The funnier the jokes, the better, the more the better.

1, "Ah, give me a glass of water", who gave this water? From. Then who is this "ah"? Ah, this person is mother.

2. Black horses are called black horses, white horses are called white horses, and black and white horses are called zebras. What's the name of the red and white horse? It's called "shy zebra"

A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello? (Assuming they can talk) Because ... trees and horses. Do you know why? Because "a tree is like a chicken" (digital camera).

5. To whom is the legend of Faye Wong sung? Nezha. Do you know why? Because when I miss you, you are in my heart (making waves)

6. One day, my mother asked Xiaoming to kneel in front of the Buddha statue and said, "The Buddha statue says you can go, so you can go." Then I went out to do something for a while, and when I came back, I found Xiao Ming missing. After that, my mother took Xiaoming back and said, "Did the Buddha say I can go?" Xiao Ming replied, "The Buddha said ok (ok refers to the gesture made by the Buddha)."

7. One day in class, Xiao Ming was listening to Liu Huan's good Chinese songs. Then the teacher asked, "Xiaoming, let me ask you, where does the river flow?" Xiao Ming replied, "The river flows eastward." The teacher asked again, "How many stars are there in the sky?" Xiao Ming replied, "The stars in the sky join Beidou." The teacher said, "Xiao Ming, are you sick?" Xiao Ming said, "You have everything I have." The teacher said, "Xiao Ming, get out." Xiao Ming said, "Let's go."

8. Why are ants' teeth black? Because "ants have black teeth."

9. On the day of Beijing Subway 13 Line, just after getting off at Wudaokou Station, an old man in rags came to beg, and I was about to get my wallet. The old man suddenly said, "# .............. %×%&"(Korean), and when he saw that I didn't respond, he immediately said, "RMB%&; RMB "(Japanese), seeing that I haven't reacted yet, I said helplessly," China people ... tell me earlier! Come, give me some money. " I'm dizzy ~

10, once upon a time, a man answered a phone call and then he hung up.

1 1, a fat man fell from the twelfth floor and turned into a fat man!

12, a piece of candy, walking in the North Pole, feeling so cold,-so it turned into rock sugar.

13 mother took her daughter back from kindergarten and asked on her way home, "What English did the teacher teach today?" The daughter said, "Big Sprite." Mother is confused. The next day she went to the kindergarten and asked the teacher. The teacher said, "I taught the capital letter' B' yesterday." 14, two bananas go shopping in tandem. Walking, the banana in front felt very hot, so I took off my clothes. Guess what?-The banana in the back fell off.

15. A black cat saved a white cat from the river. Do you know what the white cat said to the black cat later? It says: "Meow-"16. Once upon a time, there was a steamed bread walking on the road. It was suddenly hungry ... so it ate itself. ...

17, a polar bear is bored, so he pulls out his own hair, one, two, three. .........................................................................................................................................

18, there is a matchstick. Walking, I suddenly felt my head itch, so I scratched it. I worked too hard and caught fire ... I went to the hospital for emergency treatment. It turned into a cotton swab when it came out. ...

19. When will Chen Shui-bian be reunified? When buying instant noodles.

20. An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea and turned into a tea egg; An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it became a preserved egg. An egg went to Shandong and became a Lu (halogen) egg; An egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road, fell to the ground and became a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and became an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and became a hydrogen bomb. An egg got sick and became a bad guy. An egg got married and became an asshole; An egg swam in the river and became a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and became a Hua Dan. There is an egg riding a horse with a knife. It turns out that he is a Beijing opera blues. An egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg; There is an egg. ...

2 1. What ice cream will Kirin become when it flies to the North Pole? .

22. A wolf came to the North Pole and accidentally fell into the sea of ice. What did he become when he was fished out? areca ...........

23. Four people are playing mahjong in the room. The police came and took five people away. Why? Because the person they hit is called "Mahjong".

24. Xiaohua, did you use my pencil? Xiaohua: No, I'm useless. Bug: Are you really useless? Xiaohua: I'm so useless! Bug: Alas, you are the17th person to admit that you are useless.

25. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

26. Xiao Bai, Huang Xiao and Xiao Lan take a long-distance bus. Who gets carsick? Answer: Xiao Bai, because Xiao Bai will vomit (white rabbit).

27, there is a male deer, it walks faster and faster, and finally becomes a highway (deer) ~! ! ! !

28. Xiao Bai+Xiao Bai =? Answer: White rabbits (two)

29. Five Fuwa get together to chat. Beibei suggested: Let's give ourselves a nickname. I'll call it Beva! Jingjing: Then my name is Jingwa! Huanhuan: My name is Huanwa! Nini: My name is "Niwa"! Yingying stood up and said: You chat, I have something to do, so I have to go first ... In 2058, five Fuwa got together to chat again. Beibei: Let's talk about our nicknames again. People respect me very much and call me "Mr. Bei"! Huanhuan: People call me "Ye Huan"! Nini: Everyone calls me Grandpa Ni! Yingying: Everyone calls me Yingying! Jingjing stood up and said, You talk. I have something to do. I have to go first. ...

30. Question: What are cloth and paper afraid of? A: cloth is afraid of 10 thousand, paper is afraid of one thousand. Reason: not (cloth) afraid of 10 thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand.

3 1, "towel" said to "coin": You will be worth a hundred times if you wear a doctor's hat. The "minister" said to the "giant": My area is the same as yours, but I have three rooms and two halls. Jing said to Pin: Didn't you decorate your house? "Zi" said to "Mu": Did your company lay off staff? "Doing" says to "doing": Balance is the last word. "Bing" said to "Qiu": You see how cruel the war is, and both legs are blown up. "Zhan" said to "Dian": Did you buy a car? "He" said to "Dan": Timid, please hire a bodyguard? Yue said to Yue: It's time to lose weight. "Fork" said to "you": When is the whole time? What is the mole on your face?

32. Once upon a time, there was a mountain. There is a temple in the mountains. There are three children in the temple. Big brother is a hooligan. The second one is a kitchen knife. The third is a problem. One day, the trouble disappeared. The boss took the second child to the station and said, "My name is rogue. I brought a kitchen knife to make trouble.

33. What happened to a lovely pig after he went abroad? A: Pig (meaning "pig" in English)

34. In a history exam, students were asked to choose ten countries or regions and describe them briefly. A student replied: Once upon a time, there was a Cambodia with an Arab in it. One day, he took Mexico to climb a mountain. When he climbed to Singapore, he suddenly came to Panama with the Cape of Good Hope on his head. He was scared out of Afghanistan and ran into Nagoya to close the door quickly. As a result, he killed a Portuguese.

35. After Xiao Wang came home, his mother asked, "Xiao Yang got 85 points in this English exam. What's your score? " Xiao Wang: "I am a little more than Xiao Yang." Mom asked in surprise, "86 points?" Xiao Wang: "8.5 points." Mom is furious!

36. Why does the rooster jump higher than the tree? A: Because trees can't jump.

37. What kind of beans do mung beans belong to? A: Red beans (because mung beans are bleeding)

What beans are red beans beaten into? Black eyed peas (black eyes)

A rabbit is running. It hops with its left foot, hops with its right foot and squats slowly. Why? A: Because it is willing.

39. A cow, a pig and a sheep come to a convenience store. The cow went in to buy beer and was beaten by the clerk. He ran out and asked the pig to buy him beer. Who knows that the pig was beaten by the clerk and ran out. Finally, he asked the sheep to buy beer for them. The sheep went in to buy beer and soon came out with beer. Why didn't the sheep get beaten? Answer: because the door is not closed for 24 hours (sheep)

40. Why do people sleep? A: Because the bed won't come and let you sleep.

4 1. For example, if there is a car, He Laoshi is the main driver, Show Lo is the co-pilot and Nana is in the back seat. Whose car is this?

A: For example ("For example" is a person's name)

42. A rabbit fell into a box and a duck came out. Why?

Answer: Because there is a transformer (duck) in the box.

43. Of all the numbers, which two are the brightest? Answer: 1 and 3, because a (1) flash (3) flash.

44. Question: How to make sparrows quiet? Answer: Click. Reason: Silence (silence).

45. Two tomatoes crossed the road and a car sped by. One of them cannot avoid being squashed. Another tomato pointed to the squashed tomato and smiled: Dig hahaha, ketchup ... 46. The wolf said, "I want to eat you!" ! ! "Guess what? As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

47. Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who privately agreed for life, but the boy needed military service, so they made an oath with the girl and gave her a diamond ring, and agreed to meet her three years later today. At that time, the ring will be used as a wedding ring. Three years later, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't. Sad and desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea and moved away. However, the boy is actually. Rice cake! ! ! 48. There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, he was hit by a car. He shouted, "Quack!" From then on, he became a cucumber! ! 49. Asun and appa have nothing to talk about. They tell each other that time waits for no man. A song: "Recalling childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day." Apa: "Youth Day is in ten years." A song: "Father's Day is in ten years." Apa: "It will be the days of the elderly in a few decades." A song: "In a few decades." A Bo: "Tomb-Sweeping Day." 50. Jane Zhang said, "My fans say my idol is Ying." He Jie said: "My fans say my idol is Jay." Said, "My fans say my idol is Chang." Chris Lee said: "You talk, I'll go first!"

5 1. A college student was unfortunately caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Say, where are you from?" I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! ! ! "The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted ... He said," I am from RTVU! ""52. Wang, the host of Happy Dictionary, interviewed a program audience and asked, "Who is your favorite hostess?" The audience said, "It's you." Wang asked, "Why do you say that?" The audience said, "Because you look a bit like Yang Lan!" 53. Do you know what color Spider-Man is? Red, wrong! It is white. Look at Spider-Man's English: Spider-Man.

54. Why did Xiao Ming fall? Please think twice. . . . . Because the floor is slippery. 55. The glass and coffee cup crossed the road together, and suddenly someone shouted: Here comes the bus! As a result, the glass was hit by a car and the coffee cup was fine. Why? Coffee cups have ears.

56. celery was walking, and suddenly he felt a pain in his stomach. Then he hissed. What do you think he pulled out? That's celery dung (diligence)! ! ! What color is celery (vegetable) dung? Answer: yellow because: Qin Shihuang (Qin Shihuang)