How to Improve College Students' Self-esteem

The only thing that the whole world can control you is your thoughts and feelings at the moment. But that's enough! This is all you need to control. These words came from James W. Newman. He organized a "pace" (Personal and Corporate Efficiency) discussion organization. This organization has brought positive and far-reaching influence to men and women of all ages and backgrounds who are pursuing success in many countries.

This lesson is selected from James W. Newman's best-selling book "Release the brakes! The all-round teacher told a metaphor that we all know: Have you ever pulled the brakes while driving? I believe that no matter how long you drive, you must have encountered such a thing. I still remember reaching for the handbrake at my destination several times, only to find that I had been driving with the handbrake. It's ridiculous to think about it! However, you either didn't realize it or did it on purpose: in your life experience, you also drove with the brakes on. There is horsepower, but a lot of potential is blocked, the cover is dead, the restrictions are bitter, and it cannot be effectively exerted.

How do you feel about yourself? Are you satisfied with the present situation? As you will see, we are dealing with your mind, your thoughts. If self-esteem, that is, how you see yourself, is still at a low level on this scale, then maybe you are driving with the brakes on. And here, this is absolutely not allowed.

As a person, what do you think of your own value and the meaning of existence? That feeling-your self-esteem level is the most important and fundamental attitude framework in the "reality" system. In all excellent works and successes, high self-esteem is the same denominator; It is a release mechanism, which can make your potential flow more easily and freely. In terms of self-worth, you have established a "real" model and become a part of your self-impression.

At the same time, you have been trying to practice in a way consistent with that attitude. When you are young, your self-esteem begins to sprout and develop. From your parents and other experts, you will get a lot of signals about who you really are. Some signals are very positive, full of love and encouragement: "I like you very much." "You are such a good boy." "I'm so glad to have a child like you in our family." However, when I was a child, some signals sent by those "important people" were not necessarily positive: "Get your feet off me, idiot!" "Why on earth did you do something stupid?"

However, it is very important: not only what kind of signals you get, but also how you deal with them. Look carefully and think carefully. It doesn't matter what other people, "experts" and big shots say to you. What matters is your feelings, your inner thoughts and your feelings. This is the starting point and the beginning of building your self-esteem. Since childhood, when you are still designing and developing your own life, that unique feeling of personal value has begun to take shape. All along, you have been using the level of self-awareness to build or correct this self-esteem for your feelings. The current level of self-esteem is the overall result of the positive and negative stones you have cast on the balance of thoughts and feelings since you landed.

To put it bluntly, self-esteem is a degree. Generally speaking, you won't fall into the extreme of self-esteem. On this scale, it may be from very negative to very positive, from very low to very high. Those who are successful and outstanding tend to develop in the upward direction of the scale: most of them feel very real and honest, and have very positive attitudes, values and self-attitudes; At the same time, they think they are very valuable. At the low end of this scale, people think they are useless, meaningless and ignored; I also doubt my ability. I always like to stay in a closed house and do something familiar or easy. He "knows" that no matter what he does, there will be no chance, and of course there will be no result; Even when others compliment or praise themselves, he will feel quite uncomfortable; I'm not sure about the future. I always feel that things will only get worse in the future. It's a pity that many people in the world are associated with this self-impression: sincerity, frankness, and deep feeling that they just can't do it. Needless to say, the negation of negation, to make matters worse, many people take it for granted that "this is the way things should be, this is life". We can clearly see how that kind of "truth" can brake a person's success in life.

Let's turn to the pure hammer and kill them? Jane t 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 诒 Mode？ Do you blow molds? What's the file? The cashier said, "Why didn't you send me a letter and put the rubber leg of Milk jiaozi on it?" ? The pregnancy promise of being employed by Lao Zhiwei? Idiot foundation, you can give pure prizes. ⊥? Silkworm m? What are the disadvantages of the insurance industry? What about slaughter? Tough? What's the matter with you? What about pregnant cows? Qin Qin? What's wrong with taking a hot spring in the pool? What's the matter with you? Why are you pregnant? Hey? 5. Consultation? What is the danger of taking W pregnant to climb the mountain? I'm sorry. Kill the cricket? What's the difference between them? Kill cranes? Huan Yun said it is rare to raise money and unload it? /FONT & gt；

Here, let me tell you a few ways-a few very simple tricks and methods, so that you can put them into practice immediately and move towards positive goals.

The first trick is simple, that is, use positive imagination. Build positive thoughts about your own value, and then strengthen them every day. Know what self-esteem means to you, and then turn it into affirmation of yourself. For example, "I like myself and respect myself. I am a valuable person and a useful person. " When you strengthen this affirmation of yourself, you can experience your feelings in real situations in your imagination. A person who believes that he is useful, valuable and important. These real situations may appear in meetings, parties, family trips or sales interviews. Put yourself in this situation and let these feelings of self-esteem flow through your heart.

For those things that make you feel good, you can feel them again, thus strengthening the positive experience. Or think about what makes you feel bad, or you didn't handle it well and play back the movie in your imagination; As long as you watch this scene again with a more positive attitude and handle things better, you will feel better. Feel warm, proud and satisfied, and shine with joy.

Another way to improve self-esteem is to let yourself stay in the successful things for a long time-stay in the things that you feel good and have more flavor; Think more and don't spend too much time crying about your mistakes and failures. There is a world of difference between "past failures" and "losers"-just like the difference between "wrongdoers" and "bad guys". There is a set of words that are very important and useful to you, and can be a magic weapon of "never giving up and never losing yourself". There is nothing particularly magical about these words, but they have greatly helped you to turn yourself from cursing yourself and crying in mistakes into more positive design and arrangement.

The next time something goes wrong, admit what happened, admit your mistake, and then turn to thinking about how to deal with this situation next time to avoid making mistakes again. I'm not suggesting that everyone should avoid, ignore or ignore your mistakes and failures. Sometimes even if you kick yourself a few times, things still don't end well. Sometimes I can't get the sales list, and sometimes I don't want to produce parts according to the specific requirements of customers; Sometimes you may say some excessive words to your children and colleagues, and then you realize that you shouldn't say those words and think you have the wrong attitude or way. Once something goes wrong, you will always make your own decisions, or choose to indulge in your own mistakes, feel depressed and say to yourself, "God, how stupid I am!" " Or "Why do I keep doing this? What's wrong with it? "thus reducing the degree and level of self-esteem; Or, learn from mistakes and hope to do better in the future. Instead of falling too deeply into "too stupid, too bad, I am so stupid, really stupid, really troublesome", it is better to look at this specific matter and consider "Oh, this method is not good, it is not very useful, it is not very good, and it will be handled in another way next time". Set up such a "program" in advance, so that the next time the same thing happens, you will be prepared, which will be more constructive and efficient.

When I am driven and always want to label myself as negative, I will give you another useful word: help you, remind yourself that you will keep changing.

So far, instead of saying "I just can't speak", it is better to put this sentence in a more accurate way: "So far, I still find it difficult to speak to the public." You are constantly changing, and there is no reason to think that what you did in the past is the way to do things in the future.

Let your thoughts and feelings develop in a positive direction, which is especially important in a few minutes before going to bed every night. Unfortunately, it is also possible that thousands or even more people lie down for half an hour or even an hour every night, unable to extricate themselves and counting wrong things over and over again. I promise, by doing so, they will definitely make the same mistake again.

These few minutes before going to bed every night are very important. If you can direct your thoughts to things that make you feel good, or guide yourself with things and activities that look forward to the future, that moment will be very special. There is another way to help you strengthen yourself, develop yourself, enhance your self-esteem, and strengthen your ties with family and friends, so as to build up your sense of usefulness, value and significance, and strengthen it in all organic connections. Think about your family, the department you work in and some groups you join. The sense of value and meaning of each member in a group are interrelated and interactive. Put these attitudes together and you will have a set of attitudes and comments-"What do we think of ourselves?"

Your family's self-esteem. Mom has feelings about home, Dad does, Judy also has some, Mary, Johnny … Everyone has their own feelings and ideas about "our home". If you are lucky, you will meet children from the most self-respecting and ambitious families. There is a positive atmosphere everywhere in their home: "This is really a good place!" ""As a member of this family, I am really proud. I feel sorry for those who are not members of our family. We love each other, handle things together and express our feelings to each other. Look, what a great home! "No matter how great the potential of that home is, I believe it will flow naturally and easily. What often happens is regrettable. Some families have a full atmosphere: "How can we get rid of it? "Look, this largely represents the * * * characteristics of this group, with the same self-esteem and level. No matter how great the potential of this family is, it is probably still the potential of being tightly locked, because the handbrake has been pulled!

This is also the case in many companies. You may be a member of a company or other organization, and the atmosphere from top to bottom is: "It's great to work here! I really like it here! I work with a group of excellent people. What we are doing is very important, and we are doing very well. " The self-esteem of your group is also from low to high on this scale.

If the scale of self-esteem is low, maybe you can lift it easily. Considering this, if you can make the whole group feel good, isn't that good for yourself? For personal interests, at least two things are important: First, if the team you work and live with all day can work effectively, then you can easily achieve your goals. Secondly, knowing that you are a member of a successful team will not make you feel better about yourself, nor will it help you release your abilities.

Imagine, on the football field, listening to instructions before the game, and then preparing to beat your opponent. At this time, if you say to your teammates, "Hey, we are all made of iron!" " What effect will this have? ! If you have participated in any game of any team, you will know what an unexpected positive effect it will bring to morale. Besides, it is contagious. Before you come to your senses, everyone in the team becomes full of energy and vitality, adjust their state and strive for victory. The spread and expansion of this positive factor in the team, as well as the resulting impact, will undoubtedly increase the chances of success and victory. This effect in sports is very distinct in our culture, and it is easy to see this performance in professional sports teams. Think about it, what would happen if all the players made the best team in the league? Whether it is baseball, hockey or ice hockey, when players wear the jersey of the champion team, their performance is naturally good. Because they know that they must be very good, they will come to the best team, go further and play better! The new team's jersey did not change his potential, but stimulated the order of thoughts and feelings and released the brake pads!

In some armies, you can see similar situations. Some troops "know" that they are the best, so they also show that they are the best in battle. In every business field, some companies have an atmosphere of high self-esteem, and it is no accident that they can poach the best employees from their competitors.

Look at yourself again, from your own point of view. See if you can benefit from efforts to strengthen team spirit. Try it in your own home; Try the bowling team, try your own company, department, service organization and trade cooperation organization, church or your own community, or even your country. When you do anything and say anything, try to express it with positive thoughts and use positive words to strengthen this positive atmosphere in the group, which will help the group to work better and achieve its goals more easily, and of course help you get to where you want to go as soon as possible.

I remember the last time I sat at the dinner table with my family and said, "I am really proud to be a member of this family." We are great! " "How long ago did you say this? If you really don't feel that way about your home, you don't have to say it. But if you really feel that way, why don't you say so? Maybe it's the first time to say it. It's a little unnatural. I think it's like going back to our established childhood procedures: we were not good at expressing ourselves at that time. However, it's time to release the handbrake. What positive comments do you have on your team? Say it! I'm sure I'll get a result. If your team really screwed up, use the "next time" method to prevent everyone from indulging in mistakes and strengthen the atmosphere of failure. Who in the group is about to slide into the abyss and start to play the same old tune, thinking that "this is us, this is us, and we always screw things up." "At this time, you might as well cut in and ask him a question gently:" How to better solve and deal with this situation in the future? "In this way, help the group to change this procedure, delete this procedure that will only bring trouble, and let it not happen again. Countries also have self-esteem, and the degree is constantly changing. This is the same as the personal situation. Looking back at the historical picture, it is not difficult to see the ups and downs of self-esteem in different countries. Various examples illustrate the relationship between how countries and nations view their attitudes and how to use their potential. Look at Britain, Russia, Germany, Israel, Japan and Mexico. No matter which country you think of, can you think of how the country's ambition and self-esteem have changed? Also, what impact does this change have on the progress of the nation, the development of the country's productive forces, and the enthusiasm and attitude of the people?

Think about it, what good will it do to our country to talk about exaggerating what you have done wrong all day-because you are also a citizen? Think about our infinite success and make us feel better. Isn't it better and more useful? How can I correct my failure so as to better handle similar situations in the future? Now, let's look at how to help others to enhance their self-esteem. This may be the most exciting and satisfying way for you to establish your own values and mission. One of the most interesting features of these basic release mechanisms is that the more you give to others, the more you get! The more you strengthen and support the self-esteem of others, the more you will like yourself. But on the other hand, it may even be more obvious, which makes you feel hate yourself and even produces an uncomfortable feeling in your heart. So one of the ways to build your self-esteem is to help others build and strengthen their self-esteem. In the process, you will get all kinds of extra rewards. By giving others a chance to understand and feel yourself positively, you are also changing the atmosphere around you. Stop and think about the most important people in your life, that is, the people you live with, the people you work with, the people you often associate with, and who is the most important person in your world. Maybe they include your lover, children, professional colleagues, good friends, or leaders. Think about these people and ask yourself, "After a month, these people really, honestly and deeply like themselves. What does this mean to me? " What does this mean? Is it useful, good for you, or harmful or bad? Are these people who get along with you every day marching on the scale of self-esteem good or bad for you?

I'm sure you'll be looking forward to it when you think about it. If the people you contact have strong self-esteem, then your life will be easier. Is it better to deal with people who are defensive and resistant, or who shrink back and tend to pass the buck to others, or with people who are more open, honest, trust each other, have the same goal and communicate more directly? The exciting fact is that when self-respecting people work together, there are many possibilities for positive things to happen to them. it wont hurt you to try it Set yourself a task within a month, choose a specific object, and keep in touch with him often. You are determined to do your best to help him anyway, sincerely, honestly and frankly, and make him feel better. So what should we do? Spend more time making them feel good and less time making them feel depressed. Do you want to have a try? You can try an exercise in the "pace" meeting. The most important and exciting project is that we organized a meeting for teenagers. At the meeting, we implemented the whole "pace" plan for young people. It was the summer of 1968, and a participant in the Step youth program designed an exercise called "Never Despair Game". The method is simple, that is, to see how long you can belittle others; Let's see if we can hold 15 minutes 1 hour. Maybe it's not that easy!

The rule is: don't belittle anyone, never, including yourself, even in a joke. Self-deprecating and derogatory remarks that seem to be "jokes" are not allowed, because these jokes and self-deprecation are often accompanied by a sharp hook. Of course, it is also possible that we will play a joke on others in a soft way with goodwill and enthusiasm. However, we deliberately ruled out the possibility of joking and mocking in the game, hoping not to let any possible tricks mix into the game. Besides, this is a personal, separate and secret project. Don't tell others what you are doing. Give yourself some time to see how long you can persist without belittling others. So just mind your own business? If you tell others that he just belittles others, then even you are belittling others, even if you are the one who has just been belittled by others.

Once you find out how long you can hold on without belittling others, see if you can break the record and see if you can hold on longer next time. At the same time, develop new habits to support others, praise others, rather than belittle others. See what effect it will have if you strengthen others' goodwill towards yourself instead of denigrating others. Be sure to have an insight into your positive feelings for another person, and at the same time make sure that you have a little respect or warmth for others. When you tell others frankly what will happen in your heart, I believe you will be deeply gratified by the result. The more you encourage and praise others, the less you belittle and attack them. Then, you will not only improve your surroundings, but also find that you like yourself better. In the process of strengthening others' positive understanding of yourself, you will also build up your self-esteem. In the process of interacting with people, you will find that encouraging and praising what you admire will bring much better achievements than criticizing and accusing you. When many people do something wrong, it is easy to criticize others' behaviors and attitudes. In fact, it's just because they didn't actually do it the way we said. If we want to praise others and hope that they will form the character, achievement, attitude and behavior we desire, then encouragement is more constructive than criticism.

Imagine a couple in a restaurant, and one of them says, "You're not really going to eat that banana cream pie, are you?" This question (even the tone) is focused, but it is not the original effect of the questioner. Maybe it's better to wait until the dessert plate is handed over with a positive attitude: "honey, I know you really like dessert, and I really admire your decision not to eat it." If you are in the role of a manager or a parent, you may meet your subordinates and children from time to time, and they may often screw things up. The child climbed up the shelf to look for cookies, but broke the cookie box. I'm sure you will say something, but that's not what he wants to hear: "You broke the biscuit barrel!" " "He knew that he had hit the biscuit barrel and made a mistake. He might still feel very uncomfortable. There are a lot of broken glass and pottery fragments mixed in the biscuit. It must be broken. He is sad enough, there is no need to let others make him feel more sad for what he has done. What he needs is to help him know how to deal with this kind of thing better in the future-better next time. What he needs is some caress and advice: how can he get the biscuit next time without breaking the bottle? Perhaps there is a more positive saying: "Next time, find a higher chair"; Or, "Next time, let me get it for you". Sometimes, one or two questions may help: "Oh, that won't do, will it? What should I do next time I want to eat cookies? "The sales director may say to the salesman," You are introducing the situation, but the phone keeps ringing, and suddenly you forget the words and can't find the status. "What would you do if you were disturbed by the phone next time? How to get back to your theme and win this order? " In many cases, it may be a good idea if you can tell me what you will do next time. Most importantly, we must discuss "activities" or "behaviors" instead of "individuals"; In other words, "talking about things" rather than "talking about people". What this coaching nature should reflect on managers and partners is this "next time" message, which only represents the opinions of helpers, not pointers or suggestions.

Before we leave the topic of self-esteem, we need to solve another puzzle: what if the people you meet are too self-respecting and conceited to be accepted by you? I guess, if you really consider that person, he is either boasting or showing off his past glory, you will find that you are not dealing with a person with high self-esteem. It is possible that he held high the horn and blew it, but in fact he marked it low on the scale of self-esteem.

Another person's "reality" structure reads: "I know I'm useless. If someone really knows me and knows me, they won't like me. Therefore, this situation must not happen. " What he shows is his own surface, not a hypocritical appearance. He always says that he does everything well and is always eager to prove to others that he is still valuable-at the same time, he is still convincing himself! Of course, this transparent surface evokes a flood of reactions from others: others don't admire his hypocrisy and deception, so he tries harder to please others and pretends that he is more valuable and useful than he thought. In your world, anyone will brag about his ego and pretend to make up for his inferiority, so your natural tendency is to take out your little needle and see if you can puncture his balloon. When those people keep blowing the horn of ostentation and extravagance, naturally, you will always have a desire to flatten it to its original scale. If you think about it in reverse, you will find it very enlightening. Of course, this may not be easy; However, if you put yourself in the other's shoes, you will find it is very good for you. If you can spend some time and energy to awaken and strengthen that person's true feelings about his own value, you will find that the boasting component will gradually decrease.

This may be contrary to your first reaction, but give it a try. When you meet such a person, you are very eager to make others pay attention to you and leave an impression on you, then you really should look for something that can make that person feel good and find some bright spots as much as possible. So, you might as well praise and compliment him sincerely, honestly and honestly. Don't flatter him, but praise what really matters to him-his taste in boots and his excellent presentation at staff meetings-in short, these are topics that you admire and envy, so you can express them to him in a positive way. Express your admiration instead of exaggerating his low self-esteem, showing that you are bragging about his negative and negative views.

Remember, when you do this, your feelings are really important. Put aside that person's external behavior and admit his true meaning and value-if he really has it, if he really shows it.

There is also a performance that can explain a person's low self-esteem, that is, giving a negative response to other people's praise. This symptom is not only a common and credible situation, but also provides us with a meaningful clue that this person's self-esteem is declining. You like someone's clothes very much and say, "This jacket looks good on you." But the answer you get is, "Ah, you mean this old dress?" This says a lot about what he thinks of himself-especially his jacket is really new. When a person is uncomfortable with compliments and compliments, the system in his mind may be experiencing, "I know my taste is poor, but he says my clothes are beautiful." He himself observed the contradiction with "reality", which made him feel uneasy and depressed. Sometimes, some people will show their timidity before others compliment them. "I'm sorry, I'm really ugly today" or "I'm sorry, the house is so messy". If they don't talk, maybe you didn't notice at all.

Therefore, the signal that you can tell others about your self-esteem is his attitude towards praise and compliment. If you think this person has high self-esteem, then you say, "Shirley, you did a beautiful job on that project!" " "What would she say? Maybe it's just a simple "thank you." Or "thank you, I'm glad you said so. Feel good about yourself! "People who see themselves more accurately and firmly are more likely to accept praise and praise, because this kind of praise contains his recognition of his own value and significance.