Children practice and get cheated.

Last night, my 7-year-old son stayed in front of the TV for the first time and refused to go into the room to practice his handwriting.

I coaxed him, but the boy still refused to "yield".

Looking at the beggar's son, the father relented for a moment and tentatively asked, "Why don't we practice tonight?"

"no!" Unbearable, I raised my voice by eight degrees, which startled my father and son at once.

"Go!" My left hand rested on her hips and my right hand pointed to my son's room.

One word of command is the most terrible. My son finally slipped off the sofa and went back to his room to practice calligraphy.

"Why do you force your son like this? Still young. " The child's father said cautiously.

I turned around and gave him a white look.

Don't I feel bad about forcing my child like this?

However, the child's future is more important than distressed.

Because the children who were "forced" and "not forced" from childhood, after 20 years, lived a completely different life.

If I let my son go now because I am soft-hearted, he will lose more than one good hand in the future.

Tsinghua Xueba Yang Qian, who shot down the first Olympic gold medal some time ago, went on a hot search.

"Tsinghua Xueba" and "Olympic champion", any title is enough for countless people to admire.

Today's Ella is a combination of the two, which can simply seal the gods on the spot.

However, the audience only saw the radiance after her success, but could not see the countless attempts to give up behind her.

12 years old, after winning the second place in the National Youth Championship, Yang Qian was sent to the Youth Olympic Team.

Yang Qian, who has won numerous awards, has become an ordinary player here.

Faced with repeated failures, Yang Qian had the idea of giving up countless times.

Every time I listen to my daughter's wronged cry on the phone, Yang's father always says firmly:

Under the "persecution" of her father, she had to grit her teeth and stick to it. She often can't lift her shoulders when practicing alone in the training ground.

Later, she was admitted to Tsinghua and trained in class every day. Too busy to have a rest, she thought of giving up her studies.

But this time, Yang Qian persisted under the pressure of his father: "Reading is never wrong."

In this way, Yang Qian gritted his teeth and finished his studies bit by bit, never failing.

This is Tsinghua University Olympic champion-Yang Qian.

Presumably, when Dad Yang "forced" his daughter to insist, his heart must be extremely distressed.

But he knows very well that some things must be imposed on his daughter.

Not for a perfect result, but to get something in the process of persistence, such as perseverance, such as resistance, such as overcoming one's own courage.

I remembered chatting with a senior HR friend before.

I asked him:

He smiled to smile:

I see.

It seems that children who have been forced by their parents to practice writing and playing the piano since childhood may be busier and harder in childhood;

But after 20 years, there will be more opportunities to wait for them than others.

And these opportunities all stem from the perseverance exercised in the process of persistence.

If you ask: Will those children who are "not forced" thank their parents when they grow up?

Most people shake their heads and then sigh.

Like my cousin.

My cousin grew up in an ordinary family, but he was spoiled as a little prince by his uncle who preferred sons to daughters.

In the fourth grade, my cousin clamored to learn basketball. My uncle saved up half a year's money and finally enrolled him in a basketball training class.

But after studying for a month, he began to refuse to go for various reasons: it was too hot in summer, too much homework and the training school was too far away. ...

My uncle is distressed by tuition fees, and he is even more distressed by his precious son.

So he agreed that his cousin would not go to basketball class any more.

Later, my cousin's grades always counted down, and my anxious uncle reported him to an extracurricular tutoring class in order to save money and work overtime.

My cousin was in high spirits for a few weeks, but it was too difficult for her to go.

Uncle still didn't fight, scold or force, so he went.

Therefore, my cousin has developed the habit of giving up when encountering difficulties.

Two years ago, my uncle suddenly received a short message from a loan shark, saying that my cousin owed them 40,000 yuan.

It turned out that my cousin, who claimed to be preparing for the exam at home, was addicted to playing games because he thought it was too hard to prepare for the exam, and unconsciously even owed this debt with interest.

The day after the incident, my cousin quickly found a job delivering food and went in the rain every day.

Once I chatted with my cousin, I asked him if he worked hard.

His eyes were a little moist, and he replied, "If my father had forced me before, it wouldn't be like this now."

I was speechless at the moment and didn't know how to answer the words.

Many people's regrets in adulthood stem from giving up when they were young.

And such a waiver could have been completely stopped by parents.

Think of a sentence in Tsinghua Xueba Jiaozi Jing:

When the child "doesn't take the initiative", if the parents relent for a while and agree to give up the child, it may not be the child's gratitude, but the complaint.

Because children who are "not forced" from childhood have a relaxed and happy childhood.

But what awaits them for the rest of their lives will be a mediocre life and regrets when they dream back at midnight.

They will blame themselves countless times for giving up easily; If you are forced to stick to it, will life be different now?

I once read such a sentence on the Internet: "Don't expect children to be conscious on the way to education."

I'm impressed.

Teacher Li Meijin once said:

The so-called "discipline" must contain the element of "persecution".

When children are young, values are not formed and self-control is unstable.

If parents adhere to the concept of "happy education", raise their children and obey their wishes, such children are doomed to be mediocre in the future.

Only by proper "coercion" can children do the right things at the right age and not give up easily when they should insist.

Such children can truly grasp their own life and live an ideal life when they are adults.

Then, in the process of "forcing" children, how to be effective without hurting children?

The following three points will definitely help you:

1. Imagine a bright future with your children.

The neighbor's daughter began to learn dance at the age of 4, and has been insisting on it for 10 years.

Learning to dance is such a bitter thing. How did a little girl persist?

It turns out that every time the little girl cries and doesn't want to practice, her mother will show her a video of her idol Jackson Yi performing on the stage.

Then patiently said, "Look, your idol is so powerful, but he has paid a lot along the way!" " "

Then she told her daughter the story that Jackson Yee took a bus to different places to attend classes every day and kept practicing singing and dancing.

I saw the little girl's eyes full of admiration, and she said, I will stick to it and become a dazzling person like Jackson Yi!

After that, she continued to practice.

In the process of learning, children will experience boredom.

At this time, parents can try to stop their children and sketch a beautiful future picture with them:

Maybe dancing on a bright stage, maybe performing with your idol, maybe standing at the gate of your favorite university. ...

Many times, children don't want to persist because they only see the pain in front of them and forget the sweetness of the future.

Parents and children imagine the future together, which helps children find the motivation to continue.

2. Ask your child the real reason for giving up.

Li Yan failed the piano exam several times, and she offered to give up the exam.

Father Li didn't blame his daughter. Instead, he hugged her gently and asked her gently why she didn't want to continue the exam. Is it because the exam is too difficult or other reasons?

In the face of his father's patience and understanding, Li Yan finally opened his heart and told Li the real reason:

Finally, continue to enlighten daughter Li:

The knot was untied, and Li Yan finally chose to persist and passed the piano grade.

There is a saying that parents' understanding is a good medicine to cure children.

When a child wants to give up, parents should not use tough means to force it, but should be concerned about asking the reason and then understand it from the child's point of view.

When they feel that their needs are respected and understood, children will continue to listen to their parents' suggestions and stick to what they should do.

3. The careful companionship of parents is the driving force for children to persist.

If I ask "What is the best gift for children", I will not hesitate to answer "companionship".

Especially when "forcing" children to learn or practice skills, the careful companionship of parents will become the driving force for children to persist.

But in the process of accompanying children, we must pay attention to these three points:

Many parents are used to watching mobile phones from time to time when accompanying their children, and some even watch mobile phones all the time.

Such companionship will not only interfere with the child's attention, but also make the child feel that you don't value him.

When you are with your child, you should put down your mobile phone as much as possible, devote yourself wholeheartedly, and carefully watch every word written, every picture drawn and every song played by your child.

Only in this way will the child feel your concern and care, and he will be more willing to stick to it.

In the process of learning, it is inevitable that children do not do well enough.

But if at this time, parents yell at their children out of control because of their mistakes, then children may feel fear and disgust at learning itself.

Therefore, no matter what happens, parents should do a good job in emotional management and communicate with their children in a gentle way instead of rude reprimand.

The companionship of parents is not only to prevent children from feeling lonely, but more importantly, to give feedback during their practice.

"Deliberate practice" mentioned:

In addition to the children themselves, parents are also important feedback objects.

What doesn't sound so smooth this time? Which word in this ancient poem is wrong? What part of this brush stroke is not so similar?

As long as parents are careful, they can give some feedback. And these feedbacks will enable children to find problems and make continuous progress.

Anna Kundera, a famous American writer, once said:

However, compared with temporary fatigue, the regret for the rest of my life is even more unbearable.

So parents should "force" their children when they are young.

Don't let them choose comfort too early at this difficult age, otherwise they will deeply regret it.

Only children who are "forced" to grow up can exercise perseverance and courage to overcome difficulties.

Such children will have more choices when they grow up and live the life they yearn for.

Education is beautiful, but the road is difficult. Now parents must have a stronger heart and insist on the correct education of their children.

Parents must let their children understand that only by resisting the hardships of youth can they appreciate the sweetness of the future.