Alphabet Smooth Circle True Story Series

My girlfriend of three years, in order to save our relationship, suddenly said to me, "Hit me."

Oralist | Lin Jian (pseudonym), My girlfriend led a programmer who went astray

I used all my strength and slapped her ass ten times from left to right, but she was slightly soaked in sweat, biting her lip and gasping, "Come again, come again. ”

These provocative words make me feel very troubled. On the one hand, I feel sorry for my right hand, who has been with me as my ex-girlfriend for more than 20 years, but today I was raped by Newton for the first time in front of my real girlfriend. The Three Laws caused pain like fire; more importantly, I never expected that under my ten confident blows, she would remain unmoved, as steady as a cold pine tree, and even launched a full-on erotic attack on me. The provocation and inner strength were so profound that I sighed that this butt was probably not made of iron!

She is my girlfriend, Hongdou. We had been in a relationship for three years before this, and there were signs of mutual frigidity. I have thought of many ways to remedy this, but to no avail. For example, on our third anniversary some time ago, I hid a condom in a cake and wanted to have a surprise and romantic sex with her, but I didn’t expect that she would eat it in one bite and ended up going to the hospital to get laxatives. After it came out, it also caused allergies all over the body, which was known as the "three-year itch" in history.

Because I have systematically studied the theory of relativity, I can completely understand why others have the seven-year itch, but we started to get the itch after three years of dating. This is probably the principle of relativity of time.

I remember when I first started dating, whenever both parties had free time, they were bombarded with WeChat calls, "This is how you feel comfortable wearing sanitary napkins. If you don't look at them, you will cry!" "She would share more than a dozen private articles like this with me a day; I would also make various notes when ordering takeout for her. Please attach a small note on the lunch box, "Don't drink water when eating, take care of your stomach." If you don't follow this rule, , the script gets bad reviews.

But the east wind is evil and the joy is thin. Before I knew it, several years had passed. As time went by, we gradually became in a state of not getting in each other's way. I would play games when I got home, and Hongdou would watch TV shows when he got home. I often worked overtime on Saturdays, and at this time my girlfriend would become "Schr?dinger's Hongdou". ", always in between the two states of "just went out with my best friend" and "will be back soon". This wonderful state makes physicists excited when it happens to cats, and it also makes my fox friends feel excited when it happens to me. K9 friends are excited.

They always think I look green, and they are dedicated to looking for clues that can prove their conclusions. The reason why these K9 friends are able to survive in front of me is mainly thanks to the fact that I have never practiced Vajra Palm, so I can't slap them to death.

In short, this relationship seems to have entered a rhythm of eating and waiting for death. Oh, by the way, we used to take half-day trips to Sweet Kitchen, cook some meals to satisfy our hunger, and eat together. However, due to the philosophical issue of "who cleans up and who washes the dishes", after many red-faced debates, it was declared eternally unsolvable, so eating together became the problem. Having lost his delusion, now all he has to do is wait for death.

The kitchen waiting to be cleaned up

"I think the relationship between us needs to improve, otherwise we will be finished." Probably because we feel that our relationship as a walking dead has long been tasteless, One day, Hongdou was applying a facial mask on the sofa when a sentence suddenly popped out of her mouth.

As I was playing games in front of the computer, I was startled. I didn’t hear all the words, and I only heard the word "change". "Change! It must be changed. It must be changed. Wife, don't be angry. Tell me what I did wrong and I will change it right away!" Based on the big data summary of past quarrels, in order to reduce big things to small things and not delay me from playing games, I blurted out the standard answer.

"It's your fault, sister! You know how to apologize and admit your mistakes, can't you be tougher?" Hongdou's cheeks bulged and half of the mask fell off.

Tough? What does this mean? For about five minutes, I fell into a reflective silence.

I felt that this world was a little strange. I shook my head and still remembered the four golden sentences I summarized when I quarreled with my girlfriend: It was my fault, I will change it immediately. You are right, believe me again. I once ran to the bathroom and washed my face before I dared to come back and ask cautiously, "Are you saying that I shouldn't admit my mistake and apologize?"

"Yes, can't you see that I am making trouble unreasonably?" "Hongdou grabbed a pillow and threw it in my direction, "You still apologize for being unreasonable, your understanding is 0! Ah, you are annoying me!"

"Let's put it this way, I Aren't you angry because it's unreasonable?" Hongdou said.

"Angry."

"Do you want to hit someone?"

"Yes."

"Hit me."

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"What did you say?"

My own understanding of "SP"

Hongdou confessed everything to me in my shock. From very early on, she She has fantasies about SP. She doesn’t always go shopping with her besties on Saturdays, but occasionally attends gatherings and munch with people in her small circle. This confirms her fantasies, but she has never dared to show off with me. , I am afraid that the three-year relationship between us will directly go to waste.

So the time came to the night at the beginning of the article. Since then, I have deeply realized how a harmonious and interesting life can drive the growth of the needs of both parties and promote the harmony of the couple's relationship.

The only small problem is that my hands hurt.

For a moment, I really considered signing up for a crash course in Vajra Palm, because the fear of being dominated by Hongdou’s butt was still fresh in my mind. The next day, my hands were swollen and my coding speed slowed down by 72.4%. , I was accused by my leader of being inefficient at work. This situation brought tears to my eyes. I thought of the humiliation of being beaten by the teacher in elementary school so that my palms were swollen and I couldn't do my homework, and then continued to be slapped on the palms the next day.

However, when practicing Vajra Palm, there is no guarantee that the training process may be more painful than my current situation, so I suggested to Hongdou that we use tools, such as coat hangers, pointers, and shoehorns. My dad used to use them when I was a child. These hit me. Keep your body comfortable, your voice loud and clear, your muscles and veins connected, and your blood flowing smoothly; I can also save worry and effort, and my hands will not be destroyed; kill two birds with one stone, get the best of both worlds.

After hearing this, Hongdou criticized me deeply. She felt that I didn’t love her and was not even willing to touch and communicate with her with my hands; but when she went to bed at night, she put me He held his right hand tightly on his chest and rubbed her gently until he fell asleep.

Two days later, I received a courier. When I opened it, it was a leather racquet. Hongdou said, it’s not as comfortable as this one for your hand, so just use this one from now on.

I nodded and was ecstatic. In this way, a small problem that finally affected us was solved. It has to be said that this leather hand pat, which is not of the highest quality, becomes the most popular item in the house every night when desire ferments. Like the air conditioner remote control, if the weather doesn't change by tens of degrees, no one will find it lying in the drawer and dying in the line of duty. But if the handheld camera is thrown around, Hongdou and I will talk about it every three days. Find where it goes.

Hongdou was scarred every time by this slap, but she always enjoyed it. I gave her a nickname, "Iron Butt", and she always imitated the words in Yida advertisements. He replied to me in a tone of voice, "It's because you didn't eat, uncle!"

Leather Hand Pat

I thought that life would be back together again, and God would help us solve all our troubles. But a few weeks ago, Hongdou's company went bankrupt, and her boss took the money and ran away. Hongdou received a group message from her work group and said she no longer had to go to work. Both of our incomes were cut in half at once, and all the stress of life temporarily fell on me, making me feel bad for several days in a row.

One time when I came back very late from an interview at Hongdou, I was having a black game with a few friends.

"Wow, your girlfriend is not at home. You are not eating chicken at home. She is eating chicken outside."

Several bad friends burst into laughter. , the cheerful laughter even reached Hongdou’s ears. Hongdou came over and took the microphone and said, "Yes, we ate out with your wife.

”

After Hongdou took a shower in the evening, he came over and rubbed my hands. This was the secret code agreed between us. I took out my hand to clap, dimmed the light, and used ten clicks on the left and ten on the right as front Playing, this is a long-established convention.

The lonely moon hung high outside the window, and the whizzing light rail covered up the sound of the leather slap hitting the flesh. Hongdou lay on my knees, and two lines of tears just flowed.

Hongdou had never been beaten to tears by me before. I quickly asked her what was going on.

She wiped away the tears that could not be wiped away and said, " pain. ”

I was a little at a loss, because only Hongdou said that I didn’t hit her hard enough, and she never said that it hurt. I helped her to the sofa, and the hand holding the racquet slightly stretched out. Khan, "Where does it hurt?" "

Hongdou leaned against me, tears streaming down her neck. She kept pressing her chest, breathing heavy and short, "Do you believe me? I'm not cheating and I'll find a job. ”

I was a little embarrassed for a moment. To be honest, I really haven’t thought about these issues. Do I believe Hongdou? I should believe it. At least the people on my pillow who get along day and night should be more important than the friends on the Internet. Believe it; or to say the least, should I doubt it? Two lonely people wandering in a strange city just need mutual comfort and an ordinary life. Doubt will only make life worse.

But I can't tell Hongdou that I don't doubt her, not because I believe her, but because I don't want to ruin my current life.

Hongdou saw the fleeting moment in my eyes. After a moment's hesitation, she moved her face closer, her nose almost touching mine, and her breath entwined with mine, "I don't like this beat at all. If I were an iron butt, would you be willing to practice Vajra Palm for me?" ”

I was stunned and didn’t say anything. I really didn’t like the burning pain in my palms. It would make it difficult for me to sleep, affect my work, make it hard for me to eat, and make me sick. I was trembling when I held the chopsticks. I could find too many reasons to reject her.

The light in Hong Dou’s eyes gradually dimmed, but her body was still in my arms and she didn’t move away. .

She was so close, so close, that even her heartbeat rhymed with my heartbeat. I suddenly saw the vows and hardships of each other when we first met, and those early friendships. It was a time that was forgotten in my memory. At that moment, it seemed that life, work, and worries didn't matter anymore. This made my raised hand fall down involuntarily. That was the sound made by the collision between the Vajra palm and the iron butt.