The lines of one of the most classic sketches or cross talks by Feng Niuniu.

Where are you performing here?

B: Ah.

Let me ask you a question.

Is there a problem?

What do you think is the most terrible thing in the world?

What do you mean?

A: Everything. Count them all.

B: All over the world?

A: Hey, what's the scariest thing? Let's just say, what do you fear most?

B: If I say what scares me the most in the world, I'm afraid it's-

A: What?

B: My wife!

Your wife? !

B: Yes, in fact, more than 95% of married gay men are afraid of their wives.

How did you know?

B: I ... I know.

A: Yes!

B: You see, all the people who are having fun under the stage think so, right?

A: Wow! Then what are you afraid of your wife?

B: I'm ... I'm afraid that if she divorces me, I'll never find such a good one again.

A: Hi! You can't be afraid, it's a kind of love. I asked you what are you afraid of?

Oh, my God! I really have nothing to be afraid of. Last time our kitchen collapsed, you tried to protect me, and I was still there catching two crickets!

A: Hi! None of this counts. Say the worst first.

B: Then what do you say is the most terrible?

A: If I say it, everyone will definitely agree.

B: Really? Then tell me, what are you most afraid of?

A: If I say what I fear most in this world-

B: What's this?

A: My son!

Your son? !

A: Generally speaking, I am not afraid of him. At the sight of him, my heart beat, my liver trembled and my intestines followed my stomach.

Why are you so afraid of him?

Oh, my God! You haven't met my son. That's terrible!

B: Really? How terrible is it?

He's too old!

Nonsense, no one's children are always smokers!

A: We are not afraid of his height, but of his learning!

B: Why are you afraid of your son studying?

A: I told him to study later for such a small jumping bean. I wonder when he will be poor to you! Where are you going to put your parents' faces?

How can he be so mean to you?

Oh, my God! Do you think he is poor and I am less? Don't say anything else, I can't stand him asking everything! If you don't know the word, ask him! Do you think I should tell him?

Tell me.

A: Tell me if you want to know me!

Oh, you don't know him!

Do you think I should tell him?

B: You don't know how to tell others? Just say you don't know. ...

A: Is it meaningful to say that you don't know him? I'm dad!

B: dad wants to know everyone?

A: Of course! Why don't I be a father in our family? This shows that we are competent. I have been re-elected for many years!

B: I have never heard of it!

A: I'm dad anyway! Whose father knows no more than his son? ! This is no exaggeration. At that time, my son was like a mother and admired me the most, starting from the age of three!

What did you say?/Sorry?

A: "My father is the best! Your father is not as good as mine! My father always teaches me to read! My father knows every word! I know many words, I know one, two, three, four, five ... six! "

B: Good!

A: To tell the truth, I was not afraid of him at that time. When he wanted to ask a word, he opened his mouth and said, "the pronunciation of this word-what's with a horizontal bar in the middle?" Just read big-add a little below? Just read it-and put a horizontal line on it? Just ... I don't understand! "

B: That's it.

A: Stop it, this knowledge can still bear for a while at that time, but not now! The child is in the sixth grade! Sixth grade! ! Are you scared?

B: What's there to be afraid of?

A: That day he asked me again, "Dad, what does this word mean?" I saw it, it's broken!

B: Why?

A: I don't know!

B: Then just say you don't know him.

A: I'm dad! I said, "This word ... is actually easy to pronounce. Did you get a look at him? It consists of two parts. Do you know these two parts? " "I see. One word on the left and one word on the right. " "Yes, you don't know what these two words are when read together, do you?"

B: That's right. I won't ask if you know you.

A: "I can't tell you what the sound of this word is at once!" " "

B: Then why?

A: "I'll tell you right away, you ... don't agree ... you should encourage yourself to use your head and think about it." What is better to read this? "

Can you figure it out?

A: "This word is often seen!"

Yes, what do you often read?

A: "Look at that!"

B: What?

A: "read this ... hum!"

B: Huh?

A: "Hey, hum! Doesn't that mean: Hum, Hum, that's the word. "

Is that teaching?

A: "That makes sense. It is said that our ancestors invented this word! The people you want to teach are not shouting at anyone, they are all very kind, and it is vivid to get together and whisper-hum and teach! "

B: Nonsense!

A: Several teachers in our factory called home that day, and everyone was very happy. Let's have a drink. We had a good time, alas! The boy came in: "Dad, Dad, the text we learned today says:' The colonies under imperialist slavery are sinfully producing beggars and idiots every day'. Dad, what is an idiot? " I said, "..."

B: he can't answer!

A: "Free food! Don't you get it? Free food! Dad earns money, you just eat for free! "

B: Huh? !

A: A few masters, poof! Spray it all! He said, "We all came for nothing!"

You are too timid!

A: Don't be an outsider if you don't say that your child is not sensible! "Dad, dad, is that a flounder on this plate?" I said, "Yes." "Why does the flounder's eye grow on one side?"

B: Still ask everything.

A: I said, "Of course! It has to grow on one side! "

B: Why?

A: "... I can't tell you right away. "

B: Why?

A: "I'll tell you right away, you don't remember." You should encourage yourself to use your head and think about it. Why does this flounder only have one eye? "

B: why do you grow on one side?

Answer: "Yes, they all have eyes on one side, so they are called flounders!" " "

B: It's just like saying nothing.

A: "The one that grows on one side is called yellow croaker!"

Who asked you?

A: "Hey! Remember! Whoever has an eye on one side is a yellow croaker! " "Dad, dad, then why do you have an eye on one side?" I said, "... the yellow croaker was changed by dad ... No, dad ... the yellow croaker ... Hey! By the way, dad loves yellow croaker! "

That boy made him talk nonsense!

A: This is still good! Sometimes I want to talk nonsense and I don't know what to say!

B: Really?

A: He chased your ass all day and asked, "Dad, Dad, why are our TVs black and white and some people's TVs color?"

B: The structure inside is different!

A: "Where is the structure different?"

B: The picture tube is just right. ...

A: "What is a picture tube? Why can a picture tube display images? Where do TV images come from? Does it fly from the sky to the house? Is it like a flying saucer? Why are UFOs called UFOs? Is UFO English? Why do Americans also speak English? Dad, can you speak English? " I said, "(ambiguous) English ... Lao Bai!" (waving)

B: Slip away!

Why do you always meddle in our family affairs? I don't know any sympathy! I've had enough of this child! Look at the thinness now and watch the meat fall off. Say it's not afraid of your jokes. What's the point of driving this child? I go to work at eight in the morning and leave at six. At night, the children were not asleep, and I was afraid to go home.

B: Why?

A: I dare not ask! If you can't afford it, you can't afford to hide!

B: as for it?

A: He asked you that you were wrong. He really looked down on you!

B: No.

Why not? Last time I held a parent-teacher conference, I saw him complaining and didn't want me to go. I said, "This kid, the parents' meeting, who will go if I don't go? "When I said this, he was unhappy:" Hum! I won't let you go! I won't let you go! Look how well his father speaks. You can't talk. You talk nonsense! What was the name of the last parent forum? As a result, our classmates have given you nicknames. "

B: What's the nickname?

A: "Everyone calls you a big idiot!"

B: Oh!

A: Do you think the child is all right now? ! Give his dad a nickname! You said you gave it to me. What's the nickname? Huh? What a fool! Don't be silly, give me a hat! What is wrong with me? You think I'm stupid?

Don't be angry with the children.

A: One night, I didn't let him eat when he came back. I said, "Come here! ..... come here! ! "

B: Take your time.

A: "I'm your father, aren't I?" Hmm? ..... yes. Yes-you just walked up to me on the side of the road and gave me a look. You didn't call me? ! "

B: Oh, this is the baby's!

A: He has another reason: "Dad, what do you want us to call you?" ? Just now, in front of so many classmates, you played poker under a street lamp and posted a white note. "

B: Good!

A: "Didn't I really call?" Shanshan didn't call her father either. Her father is wearing a pair of sunglasses, which are painted. "

B: Oh! The child is afraid that you will embarrass him!

A: After listening to this, I can't sleep at night. I suddenly feel that my child is getting older! I watched him sleep so soundly and sweetly, so I gently tucked him in, huh?

B: Why?

A diary?

Oh, children keep diaries.

A: I'll drive! Boy, this diary is really neat. Oh, this is the diary of the day before: "March 5: Sunday: sunny."

From now on, I will never ask my father any more questions. How sad he is that he can't answer! From now on, I will study hard. I know a lot of things, so I can't ask my father anymore. "

B: Hey!

I really can't stand this place. Looking back, my wife was sleeping soundly, but I was so angry. I picked my wife up and said, "Do you … do you … do you still have time to snore?"

What are you doing with her?

A: We held an emergency meeting overnight and made an in-depth and detailed assessment and analysis of the current family situation. The general assembly agreed that the root of the crisis of children's belief lies in the "knowledge explosion" of children in the 1980s, who learned too much, had too wide interests and were too eager for knowledge-this is a "four-too" situation! And we can't stand at the forefront of the movement to lead our children, which leads to the embarrassing situation that laymen want to lead small professionals but can't, and sons look down on Laozi. In this way, a problem of "learning" is seriously and urgently placed in front of our leaders. Therefore, we believe that in a long historical period, the main task of our leaders is to learn. Our battle slogan: "I think I'm not afraid of my son asking questions, so I'll study hard and then study!" " "

B: Good!

A: We have formulated a very powerful measure.

What measures?

Answer: Why buy a set of100000?

Why did you buy that?

A: Back! Memorize them all, and you won't be afraid of children asking!

What a great idea!

A: There are quite a few books, more than twenty!

B: There are too many things to recite!

A: That's all right. My wife and I have a division of labor. She takes half and I take half. She carries astronomy, geography, physics, chemistry, electricity, geology, medicine and mathematics. My back: human body, sports, plants, animals, law, history, literature and art, military affairs. Later, when her son asked about her back, she said, when my son asked about my back, I said. Before going to work, after work, when buying food, cooking, eating, washing dishes, walking, riding, lying in bed or carrying, we both carry it. This mouth is always busy: "... why does the clock in Beijing railway station jump every half minute!" Why can't the back window of the bus open? Why is noise also a kind of pollution? Why is psoriasis not tinea? Why are there so many volcanoes in Hawaii? Why do people keep panting? Why does the big head of the nose generally rush down? "Nonsense, big head. Is that a funnel? Why do you think these people have nothing to do with this? !

B: Your spirit is commendable, but after all, it is not the way.

That depends on you ...?

B: Make up the culture and learn the basics again.

A: Great minds think alike! I signed up for school! I want to study hard! Try to get a college diploma. I'll sign up first ... for primary school!

B: Primary school?

A: I went to junior high school just in time for the chaos. I am a figurehead! I'm determined to get my time back! I started in the sixth grade of primary school! ……

B: That's your son's class!

A: Not a school. I'm at night school. Oh, dear! After a few days of classes, I feel that the sixth grade homework in this primary school is very difficult. I am so worried about this homework every day!

B: Your foundation is even worse.

A: I went home for dinner that night. My son and I are doing our homework at the same table. He knelt on the chair over there and I knelt on the chair over here. I think so. Hey! Our father and son have exactly the same homework today!

What a coincidence!

I said, "well, lend me your eraser."

B: Hey!

A: What I draw here is a mess. I always read it wrong. Ask my son if he wants it!

B: That's all right.

A: But what do you think of it?

B: What's the matter?

A: Yes! In order to study, I am throwing caution to the wind! Wipe your face, don't be shy to ask! I said, "hmm ... how do you do this problem?"

B: there really isn't!

A: But my son's words are so irritating!

What did he say?

A: "Dad, do you want to ask me how to do this problem correctly?"

Not bad.

A: "I can't tell you right away."

B: Then why?

A: "I'll tell you right away that you're not impressed. We should encourage ourselves to use our brains and think about it. What should I do with this question? "

B: Good!

A: My wife listened to the music and said, "Give it back to my dad! Your son helped with his homework, so you are ashamed! You deserve to be a father! " I said, "If I don't deserve to be a father, he has to call me a father."

How fresh!

A: That's true, but I have a bad taste in my heart. Really, at this rate, do I deserve to be a father? The more I think about it, the more I feel I can't sleep at night. I tossed and turned for most of the night and finally got lost at dawn. I have a dream when I am confused. That's terrible!

What dream did you have?

A: Twenty years later, somehow our family made such a rule.

What are the rules?

A: No one who wants to be a father is a father. It is necessary to implement an assessment system. Whoever is accepted as the father is the father. As a result, the test paper came down, and I couldn't understand it at all! I thought, for my father's sake, I couldn't pass the exam. How shabby! I cried with a wow. The more I cry, the sadder I get. The more I cry, the sadder I get. I was crying when my son woke me up and asked me why I was crying. I climbed out of bed and said with shame and excitement, I want to be a veritable father, a qualified father, an excellent father, a competent father and the best father. Please show my son my actual action! (Raise your hand and make a twitch)

What do you mean?

I'm on the trampoline!