If a married man really thinks he can cheat.

What a married man really thinks! ! "You can cheat, but you can't divorce ..."

0 1 benefit maximization

There are always women asking me-since my husband cheated on me and doesn't love me, why don't you want a divorce? The answer is simple, because the other party thinks it is not worthwhile!

If you really get divorced, the family that has been running for so many years is bound to fall apart, and you have to face the distribution of children and property. Plus, your parents are old, and you don't want them to worry, so you will lose face.

Then someone will ask-then I am in name only, living a life that is worse than death every day. Is he not in pain?

Of course, he is also painful, but men and women have completely different starting points. Do you always consider whether he deserves forgiveness? Does he love you more or a third party more?

What men care about is how to maximize their own interests.

02 men's underlying logic

It's not that I deliberately discredit them, but that human nature has the instinct to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. Most of the infidelity is just a stimulus, and it is not worth sacrificing your marriage at all.

Even if the third party outside has a high position and superior conditions, the best choice is to keep the extramarital affairs.

You can think it over. If he really loves a third party more, then he is determined to leave you, and you will naturally recognize the reality. If he really has a sense of family responsibility, then he won't take the step of cheating, or he will regret it after the return.

Therefore, you women who will pay attention to why men are unwilling to divorce after cheating, must not make a mistake about the man's underlying logic: in his world, marriage and love are not as important as his own needs.

03 wife's psychological orientation

Then if you are still struggling in your heart, you will always put yourself in a very low position and expect the attention of the other party, which is why you are suffering now.

01.-A man's "psychological orientation" to the relationship is to help him excuse himself.

His relationship orientation determines how he handles marriage.

According to my years of experience, most men can realize that cheating will definitely bring harm to their wives, so they will take it for granted that as long as they keep their marriage and hide it from being discovered, their wives will not lose anything and how to live.

(1) At this time, his psychological orientation to his wife is:

We have a name and a marriage, and I will provide you with material and companionship, so I ignore the responsibility and loyalty of the other part of the marriage.

04 the psychological orientation of the third party

(2) His psychological orientation to the third party is:

We can date happily together, but we don't have to pay too much and don't have to think about the future.

He arranged everyone in a suitable position in his mind and assigned himself different "tasks". He didn't mean to hurt anyone.

Then let's go back to our own point of view and think about why you are so miserable after being betrayed.

You can't understand that a man is dragging your attitude because you still put the other person in the same position as before, thinking that he is the obedient husband.

You can't accept that he chooses not to divorce now, not because he loves you, but because he loves himself more, and he doesn't want the other person to forget it so easily and turn a blind eye to your pain.

So you can't help but turn over old scores and have a nervous breakdown, hoping that the other party will give you a good time, but the other party has never thought about separating from you from beginning to end, and doesn't know where he is wrong. In turn, he will complain about you endlessly.

05 threesome

There are two kinds of men who don't want a divorce: "threesome" and "no will". Under what circumstances do you think it is not a happy thing not to divorce for perfection?

(1) is that the other party wants to please both sides and starts to "fly together".

At this time, different men will have two kinds of mentality:

One is that I don't want to divorce you, but I don't want to break up with a third party, so I can only keep your emotions calm, do a good job of confidentiality, and then secretly contact people outside after stabilizing you.

There is another way, just start throwing the pot. He doesn't really want to leave, but he knows you don't want to leave more than he does, so he will scare you with divorce on the surface, but he won't do anything substantial.

Once you start making trouble, you will get entangled with your children and parents. He can also say, "You are a tigress now. I might as well go out and hide. "

Without a will

The other party is neither divorced nor wants to live a good life.

Many women feel black and white after being betrayed, hoping that the other party will give them a happy confession, either divorce or live a good life.

But most men can only answer the first half of the sentence, that is-I don't want to divorce but I can't do the second half-live a good life.

You are crying and crying, but you can never communicate with him normally. He won't understand your feelings and won't pay too much.

This is the second kind of "unwilling" man. He separated marriage from affection. Just because he chooses not to divorce now doesn't mean he wants to improve the relationship.

Instead, I become dependent on you in other parts of my life, such as getting used to you taking care of his food, clothing, housing and transportation, being tied up in my career and your children needing your care.

That's what I said at the beginning of the article. Men will be loyal to themselves when thinking about problems, instead of paying attention to whether the other person loves you all day like women.

07 Adjust psychological orientation

How to break the deadlock?

1, adjust each other's psychological orientation, and clarify their attitude.

Since everyone has come to this day, both parties in marriage have to bear their own dereliction of duty. You can discuss 100 ways to solve the problem. This step is actually not difficult.

The difficulty is that you can't take an attitude. Many people either give the initiative to each other in tears of weakness, or confront each other bravely, which makes the relationship between two people worse, so even the most basic tacit understanding has not been cultivated.

So I suggest that when necessary, you talk directly and generously with each other about the conditions and your attitude towards marriage, not only in words, but also in actions to set rules and examples for each other and tell each other-I think the relationship between husband and wife should be like this!

In other words, his psychological orientation towards you is determined by your impressions and actions. If you start lying flat and turn a blind eye, the other person will be more careless.

08 self-growth

2. Use men's pain points to counter.

Many men who want to have a threesome are doomed, you can't live without him, and you can't bear to have children.

Then you can also use the other person's pain to counter him.

This is actually the same as playing cards. Not enough chips, no matter how loud it is, it is still a paper tiger. You should let him know that as long as the other side crosses the line again, you will let him lose the game.