Reflections after reading

1. How important speaking is, some people will die without knowing it.

Why do you work so hard but often fail to do what you say?

A colleague with whom you had a good relationship suddenly became alienated from you because of your casual words.

When I meet the girl I like, I don’t know how to say it, and my fate is missed.

Celebrities face being banned for saying the wrong thing.

The official lost his hat because of one word.

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It is easy to speak, but it is not easy to speak well with your heart. If you say the right thing, things that were originally difficult will become clear. And if you say the wrong thing, you will get into trouble. One word can prosper a country, one word can also destroy it.

Before Zhu Yuanzhang became emperor, his family was poor. In order to make ends meet, he worked as a shepherd boy and a monk. After becoming emperor, two childhood friends came to Beijing to ask for an audience.

One of them knew that Zhu Yuanzhang was concerned with saving face since he was a child. When he saw Zhu Yuanzhang, he knelt down and saluted, saying: "Long live my lord! Back then, the ministers accompanied him to sweep Luzhou Prefecture and broke up the Canzhou City. Marshal Tang was on the run. Take General Zhu Dou, Red Boy is in charge, thanks to General Cai." When Zhu Yuanzhang heard what he said, he thought of the hard times, and everyone shared the difficulties. However, this man spoke with the emperor's heart in mind, and did not mention Zhu Yuanzhang. After an embarrassing incident, he was heavily rewarded by Zhu Yuanzhang.

The other one, when he saw the emperor, he did not give a big salute, but even pointed at the golden palace and said: "Long live my lord! Do you remember? At that time, we all herded cattle for others. Once we In the reed swamp, they put the stolen beans in earthen pots and cooked them. Before they were cooked, everyone rushed to eat them, breaking the pots, scattering the beans on the ground, and splashing the soup on the mud. In the field. You just grabbed the beans from the ground and ended up getting the red grass roots stuck in your throat. It was my idea to make you swallow a handful of green vegetables and then take the red grass roots into your stomach." He didn't say anything yet. After that, Zhu Yuanzhang ordered people to beat him with sticks.

The same words, said by different people, have completely different effects. "The wounds caused by speaking are all hidden wounds, and they have a slow-release effect. If no one wakes them up, they will not know it until death."

"A warm sentence is spring in March, and a villain is cold in June." "Drinking meets a close friend." A thousand cups is too little, but half a sentence without speculation is too much."

Many times, you think you are outspoken and talkative, but in the end you end up hurting countless people. It’s not that you have bad intentions, but it’s just that you don’t know how to speak well.

Most of the problems we encounter in life can ultimately be attributed to speech problems.

2. "Speak Well" is the most practical guide to speaking well.

Not all people are born with the ability to speak well, so what does it mean to speak well? Is it a eloquent person who can talk endlessly and write a lot of jokes, or is it a person who speaks too much and will lose his words? Remaining silent is golden.

Ma Dong said that speaking well means thinking well. Speaking is a way of expression, and only by thinking clearly can you express yourself clearly. To think clearly, you must stand high and see far, with a clear mind, so that what you say will be objective and comprehensive.

"It takes two years to learn to speak, but a lifetime to learn to shut up." Speaking is by no means eloquent and eloquent. But he is not reticent either. You must know that the confidence of not speaking comes from the strength of "if you speak, you will be able to speak well."

Speaking is a comprehensive ability that can be learned.

"Speak Well" is produced by Ma Dong and co-created by Ma Weiwei, Huang Zhizhong and Zhou Xuanyi. They spent two years collecting and studying the speaking problems of 4,800 real readers to create five-dimensional speech skills with high emotional intelligence (communication, persuasion, speech, negotiation, debate,)

To speak well is to be serious Listen, collect information, determine the ownership of power, think about countermeasures, and express language output.

Most of the things mentioned in the book are things we have encountered before.

3. Summary of useful information

The ancient Greek philosopher Plato said that wise men speak because they have something to say; fools speak because they want to say

< p> The flow of communication rights, both parties are equal, tell each other their true thoughts, avoid unnecessary friction, focus on understanding, do not forcefully promote your own ideas and conclusions

1. Preparatory communication to make communication smoother< /p>

Many words are stopped by "I don't have time" or "I'm very busy" before I even open my mouth. How can I make others willing to take the time to listen? Tip: buy time strategy. Create surprises when speaking, arouse curiosity, respond to topics, and attract others' attention. Like the title of an article, suspense often attracts readers to read further.

Proportion and skills in delivering bad news: remain neutral, express clearly, be professional rather than sympathetic, be kind rather than guilty, and accompany rather than actively comfort. Remember you are the person delivering the message, not the person doing the wrong thing.

How to avoid awkward conversations when meeting by chance: Don’t talk about privacy, talk about names. But avoid diluting the person's uniqueness by saying the name is common.

Chat in depth and get closer: Gossip and privacy are necessary, but the main principle is not to put pressure on the other party. Only by not asking for information, not showing off yourself, and not being specific can you close the relationship and avoid offending.

Decline politely. Take borrowing money as an example: Don't ask how much you want to borrow, but why you want to borrow it, and then use similar reasons to reject the other party. Lending money to others is never an obligation, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. As long as you say the right thing, it will neither hurt the other person's face nor hurt each other's relationship.

2. When in conflict, do not rush to seek conclusions and answers

All communication is fundamentally about "treating people rather than things". Consider other people's feelings and express yourself appropriately. Use vaccinations, such as: ""Sorry, this may not be true, but I can't help but feel this way..."

Don't offend others with your words, and focus on "people". Feel empathy when commenting on others. "You made me..."

3. I often make gaffes when I am happy and irrational when I am angry. It is very important to control your emotions

Be aware of, face and release your emotions Rather than repressing. People can respect rational needs and be considerate of irrational needs, but the most annoying thing is that they have to package it into reasonable demands when they clearly don’t want to be reasonable?, such as "This joke is not funny at all. I will be angry like this." La. ”

Deal with other people’s emotions appropriately. Instead of retorting, shutting up, or telling the other person to calm down, isolate yourself mentally, use empathy, and intercept personal attacks instead of fighting back. Master your tone and attitude.

Learn to apologize: Misunderstanding: Downplaying mistakes and avoiding responsibility. You can learn how to apologize like an ant carrying an elephant, and try your best to take the responsibility on yourself. "This thing is entirely my fault, I was... I should..."

Appropriately use some insignificant weaknesses to laugh at yourself, and use self-effacement to gain the trust of others. Humor rather than laughter.

Only thick clouds can make heavy rain fall, and truth can convince people.

The right to persuade lies with the other party and implant your views into the other party's mind. The emphasis is on "changing" the other party. To convince others with reason is not to defeat the other party, nor is it preaching or brainwashing. At the heart of persuasion is how people form and change opinions. Change is not achieved overnight, but a change of degree

1. Use the right of choice to inspire the other party

Change the way you ask questions, use reverse questions such as "Why can't I" to "Why can't I" Why do I want it?" As reasons and beliefs are strengthened, change is possible by simply asking, "So, what are you going to do?" Self-motivation can also be applied.

Use the other person as your starting point and ask for help strategically.

Don’t be a good teacher when persuading someone to make mistakes, and don’t ask why. “When a person is in trouble, don’t talk, and when a horse is in trouble, don’t whip.” Don’t be too rational to block persuasion.

2. Find the other person’s needs and pain points

For elders. You need to understand their three perspectives, see the problem from the other person’s perspective, and find the pain points that they empathize with.

To urge procrastinating bosses, (1) sincerely show understanding and reduce anxiety (2) provide alternatives, (3) point out short-term benefits and stimulate motivation.

How to persuade people who are more professional than yourself: respect professionalism and achieve professional knowledge.

To encourage people who do not strive for progress, you must reduce their fear of results, replace purpose with possibility, and create a vision instead of giving instructions. Goals will make people feel boring, and possibilities will be more imaginative. .

2. Create pressure and change the positions of both parties

Use external pressure to persuade. Create pressure to turn opposing positions into unified external relations. We share the same hatred and draw closer to each other. Persuasion is not just language, it is a strategy.

Don’t miss the opportunity again, create a sense of time urgency and help you complete the persuasion.

To "set up" people and achieve the purpose of persuasion through compliments. Such as "You have such a good vision, can't you not see the benefits here?"

The world is a negotiation table, and everyone is a negotiator

The power of negotiation lies with both parties. The emphasis is on "coordination". Both sides will benefit from cooperation and lose from fighting. In the end, they choose to cooperate to maximize their common interests. However, sincere communication does not guarantee a win-win situation.

1. How to collect intelligence information conveniently and quickly

Inquiries such as "How do you know about us?" "In this regard, what was your largest order before?" ”

Through the habit of “becoming a teacher”, guide others to use “corrective methods” to obtain information. “I heard... I felt that it must be like this, after all... right?”

When asking for a salary increase: (1) Confirm the standards (2) Get close to the standards (3) Highlight your excellent performance (4) Make your boss feel that it is worth giving you a salary increase.

3. Break through the inertial thinking of bidding

Pre-emptive anchoring effect, the first to bid to seize the opportunity.

Have the courage to ask high prices. "Hello, my price is..." "Sorry, it may be different from your expectations, but it is indeed like this, because..."

4. Negotiate a deal with concessions< /p>

"The table-turning effect": Bring the opponent to the table, and then the decision-maker will be chosen, and the table will be turned when the conditions are ripe.

The rule of cliff-jumping concession "Forget it, don't waste time, just spend XX yuan and see if you want to buy it."

5. If you are in a deadlock, it is better to put it aside

Resolve the crisis that cannot be discussed and find the reasons. "Think of any new solutions that both of us can accept."

Turn right or wrong questions into multiple-choice questions. To achieve a win-win situation, you don't have to have as many chips as the other party, but you can't have less say than the other party.

When you resign, you should leave with a sense of coolness, but you should also be elegant and decent, and don’t break your face: (1) Tell where you are going (2) Choose your reasons carefully; (3) Express gratitude.

Listening to you is worth ten years of reading

The power of speech lies with the audience. The focus of a speech is to "realize", win the favor of the audience through the power of language, and then convey important information, instead of rushing to sensationalize or draw conclusions as soon as you take the stage

1. Don't be nervous, no one cares about you Embarrassing

Don’t take mistakes too seriously. Mistakes only need to be admitted, and misunderstandings need to be clarified. When something goes wrong, magnanimity is the best response. You are not the center of the universe, and no one really cares why you made such a mistake. You can say this: there are some small problems here, but they are not important, let's continue. ”

Introverts have a lot of humour, while outsiders gain insights. Introverts can learn from small things and express themselves with data and facts through self-deprecation, building trust. They need to explore themselves instead of pretending to be others.

Use story-based statements to avoid blank thoughts: (1) Use stories and outlines (2) Tell stories and add reflections.

2. .Take care of many subtle relationships

Honor is only the first step in your victory speech. The more delicate you are in handling subtle relationships, the better: ignore the victory, take care of everyone, praise your opponents, bridge differences, and thank your allies.

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Defeat speeches should be prepared for a comeback: thank allies, threaten opponents, clarify misunderstandings, and rebuild the image.

3. The trust and favor of the audience determine the success or failure of the speech

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Quickly win the trust of the audience: (1) Appropriately lower the audience's expectations (2) Build others' trust in your profession

It is difficult to win the approval of the majority of the audience and tolerate the minority. Roll your eyes.

Break through the embarrassment and tell the important people.

4. Enhance confident expression

Enhance confidence when speaking: practice mistakes and interpret them positively.

Express your opinions clearly: key information should be expressed repeatedly from multiple angles, difficult-to-understand content should be left blank, and complex concepts should be operationally expressed, such as "right?" or "do you understand what I mean?" ? ”

To avoid being verbose, you can ask questions first and then answer them, watch the dishes being served, and confirm the other person’s understanding before speaking about the central sentence. For example: “I think so, for three reasons”

One person's debate is more important than the treasure of the Nine Cauldrons; a three-inch tongue is stronger than a million teachers

The power of debate lies with the third party, focusing on "defense" and defending one's own opinions with reason and evidence. Position, respond to the other party's doubts. A good debate is not a battle of words, but a competition of style. For ordinary people, it is a necessary "mental self-defense"

1. Accurately realize both sides. Problems

Response should be accurate rather than simply fast. (1) Restate the problem (2) Think about the relationship between the problem and the original logic (3) Grasp the key point of the problem. You can say "Wait." Wait, my reaction is slow, don’t lie to me..." "What we originally discussed seemed to be..." "You are just saying..."? If you react slowly, you can practice slowly; if you react wrongly, you will go further and further. Bias.

When responding to trap questions, you should not follow the other person’s thinking.

Anti-desensitization and attitude immunity. 2) Simulate debates to achieve immunity to arguments. (3) Imitation of expressions to achieve immunity to influence.

2. Refutation is the core of debate.

Refutation does not mean leverage

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3. Leverage the strength of others and use retreat to advance

Point out the inappropriateness of the other person’s analogy, or follow the other person’s analogy and extend the explanation, instead of just emphasizing the differences.

When rejecting unreasonable arrangements from superiors, you can first affirm the leader's proposal, then propose precise cost accounting, and finally hand over the decision-making power completely to the "leader." For example: We are also willing to push forward with this matter, but the cost is a bit high. What do you think we should do? ”

Avoid being “set up” by others. Although it will not put pressure on yourself, it will hurt the enemy one thousand and hurt yourself eight hundred. While rejecting the other party, it will also ruin your social image. Therefore, it is better to use the dignity of a tall hat to make different requests, such as: "Yes, just because I am...that's why I..."

4. Afterwords

Ji Xianlin: Mastering the propriety of speaking is the highest accomplishment of a person!

This book gives us many useful skills, but it is difficult to understand them on paper. Others talk to you like a spring breeze. In addition to practicing diligently, the more important thing is to have intention.