Ask for some super funny jokes! !

1. When I was in college, I went to Hengshan Mountain to play. I was halfway up the mountain. When I was tired, I wanted to have a rest. I saw a souvenir-buying Obasan on the roadside. When I went up, I asked, "Wife ..." 2. Occasionally, when I was driving, a beautiful colleague got a ride. As soon as I sat next to me, I was very nervous and said, Bring a condom! Beauty will never ignore me again. . . Depressed ING 3. In the past, others came to my aunt's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt had to go to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll pour you some urine!" " I was supposed to pour some tea. 4. During my internship, I said to a teacher: Teacher Chen, is your surname Chen? When our university went to the factory for metalworking practice, the master worker said: For safety reasons, we try our best to ensure a bed for a male classmate and a female classmate. At that time, all the boys burst into laughter and the girls blushed. During the internship, almost all the lathe work was done by me for the girl who shared my bed (cold). Finally, considering that she couldn't do anything, the master didn't check well, I advised her to practice her hands. Who knows, she said, I'm used to letting you do it. At that time, I occasionally burst into cold. 6. A friend went to the dumpling shop and asked, "How much is a bowl of dumplings (for sleeping)?" Just listen to the waitress "bah!" With a cry, he said, "shameless!" ~ 7. During the self-study class, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just recited the words, help me memorize them." MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it, shouting, Teacher, you see I don't want to (touch) him, but he insisted that I (touch) him ~ ~! ! ! 8. One day, I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" ~ ~ cold! A large group of students laughed to death. 9. My colleague argued with others and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "1. When I was in primary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. If I didn't borrow it, he would pester me and beat me up. After that, I used all my strength to yell," I won't marry (lend) you. "At that time, my classmates immediately calmed down. 11. In the computer class, a classmate had a problem with the machine, so he shouted, "Boss, change the machine!" The whole class is stupefied. 12. I spit on your face! 13. I joked to mm: "Don't say that you know me, which will affect my reputation!" Mm said, "Do you have children? Can you have children? " 14. I am a male. I was sick in Guangdong and my throat was speechless. When I went to see a doctor, the doctor told me that yin dao was inflamed, and I was dizzy. If I look carefully, the writer in the diagnosis book has inflamed pharynx. 16. Last time I went to work in the morning, I found that my bicycle tire was flat, so I wanted to ask my mother to help me push it outside to take a breath. As a result, I said, push my tires out. 17. A girl was lovelorn. I advised her: "Toads with two legs are hard to find, and men with three legs are plenty!" 18. When there was a labor class in primary school, it was generally weeding, so the teacher had to remind us to bring a hoe when school was over the day before. On the second day, when the labor class was ready to leave, the teacher asked, "How many people brought it?" Hands up, hoe! "19. Enlighten a lovelorn. . Classmate, do you know what sex is? 2. In junior high school Chinese class, someone recited Mao Zedong's poem: a generation of coquettish, ... 21. A teacher, today, let's go to class, Yang Xiuzhi's shit 22. A ktv, a song, and a MM shouted: Give me a "double Jay" with a stick cut every week ... 23. Sophomore students especially liked cycling out shopping with a mm in the same dormitory for a while. ~ ~ ~ ~ Day ... 24 ... There were many people on the bus, and a fierce man roared: Mom stepped on my B and added a few supplements. 1. I went home at the weekend, became addicted to cigarettes after dinner, and planned to take an excuse to go for a walk. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me, "Why go?" I said, "Go have a smoke!" As a result, dad found a pack of white sand from me and gave me a good beating. 2. After coming out from my mother, I went to my wife. After seeing my wife, I habitually called out: "Mom!" 3. I went to work in the morning and found that my bike was flat, so I wanted to ask my mother to push it outside to cheer up. As a result, I said, "Push my tires out." Mom was confused, so I smiled and quickly corrected it. As a result, I said, "Help my car to get some gas!" " 4. When I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?" 5, it is convenient to go to the toilet once, and there is no paper. He said to his wife, "Bring me the paper-wiping ass!" 6, once asked a nearsighted person how many degrees his eyes are, he wanted to say 4 degrees, but as soon as he exported it, it became 4 watts, and his stomach was so painful! 7. A leader of the Education Bureau inspected the inter-class exercise. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced the "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting: "Retreat!" 8. During the internship of a P.E. student, many teachers attended the class. He was too nervous. When he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind was blank for a while and he stifled a sentence: "Attention, attention! Flash! ！” 9. A group of students went to their classmates' homes in the suburbs to play. We bought some watermelons and put them in the kitchen, and asked a classmate to get a knife to cut them. When he didn't come back for a long time, he came with a cut melon in his hand and said in panic, "I cut the pumpkin." Everyone laughed wildly, but two seconds later, everyone laughed even more. It turned out that he was holding a melon in his hand! 1. In high school, there was a teacher whose surname was Jiang, who looked like Luo Jiaying (who played a westward journey to the Tang Priest). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..." 11. One day, I was driving on the road with a flat tire and asked my colleague, "Where is the inflatable one?" Colleague said: "Abortion is everywhere in the street!" 12. I went to McDonald's to buy a sweet bucket, and finally it was my turn. I couldn't wait to say, "Give me two rollers!" I didn't expect the waiter to say loudly to me; "Two rollers, four dollars!" 13. I met a girl I've been longing for for for a long time coming out of the bathhouse, trying to befriend her, and held back for a long time and said, "You take a shower, are there many men in it?" 14. Once I went to dinner, I said to my boss when I checked out: "Husband! Check out! " At that time, the proprietress was nearby ... 15. A teacher played mahjong all night and saw that the blackboard was not wiped. He was furious: "Who is sitting in the village today?" Don't wipe the blackboard! " 16. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure, and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use a soothing treasure?" 17. I just bought a house and called a buddy in excitement: "I bought a house, but it's only a dime (I forgot to say the word" blank ") and I have to decorate it." The buddy said, "Is there only one toilet? Then where do you live? " Add a few more! The first one: a primary school student participated in the school recitation competition for the first time, and he was particularly nervous. The teacher encouraged him for a long time, but his palms were still sweating. It's finally her turn. Pupils gritted their teeth and walked a few steps to the center of the stage: "Teachers and classmates, the topic I recited was: Red leaves are crazy (maple leaves are red). The second one: I was still a pupil. I was particularly envious when I saw the students who were asked by the teacher to read the composition, and I always hoped that the teacher would let me read it once. The opportunity has finally come. " So-and-so, read your composition to everyone! Pupils suddenly stood up: "My teacher". Teacher, how much I look like your mother ... "The third one: This time, it is the host of a song and dance troupe who is not proficient in learning. A performance, I hurried on stage without proper preparation. The performances are performed in turn. It's her turn to announce the curtain: "Audience friends, let's listen to the Duzi flute ..." Fourth: My family often plants green onions in pots in winter to keep them fresh and tender. When my sister came home for the New Year, she saw it and said to my mother with joy, "Hey! Mom, that's rough ... "My mom and I both laughed. Fifth: There is a neighbor named "Aunt" who goes to work by bike every day. Early in the morning, I met her at the door. I smiled and said politely, "Grandmother, big class ..." Bah! ..... I wanted to bite my tongue off. Sixth: jane doe, a classmate, looked at herself one day and suddenly turned to the person behind her and said, "Is my chest hair beautiful?" Startled, he said, "Oh, I want to ask if my eyebrows are fierce." Seventh: When I was a primary school student, I made a resolution at the general meeting of the whole school: "We should learn from the revolutionary spirit of the Red Army to climb the snowy mountains and grasslands." Since then, I have been deprived of the right to political speech for life! Eighth: When I was a child, my dad told me that there was a text about Liu Hulan in the Chinese book. When Liu Hulan took the initiative to admit to the Japanese that she was * * * to save the lives of the whole village, an old man came forward to save her. The line was: "Little Xiangzi, are you crazy? ！" But in the era of * * *, a poor rural child read aloud: "Little madman, are you fragrant?" Ninth: When I was in high school, my teacher asked my deskmate to read the text. This girl has always been famous for her vivid reading, and she also read aloud with her textbook in cadence that day: ........................................................................................................................... Play the national flag, raise the national anthem ... Eleventh: I take my son to feed the ducks. He chased the ducks around while spreading bread crumbs, and I chased him with his apple (he didn't like it, so I had to wait for a few bites when he was distracted). He kept running, and I kept calling him, "Come and eat an apple and chase the duck!" " Always repeating this sentence, I finally shouted out: "Come and have a bite of duck ....." and then cleverly braked the brakes. Twelfth: I remember that when I was in primary school, there was a text called Waterfall. In the middle, it was said that the author turned a mountain and saw a waterfall hanging in the mountain. When one of my female classmates read aloud, she also said with emotion: After turning this mountain, I was shocked, and a rag hung on the mountain. . . The whole class was stunned. Thirteenth: There is also a sentence in a text picked from a Russian writer's novel: The houses here are all owned by the lords (referring to the rich). As a result, one of my male classmates read aloud: all the houses here belong to the old men. As soon as the voice fell, our Chinese teacher asked him doubtfully: Where do the old ladies live? Fourteenth: The most classic thing is that I once watched Dou Wen Tao talk about his embarrassing incident when he was just the host, and never said that the opening ceremony was a curtain call ... What made me squirt most was that he said that when he was hosting a party, he calmly went up and said affectionately, "Friends, have you seen the Yellow River?" Do you know it is our mother river ~ ~ "After introducing the Yellow River affectionately, he said," Let's listen to the Song of the Yangtze River. "