What are the injuries that a good boy is most vulnerable to in the eyes of others?

One day, I was chatting with my daughter on my way to school. I asked her, "Our parents sometimes talk about other people's children together. Have you talked about other people's parents together? " The daughter blurted out, "Of course, you are someone else's parents." I was surprised and asked, "Well, why do you say that? Is it true?/You don't say. The daughter said, "Really, anyway, my classmates say that my mother is very good and I envy her very much"; I don't know whether to be happy or happy at this moment.

Everyone likes Good Boy, which is why everyone likes it. Many parents cultivate their children into "good children" when they are first parents. They don't know that only they know the pain in the heart of a "good boy", but they can't and dare not tell anyone, because the label on TA is "good boy". If this label is torn off or destroyed, is TA still TA?

Fortunately, I became a member of the "good boy". I was regarded as a "good boy" by other parents since I was a child. When I was a child in the countryside, every time other mothers beat and scold their children, they would always say, "You can't be like others and make trouble for me all day. You have to be angry with me. " Every time you go home with an examination paper, there will be a roar next door: "Tell me, how did you get in?" ..... I have been smart and sensible since I was a child. When I grow up, I work hard for my family. Even if there is bitterness in my heart, I bite my teeth and swallow it. Unfortunately, I also became an injured member.

Nowadays, many people continue this way when educating their children. They often say in such a tone: "Listen to the teacher in school, pay attention to the teacher in class, and don't make small moves", "Be polite when Uncle Liu comes today", "Be obedient, be a good mother, buy …" and even say a compliment: "In the future, you should be good, so whenever you hear this, whether in the community, in the shopping mall or in you.

Children are naturally curious about the world and always want to get to the bottom of everything. Their minds are full of colorful and 10 thousand reasons to explore the mysteries of the world, and their thirst for knowledge is endless. They always want to create the nth miracle in the world. When parents can't meet their children's needs, they often prevaricate in the name of "being good, obedient and sensible"

-Don't touch anything, it's not good;

-If you are obedient, your parents will love you;

-your family is so difficult, you still want this and that. Why are you so ignorant?

-Mom's doing it for your own good. Don't be half-hearted. You should study hard.

……

In the long run, such children will be puzzled. Adults will be happy only when I am well. Only when I am sensible will my parents have face. Only when I am obedient will my parents love me. So when they don't even know the word "repression", they will keep their real needs in their hearts and try to present their "good" side and please everyone. They wear "good boy" every day.

As I study psychology, I don't know how this kind of injury came from, and I also know how to adjust this kind of injury during my growth. We have to go through three stages in the process of growing up, one is dependence, the other is independence, and the other is interdependence. When we move from dependence to independence, we need parents to give us enough psychological nutrition. When children are babies, we need the meticulous care of our parents, so that we can grow up in a state of survival. What is survival? It is because TA is too young to take care of herself. All eating and drinking Lazarus depends on the care of adults to survive. Of course, this kind of survival is not only physical survival, but also psychological survival. The state of good children's survival is to please. What is it, please? The ingratiating type means that when children's own wishes and needs conflict with those of their parents, they are trying to please their parents and blindly obey their parents' instructions to suppress their needs and expectations.

We compare this good boy's model with a rebellious model of a so-called naughty boy, and then of course we know where this injury comes from. Good children adopt the mode of pleasing and pleasing their parents. These children can't see their own needs at all. Perhaps some children can feel that their needs are different from those of their parents, but they have no choice to take care of themselves because they agree with their parents' needs too much. Instead, I choose to put down my own needs to please my parents, and sometimes I have to try to prove that I am so good at pleasing my parents and making them satisfied. This is the model of a good boy. The pattern of rebellious children is just the opposite. He can not only see his own needs, but also express his own needs, and even accuse his parents of opposing their parents. Comparatively speaking, rebellious children will live a more self-centered life no matter what their parents say.

As a result of the good boy model, children often don't get to see, contact and care, so TA's soul is empty and there will be a feeling that never existed. Because she didn't live for herself, she couldn't live an independent flower of life. Professor Xu Kaiwen, a psychologist in Peking University, put forward a disease called "hollow disease", which was recognized by the public as soon as it came out, and also caused some heated discussions. Contemporary college students, even if admitted to a prestigious school, I just don't know where the value and significance of life lie. I feel that life is meaningless.

From this analysis, the first injury of a good boy is that he may have a sense of emptiness in life; The second kind of injury is because they are not accepted for a long time, are not allowed to be themselves, are not allowed to try, are not allowed to make mistakes, and their parents have no unconditional love for them. These good children usually feel very insecure.

The third injury is that his sense of self-worth (the source of personal strength) will go to two extremes. One is excellent, excellent in all aspects, with good grades and good popularity. This kind of person looks confident, but always feels that his heart is not good enough. This kind of person with excellent appearance and fragile heart is a false self. The other is because you can't be yourself in front of your parents and you can't stick to yourself. The final result is that the rebellious period is postponed one after another. To what extent can this rebellious period be postponed? Everyone's rebellious time is not uniform and fixed because of the influence of environment and personal personality. For myself, I only began to rebel in recent years, and my friends around me or my classmates who studied psychology together have different rebellious periods. Some say they are after the age of 20, some say they are in love, and some say they are parents. In a word, delaying the rebellious period is a common phenomenon of good children.

The fourth injury is low vitality. Such children are prone to depression, because they are never allowed to be themselves in front of their parents, don't know themselves, can't live their true selves, and dare not live high. In short, I can't be myself. If these children are in good times, if their future lives are frustrated for various reasons, it will force them to be depressed.

Because of wearing the mask of "good boy, obedient and sensible" for a long time, the inner "hurt" of these good children has to be hidden and accumulated slowly over time, either silently in depression or in silence. After getting married and having children, if adults don't learn from parenting education and pay attention to children's psychological nutrition, then they will have two different directions in educating their children in the future, or continue to go their own way and educate their children into "good children"

May every "good boy" become his own sun, independent of anyone's light, and time flies. May every child be treated gently! !