If the wife comes to support the family, should she be a "full-time nanny"?

"My wife earns millions of dollars a year. Do you want to be a full-time father? "

In the last issue of Qipa Shuo, this debate triggered a discussion among netizens about stay-at-home parents.

Whether for or against, many arguments truly express the current situation of the division of labor between women and families, as well as the problems faced by children in their growth.

Among them, the most touching thing for me is that Chen Ming, who is positive (to be a full-time father), mentioned:

"Mom's hard work, dad can't feel the same."

However, "if dad really wants to give birth to his mother and support her, can we take on more responsibilities in parenting and education?"

About the family, it is always a stage for two people, not a one-man show.

1

The pain of childbirth experienced by mothers.

How can dad feel the same way?

Li Birthday said: She has been a mother since you met her.

I think earlier, from the moment I was pregnant, my mother was already a mother, and my work and unshirkable responsibility began all year round.

During pregnancy:

Pregnant 10 months, watching my stomach get bigger day by day, I can't eat or drink as before. In severe cases, some mothers' blood sugar will rise, and everything with a high glycemic index is taboo;

Physical examination again and again, from one month 1 time, to one month 1 time, and then to one week 1 time, more and more matters need to be paid attention to;

The body is getting heavier and heavier, and it is getting harder and harder to get up and turn over every night. You can't bend over, and your shoes can only be put on with your husband's help.

You can't get sick. If you get sick, you can only stick to it. .....

The pain of childbirth:

Then to production, there are four stages:

The first stage: humiliation period. In order to ensure smooth production, enema and shaving will be carried out.

The second stage: the animal period. In extreme pain, I can only cry for mercy, I can't breathe.

The third stage: painless heaven. After the painless injection, I finally got a chance to breathe, but it was as short as the calm before the earthquake.

The fourth stage: crazy party period. The pain of 10 during childbirth is the real door to death.

If the delivery is natural, the parturient will suffer from the above-mentioned stages. If not, she will have to make a transverse incision and suture without anesthesia. If it is cesarean section, prevent intestinal adhesion after delivery, press abdomen, exhaust, etc. This is more terrible than death again and again. ......

After the child is born, his life will be completely over.

In the next life, there will be a fixed label and responsibility-mom.

Feeding pain:

The first problem after delivery is breast milk, which should be sucked every 2 hours, and heat preservation measures should be taken to prevent breast milk from blocking. .....

When Rayza, a novice mother, was filming Ningmin Town, it was very painful to walk and ride a horse because of blocked milk and purulent breasts. She asked the doctor to suck pus directly with a long needle, because the child could not be anesthetized and had to suffer by himself. ......

Now, mothers face more difficulties than these, including the delivery room mentioned by Chen Ming.

According to statistics, by the end of 20 19, the number of maternity rooms in Beijing ranked first in China, with 34 1, followed by 30 1 in Shanghai, with only 200 in Guangzhou and Hangzhou, which ranked third and fourth, and even fewer in other cities.

In cities with maternity rooms, more than 90% of these maternity rooms are in airports, shopping malls, museums and subway stations, but there are no maternity rooms in office buildings.

In addition to the above hardships, the most important thing is that the "work" of taking care of children will never be off duty. For short, you can't ask for leave, rest, be absent from work, be on call and have no salary.

In the daily repetitive busyness, I gradually get out of touch with the society, my work skills deteriorate, my viability weakens, and I lose my competitiveness.

There is no source of income, and all expenses must be reached out to the husband. Once the marriage changes, there will be nothing, and the pressure of life and survival will suddenly increase.

Not only that, they will gradually distance themselves from their partners, and the two will gradually drift apart, their growth will be out of sync, and their spiritual communication will gradually be at different levels. Over time, they will have self-awareness.

......

These things, the husband can't help, such as giving birth and breastfeeding. He is most afraid of is that he will add:

"Don't you take a child at home? Don't have to go to work, have money to spend! "

It is impossible for a father to feel the same way without having experienced these birth and feeding things personally.

Above all, if the husband is really a stay-at-home father, he can really understand the hardships and difficulties.

2

There is no real "empathy"

Need more "putting yourself in the shoes"

In the book Stay-at-home Dad, the writer Maori mentioned that her husband is a stay-at-home dad.

During that time, she would laugh in her dreams.

She wrote in the book that soon after the baby was born, she discussed with her husband that if anyone succeeded, the other half would take care of the baby at home full time.

As a result, within a few years, Maori's novels sold the copyright and earned more than one million yuan. Her husband also fulfilled his promise and became a full-time father at home.

Results 1 On that day, my husband fully realized her hard work and difficulty, and also understood the arduousness of the job as a full-time father.

The 1 day for the husband to take care of the baby full-time is like this:

Wake up my son in the morning. No matter how late you went to bed the day before, you must get up early to wake up your son the next day.

After shouting N times, I finally got up. I had to take care of my son's breakfast, urged him to "hurry up" again and again, and finally sent my son to school in a hurry to get a moment's peace and rest.

Of course, the morning call is just the beginning of the day.

Next, my husband's work also includes cleaning the housework, washing and cooking, and studying the school policy of promoting young children to young children. ......

Pick up my son from school at 8 o'clock in the afternoon, accompany him to do homework, do manual work, bathe the baby, read books before going to bed, and put the baby to sleep.

If it is a weekend, in addition to the above things, you should also exercise with your baby. Work 14 hours or more every day, comparable to Foxconn assembly line workers.

My husband became a middle-aged man who went to bed on time before 10 because he had to get up early the next day to continue repeating these things.

The book also wrote that when Maori took care of the baby, every time she encountered tutoring homework, she felt that it was the hardest job in the world, but at that time her husband would only say, "You have to be patient."

As a result, only two months after her husband took office, the painting style was completely changed:

"ABCD d, why don't you write? What's five plus six? How can you not know? "

"It's not like you can do Olympiad, learn chess and teach for two hours."

The husband took over the role of wife and became a roaring emperor, but the Maori, in turn, calmly advised him:

"Be patient with children and be reasonable."

This time, the husband finally realized how his wife felt when she was holding a child:

My partner was very picky before, and then my son jumped up and down. He struggled alone like a soldier and could not stop for a moment.

After being hit by the reality of bringing a baby again and again, my husband finally realized that bringing a baby is more of a test of a person's all-round ability than work.

The language that was once indifferent to his wife became his most practical and helpless feeling.

He realized the pain of raising and educating children, and at the same time he was more and more able to put himself in his wife's shoes.

What most of our mothers want is not "empathy" from their husbands, but "putting yourself in their shoes".

three

Abandon traditional obsession

Husband and wife share each other.

As Li Dan said, this society is too good for men. They still have a choice in many things, while women have no choice at all.

In our traditional family division of labor, for a long time, it has always been "the man is the master outside and the woman is the master inside", which is actually a cultural stereotype.

Li Yinhe once said:

"The gender stereotype holds that women are born closer to the family, so she is more suitable to stay at home to raise children and do housework, while men are more suitable to work hard in shopping malls and earn money to support their families."

This stereotype is actually a double oppression of men and women. "Bringing home the bacon" has become the inevitable fate of men (husbands), and "housekeeping" has also trapped thousands of women (wives).

The phrase "I support you" or "I support my family" is not because you earn more or less, but because "I understand your hard work, your hard work, and I love you more. It is a choice to go out and fight for shelter from the wind and rain. I can also put aside secular prejudice and be a full-time father to help you share a little. "

Speaking of it, bringing a baby can definitely be regarded as the top test of human patience 1.

Raising and educating children is never an easy task. Give them whatever they want. This is the way of raising wild animals, not education at all. What parents have to do is to teach this little animal to be a "person" slowly.

And home is a place where two people need to share responsibility, a warm harbor at home, and a fortress against wind and rain.

In the family, there is no need to divide men and women, no need to divide labor, and no need to win or lose.

Two people work hard, everything is for home, for children, for a better future!