Mom, Buddha said

When you are a mother, don't always be nervous, and tie yourself loosely when appropriate. Being "Buddha", "lazy" and "stupid", you will get unexpected win-win results.

Author | Often

Unconsciously, after half of the summer vacation, the child suddenly said to me:

At first I didn't quite understand:

Unexpectedly, my daughter's explanation made me cry:

After my daughter finished speaking, I realized how disgusting I always complained about my "bad life".

I am a typical "chicken baby" mother, and I pay attention to speed and good results in everything I do.

After washing for more than five minutes, I immediately began to urge; Do your homework slowly and start to reason; Hands-on, as small as pencil sharpening; Learn the textbooks for next semester in advance, and the chicks will preview them. ...

The result is:

As long as the child does not meet my psychological expectations, I will be restless and furious;

The more you look at your child, the more problems you have, and the less pleasing you are.

This holiday, I had to take her to work because of my busy work. She was doing homework, doing crafts and drawing in the empty office, and I plunged into my work.

At first, I thought, "This holiday is over and I am herding sheep."

Unexpectedly, instead of wasting time, my daughter finished her homework ahead of schedule!

I seldom play games on my tablet, so I use online courses to learn how to do manual work. When you are bored, go downstairs and practice skipping by yourself.

What surprises me even more is that she will help me clean up my office and fetch water for my colleagues. Everyone likes her very much.

Looking at my daughter's change and recalling the past, I suddenly realized:

The secret of a mother's "good life" is not that everything is under control and she does not tolerate deviation.

It is appropriate to be "lazy and stupid" and give the initiative back to the children.

The tighter the mother holds, the more rebellious and anxious the child is.

The more relaxed the mother is, the more independent and happy the child is.

A little "Buddha"

According to the index report of "anxiety index" of Chinese mothers:

From the post-70s to the post-90s, the proportion of "anxious mothers" exceeded 50%, and the post-80s mothers reached 67%.

Among the factors leading to anxiety, "children's health" and "children's education" rank in the top two.

This reminds me of Tian Yulan in the hit drama Xiao Shede.

She is a typical "anxious mother".

In learning, she is more nervous and attentive than Ziyou:

Studying all kinds of teaching materials, the notes are more detailed than the teachers;

Try to get first-hand information and master the latest educational policy trends;

I signed up for several remedial classes by myself, and I rushed to "school-home-remedial classes" at 3. 1 every day.

In life, she is also very controlling.

Don't let your son keep insects leisurely, don't allow him to play football, and even worry that getting fat will affect his intelligence. You should control one more watermelon.

But what happened?

Ziyou's grades dropped sharply, because he was schizophrenic because of too much pressure, and he could not study and live normally.

Tian Yulan himself was exhausted, sensitive and irritable, and had no happiness.

Mothers who are in anxiety are often harsh and uncontrollable.

As long as children don't do things according to their own rhythm and will, they will be reprimanded, severe and even beaten.

In the long run, it will fall into a vicious circle:

The more anxious the mother is, the greater the pressure on the child, and the less she can meet her requirements, which in turn aggravates her anxiety.

Therefore, instead of being mediocre and anxious, it is better to become a "Buddha" mentality.

It is not aimless, nor is it laissez-faire, but it conforms to and respects the laws of children's physical and mental development, and accompanies children to grow up with understanding and acceptance.

Recently, Yang Qian, a double gold medalist in Tokyo Olympic Games, showed the world the rise of "China after 00".

In the fourth grade, Yang Qian became a reserve member of the Provincial Games. When she was in high school, she was specially recruited into the High School Attached to Tsinghua University, was admitted to Tsinghua on 20/0/8, and was selected into the national shooting team on 20/0/9.

Many people believe that there must be a "chicken baby mother" behind the success of teenagers.

I didn't expect Yang Qian's mother to be an enthusiastic Buddhist mother.

When Yang Qian was a child, he didn't write well and his questions were slow. Even in the early days, he often lost.

But my mother is never in a hurry. What she often says is not "practice hard and get the first place in the exam", but:

"Just treat it with a normal heart!"

Therefore, a few years ago, when playing in a familiar court, Yang Qian relaxed and fell asleep.

On the first day of the Olympic Games, in the women's 10 meter air rifle final, Russian player Galas Na led Yang Qian by 0.2 lap, and at the last moment, she struggled with her psychological quality.

Yang Qian's face was not tense or flustered. Calm and focused, she turned the tables with 9.8 rings and won the first gold medal.

The world sighs: the afterlife is awesome.

In fact, the mother's "Buddhist mentality" includes acceptance, encouragement, respect and recognition.

This is the source of stimulating children's self-confidence, internal drive and explosive power.

In a free and relaxed atmosphere, it is natural for children to be diligent, tenacious and pursue Excellence.

It can be seen that if the mother's mentality is "Buddha", she will be more relaxed, happier and better.

Lazy.

There used to be a news network "A 26-year-old married woman helped her mother put on socks every day".

Miss Zhu has been living with her parents since she got married in March, 2065438.

The reason is that parents are old and dote on their daughters, and they have been doing it for their daughters all their lives since childhood. Even after her daughter became an adult, the mother continued this "diligence".

She helps her daughter put on her socks in person every morning, takes her to the bus stop and watches her get on the bus before going home.

As a result, the mother happily arranged everything, and her daughter was "abandoned" without accident, and the relationship between husband and wife was in a mess.

Coincidentally.

When Xiao Dong, who has been married for three years, looks for a job again, his 80-year-old mother is with him.

The interviewer asked questions, and before Xiaodong could speak, Dong's mother took the initiative to answer them for Xiaodong.

In the end, Xiao Dong didn't find an ideal job because many company leaders felt that he "lacked communication skills".

These two mothers, seemingly caring and hardworking, are actually "nanny-arranged" mothers.

Taking care of other people's affairs and doing things, children lose their ability to take care of themselves and survive, lose their ability to think and explore, and eventually lose at various starting lines of life.

On the contrary, a "lazy" mother can cultivate independent, dedicated and creative children.

During the holidays these days, a mother who slept in was angry.

After refusing to bring a doll machine during the holiday and sleeping in several times in a row, my son has obviously changed. He cooks by himself, finishes his homework independently, and doesn't forget to wake up his mother;

Finally, I still don't forget to "spit Versailles":

Children's potential, like roots, leaves, flowers and fruits hidden in seeds, will naturally grow, grow, blossom and bear fruit under suitable conditions.

What parents should do is to give their children enough room to grow up, not to be housekeepers.

I used to be a hard-working mother, not only doing housework by myself, but also participating in children's study.

When my child was learning the piano, I took a thick notebook and went home to practice first.

I think only by understanding can we better coach children.

Unexpectedly, the effect was counterproductive.

Because I can see the flaws in the child's play at a glance, repeatedly interrupting and constantly guiding, the child has lost its internal drive.

He started playing without looking at the music carefully, and he didn't correct his mistakes or think about the notes he didn't understand-his mother would tell me anyway.

After studying for several months, I am still as white as a baby: I can't recognize all the notes, I can't count the beats, and I have no sense of music. ...

It turns out that my self-righteous "guidance" is not a shortcut, but a drag.

I began to become "lazy" and stopped trying to be a teaching assistant.

At first, the children were very uncomfortable, and they laboriously approved their notes, pouted and knocked. After the video was sent to the teacher, most of them failed.

Stick to your teeth for a while and make rapid progress.

Because of my personal memory and changes, I am focused and impressed, and I have formed my own study habits.

After a teacher praised, the child told the truth:

"Since my mother was too lazy to practice the piano, I seem to understand."

I have no heart-

Proper "no matter" is the best "management".

Moderate "inaction" is the best "action".

Every child is full of infinite vitality.

If the mother is lazy, this kind of vitality will be better stimulated, the mother will be more worry-free, and the children will be better.

Become "stupid"

The most important thing now is the smart mother and superman mother who are both civil and military.

So we will think:

Mom is so smart, the child must be smarter than you; A mother is so powerful, so must a child.

But this is not the case.

You can often see such a situation:

Then the onlookers will say, "You are just too smart."

Actually, there is nothing wrong with being smart. What is wrong is that some mothers rely on "cleverness" and will not wait, give orders or pursue perfection.

The mistake is that they talk without waiting for the child to think, and intervene without waiting for the child to react.

Always helping thoroughly and guiding comprehensively will only make children more and more "stupid".

Want children to become better, more worry-free, better life, in fact, very simple:

Convergence should be "stupid".

Li Yueer, an education expert, said:

Therefore, a mother must be "a little stupid" in order to harvest an independent, empathetic and responsible child.

Thinking about Huo Siyan.

Huo Siyan's warning is to "play dumb" and "show weakness" in order to make children have a sense of responsibility, empathy and understanding.

When eating, I will, uh-huh, ask about setting the table and pretend to ask how to fold socks when folding clothes.

Her famous saying is: "You should be coquettish and give priority to softness."

She always uses "stupidity" to stimulate the androgen and protective desire of the little man at all times.

Pretend that you can't wash your feet, say "you can do this" to Uh-huh, and let Uh-huh learn to take care of others.

I want to buy cosmetics and ask my children to help me choose.

Her stupid method is very effective. Mm-hmm. I remember my mother was allergic to bananas when I was four years old.

He will let his mother come in first and order hot coffee for her in cold weather.

Seeing my little friend crying, I took the initiative to comfort and help.

He is also aggressive and will fight for a better house for his mother.

The growth of children is a long process, and parents are used to "know-it-all, crutches", which may be very easy in the short term.

But after a long time, it will cause children's psychological dependence and powerlessness, and they will not be able to face the complex external environment independently in the future.

Therefore, mother had better take off her armor instead of doing everything herself.

Be "stupid" appropriately, give yourself a chance to relax, and also give children room to grow and mature.

There is no good mother in the world.

Facing children day and night and bringing them up is a challenging and exhausting process.

Among them, love and acceptance are the cornerstones, and wisdom and methods are the boosters.

Being "Buddha", "lazy" and "stupid" is a win-win wisdom and a way to kill two birds with one stone.

Mom can untie herself, care for herself and achieve herself better.

Children can grow up in a healthy and free environment.

Standing side by side and achieving each other is the most beautiful scenery for mother and child.

Give me a compliment. I hope every mother can find her own way to a "better life".