In fact, I should try my best to blend into this complicated circle, complicated people and related sentences.

Quickly integrate into other people's "circles"

Xiao Lu, who is good at communication, has worked in the IT sales industry for several years, met some predecessors in the industry and accumulated certain customer resources. When he wanted to change his job, a colleague immediately introduced him to an ideal job. Because colleagues know his ability and conditions and are willing to help him.

Xiao Xie, who likes to travel, often invites a group of people to travel online. Some people know him, while others don't. He can make many good friends every time he travels. Although he is an only child, he never feels lonely, and his life is full of fun. Whenever he is bored, he will feel very happy with the "donkey friends".

We often hear "people in our circle …" and "people in our circle …". As the saying goes, "Birds of a feather flock together, and people are divided into groups". A circle is a small group in which every member is familiar with each other and has the same hobbies, values or tasks. An industry, a unit, a club, an interest group and so on can all be regarded as a circle. Xiao Lu and Xiao Xie have their own circles. They can not only find a sense of belonging and fun in the circle, but also benefit from their own circles.

A person can't exist alone in society, everyone has a circle of friends. In a circle, people can find their own sense of belonging, which can give people a sense of security. Circle is the main place for communication and activities in people's life. Different circles determine different attitudes towards life.

For many young people in their twenties who have just graduated from school and entered the society, it is an important lesson and an important psychological challenge to make new friends and integrate into other people's social circles. From school to society, with the changes of their roles, environment, life tasks and people around them, they are always at a loss at first and don't know how to get along with everyone.

In the face of unfamiliar environment, young people who have just been weaned psychologically often have a "social window period", so they tend to pay more attention to their actions and subconsciously fix themselves in the role of newcomers. When dealing with interpersonal relationships, they tend to be stiff, shy, suspicious and at a loss, and always feel left out. This is also the most depressing thing for them. "They just chatted happily, but as soon as I walked over, they shut up. Are they talking about me? " "Looking at my colleagues talking and laughing, I also want to blend in, but I just can't get a word in ..." Many young people who have just stepped into society find it difficult to integrate into other people's circles in the face of strange environment.

There was a young man who was very upset because he didn't know how to get along with others. He often wants to get along with his colleagues in harmony and intimacy, but in reality he always feels lonely. He wrote in an email to me:

I just graduated from college and now I work in an office. Work every day and deal with unfamiliar people and things. It's easy to work, but it's a bit awkward to communicate with people. Seeing others talking and laughing, playing cards and chatting in their spare time is very lively, but being alone, I have nothing to say with others, even if I say a few words, I feel boring.

In fact, when I was in college, there were some people around me who were eloquent, boastful and told jokes. I feel inferior among them and don't know much about humor. For example, everyone in my roommate was joking, and when it was my turn, I was stuck there. I don't know how to answer the phone or how to handle things well. It's easy to offend people for no reason.

I really envy those people who are "naturally familiar", but why can't they do it themselves? I am very upset and don't know how to get along with others.

This boy has been working for almost two months. He can hardly call anyone from other offices except his colleagues in this department. Even several times, his colleagues mistook him for an intern. On weekdays, everyone's work is not easy. Most of the time, they are buried in their cubicles. When he interrupts occasionally, he ponders whether to participate or not, while considering when and how to interrupt. When he was "brewing", everyone's topic had just ended. Colleagues chat while working, and he is often ignored as an "invisible man".

Everyone needs to communicate with others, otherwise they will feel lonely, lonely, depressed and anxious. However, people's communication ability is not innate, but cultivated by the acquired environment and consciously.

In a new working environment, first of all, you can't shrink back from inferiority, passively wait for others to talk to you and ask your needs to help you, but have an attitude of being willing to take the initiative to "join in the fun" so that you can appreciate others' play; When others are chatting, you can listen to it and then find a chance to join.

Don't be shy, and don't be shy to accept others' care or help. You just work hard. As a result, things may not be done well, and people will think that you are lofty and unsociable. Instead of trying to figure it out for yourself, it is better to take advantage of the new leisure to observe the working environment, such as whether the working atmosphere is open or conservative, whether the communication between colleagues is direct or implicit, and then slowly and naturally integrate into it.

In addition, to join other people's circles, we must find out the same topics as others.

Those so-called "literary friends", "book friends" and "song friends" are all combined because of a common hobby. So learn to observe everyone's common topics and interests. Of course, you have to learn some common sense and skills yourself. Only when you have the same fun as others can you enjoy happiness.

More? It means that you must actively accept invitations from others in order to expand your circle. At the party, you will have the opportunity to meet many new friends. Friends of friends, after one or two meetings and contacts, will soon become your friends. So your circle will gradually expand. Therefore, when someone invites you to participate in an activity, even if you really don't want to participate, be happy to invite you. The number of friends, the success or failure of socializing, sometimes depends on your thoughts.

Finally, you can find people with similar values to become good friends and gradually form your own social circle.

Let go of lofty and vulgar.

Some people are born with lofty spirit. They have their own set of behavior standards and principles. Once other people's behavior is not within their own standards and principles, they begin to alienate and despise others. Others are born with an affinity to think of what others think. Although he has his own principles, sometimes he can "follow the crowd", be flexible and take the initiative to approach others.

The factory in Wang Yang is very big. When he started working in the factory, the workmates all liked the young man. Wang Yang found it easy to process 300 parts in an hour, but the workers around him only processed 200 on average. Tell him to slow down and relax. Wang Yang thought, "Why do you want to slow down? I like to work harder! And isn't your low production efficiency detrimental to the interests of the factory? "

So he still insists on processing 300 parts per hour, thinking that workers are lazy and love to take advantage of small things! Before he despised his friends, he found that they had long been unwilling to talk to him. As long as he comes over, everyone will stop talking and sometimes be laughed at! Although he never tried to please everyone consciously, his output dropped to 200 per hour a week later, and soon he was integrated into the workers again.

As can be seen from the above story, Wang Yang began to be lofty and deliberately alienated his companions, and he isolated himself. When he realized this, he didn't please his companions in other ways, but only reduced his output.

Lofty, "clear" means colorless and pure; "High" means that it is too cold at high places. Those who think they are incorruptible are often isolated.

Lofty people often walk alone, not because they like it, but because they feel that they stand out from the crowd and the people around them are not worthy to communicate with them and have fun together. This will inevitably lead to alienation from others.

The so-called "wood is in the beauty of the forest, and the wind will destroy it." From a psychological point of view, any group has the characteristics of maintaining group consistency. For members who are consistent with the group, the group's response is to like, accept and give preferential treatment. For those who deviate, the group will resent, refuse and sanction. So any behavior that deviates from the group is very risky.

Many young people are alienated from their peers and don't know what it is. I think I just stick to my principles, but I am rejected by others. The problem lies in the so-called "own principle". Often the principles you adhere to are not real principles, but your own preferences and even quirks, and the resulting incompatibility with others is natural.

There is a saying that "there is no fish when the water is clear, and there is no disciple when people look at it." If the water is too clear, fish can't survive. If you are too strict with others, you won't have a partner. Therefore, we should not be too harsh in our life, nor should we be too harsh in looking at problems, otherwise it is easy for people to be afraid and unwilling to deal with you, just as the water is too clear to raise fish.

Young people often say, "I don't like playing with them, they are too ostentatious!" " ""I don't like to mess with them, they are too vulgar! "When others advised him not to be too lofty, he would say," That's not my character, and my ideal is not realized by this. "For example, at work, some young people who just joined the work suddenly entered a new environment. They don't like this and that. They think that the boss is incompetent, his colleagues are inferior to themselves, they are dissatisfied with the company's system, and they are even more dismissive of some hidden rules. In social life, some so-called "angry youths" who think they have individuality feel good about themselves and are pretentious. They always feel that they are different, don't like some secular ways, and even spit on and despise them. If this kind of dissatisfaction is often revealed, it will definitely be very bad for your interpersonal relationship.

If you want to integrate into a circle, don't be too picky about some of the "shortcomings" of the circle members that you think are the same. Don't isolate yourself, learn to blend in with the people around you.

So, don't be conceited, feel great and look down on everyone around you. In fact, it is extremely stupid to do so, and it is not worth the loss. You have built a high wall for yourself, deliberately cut off the natural connection with others, and let yourself fall into a lonely Jedi.

A man should know how to keep a low profile. You can't show impatience or look down on others because they have different tempers, identities and values. As everyone knows, in the eyes of others, you are a freak who is out of the group. Therefore, even if you are really superior, you should know how to put down your airs, academic qualifications, background, down-to-earth and learn from others with an open mind. Besides, sometimes we just feel good about ourselves. Even if you are really excellent, you can't have an absolute advantage in front of others. This reminds me of a little humorous story:

One day, a university professor went swimming in the mountains of a village. He rented a boat to swim in the river. After the ship started, the professor asked the boatman, "Can you do math?" The boatman replied, "Sir, I won't." The professor asked the boatman again, "Do you know anything about physics?" The boatman replied, "Physics? I won't. " The professor asked the boatman again, "Can you use a computer?" The boatman replied, "Sorry, I can't."

After listening, the professor shook his head and said, "You can't do math, and the meaning of life has lost one third;" If you don't understand physics, you will lose one sixth; Can't use the computer, lost one sixth; You always * * * lose two-thirds of the meaning of life ... Speaking of which, a big dark cloud suddenly floated in the sky, and a storm is coming? The boat is very dangerous on the stormy river.

The boatman asked the professor, "Sir, can you swim?" The professor replied blankly, "No." The boatman said, "Then the meaning of your life will soon be completely lost ..."

In some ways, be modest even if you disagree with others. If you can't do this, then you should at least know how to respect others and be polite to them. You can disagree with others' views, but you should respect others' right to speak. Don't flatter others deliberately, but learn to praise and appreciate others sincerely; You can not treat people as gifts, but at least don't be stingy with your smile; You don't need to say those insincere words, but you should know how to respect the feelings of others.

Remember, if you want to succeed, you must compromise on some people and things. Put down the lofty shelf and make yourself vulgar!

The world is actually very small.

We often have this mentality:

Walking in the street, I spit everywhere. Although I don't think this is a good idea, I thought, "Nobody knows me anyway!" I'll feel better soon.

I had some conflicts with strangers in a strange place and quarreled a few words, which felt a little damaging to my image, but I thought, "Nobody knows anyone anyway!" " "My heart will be relieved immediately.

It is precisely because we think that everyone is not an acquaintance and no one knows anyone, so when we do things, we often don't pay attention to the image and care about others.

However, when we think and do this, we often make ourselves very embarrassed in a certain occasion in the future. I thought my behavior was unnoticed, but it was already noticed by others. When my partner or partner is talking or arguing with others, he stands aside and thinks of himself, as if thinking of him. The world we live in is actually very small, and today's passers-by are probably the people you will deal with in the future.

This kind of thing often happens around us, which shows that the world is really not big. Maybe you've been in this situation yourself.

Xiao Wang was introduced to work in a private enterprise. On this day, before going to work, he planned to visit a boss named Sun. On the way, he passed a roast duck restaurant, and there was a long queue outside. Everyone bought roast duck. He thought, didn't the introducer say that boss Sun likes roast duck? Isn't it just right to buy two as a visit gift?

He looked at his watch and said it was two in the afternoon. It's one o'clock. It will take half a day to wait in line! So, he tried his best to get ahead of the team. He did jump the queue in front, but a middle-aged woman behind him disagreed and said smoothly, "Why are young people so low in quality now!" " "Listen to the middle-aged woman, others began to talk about him. He became angry from embarrassment and began to swear: "What's it to you? I like it. Do you care? If you are strong, push forward. I don't think you can squeeze old bones! "

This sentence made the middle-aged woman so angry that they scolded each other for more than ten minutes. As a result, Xiao Wang won with his loud voice and speed. When others saw him so cross, they allowed him to jump the queue, and the storm slowly subsided. Later, Wang Shunli successfully bought two roast ducks. When he left, the queue was still very long. I saw that the woman kept beating her waist, obviously impatient to wait. He also felt that his behavior was a bit excessive, but on second thought, this place would only come once by himself. Anyway, people mountain people sea, who also don't know who. Who cares!

When he knocked on boss sun's door with roast duck in his hand, boss sun looked at the roast duck in his hand and smiled, saying, "how do you know I like this?" Then, they chatted well in the living room.

After a while, boss Sun's wife came back from outside. Boss Sun is about to introduce Xiao Wang to his wife. Xiao Wang looked up and was shocked. It turns out that boss Sun's wife is the middle-aged woman who bought roast duck and scolded him. Whether Xiao Wang is a guest or not, she pointed to Xiao Wang and said to Boss Sun, "Let him out quickly. I don't welcome such people without quality! "

Xiao Wang slipped out of boss Sun's house on his own initiative. Because of this incident, the work was ruined. He regretted it. Why is the world so small?

There are often such coincidences in life. Sometimes, we meet a stranger in a strange corner and talk a few words, only to find that we are actually acquaintances, and then we can't help but sigh that the world is really small.

In fact, the world is not as big as we thought. We usually think that it is not easy to meet people we know or have contact with. In fact, this kind of thing happened much easier than we thought. This is the "small world law" in social psychology.

1967, a psychology professor at Harvard University in the United States wanted to describe an interpersonal network linking people and communities, made a chain letter experiment, and found the "six degrees of separation" phenomenon. This phenomenon is that there will be no more than six people between you and any stranger, which means that you can know any stranger through six people at most.

Modern society is more open and flexible than ever before. With the development of network information, things happening anywhere in the world can spread to any place in an instant, which also makes it easier for people to contact each other.

The law of the small world tells us that since people are so easy to contact, it is not difficult for us to establish our own extensive contacts.

Many people will experience this effect when looking for a job. This makes the distance between people very "close".

Xiao Zhang works as a salesman in a medium-sized enterprise. In his spare time, he likes surfing the Internet and has set up his own blog. As soon as I have time, I post my experiences, experiences, lessons and hardships in the shopping mall on the Internet.

Once, while browsing the blog, he found a wonderful professional article. After reading it, he published his own thoughts and gave affirmation and praise to the article. In this way, he established a good "literary affinity" with the author. Four months later, they met and chatted happily, and the other party invited him to work in his own enterprise.

It turned out that this netizen turned out to be the boss of the second largest enterprise in Xiao Zhang's industry. Because of their unsuspecting communication on the internet, they already have each other's values, hobbies, interests and ability to do things? Thorough understanding, so he gets along well with his boss. His work in this enterprise is going well, and his boss has trained him into a marketing backbone, and his future is limitless.

Later, he made more than 20 intimate friends in 15 and 16 cities all over the country, which greatly promoted his business development.

Relationships don't happen after meeting. Therefore, if you want to expand your contacts and make friends, you must be aware of the existence of the small world law, pay attention to your image at any time, and leave a good impression before you know others. For example, Xiao Wang, who was looking for a job at the beginning. His impression of Mr. and Mrs. Sun was formed before the formal meeting. If he knew how to be polite and even help people around him when waiting in line, his results might be completely different.

Besides, be kind to everyone you meet. They may be not only your future acquaintances, customers, but even your dignitaries. There is a popular saying: whether a person can succeed depends not on what you know, but on who you know. In the current era of two-speed knowledge economy, contacts have become a career support system. If you only have a major and no connections, your personal competitiveness is a hard work and a harvest, but if you add connections, your personal competitiveness is a hard work and a harvest.

Realize the transformation of self-role.

We should be honest with ourselves and should not always live in our own fantasies and be divorced from reality.

Many young people who have just entered the society almost regard themselves as princes and princesses, always immersed in the aura of being sought after and loved by relatives and friends, and unable to enter social roles.

For young people, it is very important to know their roles correctly. Because they have not been in contact with society for a long time and have no clear understanding of society, many young people are very vague about their role positioning. If you want to handle the relationship with others and succeed in your work, the first task is to change your role in time and find the correct social orientation.

The change of roles is easy to understand. Everyone plays a different role in society, and each role needs a different attitude towards life. In front of parents, your role is children; In front of the teacher, your role is a student; In front of the boss, your role is employee; In front of subordinates, your role is to lead. You can be spoiled in front of your parents, but not in front of your boss. You can order your subordinates, but not your parents.

Many young people who have just graduated from college and worked for one or two years find it difficult to distinguish between students and professional identities, to change roles, and to establish the consciousness of professional people, which leads to tense interpersonal relationships and difficulties in work. Xiao Li is one of them.

Xiao Li is the only child in the family. He was loved by his family since childhood, and all his life was arranged by his family. I've been at work for almost two years, and I haven't entered the state yet. At work, as at home, he always takes his time. He does what others tell him and never knows how to do what no one tells him, even if it is within his duty. These are passive habits formed by parents arranging too much for him. Among his colleagues, he can't stand a little injustice. If his colleague plays a joke, he will really be anxious with others.

One day, the leader called him to the office and said anxiously, "Xiao Li, your working hours are not short." Why are you always procrastinating and impulsive? When will you grow up? "

Xiao Li thought the leader was biased against him, and in a rage, he resigned from his job. When asked by his family why he resigned, he said, "This unit is not good. My colleagues are all against me and biased against me. I don't like to force myself to cater to them, so I'd rather resign. "

After resigning, Xiao Li, urged by his family, went to look for a job again, but he was still at a loss. He felt that this society was too difficult for him to accept!

There are too many people like Xiao Li who are unwilling to accept the change of reality. Many of these young people lack the objective environment to communicate with their peers and the ability to coordinate interpersonal relationships and deal with interpersonal crises, which makes it difficult for them to adapt to the role of "social people" after entering the workplace.

Young people in their twenties have just entered the society from school, and there are two main roles that need to be changed. 1. Transition from children to adults, 2. The transition from students to employees.

1. Take responsibility for yourself-the transition from children to adults

From small to large, our growth is completed under the supervision and guidance of our parents. Due to our own lack of experience and understanding of life, we need the help of our parents and others. Even many young people's major in college is decided by their parents. However, once we enter the society, we should realize that we have grown up.

We began to be truly independent-emotionally independent, living independent and economically independent. Many things need to be fought for and decided by ourselves, and every decision we make needs to be responsible for ourselves.

However, many young people do not realize that they are independent individuals and highly dependent. I always treat myself as a child and can't stand any injustice. I either lose my temper with others or put pressure on my parents. Many people, even after graduation for several years, are still "gnawing at the old" or proudly "pretending to be young" and calling themselves "children and adults". It is difficult for such people to adapt to society. Do what you should do at any age. Now that you have grown up, you should shoulder the burden of life for yourself and shoulder the beam for yourself.

2. Strengthen professional quality-the transformation from students to employees.

Young people in their twenties should change from their past studies to their present jobs. Both the study in the student days and the present work need hard work, but there are differences between them. They get along in different environments and accept different tasks.

Many young people just want to find a good job, study hard and exercise themselves after graduation, but they don't take into account that compared with simple study, work involves many more complicated things, such as cooperation with colleagues, communication with superiors, the need for their own work to produce tangible benefits for the company, and fierce competition among colleagues. If you don't consider these things, it will be difficult for you to adapt to this society if you work as hard as you did at school.

There are many young people who are proud and not modest when they are in school, thinking that excellent grades mean excellent in all aspects and are self-righteous. As we all know, the competition after entering the society is multifaceted. There are mountains outside the mountains, and there are people outside the people. I don't know how to respect my predecessors after work, and I don't know how to ask my predecessors for advice when I encounter problems. There are still many young people who think that their studies will be over after graduation. When they start working, they can't do this or that. Before long, they will either resign themselves or be fired by the enterprise.

When you come to the big family of society, you should rely on your own ability and intelligence to get the due reward and get social recognition. You are no longer a child, so don't beg for sympathy and help from others in other ways.