My mother-in-law is so possessive that she always wants to monopolize my husband. ...

(Note: I sincerely thank the friends who are enthusiastic about providing personal experiences. Due to the privacy of the questioner, the name will not be made public. Maybe you have a similar problem. After reading it patiently, you may have the answer you want.

Question 1: You can never completely convince a person.

Is there any way to better control your emotions so that others don't think you're trying to wrangle?

Teacher lemon's answer:

Let me give you an example. Tofu brain is delicious only when it is sweet. You said disgusting. Only salted bean curd is delicious. You all think each other is stupid and want to stand on the commanding heights and make each other speechless ... It's easy to step on the line below and there will be personal attacks. In fact, you have your hobbies, and he naturally has his. You don't have to agree with him. At the very least, you should understand him, affirm his thoughts, respond to his emotions, and make him feel, hey, this guy really understands me, so that he will be willing to listen to you, communicate with him and hold on to him. He thinks you can still be with you when you find fault. Remember a sentence, "You can never completely convince a person".

Question 2: What is a friend?

I hope you are happy, but don't be happier than me! If your friend thinks so, will you still be friends with him?

Teacher lemon's answer:

What is a friend? Someone you can share and respect with each other, and someone who can help you. Your friend's idea actually has two meanings. The first level, I hope you are good, which is still in line with the identity of friends. On the second level, you can't be better than him, which is actually where you are entangled. In view of this, I actually feel a little pity for him.

He has a low self-esteem and extreme self-esteem. Because of inferiority, he wants to compare with you, not only the happiness you say, but also all levels. Extreme self-esteem makes him unable to let go of his so-called face and unwilling to be worse than others, especially the people around him. He wants to be the smartest or happiest person in your circle of friends. Maybe he can bear hardships, but he is not the one who can be happy with you.

Because of the first meaning, you can be friends with him, but in view of the second meaning, I suggest that your relationship stop here, because his favorite or even only love is himself, but unfortunately he can't fall in love yet.

Question 3: What is xenophobia?

My mother-in-law has a xenophobic desire for my son and basically won't let others hug my son, and neither will my mother. Sometimes she will take him away after a few minutes, and she doesn't care what the family thinks about it. Is this because I think too much, or is there something wrong with my mother-in-law's practice?

Teacher lemon's answer:

In fact, I think you know very well who is right and who is wrong, otherwise you wouldn't ask. Generally, everyone asks for recognition. Your real problem should be how to make your mother-in-law change.

Then let's talk about the reason first. Why is she like this? This has something to do with her recent life status and psychological state. Generally, possessive people feel that they have less, so they should grasp what they have, and no one can touch it. Let me give you an example. If you ask ordinary people and people dying of thirst in the desert for a bowl of water, who will give it to you more easily? The answer is obvious. Your son is now a bowl of water for your mother-in-law. Whoever touches her will be anxious. If you want to solve it, you must let her have more things.

Now the rest of you may be on the opposite side of your mother-in-law. The more you do this, the more dangerous it is, because it is equivalent to cornering her. She has nothing but a baby in her arms.

Give her whatever she needs to relieve her tension and anxiety.

Question 4: We are all polyhedrons.

During the day, I am cheerful and love to laugh. In the evening, I become fond of crying and insomnia, and I don't like talking to people. Is this schizophrenia?

Teacher lemon's answer:

Your condition is not schizophrenia, but emotional problems. Each of us is actually multifaceted. In front of strangers, in front of family members, when alone, we may all be different. Everyone is you, but not everything to you.

Your performance at night is actually the result of your depression during the day. Let me give you an example. During the day, you had a conflict with your colleagues, but at that time your reason told you not to lose your temper, so you put up with it and told yourself that it was nothing. You should joke about work and work, but when you are alone at night, the negative emotions during the day will sweep the future and it is difficult to control. People's emotions need an outlet. Depression during the day, you have to bear it alone at night.

I guess, you may often have a feeling at night that no one in this world really understands you, but in fact you shut others out.

Maybe you were injured before and hid yourself, but it was too difficult.

Question 5: Quarrel is a negative vent.

My husband and I want to remarry after divorce, but after getting along for half a year, we still quarrel as before. Now the ex-husband chooses to escape. What should I do?

Teacher lemon's answer:

Before choosing a divorce, you may feel that you don't like each other and that their shortcomings are unbearable. This feeling will slowly slow down after separation, and even be forgotten later. It is an illusion to remember each other's goodness, as if their fault is not their own. When you meet other people, you will feel worse and want to get back together.

I used to choose a divorce for those reasons, and I still will. How can two different results be obtained by the same method for the same reason?

My suggestion is to find the crux of your problem first. When two people sit down to communicate, they don't necessarily agree, but they must understand. Otherwise, they all say that they are right, they pay too much, and the other party is ruthless and shameless.

Quarrel is a negative vent. Everyone is saying that the other person is not good, can't see the other person's good, and won't let him see your good. So be sure to communicate.