Why do children aged 6 to 9 like to pretend to be adults? 》

? For some parents, what children are thinking from birth to growth has always been a big mystery.

? I once read such a short story on the Internet: A young mother took her 6-year-old daughter to a Christmas party, with high-grade decoration, lively scenes and delicious food. Her mother greeted her friends happily and showed her daughter around. She thought her daughter would be very happy, but she didn't expect her daughter to be particularly disappointed. She has been clamoring to go home. Her mother didn't agree, so she sat on the ground and cried, and her shoes fell off.

? Mother angrily dragged her daughter from the ground to reprimand her, squatted down and put on her shoes. But at the moment she squatted down, she was shocked. Instead of smiling faces, food and flowers, what she saw in front of her eyes were the shaking hips and thighs of adults.

? She finally understood why her daughter was unhappy. It turns out that children see a completely different world from adults.

? As parents, we all think that we love our children very much, but children and adults stand at different heights and angles, and we can't judge their behavior by the standards of adults. In addition, children's expressive ability is not enough, so it is difficult to express their inner thoughts, so they often express them in negative ways such as crying and shouting. So, what does the child think in his heart? How to better understand children's psychology?

? The series "Know Your Child" is the best translator of childlike innocence. This issue introduces the third book, Why do children aged 6 to 9 like to pretend to be adults? Corinna Avis and Biddy Yeuell, two authors of this book, are psychologists in tavistock Clinic. They combine a large number of clinical experiences and cases in the book to help us better understand the inner world of children aged 6 to 9.

? You may find it strange to mention the tavistock Clinic. In fact, this is well known. It is the top psychotherapy institution in Britain with a history of 100 years. Psychologists such as Freud, Jung, Klein and Winnicott all taught here. Its lofty status is regarded as a "holy temple" in psychology by practitioners and enthusiasts all over the world.

? After reading this book, I think the most valuable thing is that "your Xiong Haizi may be a good boy who cares about you the most". Everyone has the ability to be a parent, but not everyone has the ability to be a good parent. 6-9 years old is called middle childhood. At this stage, children gradually get rid of their dependence on their families and move towards independence. They gradually have their own ideas, eager to become "little adults", but the way of self-expression is still clumsy and immature.

? There used to be a video on the Internet about the parent-child relationship of three parents, who sat together and spat about their noisy "Xiong Haizi". The first father said, "I spent a week writing a program, and in a blink of an eye it was all ruined by my children." The second mother said, "My daughter tore off all the masks and dried them." The third mother said, "The work I spent a week painting was painted by my daughter."

? As a parent, seeing the fruits of their efforts destroyed by their children, their inner collapse can be imagined. I really want to hit my child.

? However, have parents ever thought about why children should oppose their parents? Are children really that hateful? Or do you not know enough about children?

? In fact, the first father's child wanted to help his father finish his work early because he saw his father sitting in front of the computer all day and had no time to spend with himself. The second mother's child, because her mother ignored her when applying the mask, wanted to help her dry the mask, so that her mother could spend more time with her; The third mother's child watched her mother work hard for a painting for a week, so she picked up a brush and helped her finish the painting.

? The plot is reversed. In the eyes of adults, "Xiong Haizi" is actually not so hateful. What is hidden behind the prank that drives adults crazy is nothing but the purest love of children for their parents. They are eager to be "little adults" and can help their parents solve their worries. However, due to the limitation of age and ability, they often screw things up.

? But sometimes parents will be immersed in their own fixed thinking and think that their children are naughty, lazy, unruly and even destructive. With these understandings, it is easy for parents to make a negative interpretation of their children's behavior. For example, "children must be like this if they want to make trouble", or even think that "he must be angry with me", and then deal with it by beating or punishing, which will not only fail to find the right way to get along with children, but also worsen the relationship with children and affect their healthy growth.

? Let's give a common example in life. A 7-year-old child is practicing calligraphy. Every time he started practicing, he would ask his mother, "How long should I practice?" Mom said forty minutes. At this time, the child should repeatedly confirm, "Is it really only forty minutes? You have to keep your word. " The mother began to resent the child's haggling over time.

? Finally one day, the child was very angry and shouted that his mother was not punctual. Mom's face couldn't hang on, and her heart suddenly broke out, yelling at the child: "It's not for your own good to let you practice for a long time, just thinking about playing all day." "

? In the mother's view, the child's entanglement in time is to be lazy, in order to reduce the practice time, but if she knows that children of this age have a characteristic and want to be assured by their parents, so as to gain a sense of control over the world, will the mother's reaction be different?

? In the child's view, she doesn't necessarily care about the practice time, but just wants to make sure that the parents' guarantee is effective, so that she can have some control over the future time and get a sense of security in time.

? If you understand the child's thoughts, maybe the mother will react differently. She will become more objective, patiently make a time agreement with her children, or explain to them why sometimes she can't guarantee the practice time, so that they can understand that their parents can't control the time.

In fact, the difference between Xiong Haizi and a good boy lies in whether parents can correctly understand their children's words and deeds.

? Every child is an angel and deserves the care and infinite love of his parents. Children have never been parents and have not had much life experience, but we have experienced many children's thinking and behavior from children to parents.

? Sometimes you can try to understand children with your childhood experience. If you remember how you felt when you were a child, you will definitely put yourself in the children's shoes and look at their behavior from their perspective. At this time, you will find that many times, we have misjudged them.

? If parents can communicate with their children more and understand the meaning behind their words and deeds, Xiong Haizi will also become a good child, and you can also cultivate "excellent children from other people's families." However, it is not easy for many parents to understand the true intention of their children's behavior, and they can't stand the position of understanding their children. But don't worry, this is what psychologists are good at, and it is also the value of this book to help parents read their children's minds.

? This book divides children aged 6 to 9 into two stages: 6 to 7 years old and 8 to 9 years old. Although these two stages are very close, the children have changed a lot.

? Let's start with children aged 6 to 7. Their most striking feature at this stage is that they want to be "little adults". What are the specific aspects of children's desire for maturity?

? The first aspect is personal cognition. Before the age of 6, children's perception of the world was still vague, but after the age of 6, children began to develop abstract thinking. For example, "3" can not only represent the number "3", but also represent three things, three apples, and connect abstract imagination with things that are already familiar, so that children's understanding of the objective world will be much easier.

? At the same time, the child's body has also got rid of the rickety age and can actively try to establish a balance between body and mind. Cycling in middle school is a typical example. Moreover, learning to ride a bike is also the first problem that many children encounter on the road of life, because it is something that parents can't replace their children. Children need to coordinate their bodies and movements, find the best sense of balance, and overcome the psychological barrier of fear of falling.

? This book mentions the story of Gemma learning to ride a bike. When she started practicing, she found it difficult to pedal and control the handlebar, and it was also difficult to keep her balance, so she fell down several times and often felt sad and ashamed that she could not learn to ride a bike at once. But after a period of practice and mastering riding skills, Gemma began to enjoy the sense of freedom and speed brought by riding, and became more confident in herself.

? Learning to ride a bicycle can be regarded as an important link for children to become "little adults", because in this process, children's thinking begins to change. He is no longer a "child" hiding in the arms of his parents, but like an "adult", he should be ready to accept setbacks at any time and learn to overcome difficulties independently.

? When children's thinking begins to transition from "children" to "adults", the most obvious change is reflected in family relations, because for children aged 6 to 7, they don't have much contact with the outside world, and the focus of life is still family.

? The second aspect is the change of family relationship. When most children are young, they always subconsciously think that their parents are superman and have the ability to overcome all difficulties. Therefore, children will cry for their parents after falling, and will clamor for their parents to buy ice cream because they know that their parents can meet their needs.

? But now, children have more views on the complex world, just like learning to ride a bike mentioned above, and they already know that their parents can't take their place in learning. Besides, mom and dad can't stop the beloved cat from dying, nor can they restore the broken vase. At this time, parents can provide love and guidance in their children's hearts, but they are not omnipotent as once thought.

? The book mentions a short story in But You Promise. The protagonist Katie asks her parents to promise many things, which are beyond her control. One thing is this: Katie doesn't want to go to the hospital for an injection. She wanted her parents to promise that the injection would not hurt at all, but her father let her down, but his words were meaningful.

? Katie's father said to his daughter, "You must learn one thing. Parents can't control everything. When adults say' I promise', they usually mean' I hope so'. "

? Since parents are not superhuman, there is no need to show that they are omnipotent and in control of everything. On the contrary, it will test the authority of parents and let children see that they are very generous and sorry. In fact, there is nothing to lose.

? Although children begin to understand that parents are no longer omnipotent superman, psychologically, parents' care and support are still an important source of children's sense of security. But now, with the opening of the second-child policy, the number of second-child families has increased and family relations have become complicated. Parents can't just focus on one child.

? After the age of 6, children will gradually realize that they are no longer the center of the family. When a child gives up the identity of one baby and gives way to another baby, it will cause a series of complicated feelings: jealousy, comparison and competition. I feel that my mother has been stolen and I don't welcome new family members.

? Such a thing is not a case. Hooke, a female star, once told the story of two children in a variety show.

? Because of having a second child, Hook is worried that his younger brother's careless actions will hurt his younger brother Xiaoyuer, so he often says to his younger brother Anji, "You are the boss, you should let go of your younger brother, protect your younger brother and don't bully him." When two children grab toys, she will ask her brother to give them to her younger brother. When the two children are in conflict, she will also educate her younger brother to be sensible. But gradually, Hook found something was wrong.

? On one occasion, she found that her brother had pinched her brother severely. After she criticized her brother, his brother said something shocking to him. My brother said, "I am so miserable now because of you."

? In real life, parents usually stand on the side of younger or weaker children, but we should also remember that 6-year-old children are still children, and we can't ask them to be "little adults who consider their parents" all day, so when dealing with conflicts between children, don't forget that older children also need their parents' understanding and support.

? Later, after Hooke realized his mistake, he tried to deal with the problem in a correct and incorrect way, instead of using such a simple principle as "You are your brother, let your brother go". Slowly, the two children became peaceful, and the elder brother no longer resisted the younger brother so much, and even took the initiative to take care of the younger brother. Sometimes, the more parents interfere, the more tense the relationship between children becomes. It is far more useful to let children find the balance point of their own relationship than to let the big one give way to the small one rudely.

The third aspect is school life. For children, the teacher is a very important role, and sometimes the authority may exceed that of parents.

? Because when children learn new things, they will take the previous relationship as a reference. In other words, children compete with their brothers and sisters at home and want to have a special place in their parents' hearts. At school, they compete with other students and hope to get special attention from teachers.

? Therefore, in the lower grades of primary school, we often see children raise their hands again and again in order to answer questions. When you were chosen to answer, your face was full of pride. If you are not selected, you will feel depressed. This psychological state that everyone is eager to be noticed by the teacher is an effective incentive for children to learn.

? Moreover, children of this age also like to prove that they are clever "good children" and strive to make their behavior conform to the norms of "small adults". If teachers set up some clear class systems and rewards at this time, it will stimulate children's natural competitive instinct and maximize their learning potential.

? Then there are children aged 8 to 9, whose most striking feature at this stage is their desire to change from a "little adult" to a "cool guy". What are the specific aspects of children's "coolness"?

? The first aspect is family relations. Family relationships at this stage are different from those at the age of 6 to 7. Before the age of 8, children have close emotional attachment to their parents, hoping to get more attention from their parents, and will be jealous with other brothers and sisters.

? But at this time, the child has changed from a baby attached to his parents to a cool guy. For example, when their mothers want to kiss their children before sending them out, they will turn away. When children find their parents kissing in the bedroom, they won't feel jealous or curious, but will turn away quickly, muttering "disgusting" in their mouths. In fact, children's early Oedipus complex is gradually decreasing, so they begin to reduce their dependence and concern for their parents, and their possessiveness towards their parents is not as strong as before.

? How about getting along with brothers and sisters? Children at this stage are more mature than children aged 6 to 7 who like to compete for their parents' favor. Children aged 8 to 9 will become brothers and sisters of other younger children. The address of "brother and sister" will make older children feel a sense of responsibility and take it as their duty to protect their brothers and sisters.

? No matter how brothers and sisters quarrel at home and leave home, brothers and sisters will try their best to protect their brothers and sisters. This is because of the child's "cool" nature and sense of responsibility. So don't worry, parents, even if brothers and sisters kill each other at home, will unite and take care of each other outside.

? The second aspect is game socialization. Children aged 8 to 9 show great interest in the outside world while reducing their dependence on their families. Besides being with their parents, they spend more time playing games with their friends.

? The author also mentioned in the book that children of this age want to be a member of a certain team and make a special friend for him. Children aged 8 to 9 usually participate in various games and social activities. Boys may like playing football, and girls may like jumping on leather ropes. While looking for friends in the activities, they are also eager to be accepted.

? The school playground is a good place for children to cultivate friendship. For example, if the class team wins a ball game, the tacit understanding cultivated by the team members in the course of the game can easily be transformed into a solid friendship between children. Adults don't need too much participation, but they can help from the side. The way to establish and manage friendship must be explored by children themselves.

? No matter what kind of activities, most of them are in the form of games. The game has clear rules, which is very in line with children's inner needs for fairness. They have aggressive impulses, which can be vented through competitive sports activities and board games, and at the same time use their talents to beat their opponents in the game.

? Competitive confrontation will attract children's investment to a certain extent, which is an important part of children's learning "competition and winning or losing". It teaches children to look at winning and losing with a normal heart, and gradually becomes a "cool guy" who is particularly concerned about gains and losses.

? The third aspect is reading interest. In addition to establishing contact with the outside world through games, reading books has also become an important way for children to actively explore the world, especially at the age of 8 to 9, which is the time to quickly accumulate knowledge and explore more possibilities in the world.

? Learning to read and read is an important index to evaluate children's learning ability, which can stimulate children's natural curiosity and then understand the vast world outside. So how to cultivate children's interest in reading? This book provides us with two methods.

? First, home-school cooperation. Schools set up book corners on campus to create a reading atmosphere, while parents set aside some time to accompany their children to study at home, so that children will subconsciously feel that reading is a part of family culture and then actively participate.

? Second, use movies to assist reading. Children at this stage have a special yearning for fictional stories, and there is often a powerful hero in their favorite stories. Watching movies, children will bring themselves into the leading role and establish correct moral concepts through the experience of character stories. At the same time, after reading it, adults should encourage children to express their ideas, which not only deepens their impressions, but also helps to cultivate their character.

? But at this stage, children's reading level is very different. Some children can only read picture books, and some children can already read Harry Potter novels. It doesn't matter if there is a gap in ability. There is no need to force children to do things they don't like. As long as children are willing to study and like to study, this in itself is to show their cool side and take the initiative to connect with the world.

? To sum up, let's summarize the main contents of this book.

? First of all, children between the ages of 6 and 9 are in the middle of childhood, gradually getting rid of their dependence on their families, hoping that they can help their parents, but their expressions are still clumsy, which often leads to bad results. Parents should jump out of their own fixed thinking, avoid prejudice, and understand the heart behind their children's words and deeds.

? Secondly, we talked about children aged 6 to 7, who seem to understand "little adults". Their personal cognitive thinking developed rapidly, their self-awareness began to awaken, they learned to overcome difficulties alone, and they also realized that their parents were not omnipotent superman and were no longer the only center of their families. But on the whole, their dependence on their families is still relatively large, their physical and mental development is not sufficient, and they need more time to coordinate.

? Finally, we are talking about children aged 8-9, the "cool guys" who are ready to go. They gradually master the balance of body and mind, begin to pursue personality development, and gradually turn their eyes to the world outside the family, eager to make friends and connect with the world.

There is no perfect love in the world without reflection and practice. Let's grow up together while the children are still young. This book will shake the impregnable things in our minds and show us that too much of what was once called right is actually a prejudice against life. After reading this book, you find that raising children is actually the awakening and growth of parents' love.