Some people don't want to go to school, but my baby wants to go to school but fails: if the senior high school entrance examination fails, is there any hope for the child?

Author |? Luo Xiaoling Fast Le Zhiyi Students

Coordinates |? Guangdong Zhuhai

1? My son failed in the middle school entrance examination. What will happen in the future?

On the way home from work a few nights ago, I was dumbfounded to see my son's admission score for the senior high school entrance examination.

I don't believe that my son only got 4 1 1, and he can't even go to an ordinary public high school.

I feel terrible. I don't know what to do. What should my son do? He must be sad, too.

I have no direction, and I really need someone to help me analyze it. The first person I thought of was the enthusiastic senior who led me when I first started learning.

I told her that I was sad and wanted to cry now, and then I told her what happened.

She said to me, "Cry when you feel uncomfortable."

So, I accepted my real situation and my sad mood, and walked home with tears in my eyes.

When I entered the community, I was afraid to go home for fear of affecting my son's state. I don't know how to comfort him and face him.

I called my husband and said, "Eat first, don't wait for me."

My husband recognized my voice and asked where I was. He came out looking for me.

We talked for more than half an hour before I calmed down and dared to go home.

When I got home, I found my son hiding in the room and lying on the bed covered with a quilt.

I was lying beside my son, trying to lift the quilt, but my son wouldn't let me.

I hugged him, patted him on the shoulder, and then quietly accompanied him.

As my senior sister said to me: "Since it has become a fact and cannot be changed, then do a good job of family connection!" Let the son feel that no matter what he becomes, his parents love him. "

In this way, I quietly accompanied my son for about five minutes, and his mood calmed down a lot.

I took his hand and said, "Let's go to dinner!"

After dinner, the son went back to his room and closed the door.

It happened that night was the first tutorial on how to cultivate children's self-confidence I didn't find my son at once. I know he needs time to calm down.

After the tutoring, I shared my experience this evening in the study group of the elite class. When the class saw my sharing, they immediately asked to talk to me.

We talked for more than half an hour, and the words in the class made my mood more stable and my thoughts gradually clear.

Yes, when the emotion is over, we should think about the future development direction and planning of the child and how to better guide and support him.

I feel the encouragement and support from my class and classmates, and my heart is very warm. I am confident to handle this big challenge in the process of children's growth.

2? "Son, mom, thank you very much."

The next morning, I wrote a message to my son and went to work.

Because of busy work, I have never contacted my husband and son, and I have not received a reply from my son. I'm still a little worried about my son and I don't know his mood.

After work in the afternoon, I returned home with anxiety.

When I got home, I found my son in a good mood, talking and laughing with my parents, and my heart suddenly settled down.

After dinner, my son took the initiative to wash the dishes and went to the living room after washing the dishes. I said to him in a very sincere tone:

"Son, mom, thank you very much. Thank you for giving me a chance to learn, grow and change.

If I hadn't been awakened by some behaviors that I thought were bad before you, and made me aware and reflect, I wouldn't have participated in family education.

After research, my mother realized that she was very wrong and felt deeply guilty about you.

I'm thinking, if my mother doesn't study and change, it will be bad to face what happened last night with the same attitude as before. "

My son smiled and said, "Yes, if I still deal with it in the old way, I will definitely be more unhappy and depressed. I don't even want to talk to you, and I don't know what to do. I may hide in my room and don't want to come out. "

When I heard my son tell me his true feelings so frankly, I really realized: maybe this thing is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can exercise the child's ability to resist setbacks.

Life is too smooth, and it is not necessarily a good thing for children. From the perspective of resources, the whole world is full of resources, and there are no problems that can't be solved and obstacles that can't be crossed in life.

In the past, apart from his eating, drinking and sleeping, I paid little attention to the education and growth of children and gave them little encouragement and affirmation.

Even, a lot of my self-love is actually an act of injury and control, which brings a lot of harm to children.

In this tense state, how can children concentrate on their studies efficiently?

Every time I think about it, I feel particularly sad and feel very sorry for him.

When my son was in the first grade, he came home from school at noon one day and told me that he would ask for leave in the afternoon. He didn't want to go to school.

At that time, I only paid attention to one thing: "What happened that made you not even want to go to school?"

It turned out that when leaving the campus gate after school, a classmate wronged his son and slapped him on the back. The son said that he didn't do it, but another classmate did it.

But that classmate turned his head and he only saw my son. He refused to listen to the explanation and said that he wanted someone to beat my son. My son is afraid of being beaten, so he doesn't want to go to school.

I believe my son didn't hit anyone, and I don't think that classmate will find someone to hit his son. Maybe he just said it when he was angry.

Then, I called the class teacher to explain what happened and asked her to pay attention to her son's dynamics.

After lunch, I still insisted that my son go to school. My son reluctantly went to school with grievances and fears.

Because he didn't know how to accept his emotions, he felt that his mother was unreliable and insecure from then on.

At that time, although he was already a teenager, he was afraid to sleep alone. It turned out to be insecure, but I didn't know it.

Fortunately, after being forced to study by my son's various problems, I began to learn to look at and explore the advantages of my son and husband with appreciation. Problems will still arise, but my status and results are different.

Two days after the storm of the senior high school entrance examination, I made an appointment with my son and classmate's mother to take the children out for dinner and chat.

Although it is the first time for our parents to meet, we can communicate happily, as if we have known each other for a long time.

The children also had a good time, and the dinner ended in a happy atmosphere. Before we left, we made an appointment for the next meeting.

On the way home, my son said to me, "Mom, I found that you and Zhenyang's mother had a good chat, which seemed very familiar. There were so many topics."

I said:

"Yes, my mother Zhenyang is very talkative and approachable. I like her very much. In addition, my mother is now studying, and now she is much more confident than before, and there are naturally more topics. " ?

I used to be introverted and unsociable. I didn't expect that when a person's beliefs and self-confidence change, his personality and behavior will also change.

Hearing my son's positive feedback, I know this is a very good opportunity to affirm my son.

I said to my son:

"Son, you just did a good job, very polite.

When we met my aunt, you said hello to her. Your voice is loud and you sound confident.

Aunt helped you with a bowl of soup when you were eating. You thanked her in time. You are a very polite child. "

My son was very happy to hear this, and we talked all the way home.

At noon, in the process of getting along with my son now, I always affirm my son in time. His mood is getting better and better, and his self-confidence is obviously improved. He began to be willing to try something he didn't want to do before.

These days, my son has taken the initiative to do housework-cooking, without grandma's help at all, all by himself. And the taste is not bad, and our timely affirmation and feedback make him more motivated to continue doing it.

3? "I want to buy 1300 shoes!"

The process of growth can't be smooth sailing. This pleasant atmosphere lasted for a week, and something happened that made me angry.

One day after dinner, I sat on the sofa and chatted with my son about shoes.

My son said that the pair of shoes I liked before has now gone up by more than 300 yuan, and now it is about 1300 yuan.

I replied, "What brand of shoes is rising so fast, is it too expensive?"

He said he didn't remember the brand, but his classmates bought more than 1,500 yuan from Shuang Yi, which is not as good as this pair. He said he wanted to buy another pair.

I think the price is too expensive. I turned him down, and students don't have to wear so expensive. Besides, he has two pairs of shoes to wear, so he can't buy them for the time being.

Hearing this, the son was very angry and ran back to the room and closed the door.

I was a little emotional, too. Every time my son buys shoes, something unpleasant happens. And every time he buys new shoes, he promises to buy them for a long time, but every time his son can't do it.

I know I can't lose my temper. In order to change my mood, I picked up my cell phone and chatted with my classmates. My classmates gave me advice that I should buy this pair of shoes for my son, because he likes them for so long.

Indeed, he paid attention to this pair of shoes for half a year, otherwise he wouldn't know that it had risen so much.

I have accepted the fact that I want to buy new shoes in my heart. I think I should call my father to discuss it, because my father is on the night shift and he doesn't know what happened yet.

After some communication with my father, we decided to promise to buy him shoes, but it will be a week before we can buy them.

I'll tell my son the good news. After knocking at the door, I saw him sitting in bed sulking. Before I could speak, he said angrily to me, "Get out, I don't want to talk to you now."

I was a little angry: what attitude is this?

Finally, I held back, looked at him and quit without saying anything.

I know that everyone is in a mood at this time. Hold your horses. I took my clothes and took a shower.

Go home after work the next day. Before I went home, I went to the supermarket to buy Dove chocolate. My son likes chocolate very much.

Who knows, when he got home, he still looked unhappy and ignored him. He was angry for more than a day, which made me feel bad. After dinner, he went back to his room to listen to music.

My husband saw our mother and son fighting again, so he came and patted me on the shoulder and said:

"Wife, you don't be angry. Being angry is harmful to your health. As an adult, you can't be angry with children.

Since you are angry, I will comfort you, but my son is also angry. Who will comfort him? I'm going to work soon, so I have no time to comfort him.

You've been studying for so long and you've been learning so well. I believe you can handle it this time. "

I felt sorry for my son after listening to it, and immediately disappeared.

I went to find my son and found him locked in the room again. He didn't respond after knocking on the door several times, so I wanted to open the door directly, but he couldn't lock it.

I kept knocking at the door outside, but he still ignored me and didn't respond.

I had to stand quietly at the door. A few minutes later, my son still refused to open the door. I decided to give up communication until his mood eased.

Because I go to work far from home, I go out at seven in the morning and get home at seven in the evening, so I can only get along with him at night.

When I came home on the third night, I found my son in a better mood and didn't seem to have that big opinion of me. About half an hour after dinner, I told my son that there was a present for him, which was in the refrigerator. He was very surprised.

He went to open the refrigerator and saw chocolate. He asked me why I bought this. I told him, "Actually, I bought it last night, so I didn't tell you because you ignored me."

The son smiled and picked up the chocolate and ate it. He gave me a piece.

I told him the origin of Dove chocolate. This sad love story was shared with me by our classmates who studied together.

The son let out a cry and continued to eat chocolate.

At this time, I knew that the opportunity to solve the problem came.

4? Communicate actively and untie the knot.

I said, "Son, mom knows that you didn't buy those shoes because you saved money for our family, but mom didn't see your understanding and your family's concern, so you were wronged and angry, right?"

The son nodded.

I said, "My mother almost blames me for being a good son who is sensible and will consider his parents. Sorry. "

The son said, "Nothing. I don't want to buy shoes now It's too expensive, and I don't want to buy it now. "

I said, "Son, because shoes are too expensive, you don't want to buy them now, because you want to wait until you earn money from a summer job?"

The son said, "Yes."

I said, "son, mom and dad actually discussed it and decided to buy it for you, but it will take a week."

The son said, "No, I still want to wait until I make money, so that I can have a sense of accomplishment."

The son smiled and said, "Why don't you buy me a cheap pair and an expensive one when I earn money?"

Mother said, "My son is great. You have your own ideas. Mom looks up to you and will buy you a cheap pair in a week. "

The problem of shoes was solved in this way. These days, my son has returned to his former happy state and continues to help cook and wash dishes. The family is happy, and it feels good to live in harmony.

If this had happened before, mother and son would have made up.

This incident gave me a revelation. First, we should accept each other's emotions with a score of 0- 100, and balance things before handling them.

Use 34 1 affirmation method to affirm children's thoughts and opinions, affirm children's understanding and care for their families, and give positive feedback. Although this guidance is not perfect, I have been on the road of continuous cognition and growth!

Every time there is a problem, it is an opportunity to grow. I can make a little progress every time, and my inner strength is getting stronger and stronger. I will be more comfortable and relaxed when I meet challenges in the future.

I especially like the process of practice. In practice again and again, I explore more positive energy, give positive feedback to children, and turn problems into opportunities for growth.

Once, it was I who turned my son into an inferiority complex with reason and neglect. Now, I am using positive feedback and affirmation to help children regain confidence and strength step by step.

Now, the son who failed in the senior high school entrance examination, after our communication and discussion, is about to start his three-year vocational school and two-year junior college study.

If it was before, I must be full of anxiety: what should I do with my son who failed in the senior high school entrance examination? What will life be like in the future?

Now, I am sure: although I failed in the senior high school entrance examination, I am confident that in the next few years, I will give my children more positive feelings and help them build more confidence.

A child with higher and higher self-confidence will usher in a brand-new change in his studies and personality growth.

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