Funny and humorous remarks worth watching

1. We are just passers-by, A, B, B, D, playing together in this colorful world. No matter you lose or I win, we will GameOver together in the end!

2. Don’t pose in front of me, I’m really afraid that I might want to throw the camera.

3. Break up with you, because you are not even worthy of holding hands!

4. One day the mistress cried because the mistress appeared!

5. Sanlu milk powder, the stepmother’s choice.

6. Take the road of RMB and leave the people with nowhere to go!

7. Breaking up is so boring, let’s play divorce if we can!

8. Guinness Records: The world’s largest coffee table covers an area of ??9.6 million square kilometers and can hold 1.3 billion cups.

9. Self-love must first be selfish. Only selfishness can lead to great love.

10. Some people always sell what they have in exchange for what they don’t have.

11. In school, I used the money to make money, but now I use my time to make money!

12. Doing well in an exam depends entirely on your deskmates.

13. I despise those people who often use emoticons to chat.

14. Only those who have the intention will be tired, and those who have no intention will not matter.

15. The highest state of being a man is not to pick up girls, but to let girls pick up you.

16. How big a body do you need to support your dirty soul?

17. You can’t be eaten, but without you, I can’t eat.

18. If life deceives me, then I will also deceive life.

19. You make it impossible for me to step down, and I make it impossible for you to even get a chance to step up.

20. You live in my heart, have you paid the rent?

21. The physical education teacher said: Anyone who dares to wear a skirt in my class will be punished by making her stand on her head!

22. The most embarrassing thing was going to the Civil Affairs Bureau with my girlfriend to register, and the staff member turned out to be my ex-girlfriend.

23. If you don’t like me, I will castrate you and become my sister.

24. I stood in your city and shouted: Ouch! So deep!

25. The third person is not the one who comes later, but the one who is not deeply loved.

26. The most depressing thing in the world is stepping on your own poop.

27. Wear other people's shoes and walk other people's paths, so that others can neither find their shoes nor their way.

28. I am not the Mona Lisa, and I will not smile at everyone.

29. When a man says he likes you, he just likes your body.

30. There are thousands of men in the world, and it is impossible to change them every day.

31. A fighter among bulls and a VIP among bitches.

32. Chopin, if you can bring out the sadness of labor and management, labor and management will give you one dollar.

33. Most of us alive have only done three things in our lives: deceiving ourselves, deceiving others, and being deceived.

34. I am not afraid of drinking dichlorvos, but I am afraid of opening the lid and drinking it, and then getting another bottle.

35. If you were a flower, even the cows wouldn’t poop.

36. As soon as you go out, birds will fly away from thousands of mountains, and thousands of people will be wiped out.

37. Women are like clothes, but a sister has a temperament that you cannot wear.

38. For the sake of the next generation of the motherland, no matter how ugly you are, you have to fall in love and talk about the world being full of love.

39. I’m planning to get a haircut, but I’m shaking my head so much.

40. My hobbies can be divided into static and dynamic. Static is sleeping, and dynamic is turning over.

41. Brushing teeth is a mixture of joy and sorrow, holding a cup in one hand and a washing utensil in the other.

42. It was noon on the day of hoeing. It was really hard to go to school. I had already entered the school and was forced to stand all afternoon.

43. I am flat-chested and proud of myself, and I save fabric for the country.

44. Hold the child’s hand and drag the child away. If the child doesn’t leave, knock him unconscious and continue dragging him away!

45. Since I got mentally ill, I have become more energetic.

46. I don’t have time to hate those who hate me, because I am busy loving those who love me.

47. Such a pure thing as going to bed should not be tainted by love.

48. There are some words that you will naturally say if you want to say them. If you don’t want to say them, what you will hear are just lies.

49. Because I’m not afraid of anything, I can’t lose anything.

50. Some people are so humble, some are so proud, but no one is realistic.

51. We are like two parallel lines that will never intersect.

52. The nature of parent-teacher conferences and mistress meetings are the same: they both instigate family relations.

53. Being careless is not necessarily bad, and being gentle is not necessarily true.

54. I am not a delicate girl, I don’t need to be protected, I can be fine alone.

55. Even if you lose weight, become prettier, and everything is better for you, people who don’t love you still don’t love you.

56. A bitch and a dog will last forever, and a dog-man and a chicken will be like glue.

57. If you hate me, I don’t mind at all. I don’t live to please you.

58. The man who loves me most in the world has married my mother.

59. The true state is to rather forgive others yourself than to let others forgive you.

60. Life is breathing. Exhaling is to take a breath, and inhaling is to get a breath.

61. If God has love, he will also grow old. If you snatch my partner, you will die early.

62. The biggest difference between the game and Girlfriend is that one requires a copy and the other requires a capital investment!

63. Be a simple and cheerful woman and write noble love letters to yourself.

64. In this world, there are not so many simple ifs. If you don’t love, you don’t love.

65. I don’t have many advantages, except that I have a great ability to receive praise!

66. It doesn’t matter if you think you are beautiful, I disdain you. In the end, you are not someone else’s mistress.

67. While I still love you, can you not miss me?

68. Your attitude determines my attitude. If you are silent towards me, I will have to be indifferent to you.

69. Don’t look at me from your perspective, I’m afraid you won’t understand.

70. I don’t need anyone to love me, let alone love me. I will love myself very much.

71. I don’t want to see you unhappy, but I am jealous that you are too happy with others!

72. Those who have poured cold water on me, I will definitely boil them and return them to you.

73. The quality of the teacher’s class determines the traffic of the mobile phone this month.

74. You smoothed all my corners with gentleness, and then used all your strength to hurt me to death.

75. You are like a bitter melon, dressed so coolly and looking so defeated.

76. Since you have been planted in my heart so easily, then don’t even think about escaping easily!

77. If you look like a pig, don’t think you are a human being. I will look down on you.

78. Don’t tell me you’re not short of money. In that case, come on, throw it out and I’ll take it.

79. Not to mention the mistress, who will fall for her as soon as she hooks up with him.

80. Whose old love is not someone else’s new love, and someone’s new love is not someone else’s old love.

81. If anyone dares to mess with me again, I will bury him before the Qingming Festival.

82. No matter who throws cold water on us, we must have the guts to turn it into boiling water and throw it back.

83. Don’t compare yourself to me, I’m too lazy to compare with you.

84. Love is always the same across thousands of rivers and mountains, can you give me some points? There is true love in the world, and giving a perfect score is also love!

85. If marriage is the tomb of love, then blind date is to look at the feng shui of the tomb, confession is to dig one's own grave, marriage is to commit suicide for love, falling in love is to move the tomb, and the third party is to rob the tomb!

86. I always lower my head in class. The teacher asked me why. I calmly replied, I lower my head and miss my hometown!

87. When you scold me, it must be because you don’t know me well enough, because those who know me want to hit me.

88. We come to school very early every day. On the surface, we love to study, but how many people know that we are here to copy homework.

89. The boys who play football and the boys who play basketball are handsome, they are both farts. As long as you're handsome, you'll be cool even if you bounce a glass ball, and if you're ugly, playing golf will be like shoveling shit. All gentle girls are attractive, girls without make-up are pure, they are all farts. As long as you are beautiful, you will be said to be a tofu beauty even if you are selling tofu, and even if you are ugly, you will feel like you have cramps when you play the violin.

90. I have seen through this world!

91. Foodies are all kind-hearted, because they only think about eating every day and have no time to scheme against others.

92. You have done even the difficult thing of getting up, so what else can trouble you in the next day!

93. Big gold chain, small watch. Three small barbecue meals a day. Youth is dedicated to the small wine table. Drunken life and dreaming of death are all about drinking. Social drinks are drunk every day. Sooner or later he will die at the small dining table.

94. My family is rich and I drive a Cadillac with an opening of 13. As soon as you hear the sound, you can tell that it is a good machine, imported from Germany. As soon as it started, half of Beijing was filled with black smoke.

95. You are as light as the wind, as gentle as the water, as hazy as the fog, as romantic as the moon, as passionate as the sun, as tolerant as the sea, as healthy as the cow, as long-lived as the turtle as you are. As cute as a rabbit, in a word: you don't look like a human at all!

96. Do you know what is the most painful thing in a man’s life? He has no wife. So do you know what is more painful for men? I have a wife who ran away with someone else.

97. Listen to your words and hang yourself on the southeast branch.

98. I once believed that I could turn my life into a joke, but now I just hope that my life will not turn into a case.

99. No news can be believed until it is officially denied.

100. If your wife and your lover fall into the water at the same time, would you like to find someone plump or petite? Or someone who can’t swim.