How to cure people who love incompetence

The so-called "inability to love", from a book of the same name, refers to the phenomenon that people are unwilling to love, unwilling to spend time to create romance, and unwilling to love. This phenomenon has become an epidemic in today's society. Most of the people who call themselves "people who can't love" are those who are comfortable in their daily lives, but are afraid of love and are more willing to endure loneliness.

For the so-called "incompetent patients with love", they think that they have lost their ability to love. In fact, it is more because the demand for love is suppressed and cannot be transformed into the motivation to bravely and actively show their "pursuit of love" behavior.

Studies have found that individuals who love incompetence usually have intimacy phobia. Incapable individuals are no different from ordinary people in daily communication between men and women. They are friendly to everyone and can play jokes on each other, but they only maintain a "pseudo-intimate relationship" in interpersonal communication.

The emotional connection of individuals in pseudo-intimate relationships is usually in a very shallow state, and then in a state of inaction. It is mainly manifested in deliberately keeping a distance in interpersonal communication, refusing excessive intimacy and being difficult to integrate into the circle. They are eager to establish intimate relationships with others, but they are worried that their emotional efforts will not be responded, which will lead to anxiety and gradually avoid intimate relationships, making it difficult to communicate with everyone.

Even in marriage, there is such pseudo-intimacy. They may seem to have been married for many years and live together formally, but in fact they can't see each other in the relationship, ignore each other's real needs and can't establish real contact. The result will only bring consumption, dissatisfaction and even pain.

Insecurity is also a typical manifestation of loving incompetent individuals. Insecurity literally means security, which is a psychological demand for stability and security. The biggest feature of insecurity is to suffer from loss. Because of the lack of security, individuals often dare not love and dare not love. I dare not put my trust and feelings on anyone easily. For a relationship, before it begins, individuals are afraid of ending and losing. I even feel that I don't deserve anything beautiful, and I gave up without getting it. It seems that losing is more practical than getting.

It is found that childhood experience, family upbringing and serious life events in the past are the main reasons for individual insecurity. If it can't be adjusted in time, this

This feeling will be further generalized.

Generally speaking, the causes of love incompetence overlap. Therefore, it is difficult to judge a person's "love incompetence" from his appearance.

When you face such a person, don't forget that you always have two choices: leave or stay. Before making a decision, you need to consider the following points:

1, patience. Determine whether you have enough patience and perseverance to persist, to wait, to warm and influence each other.

2. Sincerity. You must make the other person feel that you are sincere enough and can't be hypocritical at all. They have a strong critical spirit of love. If you can't let them feel your sincerity, this love has no chance to start.

3. Be careful. Understand each other's past first, and don't repeat the mistakes of those who hurt him or her. Because they are very sensitive, once you make a mistake that hurts them, they won't give you any chance to remedy it.

4. care. Care and understand him with your heart, and show your concern with practical actions, not just talk.

5. Give each other time. If the other person is willing to talk to you, share his joys and sorrows with you, and ask you for help when he is weak, then you are close to success. At the same time, give each other time and don't push too hard. Love provocation doesn't work on them, it can only scare them away.

Finally, I wish all families in the world can eventually become lovers.