Classic funny sentences

He likes a girl who has been sitting in front of him in the study room. After countless struggles, he handed the girl a note: hello! I've been watching you for a long time. Can I be your friend? I went back to do the problem. After reading it, the girl packed her books and went to his seat to ask, I'm leaving. Do you want to go with me? Next, he said something that may be the most classic in his life: you go first, I still have some problems to do. ...

On the subway, an old man stared at the young man around him for a long time and said to him, "Look at your face, young man, you should weigh 80 kilograms!" " The young man was surprised: "Grandpa, you are so accurate." Can you help me look at the fortune this year? "Grandpa replied," look at you! You stepped on my foot! ! ! "

A boss bought three bags of fitness balls. The next day, she came to the store again. "Please give me six more bags of fitness balls," she said to the shop assistant. The clerk looked at her in surprise. "There must be many cockroaches in your house, right?" "Yes," the old lady replied, "I beat cockroaches all day with the sanitary ball I bought yesterday. Unfortunately, I have only hit one so far. "

When I was a child, my parents always believed that the ugly duckling would turn into a white swan and then marry a rich woman. One day when I grew up, my father looked at me intently and said earnestly, "Son, you'd better study hard ..."

Man is a lazy animal, just like being caught and put into a stew pot. Frog: Although the water is heating, it doesn't feel good, but I can endure it and endure it. When the water is boiling, it wants to resist and escape, but there is nothing it can do.

Are you bored at work? Flip a coin, surf the internet on the front, sleep on the back, work when you stand up, work hard when you stand up, and apply for overtime when you fail. If you throw two pieces, throw them every day!

I was lazy in bed in the morning, so I took out six coins from my pocket: if all six are heads, I will go to class! Think for a long time, forget it, don't take the risk. ...

I caught the bus in the morning, and when I got to the platform, the bus had already left. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " At this time, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Wukong, stop chasing."

0 years old, 10 years old, rising every day. 20-year-old dream, 30-year-old effort. At the age of 40, it is basically oriented, and at the age of 50, it is full of popularity. Playing mahjong at the age of 60 and wandering around at the age of 70. 80-year-old lesbians are very common, and 90-year-old lesbians are hanging on the wall!

I used to meet someone who secretly asked you if you wanted a mobile phone in the street, but now it's even more terrible. I directly and blatantly sell human organs. Today, I accidentally met a woman when I was walking. Before I could say I'm sorry, the woman actually asked me loudly, are you shameless?

A friend surnamed Liu said that according to the genealogy, the next generation should be called Liu Xing. I said if you want a daughter, you should call her Liu Xingyu. How romantic. He said no, I want one with a handle, and then take a domineering name, Liu Xing Hammer!

In the morning, my wife jumped on me and said, "Tomorrow is Children's Day, dear, I want to buy a LV bag." "buy buy buys!" "I also want Dior perfume." "buy buy buys!" I didn't expect this move to be seen by my son. After my wife went to the kitchen, I saw him hesitate to lie down: "Well, if possible, honey, I want to buy an Altman!" "

My wife likes fruit very much. Once my wife and I walked home, and she wanted to buy a few pounds of apples to take home. I said not to buy it. There are still a few Jin of oranges at home. The wife replied, "Can oranges taste like apples?"

Landlord: Now TV advertisements are really effective. At noon yesterday, we advertised for warehouse security on TV. Reply: The warehouse was stolen at night.

Landlord: Who can tell me something about Thailand? Response: Thailand's census results: 42% men and 40% women.

A man in the village bought an electric car and tried to ride it on the road. At this moment, a stranger came up and said that your car looks good. Can I try? Then I gave him a try, and then he got on the bus slowly, riding slowly, slowly. Ride away.

I remember when I was in college, I taught myself one night and wanted to make a fool of my deskmate monitor. I put a piece of paper behind him with a picture of a pig on it. She is a very fat girl sitting at the back table. The fat girl laughed wildly after seeing it, and the louder she laughed, the monitor asked her why she laughed. The fat girl smiled and pointed to the monitor and said, "There is a pig behind you ..."

On weekends, my wife is sweating all over the house, and my husband is lying in bed watching TV leisurely. The wife complained, "Do you have the heart to watch me work hard here alone?" The husband said sympathetically, "Then I'll go back to the back room and sleep for a while ..."

In Chinese class, I drew a pig on paper with a watercolor pen, and then gently stuck the paper on the back of a beautiful woman in front of me. Unexpectedly, she found it in a few minutes. She tore off the paper, looked at me with murderous eyes and said, "Hum, I'll get even with you after class." I was puzzled and asked her, "Why do you feel there is a pig behind you?" Then I felt that there was something wrong with this statement.

A scolded B: "You are shameless." B asked, "Do you want it?" A casually replied "no" and B smiled: "So you are shameless."

One day I teased my cousin. Me: "How old are you this year?" He: "Seven years old." Me: "How old were you last year?" He: "Six years old! Do you think I'm stupid? " Children are stronger now. I asked again, "How old are you next year?" He was silent. ...

Three years after graduating from college, several students chatted in the class group, talking about technology, java, xml and so on. Another classmate opened a factory at home and became a manager early, which was very distressing. After a long time, he added: Our company is looking for a driver because of business expansion. Requirements: 4 years java development experience! Suddenly, the group was quiet. ...

When my daughter was two years old, she accidentally scrapped her father's favorite Jun porcelain vase. She was very scared. When his father came back, she greeted the door and said weakly, "Dad, do you like your baby daughter or your baby vase best?" Her father hugged her and said, "Of course it's my baby girl." My daughter went to play happily. Then his father saw the vase in the trash can. It was a mess.

Husband and wife sleep in the quilt. The husband sneezed and sprayed it on his wife's face. The wife said: Tell me in advance if there is any more situation, and talk about it later. Husband said loudly: Prepare! The wife hurriedly got into the quilt, only to hear a bang, and her husband farted. ...

When I was a child, my mother gave me to my sister, who wanted to play table tennis with her classmates and didn't want to take me to play. She pulled me aside, picked up a few pieces of coal from the coal pile, and said earnestly, you can come and play with us after cleaning these up ... then I washed the briquettes carefully all afternoon. ...

What do you want to do for your country most? B: Immigrants don't add chaos to the motherland! ..... What do you think is the best way to be patriotic? B: Immigration, adding chaos to evil imperialism! "

The primary school girl asked the teacher, "My grandmother is eighty years old. Can she get pregnant? " Teacher: "No!" The girl then asked, "Then my sister is eighteen. Will she be pregnant?" Teacher: "Yes!" The girl asked again, "Then I am eight years old, ok?" Teacher: "No!" Little boy next to him: "Hey, hey, hey, I said it's okay."

Being your friend for so long, you have always cared about me, but I often give you trouble. I really don't know how to repay you. So, be a cow and a horse in the next life ... I will definitely pull up weeds for you to eat. ...

After eating the hot pot buffet, my friend was greedy. After eating, there were a lot of hot dishes left. The boss pointed to the signboard: 500 grams left at the bottom of the pot, plus 15 yuan. A friend smiled and called a tramp: I'll give you 5 yuan after eating!

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