Zhou Libo’s funny classic jokes

1. Don’t take shortcuts, otherwise you will be in vain; don’t take long ways, otherwise you will be late; don’t take the wrong path, otherwise you will go to jail; don’t take the underworld, otherwise you will be stabbed; don’t just want, otherwise you will not be able to give. Less; don't be in a hurry to get it, be sure to be cautious; don't ask for anything in return, it will come naturally; don't be in a hurry to get it, and you will have no worries if you are calm; don't be afraid of people laughing, and see who laughs until you grow old; don't pretend to know, just ask for advice if you don't understand.

There was an exam in the second and third grades of junior high school. Since I had not reviewed before, during the history exam, I saw that I didn’t know most of the questions, so I got up and left the exam room. The teacher was very surprised, and I said: We teenagers should pay more attention to the future...

3. Cabbage, radish, kelp, vermicelli, and tofu went to the restaurant happily. People asked: Why go? "Let's go eat shabu-shabu!" The man then asked: Who is treating me? "Mutton!"

4. Laifu spent a lot of effort to write a love letter to the girl he likes. He added at the end: I have answered this test paper and am waiting for you. Admission notice! ! ! Not long after, a reply came. There were only four words on the letter: The quota is full. Unwilling to give up, Laifu sent another letter: What if I sign up for the next issue? This time the reply is: We will wait until the next semester starts!

5. Dumb came to the restaurant: Give me a meat roll, some bread and a kind word. When the waiter brought the meat rolls and bread, Dumb asked: Where are the good words I want? The waiter whispered: Don't eat this meat roll!

6. Female: I already have a boyfriend. Man: I don’t mind, I still like you. Comments from others - Such an infatuated man. Man: I already have a girlfriend. Woman: I don’t mind, I still like you. Comments from others - rub it! Shameless mistress.

7. We are not perfect people, but we must accept our imperfect selves. Give yourself comfort when you are lonely; give yourself warmth when you are lonely. Learn to be independent, say goodbye to dependence, and say goodbye to your weak self. Life is not only about warmth, and the road of life will not always be smooth, but as long as you have confidence in yourself, know your own value, and know how to cherish yourself, you can face all the imperfections in the world calmly.

8. People must travel, especially girls. It is very important for a girl to be knowledgeable. If you see more, you will naturally be open-minded and have a broad vision, which will affect your views on many things. Travel makes people more knowledgeable, especially for girls. It makes them more confident and will not get lost in the material world.

9. I have been to your world, but unfortunately I just passed by; you live in my heart, but the sad thing is that I can't get rid of you. I am your passer-by, but you have become a permanent passer-by in my heart... I can't find any reason to be sad. No matter how bad you treat me, I am not qualified to evaluate you.

10. Three laws of the workplace: Either endure it! Either be cruel! Either get out!

11. Seven sentences that will let you see through life: 1. The past will never come back, and what comes back will no longer be perfect. 2. If you are not strong, who will show you that you are weak? 3. With complex emotions, look at complex life and walk complex paths. 4. Live a happy life with an indifferent attitude. 5. Occasionally recalling the past makes me feel that my life is regressing. 6. Expectation, waiting, failure, life is so complicated. 7. It’s not that we are not suitable, but that you are more suitable.

12. There are 5 eggs in the refrigerator. The first one says to the second one: Hey, look, the fifth egg is furry. It’s so scary! The second one said to the third one: Hey~ Look~ the fifth egg is hairy~~ It’s so scary, so scary~! The third said to the fourth: Hey~ Look~ the fifth egg is furry... The fifth egg heard: Get out~! I am a kiwi~! ! !

13. There will always be that person. Maybe he is excellent and good-looking; or maybe he has nothing and is not good-looking, but we just love him; we just will do everything for him. Give, wait for him, for him who doesn’t even know himself. When we are ignorant, there will always be such a person who makes us do bad things for him for many years.

Finally, I suddenly wake up and look back: This person is just like that, it is just our "stubbornness" in loving him.

14. There are only 12 words for people’s troubles: they can’t let go, they can’t think about it, they can’t see through it, and they can’t forget it.

15. If you have 1 million, buy an apartment to collect our love; if you have 100,000, buy a car to drive our love; if you have 10,000, buy a diamond ring. Witness our love; if you have 1,000, go on an outing and let our love fly; if you have 0,01,000, go have a candlelight dinner and romanticize our love; if you have 0,01,000, then buy a bottle of water to water our love. love.

16. Why do boys who wear long johns on the street look like hooligans, and girls who wear long johns on the street look like ***? Why do boys who wear boxers on the street look like perverts, and girls who wear boxer shorts look like hot pants? Why do boys wear vests and their superiors are considered to be in the right position, and girls wearing vests are considered to be suspenders? Why! Why!

17. Three things in life: learn to close the door, learn to calculate, and learn to give up. Learn three sentences: Forget it! It doesn't matter! It will pass! Learn the three joys: help others, be content with what you have, and enjoy yourself. Learn three don’ts: Don’t punish yourself for other people’s mistakes. Don’t punish others for your own mistakes. Don’t punish yourself for your own mistakes. Three hates in life: First, I hate that begonias are fragrant; Second, I hate that shad are prickly; Third, I hate that the Dream of Red Mansions is not over yet

18. On a cloudy day, it may not rain. Breaking up is not necessarily the saddest thing. Hatred may not last a lifetime. Disappointment is not necessarily despair. Facing is not necessarily the saddest thing. Loneliness is not necessarily unhappy. Possession does not necessarily mean staying together. Silence is not necessarily indifference. Losing does not necessarily mean you no longer have it. Failure does not necessarily mean giving up. Miracles may not happen. As long as you don’t despair this second, there will definitely be hope in the next second!

19. This city is big enough to tolerate all your quirks and habits. People are busy with their own lives and regard indifference as respect for privacy. It's good, it's okay, that's good, it's okay, everyone says so, so you say so too. Those who come to you to complain, dump their bitterness, and then leave you and move on, you don't care much because you just pretend to listen. ——The world is so big, but we are still so alone!

20. 7 things you must do with your bestie ① Get rid of your boyfriend and become the best partner when shopping; ② Get beauty and fitness together and work hard for beauty; ③ Each other’s emotional trash can; Listen to each other’s Nagging; ④ Go for a physical examination together; we all need to be healthy; ⑤ Watch the show together in a crazy way; scream loudly together. ⑥Beautifully ***; ⑦Let’s sing ktv together, we have the must-have songs. Children, have you ever done these things?

21. Women should not be too beautiful, otherwise they will be called vases; women should not be too smart, or they will be called invisible killers; women should not be too sexy, because they will be called invisible killers. A woman should not be too gentle, as being too gentle would be called a lack of opinion; a woman should not be too strong, as being too strong would be called a tomboy; a woman should not be too cute, as being too cute would be called a tomboy. For being naive and ignorant. It’s so hard to be a woman!

Twenty-two, the reporter interviewed an old woman! The reporter asked: "What do you think about the problem of setting off firecrackers randomly in the city?" The old woman said: "How else can I think about it? Just climb up the window and watch..."

Twenty-three, witty words 1 .Kind people always say that I am simple, but actually I know that they are just embarrassed to call me SB. 2. When you are young, if you love, don’t say forever, say cherish it. 3.TT, I always knew it was a browser, but later I found out it was the name of another thing.

4. The quality of the military quilt is so good that there is no signal for mobile phones at all when hiding under the quilt!

24. Signs of immaturity in girls: 1. Treating love as the most important thing in life; 2. Relying on clothes to express your temperament; 3. Blindly changing yourself easily for men; 4. . Telling people about their relationship experiences when meeting people; 5. Keep asking your boyfriend "Do you love me?"; 6. Meeting netizens easily; 7. Using the reason of pregnancy to save relationships; 8. Always fantasizing about marrying a rich man; 9. , Always unwilling to admit mistakes; 10. Treat broken love as the end of the world

25. Each of us is like a clown, playing with five balls. The five balls are your work, health, and family. , friends and soul. Only one of these five balls is made of rubber. If it falls, it will bounce back. That is the job. The other four balls are made of glass and will break if dropped. This passage is worth pondering.

26. Expert ① A wise person sees clearly, so he does not argue. ②Open-minded people think openly, so they don’t fight. ③Those who have attained the Tao know God’s will, so they are not in a hurry. ④ A virtuous person is humble and does not make noises. ⑤ A sensible person can let go, so he is not crazy. ⑥Confident people are willing to work hard and make mistakes. ⑦Those who value righteousness make friends with the world, so they are never alone. ⑧A passionate person is indifferent to fame and wealth, so he is not alone. ⑨The peaceful journey is far-reaching, so it will not break. ⑩A contented person is always happy and therefore never grows old.

Twenty-seven. 1. Because money is regarded as dung, flowers are always placed on cow dung. 2. Men want to lock the zipper of a woman’s wallet, and women want to lock the zipper of a man’s pants. 3. Women’s bellies are enlarged by men, and men’s bellies are enlarged by men. The former is due to fertilization and the latter is due to alcohol. 4. The purpose of installing a mirror in the bathroom is to allow people to urinate and look in the mirror. 5. Crying on a wound has the same effect as spreading salt on it.

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