A hurdle that I once thought I couldn't get through

This was Mi Tang's heartfelt wish a long time ago. Now it seems a little naive and a little cute, but Mi Tang really existed, and those setbacks, which were once thought to be insurmountable, have passed, so we must be optimistic, not afraid of the present and the future.

The lighting in the room is not very clear. What kind of mood do I have? I read and write my previous diaries page by page, and those memories that I have long forgotten come back to my mind. Just a few days ago, I finally crossed the threshold of 19 years old, and I have also crossed the first big hurdle in my life. The hurdle that I thought I couldn't cross, now I can only stand in the depths of my memory. I remember that a few days after the college entrance examination, QQ was like crazy. Everyone kept talking, sending photos, partying, traveling, and other achievements. "I bet 11 years of youth and 4 test papers on a tomorrow, and I won." This is what my good friend said slightly, and I still remember it deeply.

In the third year of senior high school, my mother quit her job and came back to accompany me, but my grades didn't go up. I had exams almost every day, ranking every time, unified exams, and single exams, and there was an endless stream ... The teacher always posted the report card on the bulletin board at the back of the classroom. At first, we all flocked to read it. After a long time, there were more exams, and the report card became unattractive. I, on the other hand, would sneak a peek at the toilet every time, and then return to my seat weakly, but I didn't cry, but I was relatively speechless.

Self-study next night is the peak time in our school. When the bell rings, everyone rushes out of the classroom like crazy. Of course, I am one of them, carrying a big bag and carrying a lunch box.

The street lamp is yellow at night. At first, several small black spots are moving at a high speed. As time goes by, there are more and more black spots, which are more and more dense. I will never forget the feeling of sprinting 1 meters. Senior three, we are in such a hurry to go home, not for delicious midnight snack and good TV series, but to buy more time and write more papers.

my health is not very good. I stayed up past o'clock several times, and then I studied in bed early at 5 o'clock the next day. I had a headache all day, not to mention memorizing one more lesson, and I couldn't read a word. I set a time for myself to go to bed before 11: 3 every day, which means I have to go home early and solve the problem of washing quickly.

Because of my decision, I have suffered unprecedented loneliness in 18 years. Thinking of saving time, I refused to go home with my good friends. At that time, it was very close to the college entrance examination, and everyone was in a heavy mood. I can feel that she is really angry with me. She secretly wrote me postcards. She thinks that I regard her as a burden rather than a friend, and I no longer have dinner with me. I have no chance to rob her of the delicious food in the incubator.

I can't argue, and I'm worried when I look at the rankings that are worse every time.

Until one day, I really collapsed. I remember it was a geography quiz. At the moment when the paper was put down, I really didn't want to write, and I couldn't read a word. My ears were full of rustling, and my classmates were bowing their heads and answering questions seriously. Only me, with my eyes straight, sat in my seat and no one noticed me. I don't know why, but my tears came out at once. I tried to wipe my tears, but the more I wiped them, the more I simply lay down on my seat, thinking, "Forget it, I'm hopeless."

I still haven't upset my poor self-esteem. I cried for about a whole class. I lay prone in my seat and squinted and started to do the problem. That's why my life didn't turn into a blank paper.

It has happened many times since then. When I did badly in the exam, I comforted myself by saying, "I would have taken more than this score, if I hadn't cried."

At that time, I really felt that I couldn't get through the college entrance examination. I couldn't even imagine my life after I was 18. Will my life stop at 18? I had such a ridiculous idea.

The head teacher was also anxious, and called me out to talk for several times. Those who would have been admitted to one book are now unknown in two books. I have always been paranoid that every senior three student will have a trough like me. In fact, I was wrong. Those who got good grades in the past are still good, and only a few are like me.

a month before the college entrance examination, my mother and I had a big fight. I have never become so fierce. To be exact, I have never quarreled with my mother before. My parents work outside all the year round and have little chance to meet each other. After another exam, I sat in the living room with a straight face and didn't talk, hoping that my mother would care about me, but my mother didn't. She went to do something else. My eyes were swollen like walnuts and I began to lose my temper, and my mother was also angry.

she said, "I take care of your grandfather who is in hospital during the day, and I run around the school and hospital. I have to look at your face when I come back at night. I am not well either. What do you want me to be satisfied with?"

I understand the truth, and I feel guilty, but I am also very uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable that she doesn't understand me and wants to be comforted by her.

I shut myself in my room, didn't turn on the light, didn't study, and I kept crying and crying. I wish I could just cry myself to death and go to the fucking college entrance examination, but I was very hesitant, reluctant to spend a lot of money to buy information, reluctant to sit in a seat for a long time, and reluctant to part with many things.

when my mother opened the door, I was lying on the ground like a dead dog with a pillow in my hand.

Mom said helplessly, "It's really so uncomfortable. Let's not take the exam. What's the use of people without a future?" Mom said it seriously, and I was scared and stopped crying.

I know my mother is really scared. Almost every year, senior three students in our school jump off a building. I studied for three years, and three students left this beautiful world like that, but they were soon forgotten by us, and everyone continued to bury themselves in their own affairs.

I never gave up the college entrance examination because of my poor self-esteem. The next day, I went to school with my eyes on walnuts. When I was cleaning, several close friends asked me what was wrong. I smiled and said nothing.

"What's wrong with Zhizhi? What's the big deal? I've never seen you cry." There were no words of comfort, but they were very comforting, and I smiled with snow.

Thanks to a big fight with my mother, I feel much better. I seldom cry innocently during the exam, and my relationship with my good friends has eased a lot. After repeated struggles, I wrote a long letter to her, and she finally stopped being angry with me.

But time waits for no one, and the college entrance examination is getting closer and closer. In order to adjust my mood, I bought a bunch of youth abstracts, Yilin and read a lot of chicken soup for the soul.

Finally, one day, while everyone was not paying attention, I ran to the bulletin board at the back and erased the target university of the college entrance examination: Hunan University, which I had just filled in when I entered the third year of high school. I gave a wry smile. I'm really tired with this unrealistic goal on my back these days.

as far as I'm concerned, I've shrunk my goal again and again. I just need to get into one, and I don't want anything more.

Later, I bought two diaries to record my daily study.

It can be said that those two thick diaries saved me in the last two months. I never show them to others. I call them spiritual pillars, and no one can touch them.

My deskmate looked greedy and insisted that it was my study book.

I have a knot in my heart now. One or two days before the college entrance examination, my deskmate gave me great pressure. Obviously, her grades are not as good as mine, but she is so confident and full of big talk. There is nothing to review. She has done everything. After reading my two diaries casually, she said faintly, "I thought it was something." You don't care.

At that time, we had vacated the examination room and moved to the temporary classroom. I was a liberal arts student, and the classroom was filled with soaring endorsement sounds. By that time, my voice was hoarse, and my golden voice didn't work.

I really envy those girls who never lose their voices. "Don't recite so hard, your voice is hoarse like that. It's not worth it to break your throat for the college entrance examination." My friends said these words, and I nodded symbolically, then turned my head and continued to recite.

Pity, because of my deskmate's absurd self-confidence, I once again cried with no ambition and felt that I could do nothing.

There are only one or two days left. Alas, there is not much time to cry. I hope that time will be faster and the college entrance examination will pass soon. Just the day before the college entrance examination, my stomach trouble happened again, and my stomach has been uncomfortable and bored. In fact, I didn't have a stomach trouble. After the college entrance examination, the symptoms disappeared. I was overly nervous, but fortunately, I thought I had a stomach trouble. My self-comforting kung fu was getting worse and worse, and I finally cheated myself.

Ten minutes before the last English exam, I woke up from a dream. My three-year high school is like a dream, and I can't bear to part with it. This is a familiar classroom.

"No matter what the result is, I won't regret it, but I never want to go through the third year of high school again. I have experienced everything I should."

Hunan University is hopeless. After all, I erased it myself, but fortunately, I passed the exam, just as I did when I entered this key high school.

for you-I thought I couldn't get through it.

over