A few funny jokes, not too many four or five. Be funny and don't copy the website.

In the country, a little boy was sweating with a cow. Passers-by tourists asked curiously, "where are you taking the cows?" ″

"Go to the neighboring village to raise cows. ″

"Can't your father do such a thing? ″

The boy shook his head again and again: "no, it must be a bull!" ″

Village notice: Concentrate sow "artificial insemination". Aunt took the sow to the yard of the veterinary station, and the veterinary comrade pointed to the patio and said to her, "Tie it there and bring it back later. ″

Seeing that the patio was dirty, the old lady hesitated for a moment and asked, "How is it here? Or I'll get you a straw. ″

"No, no, suddenly. ″

After a while, the aunt went to get the sow back, and the comrade said to her, "All right! This time, I promise to have twelve babies. ″

Aunt looked puzzled and said, "Twelve are good, but they are all natural comrades. How can you sell this pig? ″

A pair of lovers, the man always likes to say, "I'm going to kill you!" " "I haven't seen you for a few days. The woman found a man's unit, and the man asked, what's wrong? The woman whispered, "Nothing, just don't want to live ..."

The doctor was at odds with the dean and was transferred to gynecology, secretly pleased. The next day, I received dozens of female patients and had an erection for eight hours in a row. At night, my wife is pestering me and I can't lift my impotence. I suddenly realized: fuck it! Was blindsided by the leader again!

A medical college student went to a rural hospital for an internship and didn't know how to speak rural dialect. Once, I saw a sister-in-law and told her not to "* * *" with her husband. Aunt didn't understand and explained it for a long time. She still stressed: "My husband's surname is Zheng! ″

My sister is away on business. In the evening, brother-in-law and sister-in-law chat in the living room. My brother-in-law asked, "How much do you pay after tax?" Sister-in-law blushed and whispered, "sleeping with my brother-in-law also brings money!" ″

A gentleman came back from a trip to Hainan, and I asked him if he had been to Wanquan River. He said that he had seen many female soldiers. Then added a sentence in my ear: all yellow!

The hen complained to the bull, "it's unfair that humans want me to lay more eggs, but they plan their own families!" " "The old cow said," what are you? People all over the world drink my wife's milk. Who the fuck calls me dad? "

A blind couple agreed on a secret code, and the man said, "Play cards." The woman said, "Go ahead." The young people next door often hear playing cards and wonder how blind people can play cards. So I took a peek and saw that. One day, while the blind man was away, the young man sneaked into his house and said to the blind man, "Let's play cards." The blind girl said, "Go." So two people * * *. Young people have great skills. At the climax, the blind girl even boasted: "Good cards." In the evening, the blind man wanted to play cards with his wife again. The blind girl said, "Didn't you play once during the day?" Hearing this, the male blind man was anxious and angry and exclaimed, "No, someone stole the card!" " "

The female leader came home at night and was suddenly picked up by two men. A man threatened, "Be honest and rob that woman." The female leader listened to the joke: "His father, so happy, so nervous, scared me to death, I thought I was double-checked!" "

A gentleman stayed in a hotel and called the bar in the middle of the night: How much is the cheapest lady? Answer: "A hundred, but ugly, beautiful 500." A gentleman said to be ugly. After the young lady came, a gentleman asked her to sit naked on the sofa and go to bed and sleep soundly until dawn. The young lady asked inexplicably, "Why did you call me here?" A gentleman replied, "There are too many mosquitoes in the room!" " This story shows that any resource can be used by me as long as I change my mind. )

Women are so ugly that every ghost hides. A poor designer made it into a new year's picture, and the advertising words were: hanging the door to avoid evil; Hang up the bed, contraception! The designer won the prize and entered a well-off class.

A mosquito came to town and was very hungry. Seeing a young lady with a towering chest, she took a sharp bite. As a result, her mouth was full of silicone, so she sighed, "Alas, food safety is too problematic! Where can I find safe milk? "

The car and the train got married, but they soon divorced. Everyone asked why, and the car said sadly, "He is worried that I will be hit every day, and I am always afraid that he will cheat. I can't stand it! "

A former county chief had little ink in his stomach. A newly assigned college student worships Lu Xun, so he puts a photo of Lu Xun under the desk glass. After the director knew it, he said to him earnestly: "Young people, learn more about Marxism-Leninism and Chairman Mao's works;" If you want to show them, you should also show their photos. How could you put your grandfather here? "

Imagine the election in the United States: if Hillary is elected president of the United States, the coolest thing is Clinton-he has been president of the United States for eight years, and he can be president of the United States for at least four years!

In the late period of the Cultural Revolution, the public security law was not restored and perfected, and the arrest of people was approved by the director. We have a young policeman getting married there, and send a report to the director. The director, who is playing cards, signed four words with a stroke of the pen: agree to arrest!

In Shantou dialect, washing your face is called washing your face. A female mayor transferred from the north went to the countryside to visit the farmhouse. The owner enthusiastically brought face washing water and said, "Let's ask the mayor to wash it." The mayor was stunned. The attache had to explain, "This is a local custom. Let's move into the room and wash it! ″

1 Bai Zhi, you go, I can't bear to part with Han Hong! ! !

2. According to the pig's aesthetics, I am basically a handsome guy ~ 3. I am not as perfect and powerful as you think, and money and beauty are enough to conquer me!

4. After meeting me, you will suddenly find that being handsome can be so single-minded!

Aunt, I'll see you at heartbroken cliff in 16 years. Don't forget to send me a message then!

7. Angels and demons tug of war with my soul ~

8. I used to be an angel, really! When I came to earth, God kindly said to me, "Go, son, you were born to make up the exam ..."

10. Eat tofu with meat, and eat meat with tofu; Think of a person when there is no tofu and no meat ~

12. It's useless to say that men who don't know Zhejiang University are obscene ~

13. When men cheat, their IQ is second only to Einstein!

14. House prices are getting higher and higher, and there are fewer and fewer good men. ...

15. Never go to the hospital if you are sick. If you go to the hospital, you will starve to death because you have no money to eat! ! !

16. I'm afraid the only thing CCTV can convince people is to tell the time on the hour. ...

17. Log off at midnight on time, or the princess will become Cinderella again ~

18. I have something to do as a secretary, but nothing to do as a secretary.

Love me for free, including annual discount!

25. I want to be a wing bird in the sky and a pig on the ground!

30. I like people who are "half-hearted": caring, confident and responsible for me; Talking creatively makes me "satisfied"! ~

3 1. Just call me Wei Chao, although I sing like a schoolmate ~

I always think of you when I feed the pigs. ...

33. God said, "Let there be light." I said, "No!" So there was night. ...

35. Put on "human" slippers and compete with Liu Xiang in hurdles. If you win one, you will quit the Jianghu if you lose. At present, you are actively preparing…… for ing ... ...

36. I pinned Konka's TV remote control on my waistband and pretended to buy a new Nokia mobile phone!

37. Tigers are not arrogant. You think I'm Hello Kitty! ! Xiao Lv doesn't talk. You really think I'm Snoopy! ! !

38. Knit me a scarf, and I will repay you with the care of my life, otherwise, you can strangle me with a scarf! !

Your ugliness has nothing to do with your face. ...

40. It is enough to really love a woman in this life, but it is not enough for me to fight hard with him! ! !

4 1. A temporary impulse is a crisis for future generations!

44. Ask for it a thousand times. Is this fucking life? ! !

45. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

47. Better taste fresh honey than rotten peaches!

48. This word reads: Yu!

49. The person who really loves you is not the one who can hold an umbrella for you in rainy days, but the one who can accompany you with gonorrhea ~

50. In dismemberment ... Do you want a piece?

Getting married on August 8th is a good idea. 5 1.08 ~

52. Life is a game, and the obstacles encountered are all kinds of levels. Try to go to the Raiders!

Everything you say is nonsense-because you are a basket case!

The species of animals are decreasing, but the species of people are increasing?

If I hadn't refused to put on my crazy red dancing shoes, I think I would be spinning like a top now.

You can live like a pig, but you can never be as happy as a pig!

57. As long as the sunrise appears before sunset, as long as it arrives before class is over.

58. People always make mistakes, otherwise the right path will be crowded ~

Don't waste time on people who don't care about you. If you can't stand it, go to Warcraft.

6 1. Drink only pure water when drinking water and pure milk when drinking milk, so it's very simple. ...

65. Study hard for China! A pack of Chinese is a lot of money ~ ~ ~

66. I only say three sentences, including the above one, and that's it!

67. Boss, 38 shoes are too small, and 39 shoes are too big!

68. Eat tofu with meat, and eat meat with tofu; Think of a person when there is no tofu and no meat ~

69. God said, "Let there be light." I said, "No!" So there was night. ...

70. This man's death has something to do with my grave!

7 1. Tianya lovers edition "org"

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72. When you are chasing troops but facing a cliff, you lose an opportunity if you don't jump; If you jump, you will lose more chances! !

73. Be a good person with a bad heart ~

74. What shall we do in the future? We'll talk later! ! !

76. Who is Bajie's wife? Pig ~ ~ ~

77. I didn't give women at first, but then I was anxious for women!

78. Men pretend to understand if they don't understand, but women are just the opposite ~

82. It is cruel to look at an ugly person carefully, unless you want to punish him!

83. I put 10 thousand vows in a machine gun and then shoot you. You're lying in a pool of blood, covered in Cupid bullets!

84. Come with me, and I'll take you to sleepwalk!

85. A man would rather have a slave to serve himself than a princess to serve himself ~

86. China Football Team's only contribution to China is to make more and more people care about basketball!

87. Apocalypse: Wang Hailiang, male, 22 years old, handsome and from Yushu. As a mentally retarded child, I accidentally got lost the other day. If anyone sees me, I will thank you for your help!

88. I roared loudly, in the silent toilet. Your strange eyes, whether surprised or unhappy, didn't make my voice smaller. Because what makes me laugh is not that you went to the wrong toilet, but that I forgot to bring toilet paper.

90. I am an academician of the Institute of Advanced Diving, Chinese Academy of Sciences, and I have lost the Nobel Prize for a long time, and I won the Oscar Award for Lifetime Stealth ~ ~ ~

9 1. There are no heroes in today's society-heroes are covered under the national flag, and heroes are posted on the wall at the door of the court-the wall on the right side of the door!

93. It took me four years to complete the memorial service for the university!

94. It's better to keep a pig after ten years' study, and it's better to be a pig after ten years' study!

95. Dad asked me why I learned to smoke behind his back. I said, "I am depressed that Taiwan Province Province will not return!"

96. As long as Japan doesn't accompany the crime, I won't come out of the math make-up exam classroom for a day! !

97. Japan is an inseparable part of China!

98. I am determined to unify all mankind. Please vote for me!

99. Hey, that guy who pried the earth!

100. I can't stand it, Jay Chou, just take me away, and I don't want Han Hong! ! ! :)