Will the only child really feel lonely? Is it selfish not to have a second child?

The only child is not lonely, because there are parents, classmates and colleagues. After marriage, they formed a family and had partners who talked day and night. The one-child phenomenon was only implemented as a national strategy during the planned economy period. It was an effective policy to carry out family planning at that time to give birth to one child with honor and two children with trouble. If an on-the-job employee violates the family planning policy, he will be easily fired from the factory after being found to have a second child secretly. Now that the family planning policy has been relaxed, you can have two children and three children. Should married couples decide whether to have a second child or a third child according to their actual income? No one will call you selfish. If someone else's mouth lets him (her) speak casually, this ear will pass. Why are you angry with the villain? Your own concept of fertility is your own decision!

Hello, please don't have this idea. Not having a second child is not selfish. Calling yourself selfish is a moral kidnapping. Please listen to my analysis.

First, physical relationship, you are 36 years old and have passed the golden stage of childbirth. Let's not talk about your physical fitness. Giving birth to a child in your 70 s is an example. Whether it is true or not, it is true, so giving birth to a child is a hard job. There are many things to deal with before, during and after childbirth. Can you stand it?

Second, the only child, the only child is not necessarily unhappy! This depends on the person. In this world, unless there are special reasons, happiness is relative with relatives, friends and lovers. When your child has a wife, it can't be said that he can't afford it.

Third, the economy, your child is only in kindergarten now, and there are many places to spend money in the future. It's very tiring to raise a child. Wouldn't another one be more tiring?

Fourth, what do you think? If you all agree, that's good. The point is that if you don't want to, then do what you want. There is nothing wrong. If they can persuade you to change your mind, that's fine, as long as it's not a moral kidnapping, it can still be discussed.

What you have to do next, first, do your husband's ideological work well. What is the reason why he wants to have another child? You have to understand, you know, your husband should be on your side, because giving birth is only between you two!

Second, those gossiping comrades can stay wherever they are told to be calm. What does it matter if you have children? They are just idle and want to find something to talk about. You're just talking about it.

Third, your child, he feels lonely, which proves that you don't have much parent-child company. The child is still young, so you should pay more attention, because the child is fine in kindergarten, but at home, you should spend more time with him.

First of all, I want to express my sympathy for this subject. Your current experience is also what I have experienced, so I understand this contradiction and confusion. I was born in 1978, when my parents were teachers. Anyone who knows our national conditions knows that it is only the beginning of our country's one-child policy. Of course, my parents had to, but now the situation in my family is our own choice. I only have one child now.

As an only child, as the parents of an only child, I think I know some feelings best. Let me give you my opinion and see if it will help you. It's easy for a one-child family to have a second child, but what about after giving birth? Children are not disposable consumables. Raising children is a lifelong career for parents. Do you have the energy to take care of the children? Can we give every child a sustainable future? If having another child will affect the quality of life, I think it's better not to.

Take myself as an example. My husband and I are college classmates. From having nothing after graduation to having a car and a house, we accumulated it bit by bit. It's hard to imagine how difficult it is to be in a foreign land. And in order to give our children a stable family and educational environment, we took a rest for a year after moving into our own house. I was thirty years old that year. And I have been taking care of the baby myself since I gave birth more than 20 days ago. As a novice mother, I can imagine the feeling that my husband's working hours are not fixed. At that time, the take-away industry was not as fast as it is now. In many cases, I can't touch a meal a day. It is common for adults to eat badly and sleep badly. The key is that a person can't take care of it, and he is more and more anxious and irritable, and his mood fluctuates. Therefore, the child will go to kindergarten when he is more than two years old. I also go directly to get the one-child certificate, and I don't intend to have any more children.

To tell the truth, I hear your voice from time to time around me, even at my mother-in-law's house, but because I am young, I am idle at home and have no illness, so I have nothing to ask for. The husband said, "You didn't bring her the first one, and she asked for the second one?" Keep them quiet. My mother's family loves me dearly, seeing how hard those years have been, not to mention this.

After all, raising children is the responsibility of parents all their lives. There are too many factors to consider, and sometimes it needs the cooperation of both families. Decisions can only be made after parents negotiate. As for the others, they just pay lip service, and no one will be responsible for your choice. Therefore, I don't think it is necessary to pay attention to gossip, whether it is well-meaning or boring, and there is no need to bother to tell them the truth and what the difficulties are. People who really understand you will not try to influence your decision on such a big matter.

As for your concern about the loneliness of the only child, this is actually a matter of opinion. What is loneliness? A child, before the age of three, has a family to play with other children. There are more and more children in kindergartens, but the concern of parents is all. When you see the children not playing at home, take them out to find other children to play with. Neighbors, kindergarten children and parks are all people who take their children to play. These children are nothing special to your children. Older ones, all kinds of training courses. As for loneliness when you grow up, it is not a problem that can be solved by having one more child.

As for providing for the aged, the most important thing is that you earn more money and buy more pension and medical insurance. Do you still expect your children to provide for the elderly? To tell you the truth, I think every day that it would be nice for children to take good care of their families in the future [covering their faces]. And as I said, I am an only child myself, so I don't give my parents any trouble. They have no burden and their pensions are guaranteed. Now they have more leisure activities and live more comfortably than people of our age.

As the saying goes, a person's life will never make everyone satisfied and perfect. If everything can be perfect and natural, that's the best. If not, we can only choose the one that suits you best. You have good health, a good family environment, better education and resources for your children, less burden on husband and wife, and a more harmonious family atmosphere. After all, these three talents are the most important now. Moreover, this is only a family and personal choice, and it does not involve any moral issues. You don't have to worry too much, and you don't have to worry that you will regret it later. You should firmly believe that the current decision is the best choice for you.

Now that all three children are released, giving birth to children is a matter for husband and wife, which should be determined by the nature and family economic conditions, rather than following the crowd. Giving birth to a child is like going to the gate of hell. When she is in her thirties, it won't be easy to regenerate. Whether she is born or not is her own decision, and neither family nor society should blame her.

Never mind what others say, you gave birth to the child, and you raised it. Having children is not a one-time investment. You are responsible for everything after the baby is born.

I don't know why it is selfish not to have a second child. Many people around me have advised me to have a second child. It will also be said that children need a companion, and many people will take care of themselves when they are old.

Having a baby is not making up the numbers. If someone else gives birth, we have to give birth. Every family is different. Like my family, there is no in-laws and parents to help with the children, and there is no money to invite aunts. My son is six years old from birth to now, and I take care of him alone. I'm determined not to give birth again, because it's too hard to take care of the children alone, and I don't want to make the same mistake again.

There are many brothers and sisters in my parents' generation, but I don't see how close they are now. They are all competing with each other. Compared with their lives and children's jobs, whose house is bigger, who earns more money.

When parents were sick and needed money, everyone was crying for money, and no one gave money at once. Even more exasperating, my little brother in his forties asked me for money. What's the use of such a son?

Although I am not professional in educating children and giving them the best life, I will try my best to give him enough love and spend more time with him. Usually take him to play with friends. I don't think my son will be too lonely As long as he feels safe enough, he won't feel lonely.

As for our life when we are old, I think we can work hard now and earn more money when we have time. Don't pin your hopes on children. When they grow up, they will have their own families to take care of.

If family conditions permit, someone can help share it. It is also possible to have a second or third child, mainly depending on what you think in your heart. My neighbor is a triplet, all of whom were brought up by my mother alone. She feels fine and doesn't work hard.

Now that all three children are open, it's up to us to live or not. Each of us says what we think, life is our own, and the choice is in our own hands.

In the end, children want women to live in the afterlife and survive the pain of childbirth and confinement, but it is not necessarily the sadness of bringing a baby.

36 years old, 4 1 year is not a good reproductive age. The child is still in kindergarten. If you really have a second child, you must sacrifice a lot. You said you didn't want to, because it's too tiring to take care of the children. As a stay-at-home mom for more than three years, I have no idea what this means.

If you are pregnant and have a baby, in fact, you will have nearly four years to ignore other things. In terms of reproductive age, you are not young now, and you are an older woman at the age of 36. The difficulty of pregnancy and the health of the fetus are risky. Even if everything is fine, the whole process of pregnancy and childbirth can instantly drag your body to a poor state.

I have a friend whose child has gone to middle school, and his parents decided to have another child. The eldest is a son, the second is a daughter, and the difference between the two children is 8 years. Mom looks like grandma, out of shape, out of society, losing competitiveness ... dad looks younger, but dad is a few years older than mom.

It can be seen that in the family, women tend to take on more responsibilities in marriage, childbirth and family.

I've seen too many depressed stay-at-home moms. I have encountered this problem myself before. It's not that I'm too fragile and melodramatic, but that I really can't stand it. For families who are widowed and have children, I think being a mother is just, to a large extent, forced.

When you are pregnant, people begin to advise you to eat more. Only when you are full can your baby grow well. But no one really understands how you feel when you vomit. You can only say that you can't help vomiting, but you still have to eat ... and then you will keep eating and vomiting all day long until the baby is coming.

During this period, you have to accept all kinds of inconveniences of eating, drinking, wearing and playing, but the worst thing may be getting worse and worse sleep. Once I thought it would be nice to be born. I won't vomit, sleep badly, have low back pain, pudendal pain and edema of my legs and feet.

What I never expected was that 10 months later, I stuck to my life and entered a more difficult stage. After giving birth, I was really too weak and sensitive. When the shoulder was blown a little, it began to hurt, and all the bones in the shoulder hurt. It still hurts to cover a thick quilt.

From the first day of a child's birth, women no longer have the right to sleep.

Breast-feed the baby at night. If it is breast-feeding, mother should get up to feed and burp. She was confused as soon as she lay down. Wow, here comes the smell. I got up again to change diapers. If it leaks, I must put on clean clothes. I have to take my dirty clothes to the bathroom and soak them in a small basin.

As soon as the baby cries, you can jump up and hug quickly. If you can't sit on the bed and coax it, put on your slippers and walk in the fields. I dare not make her cry loudly, worrying about her teammates who have to go to work early tomorrow morning.

Old people at home are in poor health, and some are far away from home. It's really, really tiring to have a baby on your own.

Pig teammates used to think that what I did was unreasonable, that many things were unnecessary, and they were all looking for trouble for themselves. But in the south, the baby's dirty clothes must be washed in time, otherwise it will be moldy and smelly if it is not washed for a long time. I know my family is not rich, dirty or moldy, and I won't throw it away to buy a new one. And the baby's clothes should be washed separately, and those soiled by "mm-hmm" must be washed by hand ... how can these unused people know?

I remember one weekend, my teammates were resting at home. When I went to the bathroom to wash clothes, my teammates came to tell me that the baby had to change diapers. I said the diaper was in the bedroom, just put it on, and he left. I thought he had changed. After washing clothes, I stopped by the bathroom.

When I came out, I saw the baby in the fence. The room smelled unfriendly, but there was no one around. After searching for a long time, I found a teammate playing with his mobile phone on the balcony ... It was really hard for me to understand why my father couldn't change diapers once.

But I thought the baby would be uncomfortable after such a long time. Without saying anything, I ran back to change the baby's diaper.

After the talk, there was a period of rebellion. Every day, what I do is wrong. When something goes wrong, I will shut my mouth and cry ... when I really face a child, the child who doesn't listen will collapse, and the mood will collapse ... Compared with my husband coming home once a week, the baby is too attached to me, so every time I come back, I will lie on my mobile phone and play computer, and I will only be busy.

I really haven't breathed all day and haven't relaxed for a moment.

Now that the cost of living is too high and there is no mine at home, I really dare not have more children. When people reach middle age, they are more and more fresh and unhappy. I am running for my life every day, not to mention a second child, which is a child, and many people have to consider it.

But when it comes to having children, many elders in the family will jump out and say, in those days, we were all seven or eight children, didn't they all come the same way? Others say that if you have money, you will spend more, and if you have no money, you will spend less. How good your life is now, how many children you have, and how bitter you are.

But I really don't blame young people.

At that time, in the 1980 s, primary school tuition was generally a few dollars. Now, even ordinary kindergartens in small cities on the 18th line cost at least three or four thousand yuan a semester.

Tuition fees have risen thousands of times, but wages have not kept up. Not to mention the extra-long classes of various interest classes, which cost more in a year.

I have a mother beside me who has vomited before. The surrounding parents reported two interest classes to their children, and there were four or five. After one year, the cost of interest classes alone will be tens of thousands.

Besides, there is no way to save this money. In the era of quality education, it is not enough to eat and wear warm clothes. Children's competition is not only achievement, literacy, but also illiteracy. Children from other families know 18 kinds of martial arts, while children from their own families know nothing, and they will lose their language and competitiveness with their peers.

Now the three-child policy is open, but whether a child is born or not depends on his own wishes. After all, raising children, mothers really shoulder more responsibilities. Maybe some families have great fathers and good family conditions, and mothers want children themselves, so they are very happy when they are born. If the conditions are lacking, especially if the mother herself is unwilling to have children, it is best not to. Selfish or not, it's best not to have children.

I think you are selfish, just feel hard and relaxed.

Our family is me and my sister. My family was poor when I was a child. I eat sweet potatoes twice a day. Eat sweet potato (red taro) and get stomach acid. Basically, I can only eat meat and vegetables on major festivals of the year.

Later, although my father went out to work, the conditions at home were better, but the money at home was still not enough, especially when I was in college, my father paid hundreds of thousands of credits for raising pigs, and it took several years to pay it back. The most difficult time was my sister's help.

In the third year of high school, my sister was doing clothing business in the south. Although I don't earn much, I only earn hundreds of thousands a year. I did badly in the college entrance examination in my first year. At that time, the family had no money. My sister said, "As long as you want to repeat, you don't have to worry about money." My sister gave me confidence and encouraged me. So I paid a year's tuition and gave me half a year's living expenses. Then I went back to college for a year. Without my sister, it is difficult for me to go to school.

After college, my parents and I often don't talk much, and friends don't say everything, so I often call my sister to tell her some troubles in work and life and my own thoughts. Because only my sister and I can talk together, which is very different from my parents' ideas, so my attitude towards the future, marriage and job-hopping is different from my older parents'. My sister and I will not be on the same channel at all.

When I was in college, I had to take the postgraduate entrance examination, and my father squandered all my money at home. I am poor only to satisfy his desire for expansion, and I am heavily in debt. I wanted to sign up for a postgraduate training class, but I didn't have the money (almost half of the living expenses of the university were earned by my own work), and later my sister helped me.

Later, I was going to start a business, and my sister was very supportive. Giving economic and spiritual encouragement and sometimes helping to arrange things will really reduce detours, and this kind of family help is different from that between friends. Your friend helped you, so you should remember the feelings of others and return it when the time is right. It's very heavy in your heart.

My wife's family has three children, and I was understaffed at the beginning of my business. They also come to help, basically they are all voluntary!

Now that I am in my thirties, the pressure of raising children, supporting my parents and starting a business is coming. My sister and I have a tacit understanding about supporting the elderly. My parents are here to help me with my children, and I will definitely support my mother. Because my father likes freedom, he has been working outside for many years, earning one and spending another. My dad didn't pay the house money on purpose, so he didn't get any money in the end. When I got married, my daughter-in-law asked for a bride price of 60 thousand yuan and paid back 50 thousand yuan, so my father really didn't spend too much resources on raising children in his life, and he enjoyed it all by himself. I told my sister that I would pay for my dad in the future, but I wouldn't let him live with me. Sometimes family affairs are too complicated, so it is very important to have a bosom sister, and more often, we should bear the pressure in our hearts together.

To sum up my relationship with my sister over the years, only my family is the closest and most reckless to help you when you are in trouble. As for friends who have no interests in society, who will care about you? Even buried a knife behind him.

Of course, look at the real pain now, the hardship of pregnancy in October, the hardship of education and so on. But it is a kind of life, and life may create many possibilities. This generation of young people don't want to have children. First of all, they are afraid of hard work. Second, they are lazy. Of course, they are also under great pressure! In fact, it is difficult to bring up children during the period before primary school! We are going to have a second child this year, to respond to the call of the country, and at the same time to give the child one more caring person.

My mother always says now that I regret giving birth to you two and should have another one.

At the national level, children are also hoped and encouraged. My friends around me originally only wanted one child, but later they all wanted a second child.

I am 32 years old, my husband is four years older than me, and a son is in primary school this year. The only child is not alone.

I married in the countryside, because our work is in the city, we live in the city on weekdays, and only go back to my hometown to visit my parents on weekends.

In the second year after giving birth, my relatives and neighbors in my hometown began to tell me that there are too few babies and two babies have a companion. It would be nice to have a care in the future. I promised "yes, yes" for fear that a rebuttal would make them more energetic. I have already discussed with my husband in my heart that I will not have a second child. There is only one child.

Before my son went to kindergarten, my husband was in charge of making money outside. Although the salary is only 5000 yuan a month, we don't feel any economic pressure in our life because we are very frugal. Later, I took care of the baby and studied positive discipline at home. Not only did I learn how to raise children, but I also had a better relationship with my husband and family.

The days passed and the children grew up day by day. My family is still whispering in my ear, "It's so sweet for you to have another child and a daughter."

To tell the truth, after being educated by our love, our son is not only polite, but also a warm boy. Young as he is, he is not a sissy at all. When a guest comes home, he goes to the kitchen and pours water for the guest with a big glass. He will not patronize himself to eat delicious food, but will leave a copy for his family.

One day, my son said to me, "Mom, you only have one baby. Why don't you have another one?" . So I can be my brother! "

Haha, this kid is amazing! I'm also worried about "national affairs".

I said to him, "although your mother only has one baby, you are also a big brother!" I am your best partner and you are my big brother. How do you protect me? "

He was very happy to hear that. It seems that he has really become a little giant, and his body is full of positive energy.

Now he is finally going to primary school. In my eyes, he has become a little adult that I can completely trust.

My husband and I agree that no matter how many children we have, we should have two or three children, or only one. We must first find out whether we can give our children a good education and whether we have the energy to train them besides financial resources. Without these two points, it is irresponsible for them to have children blindly without knowing it.

Although we are parents and older than children, we can still be children's best playmates. Grow up with them. With us, children will not be lonely! In my opinion, this is also a kind of great love and selflessness.

Only children don't feel lonely. On the contrary, my daughter saw that some students in the class had become withdrawn because of having a second child at home, and when she got home, she thanked us for wanting her.

If a person's energy and financial resources are limited, don't consider having a second child, which is also a sign of being responsible for the child. There are not many children, but they have quality.

Don't have a second child. It's not selfish at all. No one can take your place in raising children. You should have your own opinions and analyze the pros and cons. Of course, family conditions are particularly superior. I mean, compared with Li Ka-shing, they have more children and more wealth, but do you know about the internal property disputes? If there is only one child, there is no such problem.

Ordinary family conditions are average. If a woman reaches middle age, don't consider having a second child. You don't know what will happen tomorrow. If the second child is small, the boss can't raise it, the parents are sick, and all kinds of difficulties should be considered comprehensively, then consider the second child!

I am an only child myself. At that time, my parents' family planning was very tight, and dual employees could only have one child. Growing up, I never felt lonely. It's no use asking others for help when I meet something. It is selfish not to have a second child. This is moral kidnapping:

First of all, the conditions for having a second child are allowed, and manpower is allowed. Don't say that if you are poor, you will be rich! Why can other people's children attend various remedial classes? My children can only watch because they have no money. Immortality is a kind of backwardness.

Secondly, the resources we enjoyed at that time were quite good, and now the resources that this society can give to ordinary people are really pitiful! I don't want my child to feel inferior because of being ordinary, so I'd rather not let him come into this world.

It is the best choice to live better in limited resources, instead of all kinds of mountains pressing on you and your children every day.