Joke Collection Website - Mood Talk - 28 classic funny sentences _ Make you happy
28 classic funny sentences _ Make you happy
2, travel with girlfriends, and rest under the tree when you are tired. Suddenly a few drops of bird droppings fell on my face, and before I knew it, my best friend wiped it evenly for me, saying that your sunscreen had not been wiped evenly.
After ordering dinner in the evening, I waited anxiously in the dormitory. After a while, someone knocked at the dormitory door. At that time, I was a little hungry. I shouted, is that you? Just listen to the long sound outside. It's my dear delivery man. Don't be so cute!
I saw two five-year-old children playing chess at the door. I looked at it and said: this little boy may still play, and the little girl just walks around as if she could go anywhere! My neighbor gave me a look and sighed, "I know what people learn at the age of five, but you don't understand it at the age of twenty-five." Do you know why you are single? "
5, heart jam, sister menstruation began to ask me from time to time why I didn't bring my girlfriend back, and asked me when I would get married. I am forced to do nothing, I am still young, I still want to play, I am too busy at work, I have not bought a house in Beijing, I am too poor, and I will say that I am gay! They replied with one voice: impossible! Didn't you say that gays are handsome?
There is a classmate named Biao in our class. At an award ceremony, the headmaster read out the list of winners. When reading Ma Biao in our class, the headmaster paused: Ma Ma and her group were very quiet at that time, only to hear Ma Biao say loudly: My name is Ma Biao, not Ma Yi. At that time, the whole venue was boiling.
7. Dude, are you still wearing your jeans? This is popular now, you know? I looked at the chrysanthemum he leaked out and lost in thought.
8. It seems that I am too young. I watched people practice driving and handed a cigarette to the coach. I talked and laughed. I only have a pack of facial tissues in my pocket, so I took out one and handed it to the coach: wipe my mouth after smoking. People have different opinions about me.
9. Police: Say, why do you want to be a thief? Thief: Because people often say that men are the most charming when they pay money. The police uncle was speechless.
10, I heard that there was an overseas student from China in Japan who shared porn copied from China in the dormitory. As a result, a Japanese student saw it, ah! This, this, this is my mother! Then I was relieved by other Japanese students calmly holding my shoulders, and sat down and insisted on watching the movie.
1 1, female: Can women make men multi-millionaires? M: Yes, if that person is a billionaire.
12, I saw two five-year-old children playing chess at the door. I looked at it and said, this little boy may still be playing chess, but the little girl just walks around as if she can walk there! My neighbor gave me a look and sighed, "I know what people learn at the age of five, but you don't understand it at the age of twenty-five." Do you know why you are single? "
Policeman: Say, why do you want to be a thief? Thief: Because people often say that men are the most charming when they pay money. The police uncle was speechless.
14, mentality is very important. Negative people only screw things up. Once he has a positive attitude, he can happily screw things up.
15, I have a male friend who runs Taobao and is online dating a female client. When I came back from the meeting, I cried bitterly, saying that the client was good-looking but too fat, and he agreed to do nothing. After he calmed down, I said helplessly, you are not stupid. You sell plus size women's clothes. What are you fooling around with customers?
16, a boy and a girl are dating in a coffee shop. The boy hurried to ask for salt, and the girl asked him why. The boy said I was afraid that you would ask me if I had a car in the future. I have no salt.
17. Fortunately, there are voice control and light control lights in the corridor now. In case I get a color-controlled lamp one day, I may have to walk from beginning to end in a dark corridor.
18. Just now, I suddenly discovered that my dog Xiaohei is a dog. I was just about to sit down and eat the hamburger bought by McDonald's. Blackie suddenly shouted at the window, as if a stranger had entered the yard. I went out to look, but I didn't see anyone. When I came back, I found that Blackie and Hamburg were gone. .....
19, my daughter-in-law didn't go to work today, and she was in a very good mood and considerate when she went back at noon. According to her routine, she must have something to ask for, but since she didn't say a word, she was surprised when she walked out of the balcony and saw my big winter coat gorgeous and cool, and her mood suddenly fell to a low point. Brothers, I hid 3k ocean in my winter coat. Forget it, let's see if the one behind the refrigerator is still there!
20. I heard that a Japanese student from China shared porn copied from China in the dormitory, but a Japanese student saw it, ah! This, this, this is my mother! Then I was relieved by other Japanese students calmly holding my shoulders, and sat down and insisted on watching the movie.
2 1. Today, my friend drove me home. After getting on the bus, I habitually lit a cigarette. My friend pinched off my cigarette and said, don't smoke in the car, it will smell like smoke. I slapped it down, and the battery car smelled like your sister's smoke!
22. Beauty, my children say that you are really beautiful and want you to be their mother! Where are your children? If you like, I'll arrange for you to meet in ten months. Can you accept five months? I want to clear my head. /Please leave me alone.
23. I just read my husband's palm and found that his lifeline is very long and I am very short, so I deliberately said sadly: I may only live to be 50 years old! I hope my husband can say something touching, but Hall paused and said, then don't pay the old-age insurance, there won't be any anyway!
24. I went shopping in the community supermarket late last night, probably because several people in the front row were holding Durex, and I was the only one holding the roll paper. The cashier even sighed at the fucking checkout! Sigh your MB!
25. Walking with my new boyfriend at night, I suddenly saw two dogs having sex. He looked at it for a while, then blushed and asked me, Do you have this idea now? I quickly explained: no, no, no, I'm not interested in male dogs!
26. At a traffic light, many people on both sides saw that there were still 30 seconds left. I thought of the online LOL sentence again, and drew a sentence in my mind: The enemy still has 30 seconds to reach the battlefield! Crush them! Everyone next to me is drunk and ashamed. I am a sister!
27. Is there anything worse than a girlfriend leaking air? Yes, it's just that my boyfriend is leaking electricity. It's really hard.
When I was a child, my deskmate lent me a video tape. I opened it and said,/kloc-teenagers under 0/8 should watch it with their parents. Then I quickly called my parents, and then I was black and blue all week.
28 Classic Funny Quotations _ Laugh to death
1, my mother is in charge and my father is poorer than me. Today, I called the handsome guy, and the handsome guy told me happily:
Son, I saved 100 yuan, and I'll punch you in then. I burst into tears in an instant.
2. Take the last section of the high-speed train and take the most expensive sightseeing bus. When standing, everyone will line up in front of the car door, waiting for the door to open.
Sightseeing bus's door opened and a chubby uncle came out, surrounded by two young people in suits and ties.
Protect him with one hand and explore with the other, shouting: get out of the way, get out of the way. . .
The girl standing at the end smoothed her bangs. Simply put, what should I do, a funeral or a funeral? Line up.
My sister's underwear was blown to our balcony by the wind that day! I found Houda 'ao!
Copy it at once and lean on her balcony to help do it again.
Well, then you all guessed right! ! My sister next door just came out and saw me leaning hard.
Holding her freshly washed underwear in her hand. I don't want to live. She thinks I stole her underwear. . .
Passing by the door of a shopping mall, I heard a dialogue between a MM and the key.
Can you give me a key?
Key: Sure.
Then make me one. After a few seconds of silence.
The man with the key looked at MM and asked, Where is the key?
I have the key. Why should I ask you for it?
At noon today, my roommate went to the small restaurant next to the school to fry a braised potato chip and pack it. The boss packed two boxes for her.
Usually a box of vegetables and a box of rice.
When I took it back to the dormitory, I found it was a potato chip and a broken eggplant. . .
I wonder how another student looked when he went back to open two boxes of packaged rice. .
6. In class, the teacher asked questions, but no one responded. The teacher said:
Can you give me some feedback? I sang solo on it. What are you doing down there?
A classmate blurted out and went to the theatre.
7. Opposite the girls' dormitory is the boys' dormitory.
This night just entered the night, and everything was silent. Suddenly, I heard a boy's cry from the boy's dormitory building: xxx, I love you!
In an instant, all the women in the opposite building blew up, and everyone envied whose boyfriend was so romantic.
Just then, I heard another buddy shout: Who called my name just now?
The world suddenly became quiet.
When I was in college, there was a welcome party, and our class sang a song: "We are all a family".
Before taking the stage, the senior brother encouraged everyone to say: Junior brothers, don't be nervous, be as calm as the senior brother.
As a result, more than a dozen people took to the stage with neat steps.
After the big brother took the stage, he first announced: present a chorus for everyone!
The name of this song is "We are all human beings".
9. I have a very tall and handsome buddy. When traveling, I can't stand birds and flush the toilet. ...
Yes, everyone guessed. He went into the ladies' room, and the uncle at the door was very powerful. He pretended not to see it and let him in.
When we expected our buddies to be called hooligans and make a fool of themselves, a scene of fate appeared.
I only saw a beautiful woman come out and shouted to her friend, Wow, a handsome guy just went in.
I stole a look and didn't disturb him, for fear of scaring him to pee. ...
10, that day, Xiao Wang squeezed the bus, and a stout woman next to him shook her body and stepped on him.
The woman turned around and asked, did she hurt you? Xiao Wang felt hot when he saw that she was so guilty.
I shook my head shyly and said that it didn't hurt much. The voice just fell,
The woman immediately said excitedly, haha, it turns out that my weight loss has finally worked!
I stepped on many people's feet these days, and you are the only one who said it didn't hurt too much.
1 1, at noon, the canteen was cooked and thousands of troops rushed to the canteen.
One day, the two brothers finally rushed to the striker and suddenly stumbled on the stairs of the canteen.
The lunch box also fell to one side, and B immediately turned to look at A with concern.
A looked up and said, leave me alone! Run! ! Remember to burn some paper for me after supper.
12, during the afternoon recess, a petite beauty in the class was cleaning the blackboard.
Because he is not tall, he can't wipe a large area on tiptoe.
The way she worked hard greatly aroused my desire for protection!
Without saying anything, I went up to her and said kindly, let me help you. The way she was moved,
Say: thank you. Then I put my arm around her waist and picked her up.
13, I am a freshman in medical college, and my anatomy class is very tense.
In particular, I heard my classmates boast that their parents are top surgeons or have relevant experience.
After two hours of practical operation, the teacher praised my good operation ability and asked me if I had a family history.
I am embarrassed to answer: yes, my grandfather killed pigs.
14, in class, the teacher said: there is no failure in my life dictionary!
Just after that, a dictionary came out from the bottom. Xiao Xin said, teacher, I have to lend it to you!
15, there is no class in the first class in the morning. Roommate sent a message to remind her boyfriend to wake her up at 9: 30.
I was awakened by the bell and answered the phone. I heard a strange male voice say, get up, get up. A deep voice.
Scared my roommate to sit up. Hung up the phone and saw it was Tong Yuan.
I sent the wrong message last night. I sent my boyfriend's information to Tong Yuan. Damn, Tong Yuan is great.
16, male classmate, one day in class, the pen ran out of water, so I asked a girl not far away to borrow it.
Just listen to that girl shouting stupid? Men suddenly feel wronged, damn it,
You scolded me for this little thing? His anger was mingled with discontent,
Ho: Shit, I just borrowed a pen. Why are you scolding me?
The girl said weakly, I, I didn't scold you. I asked you what pen to use.
17, yes, I have a colleague who is also like that when it is serious.
One day I went out for dinner and went to the store to see many people. I saw a man sitting on the table.
He stepped forward and said, I'm sorry.
The man looked at him and left silently.
Later another colleague said, why don't we go to that fan?
Then I saw him go over and tell the person in front to get out of the way.
The man was anxious and said, Brother, where shall I sit? I'm here for dinner, too
Later I asked, that day was awesome, and he said, I thought that man was a waiter.
18, I accidentally yelled at my wife today, which made her cry.
It's no use trying to convince me all morning. There's nothing I can do.
My daughter hasn't eaten yet, and she is a little impatient. She says to her mother, OK, mom, can you stop crying?
You didn't choose the person yourself, who is to blame! Suddenly, my wife and I were in a mess. . .
19, I had dinner with my friends the day before yesterday. I got drunk and slipped out of the restaurant to throw up. There is a car next to me.
Unexpectedly, a policeman came. Move away! This is a no-parking area!
I waved my hand because I was ill and didn't want to talk. What happened? Drink? I took out my walkie-talkie and called a tow truck.
It's disgusting to watch the car being dragged further and further! It's not my car, how can I drive it ~!
20. I am a man Yesterday, my mother and I went out to buy clothes. When trying on clothes, I found that the fitting room couldn't be locked.
Just let my mom watch it. But as soon as I took off my pants, the door opened and a beautiful girl appeared.
Then I was shocked in an instant, wearing only a pair of underwear. . .
Later, my mother told me that the girl was beautiful and didn't stop me. I went, it's really my own mother!
2 1, a doctor killed someone else's baby, and the parents of the baby were very angry.
Say to the doctor: you should give my son a good funeral, but just return it, or I will sue the authorities.
The doctor promised to take it back for good treatment, so he put the body in the medicine box.
On the way home, I was invited to see a doctor by another family. When I opened the medicine, I was accidentally seen dead.
The patient asked the reason in surprise, and the doctor said that someone died again, which brought me back to life.
22. I have a friend who has been single, is 1.9 meters tall and works in a public institution.
A few days ago, the blind date, both sides feel good, ready to further develop.
So the girl asked the matchmaker if this man made it up (career establishment).
The matchmaker spoke without thinking, ran to a friend's house and said that the aunt asked if it was made up.
When my friend's mother heard this, she got angry: Oh, what the hell do you ask! Do you have a whip?
My son is 1.9 meters tall. How big a whip does she want?
23. In class on Monday, the teacher called the roll.
Zhang San? Here you are. Li si? Here you are. Wang Wu? reach
Obviously, all three voices come from the same person.
Suddenly, the atmosphere in the classroom froze to freezing point and the teacher was livid.
Quickly rushed to the windowsill: Uncle Wang, can you direct the reversing later?
24. When my mother called yesterday, the first thing she asked was whether the end of the world was real. What if I say it's true?
She said, then come back quickly and kill the pig first.
I dreamed of the end of the world yesterday. Aliens invaded the earth. We hid behind a tanker.
Still being discovered. Honey, cover for me. Got shot several times. Bloody. There were blood drops on the body.
It's extremely cold, I thought silently. Oh, my hero. I will treat you well in the future.
Wake up. I found the reason why it was cold was that the goods swept the quilt away. Theo. Instantly disillusioned.
26. When I got home, I saw my father standing on the balcony and lighting a cigarette, frowning and looking at the dark clouds outside the window.
Me: Dad, what's the matter?
Dad: It's going to rain. (takes a sip of cigarette)
Me:
Dad: Your mother can't go out for a walk when it rains, and then she will definitely lose all my happy beans.
27. In high school, boys play with compasses, and whoever they point at will come up with an idea to let him do what he wants.
If you don't listen, beat him together. A boy was shot and then the bell rang.
Everyone asked him to say I love you to the math teacher.
The math teacher is an old lady who can tell the square difference formula with tears.
At this time, the teacher came in with a triangle and said there was a class. Everyone stood up to say hello to the teacher.
The goods didn't move, and when they were sitting, the teacher ordered him: Everyone stood up and said hello, why didn't you move?
The goods directly open their mouths: Miss Guo, I love you! The whole class is crazy,
At this time, the math teacher's eyes were wet: I understand, classmate, I love you too!
28. I quit my job and went home to change my local number. It's been two months. This number is really deceptive.
Strangers called me to chop people up.
Tell the boss that I made a fortune and forgot my brother. Let me send the young lady there.
Ask me to send powder. I said I used this size before, big brother. How rich your life experience is!
30 Classic Funny Quotations _ Shut up
1, by bus, a sister got on the bus (I know), and I patted my thigh and said to her: There are soft seats here! Who knows my sister cried: forget it, the soft seat will become a hard seat for a while, and the hard seat will become a socket for a while, so you can't leave then!
2. Going home at night, my husband didn't insert the key into the lock hole for a long time. Daughter-in-law said angrily: if it is a woman who opens the door, she must be anxious.
I graduated from university and just joined the company. My boss bought me a 350,000 new car and arranged for me the best driver in the company. But I am not happy at work every day. Did I go to college for four years just to learn to drive a forklift here?
Recently, iphone6 is very popular, and friends around me always complain that my girlfriend asked me to send iphone 6. Personally, I think it's just a mobile phone. Give it to your girlfriend. Why? Isn't it just a few thousand dollars? Is it necessary to make such a fuss? Send it to your girlfriend if she likes it. I don't have a girlfriend anyway.
5. My father-in-law quarreled, and my mother-in-law was angry: I will take my grandson back to my mother's house tomorrow and never come back. At this time, the daughter-in-law heard: Good idea, keep my son and take your son away! The whole family was suddenly happy, what a humorous daughter-in-law! ! !
6. I came to my newly-married idiot colleague's house today and asked him: Who chose this bed? "My wife. How about this sofa? My wife. How about this TV? My wife. So which one did you choose in this family? Idiot proudly said, my wife.
7. quarreling with my girlfriend, lying in bed at night, my girlfriend angered: I don't want to see your face for a minute now, and disappear immediately. Boyfriend: How to disappear. Girlfriend: Lights out.
No sooner had I taken the bus than the girl sitting next to me fell asleep. The girl is beautiful and sleeps soundly. I suddenly felt sorry for jade, thinking that it would be bad if there was any noise to wake the girl up at this time. So I opened his bag, took her cell phone, turned it off, put it in my bag and got off. If people can be so considerate of each other, how wonderful the world will be!
9. In class, Xiaoming and Xiaogang passed a note, which was found by the teacher. The teacher was very angry and said, Why pass the note? ! ! Then, the teacher opened the note and read only one sentence: The teacher is so beautiful. After reading it, the teacher said shyly, pass it on.
10, ask my boyfriend tonight: Dear, what is death? He looked at me and said, you are a fat woman, fat and ugly, and you love to be spoiled. Who gives you confidence? Honey, come and talk!
1 1. I took off my coat on the way after playing ball with a fat friend that day because it was hot. When I passed the two sisters, they looked at us with contempt. I didn't raise my head and keep walking. At this moment, the fat friend suddenly stopped shaking his chest at the two sisters, then looked at them disdainfully and lost a sentence: Sister, are you inferior? Then the two sisters left silently.
12, I like to eat steamed eggs when I am pregnant, but I get old every time I steam them. But my husband can steam fresh and delicious eggs every time he starts. One day, my husband steamed eggs and I washed them. Later he came over and said, do you know why you can't steam delicious eggs? Why? Because you have no eggs, you don't know the true meaning of eggs.
13, an old man went to town and saw young girls in the street wearing very sexy clothes, so he went back to let his wife brag. My wife was furious after hearing this. You don't think about me at all. Grandpa said, why not? I spit at the thought of you and was fined five dollars.
14, a buddy always limps when he walks recently, and asks him what's wrong without saying anything. I saw him. He updated one and said, don't let me catch you! In the bathroom without lights, put the toilet brush in the toilet and don't take it out, bitch.
15, I: I bought you a bottle of perfume, wife. Daughter-in-law: How much? Me: You can sleep with me. Daughter-in-law: 400 yuan. Did I know something?
16, marriageable age, always wanted to get married. A best friend is the same age as me, but she doesn't want to get married. She asked her why. She told me with a sad face: because I thought I would have children when I got married, I would give him half of the snacks when I gave birth. I can't stand it. It hurts to think about it!
17. When I was a child, my father told me to study or feed pigs. I said I'd better study. If you don't read good books now and feed yourself like a pig, your IQ may not be as good as that of a pig.
18, once I took a taxi and waited for a red light, the master fell asleep and the green light turned on. The horn behind me is extremely anxious. I patted the master. When he saw the traffic police walking this way, he immediately got off the bus and said to me, young man, help me get off the bus! I won't charge you today! The traffic police who came over also pushed the cart with him, leaving me with a blank face!
19, didn't you say that we will be husband and wife in the next life? I want a daughter too. I wonder what our daughter will be like in the next life. It is said that her daughter was a lover in her last life, so I ... wife: Dad, is this an excuse for you to find a lover? Yidian market network
20. After graduating from college, I always thought I was a talent and didn't go to the talent market to find a job. I think the company should come to me, so I stayed at home. Dad said to me at work this morning: talents go to the talent market, not talents don't go, you know. I thought for a moment, broke a sentence, and then went to look for a job in a proper way.
2 1, wife, did anyone praise you when you went out? Praise me for what? Praise you for having an athlete's figure! Don't! What kind of sports is my figure suitable for? Weightlifting.
22. Girlfriend: Honey, do you really like me? Boyfriend: Really. Girlfriend: Then why do you like me? Boyfriend: Because there is no choice.
23. If you encounter problems in your life, refer to four simple and rude life rules: you can't divide them, buy them if you like, drink plenty of water and try again.
24. When I took my brother home by car, I asked him: Do you have money for a car? This product actually said to me: How can a man not wear a card! Only you can make the bus card fresh and refined.
25. Man: My wife is going to poison me. Friend: No, let me talk to her. I'll go and see what's going on and tell you later. Friend: I talked to your wife. I talked to her on the phone for three hours. Do you want my advice? The man said: Of course. Friend: You'd better take poison!
26. An intern nurse drew my blood and stuck several needles in my arm, but no blood vessels were found. But this little girl is so calm and serious, and she has the meaning of stabbing blood vessels and not giving up. After a dozen stitches, I endured severe pain and asked the little nurse in awe: Did you learn this stitch from Sister Rong?
27. Working overtime until late at night, exhausted, I rushed to the empty stairwell to sing: beyond the mountain, beyond the sea, there are a group of Smurfs! Suddenly, a sad voice came from downstairs: they are bitter and clever, working overtime until dawn!
At 28, the golden retriever at home stood up and quickly rushed to adulthood. Just now, I took that idiot shopping. He stood up quietly when I wasn't looking, and took the oil cake from the sister next to him. Sister looked back at the scenery and ate the oil cake. Then, she saw a big dog with her head side by side.
29. My husband is an electrician. He found static electricity in my mobile phone. He immediately took the electric pen to measure the voltage, 1 10 volts, and then told me not to play with my mobile phone while charging. Recently, I read the news that someone was electrocuted while taking a bath. My husband reminds me to turn off the switch of the electric water heater before taking a bath every day. I am so warm and moved, praising him: Husband, it's good to have you. Husband said: Of course, I am an electrician. If my wife was electrocuted, it would be embarrassing to say it.
30. I saw two people quarreling on the road today. Suddenly, the quarrel became fierce. One man said to the other, bite me! Bite me! The man came over and I thought he was going to do it. Who knows he just said lightly, I don't eat shit. Suddenly I feel that this is the most awesome counterattack.
28 funny quotations in one sentence _ Every sentence makes you laugh.
1, it's not Li who hates me, it's not just my father who hates me.
2. How many worries can you have, just like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.
The third person is not the later one, but the one who doesn't love deeply.
4, it's all boiled water, what is Youlemei.
5, brother is not Baidu, don't ask me everything!
6. Those who are not afraid of debt collection are heroes, and those who are afraid of debt are really poor.
7. As long as you work hard, shitting is serious.
8. If you don't degenerate in debauchery, you will degenerate in silence.
9, grandstanding, you are not qualified; Play dumb, you have gone too far!
10, don't give Colby muscles, my family raises chickens!
1 1, I am not wrong, but I have never been right!
12, our love, the doctor said: he has done his best.
13, wear other people's shoes and take other people's roads, so that others can neither find their shoes nor find their way.
14, I was an infatuated seed, too, and it rained and drowned.
15, ugly, not your fault; Ugly and show off in an ostentatious manner everywhere, sister, I was wrong!
16, he is a pig who doesn't read, but a literate pig who reads.
17, don't mess with me, or I'll let you die rhythmically.
18, it's not that the ending of the story is not good enough, but that we are too demanding of the story!
19, atmosphere, good for dogs.
20. Hard life needs no explanation!
2 1. Why does a good grain of rice spoil a pot of mouse excrement?
22. I only drink pure water when drinking water and pure milk when drinking milk, so I am very simple.
23. When you put on the wedding dress, I also put on the cassock.
24, the foundation is poor, even if you pay more money, you will become a fairy, you will still be born!
25. Don't dig Lao Tzu's grave. I thought I was a grave robber, too.
26. When I said I couldn't afford to be hurt, it was the day when your house caught fire.
27, don't always say that I am fat, I am afraid that if I lose weight, you will not be able to stop.
28. Isn't there half a cucumber in the refrigerator? Go and fry four dishes for the children.
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