloudy and I wake up alone!

17, the death of millions of people is just a statistic.

18, if there is a problem, find the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

19, I don't want to hear what you said, and I can't understand what you said. If I knew, I wouldn't do it either. If I do, I will make mistakes, so I skip class every day.

20, the pride of the git: making a git is better than making a toilet, at least no one takes a shit on his head.

2 1, fortunately for pigs, unfortunately for people. I am a lucky unfortunate, at least I sleep like a pig.

22. If you were a flower, cows wouldn't dare to shit in the future!

23. I am like a fly lying on the glass. I have a bright future, but I can't find a way out

24, the process of practicing dance, every experience is unforgettable, blood and tears, bone-breaking, countless!

25. We haven't eaten for several days, and everyone looks like pancakes.

26. I am not single I have a girl with a hard disk.

I don't know whether I went to college or the college fucked me.

28. Every day, no one talks on QQ, no one looks for it, no one sends a message, no one calls, no one goes back to Weibo ... so even if I disappear, no one will find out.

29. In front of that winner, I will always be a loser.

30. Even if it is a piece of shit, you will meet dung beetles one day. So you don't have to worry too much about yourself today.

3 1, there is a military wizard in Beijing, named Degang Guo, who can write a pen to secure the world and mount a horse to settle down; On the kang, you know the ladies-in-waiting, and on the kang, you know the shoes.

32. Don't count the stars after work every day, but sometimes you can watch the sunrise.

33. The furthest distance in the world is not the ends of the earth, nor the parting of life and death, but that I am in my motherland, but I don't know what happened inside.

34. It's really hard for you to be ugly. You run out in the morning to scare people, and at night to scare ghosts.

35. Smart women deal with men and stupid women deal with women.

36. There is a cold murder hidden under my pure appearance. The scientific name of this murder case is "Man Show".

37. Two ramshackle houses; Someone who speaks with a southern accent and a northern accent.

38. My eyes are not as "electric" as Tony Leung Chiu Wai's, my figure is not as good as Aaron Kwok's, and I am not as handsome as Andy Lau's, but my smile is more evil than theirs. Because I am a man show man.

There are so many life guides in the world, but I am in The Journey to the West.

40. Flowers often don't belong to people who appreciate flowers, but to cow dung.

4 1, smoking a cigarette shortens life by 5 seconds, and smiling will prolong life 10 seconds, so I smile every time I smoke and earn back 5 seconds for my life.

42. It's not your fault that you are ugly, it's your parents' fault, but it's your fault that you ran out to scare people.

43. The "white-collar" paid his salary today, paid the rent, utilities, bought oil, rice and instant noodles, felt the money left in his pocket and sighed: Alas! This month's salary is white-collar again!

44. I am the best actor in film and television, the best director among the actors, the most skilled screenwriter among the directors, and the funniest comic dialogue actor among the screenwriters. You have to exert your comprehensive strength these days.

45. Men have gold under their knees. I cut off my whole leg and didn't even find a copper coin.

46. I try to lose weight every day except during meals. You still say I have no perseverance?

47. It's Valentine's Day, and I'm so bored. I can't find a lover. Nobody wants roses, but there are beautiful girls. Have mercy. Let me take a dip, tell me my house number, roses and hugs, and send them right away.

48, some people, some feelings, missed once, maybe this life will be wrong.

49. As a woman? Diaosi, my only pursuit is that people are thinner than cucumbers and their faces are thicker than soles.

50. People can't take money to the grave, but money can take people in.

5 1, the problems that can be solved with money are not problems, the problem is that I am poor.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman, but I failed because there are two women behind me.

53, after my counseling, how many people on the verge of * *, have tried to kill people, all of them are my instigation.

54. Hiding in a small building has become a unified world. I can write whatever I like. Who cares? Let the outside world go with it when it is cold, and let it go with the rain, snow, wind and frost. It has nothing to do with me!

55. Behind every successful Altman, there is a little monster who is beaten silently.

56. I drown my sorrows in wine, but this damn pain taught me to swim.

I don't even have a life. Where can I get my love life?

58. There was once a sister who always asked me to help her install software, system, computer, debris and junk files. At first, I thought this girl was too stupid, but now I know that I am too stupid.

59. You called me ugly. Actually, I told you, I am old and talented. Why do you think this is?

60. Now you scold me because you don't know me yet. When you get to know me later, you will definitely hit me.

6 1, if you are unlucky, what can you expect? Lying in bed, I dare not turn over, but I still touched my head.

62. I never hold grudges. Generally, if I have grievances, I will report them on the spot.

When the sky is still blue and the clouds are still clear, you shouldn't cry, because my departure doesn't take away your world.

How dare you lie to me. How dare I not believe you?

65. Don't cry at my grave, it stains my path of reincarnation.

66, half-life down and out has become an Weng, learning the whistling night wind alone. The pearls at the bottom of the pen have nowhere to sell, but they are thrown into wild vines.

67. Gao Fushuai's wallet is like a flower. Every time you open it, it makes people smile. My wallet is like an onion. Every time you open it, it makes people cry!

68. When paying my salary, the accountant said to me, "You should pay your salary every six months. There is too little change now.

69. People say that I am poor-looking, but my mother is very rare. My mother said she took me to the park when I was a child. Many old people came around and asked my mother, "Sister, where did you buy this monkey?" Now I have grown up!

70. The physical education teacher in junior high school said: Whoever dares to wear a skirt to my class again will be punished for handstand.

7 1, in fact, I used to be quite tall, but later I often took a shower and shrank.

72. I deliberately study, work, live and live like a person!

73. Facing the people in front of me, I want to cross and be smart. I know you're watching. It's fake.

Before I got married, I was like a free bird. Now it's a chained dog!

Thanks to my eyes, no matter how small or narrow, I can see, sunrise and sunset, flowers bloom and fall.

76. I am a white-collar worker: I got paid today, paid the rent, water and electricity, bought instant noodles with oily rice, felt in my pocket, and lamented that I was a white-collar worker again this month.

77. The back waves of the Yangtze River push the front waves, and the front waves die on the beach.

78. I fell asleep while eating. Yes, I have reached the peak of laziness. How depressing! After the summit, there is nothing to fight for.

79. Don't be infatuated with elder sister. I take off my makeup and make you vomit blood.

80. Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately-in the end, he killed all the students.

8 1, our biggest rival in love is not a third party, but time.

82. Look at your child's long hair. He is really sorry about the head shape, the head shape is sorry about the face shape, the face shape is sorry about the neck shape, and the neck shape is sorry about the body shape. You are a freak!

83. What about loneliness? I'll take it!

84. The most useless thing in the world-paycheck, looks angry and worn too thin.

85. I am also an infatuated seed, but it rained ... and I drowned.

86. I don't expect Qingyun to grow, but my white hair will be longer.

87. Four tragedies in life: a long drought meets a drop; When you meet an old friend in a foreign country, you are a creditor; Wedding night, next door; When nominating a gold medal, dream.

88. Some people used to say I was poor? Diaosi, short, poor, short, fat and ugly, only today did I know that I could have a more appropriate name-the circle of soil and fat!

89. I often ask myself why I am more and more tolerant of vulgarization of culture. I often console myself. Maybe I have become tolerant as I get older, but now it seems that I am really degenerating.

90. I am the most normal among abnormal people and the most abnormal among normal people.

9 1, Taohuawu Taohua Temple, Taohuaan Taohuaxian. Peach Fairy cultivates peach trees, picks them and drinks them. When you wake up, you just sit in front of the flowers, and when you are drunk, you come to sleep under the flowers. Half drunk and half awake day after day, flowers bloom year after year.

92. I hope I will die of old age. I don't want to bow in front of the car. Car dust and clues show things, and wine is hidden in snuff. If the revealer is compared to a hermit, one is underground and the other is in heaven. If we compare Hua San to horses and chariots, I will have no leisure.

93. My Excellence will not make me conceited, and I will not be conceited because of my greatness. I thought it was the only way to make a girl have a crush on me, but who knows I'm still here. There are several signs and eyebrows.

94. We have good facial features, but the only fly in the ointment is our mouth and face (wrinkles) and our mouth and face (acne).

95. If my face is a mixed-race, at most, it is a mixed-race from Vietnam to Cambodia.

96. The sun shines on the earth! Welcome to the theater! If you want to ask me who I am, my nickname is Little Gong Li!

97. Beowulf sold his life and fought to the death to defend it. Scholars sell arguments and ruin the name of Confucius in the summer. Local tyrants sell people and flatter corrupt officials. There is nothing in my family except the old saying.

98, the man was dumped, the problem of money; Women are dumped, they look bad, I am dumped, and you are fucking crazy.

99. Why do I love short hair? Because my long hair looks like a turtle swimming ashore, covered with a lot of seaweed.

100, traditional cross talk 1000. After our efforts, there are still 400 yuan left.

10 1. If one day I become a hooligan, please tell others that I am innocent.

102, who said that being single is not good, love is precious, and the free price is higher? If you die single, you can throw them both away.

103, it's not difficult to be single, but it's difficult to deal with those who try their best to make you end it.

104, what should I do if it is wrong? Yeah, so what? That's it for me!

105, I want to be one of your teeth most, because in this way, at least you will feel pain without me.

106, gold always shines, but when there is gold everywhere, I don't know which one I am.

107, in a sense, the runner-up is a loser, and I'm not even a loser, alas, pathetic!

108. Nothing is easy nowadays. I try to be the best dancer among the hosts and the best host among the dancers.

109, even if love makes me fall again, scars should be a kind of pride.

1 10, the biggest advantage of getting old is that you don't want what you can't get when you are young.

1 1 1. There are four kinds of income: you can't work hard, you get more if you work hard, you get more if you work hard, and you are crazy if you don't work hard. Fortunately, I am the second kind!

1 12, people I like don't like me, and people I don't like don't like me even more.

1 13, the one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man.

1 14, from now on, I'm not greedy, I just love to eat.

1 15, how long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting in the toilet or waiting outside. ;