A long humorous classic

Do you like making friends with humorous people as much as I do, because you will be very happy every day. In fact, you can be that kind of person, as long as you know one or two sentences or classic funny jokes. Next, I have carefully prepared a "humorous classic segment" for you. Welcome to watch!

A humorous classic paragraph (hot article) 1. Losing weight claims to be a woman's lifelong career. Usually it starts after meals and ends before meals. ......

2. I didn't do well in the college entrance examination, so I can only get three books. Mother was very sad when she learned the result. She stood at the window and was silent for a long time. Finally, she gritted her teeth and took out her mobile phone and dialed the number of her best aunt. XX, I'm telling you, my sister only took three exams, so she has to pay an extra 28 thousand tuition! I can't play mahjong with you for five dollars in the future. Let's play mahjong for 2 yuan next time.

Just now, a man gave up his seat to an old man and was robbed by a bitch. Then the bitch and her boyfriend talked and laughed, which made people angry. Then the man in the seat sent a few short messages and answered a phone call: No clothes, yes, when the time comes, I will drag those two down and you will fight. A car full of people will look askance, and the man's basin friend is not calm. Why do you ask? Give up your seat: I'm the city manager. . .

Dad found something wrong with the fan after work. He said to his son, Feifei, you broke the fan! ? The son said:? It's not broken After I modified it, the function was increased. It just shook its head, but now it will nod! ?

5. An operator received a phone call from a customer, who stammered a little slowly: I, I, I ... I want to ask, I, I, I, I, my .................................................................................................................... operator just said, Big Brother, it's you. Can it be free? Then he was fired!

6. brag about who has the thinnest wife than three people. A Dai:? My wife's scarf can be worn as clothes. ? Agua refuses to accept:? My wife accidentally fell into the sewer while taking a shower. ? Hua said calmly, My wife swallowed an almond and everyone thought she was pregnant. ?

7. The young man decided to hold a wedding in his hometown. The man's father sent a telegram to his in-laws in the city and asked, How many people can come? Get ready. ? My in-laws called back and said: Not many people can go, just prepare a ton of rice. ? He released it? Escape? Written? Tons? . Soon I received a telegram from the countryside:? The wedding was postponed for a month because it would be difficult to get a ton of rice for a while. ?

8. On the weekend, my son still didn't get up in the sun. My mother cried: lazy, what time is it? Are you still sleeping? Get up quickly. ? My son argued under the covers that I went to bed at six last night, but I didn't go to bed until 10. ?

9. Next to the job fair, there is a row of mobile toilets. There are many people in the toilet, and there are long queues. Suddenly someone ran over and asked: What company is this? Seeing that no one paid attention to him, this buddy then wondered: Why do you have to close the interview, so advanced? ! ?

10. A beautiful woman in a mini skirt met a hooligan on the bus. The rogue said, Miss, let me see your thigh! Here you are, 50 yuan. ? The woman said, well, give me 100 yuan first. When the bus arrives at the station, I will show you where I gave birth. ? The hooligan was overjoyed. When the bus arrived at the station, she pointed to the roadside hospital and said, look, that's where I gave birth!

A humorous classic 1. I was hungry after a day in physical education class. Eating in the canteen is crowded and messy. I shouted at my aunt who cooked. Eat my meal quickly! ? Aunt shouted to the person cooking in it: Come in quickly! Beggars are impatient! ?

I went to see my future parents-in-law today. Lead them to enjoy the scenery and take photos on campus. Finally, take photos of my husband and mother-in-law. My mother-in-law told me: Don't take too ugly photos. Otherwise, you look stupid. If you take it home, your parents will laugh. ? I am a little excited: nothing, my parents are stupid! ? At that time, my father-in-law was black in the face.

It is said that there was a girl in Yangzhou who broke up with her boyfriend because she found that the roses were cash on delivery. . .

A man is riding a motorcycle with a four-or five-year-old child in the back seat. That man's riding is so bad that the child wobbles. Finally, the motorcycle tripped and the child fell. The man didn't know, so I stopped to pick up the child and stepped on the gas to catch up. Complain:? How can you ride a motorcycle and not even know that your child is lost? The man glared at the child and shouted, where's your mother?

The young couple quarreled over a trifle. After the quarrel, the husband regretted it and let his wife watch two horses and a car outside. He said: Why can't we go forward together like the two horses in Qixinli? The wife said angrily: We are not two horses, because one of them is a donkey! ?

6. "Honey, I can't sleep. Tell me a story. ? Husband:? All right. A long time ago, there was a young man studying in a medical college. One year, he took the examination for practicing doctors. His wife fell asleep before he finished his exams in physiology, biochemistry, pathology, pharmacology, immunology, microbiology, prevention, statistics, epidemiology, health law, psychology, ethics and internal medicine. The next day, my wife lost sleep again, and my husband said: internal medicine includes: diagnostics, respiratory medicine, cardiology, gastroenterology, nephrology, hematology, endocrinology, rheumatism and emergency. My wife fell asleep again. . .

7. At the school sports meeting, my buddy won the long-distance race championship, and a girl came to him shyly and said, Can a handsome guy chase you? The man froze for two seconds and ran towards the runway. Ok, come with me. ?

8. The school taught me what the temptation is to go home.

9. Someone scolded QQ recommendation system:? What a terrible recommendation system! I recommended my ex-girlfriend to my wife and said that you have the same friends! ! !

10. One of my classmates, male, was caught smoking in the toilet with several classmates in high school. Everyone looked at the headmaster nervously, only to see the headmaster take out a Chinese cigarette from his pocket and say, you guys smoke. ? They said:? No, principal. ? Say it again: Go ahead, don't mention it, each of you has a bite, and whoever drops the ash first will find the parents.

Humor classic long paragraphs (selected articles) 1. Precautions for freshmen's sisters to start school 1. The brother who takes the initiative to talk to you is not a good brother; 2. Claiming to be the brother of your hometown is the most dangerous; The more brothers you know, the fewer friends you make. 4. Good brothers have no time to take care of the younger generation; 5. Brother's laughter is a bad signal, and brother's ambiguity is a prelude to the plan; 6. A brother who cares about your study must be hypocritical; 7. The seniors who greeted you to sign up were well dressed, but the whole semester was only that day.

I paid the money to go to class, but I can't go to class because of something. Why not let me ask for leave? Now the teacher just doesn't put himself in the right position. Do you think we are employees? We are customers!

3.？ Look, Lao Wang, the iPhone is dead. This one? Can I borrow your wife to charge the battery? This is really not hooliganism. The surface of this solar bikini (ikini) is made of solar chips, which can charge almost all portable electronic devices, including mobile phones, MP3 players and digital cameras. It is said that the price is 120 a set ~ it seems to solve the big problem of travel charging. . .

4. q:? If North Korea has an aircraft carrier, what should it be called? .

In the afternoon, the teacher was giving a lecture, and suddenly it was cloudy and windy outside, and it was dark at once. A gust of wind blew the door open, only to hear a word from the corner of the classroom, Monkey, protect Master quickly, there are monsters. The teacher answered decisively, and Bajie didn't panic.

6. Xiao Chen, a 420-year-old Guangxi native who wants a beautiful woman or an iPhone, is slim and graceful, and works in Ruian, Wenzhou, but her suitors have been unmoved. One night in mid-August, the bar met Peng, a man from Wencheng. Peng 2 1 year-old looks handsome, speaks, and falls in love with Chen at first sight. Through drunkenness, the two chatted about life and ideals. Check in? . When Chen took a shower, he left his iPhone4 outside. Beauty or iPhone4? After some struggle, Peng finally ran away with his mobile phone.

7. One night, a gentleman lost his wallet on the road. It was dark and he couldn't find it. The gentleman hurried home and looked around the house. His wife asked curiously, what are you looking for? Sir: Leave me alone. I'm looking for my lost wallet. Wife: Where did you lose it? Sir: It was lost on the way. Wife: Huh? Then why are you looking here? Sir: Because the road is black and the home is bright.

8. A beautiful Buddhist converted to Buddhism and taught you the six divisions in the wheel of Buddhist karma. When talking about the yin body before reincarnation, the beautiful layman said: In fact, when men and women have sex, there are many people waiting to be reborn next to them, waiting in line. ? Collective silence on the table. Finally, a male animal said faintly, the shadow is coming, and the shadow is getting bigger.

9. A beautiful woman has been in love for many years and wants to get married, but her parents don't agree because her boyfriend doesn't believe in Buddhism. So the beauty advised her boyfriend to learn Buddhism and believe in Buddhism as soon as possible. After a while, my parents asked my boyfriend about his recent situation, and the beauty said that he had become a Buddhist. Parents said with satisfaction:? Then you can get ready to get married? The beauty began to cry, sobbing that he believed too deeply and became a monk. ?