Mom, I have amnesia because I hate you.

Mom, I have amnesia because I hate you.

Text/snow

1

"Nannan, Nannan, get up!" In the morning, my mother stood in front of the bed and shouted to me gently. This voice is very gentle and loving, and my son often hears it. However, I haven't heard it since mom and dad divorced. If it weren't for me some time ago ...

"Nannan, you wake up. Do you know who I am? " When my mother saw me wake up, her excited, tired and lifeless eyes immediately looked at me with anticipation.

I know, of course I know. You are my mother, how could I not know! However, I said nothing, continued to look at her with a puzzled expression and said, "Who are you?"

Mom's eyes suddenly dimmed, and all the expectations instantly turned into endless sadness. She sighed in a low voice and said, "It's okay, Nannan. Take your time. You'll be fine. You'll be fine ..."

My mother's voice began to choke. She tried to control her emotions and spoke to me in a very gentle tone.

Mother is thin and haggard. It's only been a few days, and she seems to be ten years older at once. I'm sorry to see her like this. All the disguises in my heart collapsed. I almost blurted out the truth and told her that I didn't have amnesia, but I was fine.

However, when the words came to my mouth, my mind flashed back to the past, and my body could not help but tremble.

To be honest, I can't say it after all.

Because, I'm scared. I'm afraid to go back to my old life, my mother's original attitude, my father's departure, and this rare happiness will slip away from me. I want to feel it for a while, even if it is very short, very short. ...

2

My happy life has come to an abrupt end since my parents divorced.

At night, my mother often hides in bed and cries. The sound suppressed by the loudspeaker makes people feel distressed. During the day, she took it out on me. I became a burden in her eyes and the chief culprit of her happiness interruption. She often says with a vent that if I were not a girl, maybe my father would not leave to live with other women. I ruined her life, and I made it impossible for her to live happily like other women.

I am a sinner, a sinner.

I am very careful, I dare not say anything, because I am afraid that if I can't do something well, she will be unhappy, and then I will be scolded or beaten.

I lay down my life to study and get excellent grades every year just to make my mother happy and stop thinking that I am useless.

However, in spite of this, I still can't make her really happy. When she knew that her marriage with her father was hopeless, she demanded more and more from me.

She often nags in my ear:

"You must live up to expectations, and I can only count on you in the future."

"You must get ahead and make your father's family regret it."

"You are my only hope, and you must make me proud ..."

I'm her bargaining chip to save her failed marriage. I feel a heavy burden on my shoulders, not only her happiness for the rest of her life, but also her honor, face and dignity, but never my happiness, my happiness.

And I, dare not say no, dare not resist, even the slightest dissatisfaction.

I must study and study hard. I must be the first in my class and the first in my grade. Only in this way can I get her little smile back.

Therefore, for the first place, what you often see is: I walk to read books, I run to read books, I eat and read books, and even I am afraid of wasting time in the toilet, and I will bring books. In the eyes of my classmates, I am a cold-blooded person who only knows learning, and I am an out-and-out learning machine. No hobbies, no spare time, no space of my own, no topic of the same nature. They are talking about celebrity gossip, movies and TV plots, while I seem to be listening to a gobbledygook.

I only have English words, mathematical formulas, Tang poetry and Song poetry in my mind.

I am an alternative, lonely, lonely.

three

That time, because the exam questions were unclear, I lost a lot of points in mathematics. My ranking suddenly fell from the first to 12.

At the moment I got the score, I burst into tears.

I don't know how to tell my mother or how to face her. I'm more afraid of the endless ridicule and scolding.

There is no windtight wall in the world, let alone modern communication technology. After all, she knew it from the WeChat group.

Rain is coming, and a strong storm is playing in our house.

She pulled me, and a powerful force pulled me to the desk. I don't know what will happen. I shrink back, shrink back. However, everything is in vain. I am too young to overcome that brute force.

First, she stared at me silently with her eyes. Those bloodshot eyes and sharp eyes swept at me like swords. I was so scared that I quickly lowered my head and dared not lift it any more.

One minute, two minutes ... time seems to freeze in the silent and suffocating air.

Just when I thought I was out of breath, she suddenly let out a long roar like a different person, and her voice was hoarse and harsh, which made me tremble all over. Then her face became ferocious, tearing my books and test papers crazily, and then hitting my face, head and body hard, and the pain came in waves.

I was scared and instinctively hid, squatting on the ground, burying my face in a low voice and sobbing. Although my whole body hurts, it hurts, but I dare not cry loudly, I can only involuntarily let tears cross my face.

four

I miss the old days more and more. I miss my father. However, since their divorce, my mother has not allowed me to see my father.

Several times, my father and grandmother secretly came to see me at school. My mother scolded me for several days after she found out. Call me ungrateful, call me ungrateful, and say that I shouldn't have illusions about people who abandoned me.

My family of three used to be very happy. My mother is also very gentle, and she feels completely different from now. Dad loves me very much. Every time I go out, he never forgets to buy me many delicious and interesting things. I am like a spoiled little princess, happy.

However, later, I don't know what happened. Mom and dad started quarreling and fighting. Every time I'm too scared to come out of the cupboard.

At the end of the quarrel, the word "divorce" was always on their lips. I was young and didn't know the meaning of divorce, but my intuition told me that it was not a good thing.

I didn't know they were divorced until my father ran away from home and never showed up, and my mother became bad-tempered. I left it to my mother.

My happy days ended at that moment.

I paid too much to put my grades first. I admit that I have no talent, just an ordinary girl with average IQ. I can achieve excellent results because of my efforts.

Everyone else fell asleep at night, so I hid in bed with a flashlight and read books and did problems. In the morning, I get up at five to recite. In my heart, my body is really tired. I want to play as easily as others, laugh wantonly and live a happy life. However, I know I can't.

For a long time, while I pitied my mother, I inevitably felt a hatred in my heart. Hate the injustice of fate, hate the harshness of mother, hate the impermanence of life. ...

five

On an ordinary morning, I get up early. Maybe it was too violent to get up, maybe I stayed up too long, maybe it was caused by malnutrition, and I suddenly got dark.

The students were frightened and called the class teacher. They called my mother again and took me to the hospital together.

When I woke up, I saw my mother's anxious face, nervous expression and tearful eyes. At that moment, I knew my mother still loved me, but her expectations were too high.

But I just don't want to talk, I really don't want to talk. After so many years, I'm so tired that I have no strength at all.

I looked at her blankly.

She was frightened, shook my arm and said with tears, "Nan Nan, Nan Nan, what's wrong with you?" Don't you know me? "

One sentence reminds me.

So I pretended to be more confused and shook my head gently. "Who are you?"

She burst into tears and ran frantically to the doctor's office: "Doctor, look at what happened to my daughter. Why doesn't she know me? " Has he lost his memory? "

A group of people in white coats came in a hurry. They checked and asked me all kinds of questions, but they didn't find out the reason in the end.

Finally, an old doctor who looked more experienced said, "Look at her condition, it may be temporary amnesia. Don't stimulate her recently, she will recover slowly. "

Mom cried again. She took my hand with a runny nose and tears. She cried and said, "Nannan, don't scare me. Mom, it's just you. Don't scare me! "

Every day, she talks to me carefully, cooks good food for me and tells me stories about her childhood. My gentle and loving mother is back. She allows me to do anything, allow me to be willful, and allow me to be spoiled. And dad, he came back after hearing about it. He accompanied me every day, bought me delicious food and fun, and I became the beloved little princess again.

I really long for this feeling, this happiness!

I don't want to recover.

six

I am no different from others except for amnesia. You can also study hard and study hard.

Grandparents heard about it and came trembling from their hometown.

They looked at me outside the window of our class. I haven't seen them for two years. They are too old. Grandpa's hair is gray and his back is hunched, and his weather-beaten face is full of gullies and gullies of the years.

As soon as grandma saw me coming out, she grabbed my hand and cried. She choked and said intermittently, "Niu Niu, how did you get this disease?" You can kill your grandmother! "

My tears also blurred my eyes. Seeing their heartbreak, I want to jump into their arms, have a good cry and tell them that I am fine and have no amnesia. Okay, okay. ...

However, in the end, I chose selfish concealment.

Grandpa and grandma, forgive your granddaughter!

I just need to borrow a love from my parents and let me enjoy it for a few days!

Dad, mom, please love me more before I decide to wake up!

Although I know this will make you sad and worried, please allow me to be selfish once!

Just this time.