Quoted from online humor jokes

Humorous people tell humorous jokes on some boring occasions, and the atmosphere is thus brought up. I have carefully arranged the following contents for you. I hope you like it.

Humorous jokes and sentences quoted from the Internet

1 Your happiness, I will build it; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; I'm the only one who cares about you. I am a professional pig farmer.

A family is very poor, and thieves sneak into the house at night. The wife told her husband that there was a thief, and her husband said to ignore him! The thief turned to go out empty-handed, and the master said, walk slowly, please close the door!

On tanabata, grandpa, I am worried about being harassed by confession messages. Some experts told me that as long as it is closed, so I closed it with a try. Now I am excited, and there is no message in my mailbox. I have to say, this is really effective.

4 twist, healthy to carry; Ho, you have everything for me; Take a break, feel refreshed and do a somersault; Received the receipt and received the blessing: May you stay happy and have a happy life!

Feifei: You don't love me as much as before. Now you don't ask why when you see me crying. A Ju: I'm sorry, because my financial ability is not as good as it used to be. I have to go to big shopping malls every time I ask questions. I can't ask.

I passed the dormitory building and something floated on it. Looking up at the whole building, I saw tears streaming down my face. Hmm? Braised taste. Shit! Who is so unethical, filling soup after eating instant noodles!

The boss remembered that he didn't bring his passport at the airport, so he said to the driver, "Go back and see if my passport is in the right drawer." The driver came back an hour later: "The passport is still in the drawer."

8 a woman's one-step skirt gets on the bus, the skirt is too tight, lift her legs to untie the skirt? Two buckles still failed, and then I saw a man looking at her and calling him a rogue! Man: You are a rogue. You untied us all so quickly!

In the zoo, a lady asked the keeper: Is that hippo a male or a female? Keeper: Madam, I don't think anyone will be interested in this question except another hippo.

10 show us? Z, I think we'd better have similar pinyin names, for example, my name is Sila and your name is Dundunla. This is a good example, don't you think?

Quoted from the funny jokes on the Internet.

1 Pig said, "Brother, go to the hospital quickly. I heard that the hospital opened a department specially for you. " Wukong: "Oh? What department? " "Two forced monkeys!"

Dad: I came back at zero, and you humiliated me! But the only thing that makes me happy is that you certainly didn't cheat in the exam. Son: That's not accurate. It was cheating that didn't work.

A magpie comes, and the mother tells the child that it is a happy bird or guest, a swallow comes, and the mother says it is a good bird or guest, and a crow comes. The children asked if you were my guest. The crow said, I am a hacker.

4. The college roommate and the class teacher get along well, but the class teacher doesn't agree at home, forcing her to marry someone else. The day before the wedding, her roommate asked her out, and there were tears and sweat that night. All the water has flowed away! What a good teacher! He teaches his students everything!

When the wild boar got married, everyone came to celebrate. I saw the groom riding a wolf to pick up the bride. Everyone is confused. Wild boar groom said unhurriedly: Big day, riding wolf men's clothing makes me more fashionable!

In the freshman military training, the instructor assigned tasks: one class killed chickens, the second class stole eggs, and I cooked porridge for you. Do you know what this means? It turns out that one class shoots and the other plays. I'll show you.

Wang Xiaoer's wife didn't come home until the wee hours after playing mahjong. In order not to disturb Wang Xiaoer, she took off her clothes in the living room and then slipped into the bedroom. When Wang Xiaoer woke up, he was shocked and said, "Oh, my God, you lost everything!" " !

The American said: We dug out very old wires in Washington, which means we could make phone calls years ago! China people said: We didn't dig anything, which means we started using mobile phones long ago!

I remember the boy in the back seat of my high school history class was sleeping, and the teacher asked a question and called him up. The boy whispered, no, but the teacher was right. Sit down. I feel dizzy. The teacher mistook "no" for "Congress", but it doesn't matter.

Teacher 10: Xiao Li, your skills are really great, which holds up half the sky in our class. Xiao Li: Why? Teacher: If you don't talk in class, our classroom will be half quiet!

1 1 Xiaohua: Yes … No … Xiaoming: What is Xiaohua doing? Xiaoying: She is peeling petals to decide whether to have a baby. Xiaoming: What's the other flower for? Xiaoying: It is used to decide who is the father of the child!

12 "What's the matter with you?" "I have loose bowels and my legs are running soft. What do you say? " "I have a way to come with me." "What are you doing in the bathroom?" "Why don't you sit still on the toilet?"

13 I haven't contacted my friends for more than a year, and I added QQ to say that it sells * * * beef offal. Quality assurance, large quantity discount. I asked if there was a bullwhip. He said yes, I asked, is it awesome? He said yes, I said, then give me a wink!

14 teacher: David, the teacher gives you yuan, and then you borrow yuan from Xiaohu, so how much money do you always have? David: Yuan. Teacher: You don't know anything about math! David: You don't know anything about yourself and the tiger!

15 passed a shop called "Sister Rong". Out of curiosity, the shopkeeper greeted me warmly and asked me, "Young man, are you here for acupuncture?"

16 Feifei went to a variety show, and the host saw that Feifei's nails were beautiful. "Look, Feifei's nails are colored." Feifei: "Ah ~ I'm poisoned."

17 The house can be smaller, the furniture can be older and the electrical appliances can be less, but as long as you are around, there will be more love and intimacy, and happiness and joy will be fuller. Your home is a five-star hotel.

18 In the shade of the hospital, a couple are hugging and kissing. A doctor saw it and went over to the man and said, "You are so confused. You should put her flat on the ground for artificial respiration. Go away and let me do it. "

19 said that the middle position in the last row of the bus sat like an emperor. There weren't many people on the bus today, so I just gave it a try. As a result, I braked suddenly and almost killed Lao Zi.

Nowadays, people in China are very fashionable: they fell in love with Christmas and lost the Lantern Festival; Learn to be a fool and forget to be sober; I like my lover, but I snubbed Qu Yuan. But Koreans want to grab the Dragon Boat Festival. Do you agree? Forward if you don't agree!

Quote funny jokes on popular networks.

1 I always feel that in ancient times, when you were in a good mood, you lifted your hijab when you got married, just like scratching a lottery ticket.

I heard that you were abducted, and I was really scared! Although you have dementia since childhood, it is harmless to society! Who is so bold, dare to sell you! I'm worried about him. It's strange to sell!

3 What road is too narrow to walk? What road is getting dizzy? What passers-by dream of? What makes you angry? A: The line is lost, and the money road is Bagya Road.

I know you pay attention to hygiene and wash your hands carefully every time you go to the toilet. Suddenly you stopped washing your hands. I'm surprised: why don't you wash your hands? You answer: I brought paper this time!

The imperial edict is: bring goods to heaven, and the emperor said: Because you look like a fairy, the beauty in the harem is not as good as your eyebrows. It is better to shed tears and move north. On March 8th, Emperor Ming Sheng specially invited you to his palace to have dinner and chat with you. I admire this!

Two men were playing by the river when they saw a beautiful woman fall into the river. One man was about to save him, and another man held him back. Wait a minute. Now the rescuer can't do artificial respiration.

7 When a beautiful figure passes by you, you always smile and watch for a long time; Although you are devoted and romantic, there will always be complaints. No wonder girls often say you: it's not a discharge for me, just an affair!

Tell you a top secret way to attract a thousand-year marriage. Please go to the nearest telephone pole and say loudly to the wild advertisement above: "My illness is saved!" " "

9 Once a sloppy anorectal doctor wrote: * * * * Speak after seeing a patient. The chief physician then angrily wrote on the medical record: Bullshit!

10 A lady came out of the bathtub and suddenly found a window cleaner seeing her. He was stunned and looked at the man stupefied. "What's the matter with you, madam? Haven't you ever seen a window cleaner? "

1 1 Americans use Apple phones and Apple computers. Because Americans eat beef and need apples to balance cholesterol, American apple brands are more delicious.

This is an old legend: at midnight, pick up the phone and press the button, and you will hear it. You Dial. Yes Electricity. Words. Yes Empty. Number.

13 Xiaoming pushed the bowl to the side of Xiaojie: "Try my rice ..." Xiaojie scooped up a spoonful and fed it into his mouth. "Did you see it?" Xiao Ming added.

14 the delivery room delivered good news, and people were promoted; The underpants are used as vests, and people bring them up; When socks were put on, people jumped up; Leather shoes buckle, people's status is getting higher and higher.

15 A leader went to the countryside for a census and asked an old farmer: Do you know why close relatives can't get married? The old farmer replied with a simple and honest smile: Hehehe, Hehehe, the relationship is too familiar, and there is no way to start.

16 During the summer vacation, Mi Jia slept outside for a month. When he came back, his father asked him: Is your tent leaking? Mi Jia thought for a moment and said, Dad, when it rains, it just leaks.

17 If you hate a man, turn his woman into Chris Lee, so that he can't enjoy the happiness of the upper body; If you beat a woman, beat her man into Chris Lee, so that she can't enjoy the happiness of the lower body.

18 I found that my wife has become witty recently. She sets two alarm clocks every morning. When the first alarm clock rang, she brought in underwear and stuffed it on my stomach. The second alarm clock rang. She put it on, got up at once, and left me lying in a messy cold bed.

19 Zoo held a model contest, and Cobra won the first place. The elephant said unconvinced, "I am so plump and you are so thin, which is less than one-fifth of mine." I refuse to accept it. " Cobra: "Brother, you are out. I don't know if skinny beauty is popular in society now? "

In front of the lady's door, a beggar begged the hostess to say, madam, I haven't seen meat for a whole year. The lady called the servant and quickly brought a plate of meat to the man.

2 1 I went home at noon and felt hot, so I turned on the air conditioner. After a while, I felt cold, and then I turned off my phone. So I turned the air conditioner on and off. Finally, simply open all the windows, then turn on the air conditioner, and finally get comfortable. Just lying down, the alarm clock rang and it was time to go to work again!

After coming back from the National Day holiday on the 22nd, the girl the company likes has never come to work. I thought she had resigned, so sad. She came to work today! And gave me a candy ... I cried with joy.

During the exam, a candidate kept his eyes on the table from beginning to end. After the exam, the teacher saw on his test paper that it was difficult for his grandson to write a question, but his son was very strict in invigilation. I can't do it, so I have to hand in a blank sheet of paper.

Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was an idiot. He is so stupid that when people ask him any questions, he just shakes his head or answers "No". Have you heard this story?

Lao Wang: My wife and I have been married for many years, and we always hold hands in the street. Xiao Wang: You have such a good relationship! Lao Wang: As soon as I let go, she went shopping.

The whole family drove for an outing. My son always reminds his parents to look at the scenery outside the window. "Mom, look, cow!" "Mom, look, goat" "Dad, dad, look, beautiful girl!"

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are showing in the cinema. Someone told the cinema owner to change a movie called "The Life of One Woman and Seven Men", and the audience was full!

In the past, the school said that it was necessary to have a physical examination and a stool test, and then everyone took a little. Then an alumnus put it in Chow Tai Fook's bag and box. Then I was robbed by a motorcycle driver halfway through.

In the vast sea of people, when you receive this sincere blessing, please try your best to hit your head against the wall-see? Countless stars in front of you are my infinite concern!

30 emails to you in case you pretend not to see them; Calling you, I don't know what to say; I have to send you a short message: Are you awesome now? How long has it been since you saluted me?