20 19-05-05 It's hard for my mother-in-law to be a stepmother (I insisted on sharing Cheng Zerong on 56 1 day)

Ms. He/Kloc-divorced 0/8 years ago and married Mr. Hu with her three-year-old son and five-year-old daughter. After marriage, they had another son. Ms. Hu is very strict with her children, and the children dare not disobey. Married life is relatively stable. By chance, Ms. Hu found that her stepdaughter kept the name of an old witch in the telephone address book. Although she was unhappy, she didn't pursue it. One day, the 22-year-old stepdaughter told her that she was in love. Ms. Hu immediately told her stepdaughter to let the man and the woman buy a house together. In case the marriage failed, there was already a retreat. As a result, after two children fell in love for a month, the house was not bought, and the stepdaughter was pregnant again, which made Ms. Hu very angry. She asked her stepdaughter to abort the child, but her stepdaughter refused and the mother and daughter were deadlocked. In a hurry, Ms. Hu scolded her stepdaughter in front of her son-in-law, and her stepdaughter turned and left, dismissing her rampage.

Losing face, Ms. Hu went to her mother-in-law to judge. Instead of supporting her, her mother-in-law left her and married a girl who was pregnant for seven months. She gnashed her teeth and threatened to sever the relationship with her stepdaughter and prevent her husband from attending her daughter's wedding. Although Ms. Hu cried bitterly when she talked about these things, I felt that her tone was so angry and aggressive. As a consultant, I keep breathing deeply to relieve my discomfort, so as to remain neutral and not be taken away by her emotions. As a woman, I particularly understand Ms. Hu's situation, but as a mother, I strongly disagree with Ms. Hu's practice. As the saying goes, mother-in-law is difficult to do, and stepmother is difficult to do.

Some mother-in-law said that I want to take my daughter-in-law as my daughter, and some stepmother said that I should be responsible for my children and treat them as my own. If I say it, it will be all right. If I take it seriously, the trouble will come as scheduled, because there is a belly between people, and there is a layer of belly between people who are not related by blood, which is Qian Shan Wanshui. As a stepmother, you think you should do your duty, but since you have done so much, the ditch has not been eliminated. How can you build a wall? What stones are those? First, you are very subjective when judging things. Second, you don't like being denied in life, which means that many people can't understand you and many people can't accept your efforts. In fact, the contradiction between you and him and their whole family is not whether you have paid, but whether you have paid in the right direction and whether you can establish a deeper emotional connection with them. Children have their own mothers. As stepmother, they must have their own clear definition of identity. Otherwise, you will go out of line. For example, if a mother slaps her child in public, others will say that you look at this mother so viciously. No, the best she can say is that the child is really naughty and has been beaten.

But if the stepmother slaps it down, others will say, what do you think of this stepmother? Since we have different identities, we have to deal with them in different ways. For example, a mother can scold her children, blame them, lose her temper with them and call them children, but what about her stepmother? One thing, reason comes first, since the mind itself has a certain distance, then put this principle ahead, respect the child and understand his loss, because he grew up in an incomplete family and didn't really get complete fatherly love and maternal love, then we must see this loss, and you can't supplement it, because you are only his stepmother, so give him some respect, if you can give him a respect.

I think it is an appropriate distance between psychology and life. In fact, you have been doing it, including your own children. You set a certain sense of distance in this economy, and you also set a sense of distance in your heart. So if you really care about this stepmother, you might as well put out your psychological orientation and I will be a stepmother and be a polite stepmother. Then maybe you won't have so much anger, and the other party won't have so much begging and longing. In the first four consultations, Ms. Hu was there alone, telling the painful details of her life. I can't put in a complete sentence to comfort her at all. I just listen to her attentively and occasionally pass on these short words to her. Oh, really, I understand, yes, I am with you to show that a counselor has been supporting her in this supportive environment. Regarding the sixth consultation, Ms. Hu is still in deep pain. She feels that everyone in the world has failed her. I think she has been regressing, and it's time for her to stand up. Do you know, Ms. Hu, you are angry with an immature girl, and you are also angry with a husband who wants to live with you in a dilemma? You live a high-profile life, you work hard and you are in pain, but I really remind you seriously, do you know what you have overlooked? It's hard for you to think that others will listen to you kindly. You should see someone else. For example, if you look at this daughter, you should feel happy. You should bless her. She finally found someone she likes, and she still has food to eat. What do you care about here? As long as they are happy. As a father and daughter, you can't go to the wedding. He can hate you all his life. You have no idea. Can you compensate him for your persistence? You have no sense of the big picture! You are now in two States: the first is shooting yourself in the foot, and the second is riding a tiger. I'll teach you to put down the stone now, and then give you a ladder to get you down. Don't ride on the tiger's back. This tiger is your character and temper. A happy life is really waiting for you. It's not that serious. What are you doing alone? Now that children have lived their own lives, there is not so much hatred in their hearts. You think that if you take care of this child in your way, others will not talk about you, but when you find that everything about this child is beyond your expectation, you are very angry, so you forget that you should pity and love this child. You've been in control. Controlling this child is tantamount to controlling other people's opinions and public opinion, but you have never dared to face this failure. You can be angry with children, but the basis of anger must be love.

Your heart is weak. You are afraid of being criticized and denied by others. You want others to protect you, unconditionally. But you know, it's a subconscious problem. This is not the real you. You can take it off. If others say you are doing it for your own good, why not try to adjust yourself? If you really try hard and still can't, then you stick to yourself. Perhaps my words deeply hurt Ms. Hu's heart. She kept sighing and saying nothing at the other end of the network. The phone bill was used up, and Ms. Hu didn't renew it immediately as usual. I can't help blaming myself. Is it too early for me to urge her to grow up behind her back because her injury hasn't healed? In this way, I recall the whole consultation process like watching a movie, looking for clues, just want to be confused and have no clue. There is no omnipotent consultant, and there is no perfect consultation. Companionship is the best help for visitors. I comforted myself. The busy life every day makes me forget this tangled thing. About a month later, I received a short message from Ms. Hu: Hello, teacher! First of all, thank you for your long-term companionship, listening and helping me through the trough of my life. Your pertinent suggestion hit home and went deep into my heart. In the past month, I have thought a lot and changed a lot. As you said, a person should have psychological boundaries, and with boundaries, he will not be so tired. As parents, no matter how wrong the child is, parents will never abandon and let go of the child, and this kind of love that does not abandon and let go will eventually be remembered by the child. After reading this paragraph, tears of excitement ran down my cheeks.

At the end of the message, I suggested that Ms. Hu could watch the movie My Life and the TV series Home with Children. I think she might find Ming there.