Long and funny talk about classics?

Maybe you think it's a little too short, it doesn't matter, I have prepared some longer classic stories for you ~

1. Pay the tuition with Alipay, and then confirm the payment when the results come out. Look at the mood, good reviews and bad reviews. If you fail in your class, you can apply for a refund from TMD. The teacher said after * * * *: Dear, give praise, dear; Dear, take this course, dear; Dear report card has been sent, please check it, dear.

2. Opposite is the junior girls' dormitory. Looking at the opposite side at night, it's indecent to see the naked senior sisters moving in the dormitory in underpants! Shameless! Holding my roommate's telescope and gnashing my teeth all night, I couldn't calm down for a long time.

It is said that the learning degradation of two people at the same table can be divided into four stages: 1. Did you do your homework? what's up Are we right? Yes Did you do your homework? Yes, lend me one. Here you are. Did you do your homework? Of course not. I didn't do it either. 4. "Have you finished your homework?" "What homework?" I don't know.

Today, I told gay friends: I fell in love with a girl who is seven years younger than me. She is still in school. It's sinful. Gay friends said: You have to take away your love to be considered sinful. Another gay friends received: If you take away someone younger than me, it's called committing iniquity. Then another gay friends said: You are crazy to take away your studies!

5. What is the power of the final exam 1 0/00? I took the draft paper and multiplied it over and over again. Finally, on the 83rd time, the math teacher came. Stand behind me and watch me tirelessly multiply 1 by 1. After I finished, he hurried to the podium and said, "Students, one question is wrong. Now correct it. Now please change it to 1 100. Me: "..."

6. Remit money to the bank, and the car is temporarily parked on the side of the road. I left my car with my friend for fear of being punished by the traffic police. Tell him that a car inspector is coming and let me know. A few minutes later, the traffic police came. A friend rushed into the bank and shouted, "Big Brother, the police are coming, let's go!" " Nima, dozens of people in such a big hall suddenly fell silent, and then people poured out of the bank like a flood, and then I was pinned to the ground by five or six security guards. * * * I'm not afraid of god-like opponents, but I'm afraid of pig-like teammates!

7. Those manufacturers of condoms should not always care about ultra-thin. There is a market for ultra-thick condoms, and it doesn't matter if they are expensive. After all, dignity is more valuable to a man!

8. Today, I was in trouble. There are several transparent shrimps in the fish tank in the office. The leader looked at them for a long time with glasses and asked me what I raised. I said, "Shrimp!" The leader was stunned and left. I was also stunned and quickly explained loudly: "Shrimp boss! Draw shrimp! The leader is really shrimp! ! It's real shrimp! ! ! "

9. I despise some people who always eat, drink and be merry! Plan where to play, barbecue, drink beer, KTV, eat hairy crabs and travel during the holiday. I don't know how to spare time to read more books and enrich myself. For those of you who are going to play things on holiday, I just want to say four words to you: please take me with you! ! !

10. In the middle of an Internet cafe game, someone suddenly said, "Where did you get your ID number?" Looking back, I saw several police uncles asking a child. The child said timidly, "The stationmaster said that you need an ID card to surf the Internet. I saw an ID number on the telephone pole outside and copied it. " The policeman's uncle said angrily, "Don't you dare use the wanted man's ID card. What did your parents teach you? It made us come for nothing. "

1 1. On the bus, I saw a mother holding a child. When there were no seats, I stood up and offered my seat to them. The mother sat down and said to the child, What should you say to your brother at this time? The child glanced at me and said, you are so sensible!

12. A monk came to my house as a guest. I said to him, "There are some things that I can't let go of some people." The Zen master said, "In fact, there is nothing in this world that I can't let go." I said, "But I just can't let go." The monk asked me to take a cup and pour hot water into it until the hot water overflowed. I didn't let go. The Zen master said. I said, "My teacup is expensive!"

13. After girls quarrel with their husbands, don't go back to their parents' home. Learn to be smart. What passbooks and clothes they bring are all weaknesses. Listen carefully to the tape: air conditioner remote control, TV remote control, his driver's license, ID card, car keys, change the computer and WiFi password, and then go back to your parents' home with peace of mind! I can't believe he doesn't know where he is wrong. The latest anecdote about Daquan

14. At dinner last night, WeChat popped up a message: "Don't contact us in the future, my husband suspects us!" It gave me a fright. I said, "Oh, beauty, it seems that I have added WeChat for more than a year. We don't seem to have talked? " The other party: "That's good, I'm her husband. You're okay, I'll try someone else! When I was going to sleep at night, another message popped up: "Sorry, my husband was drunk and sent messages indiscriminately, please don't mind!" "I replied," Nothing, we don't know each other well anyway! " The other party: "I am still her husband. Make sure you're okay again. I'll try others ... "

15. You did a good job in the funeral home. How did you get fired? It's my fault for talking too much. A: What's the matter? B: On that occasion, I asked my family nearby how well they had done it.

16. Newborn babies are still plugged in with heart rate monitors. The 5-year-old nephew stayed by for a while and asked faintly, "How long will it take my brother to charge?"

17. I went out to eat without my wallet. I found a girl in the canteen and said to her, classmate, I have no money. Can I use WeChat to give you ten yuan to help me brush a meal? In this way, I went to this girl's WeChat and sold her a mask in a circle of friends.

18. The class teacher said, "If you want to learn a course well, you must stick to it like chasing someone." I interrupted him and said, "Then try chasing eight at the same time." "Get out of here!" I instantly understood why I am a school scum. I was originally a single-minded person, and then I looked at Xueba contemptuously: you little bitches who go to class every time!

19. I bought an e-cigarette recently, and it feels good. Yesterday, when I went out, I stuffed it into my jeans pocket. Maybe the jeans were too tight and I pressed the switch. The whole subway people looked at my crotch and kept smoking. I was still concentrating on my mobile phone and didn't notice it until a kind friend patted me. Dude, you seem to have been blown up.

20. After dinner with friends, I couldn't find my wallet after looking for it for a long time, and I kept mumbling: "Hey? Where's my wallet? " I was embarrassed and said, "Why don't I do it?" After several evasions, he agreed. Then I took out his wallet from his trouser pocket with one hand.

2 1. My brother asked me to accompany him to buy furniture when he got married. I had to let him buy that big high-end sofa. My friend is too expensive to live or die, so he refused. Finally, an aunt next to me said that your friend has also experienced it. Sofa is as important as bed. Are you sure you can sleep in bed every day after you get married? The elder brothers looked at my dark eyes meaningfully and paid decisively!

22. There are two lovers in the park who are very sweet. The girl said, "Honey, I have a toothache." The boy kissed the girl and said, "Does it still hurt?" The girl said, "It doesn't hurt." Later, the girl said, "My neck hurts." So the boy kissed the girl's neck and said, "Does it still hurt?" The girl said happily, "It doesn't hurt anymore." An old lady saw it and couldn't help saying, "Young man, you are really amazing. Can you treat hemorrhoids? "

23. Money can buy a house, but it can't buy a home. Marriage can be bought, but love cannot. You can buy a clock, but you can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain! Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

24. A couple went to an art exhibition. The wife is highly myopic. She stood in front of a portrait and exclaimed loudly, Oh, my God! The woman in this photo is so ugly. The husband took her and said, keep your voice down. Wife angry: Why? The husband said, there is a mirror in front of you.

25. The math teacher told us that it's normal for you to like someone at your age, but when you miss her, you'd better keep it in mind and do a math problem. When you graduate, show her your exercise book full of math problems and tell her how much you like her. She will be very touched. I tried it and found that I didn't like her after I finished the second question!