My father-in-law and I have been raising children together for 2 years, and it’s so funny and depressing. It turns out that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not the most d

My father-in-law and I have been raising children together for 2 years, and it’s so funny and depressing. It turns out that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not the most difficult.

Cake Mom’s words:

The narrator of this issue’s mother story: Xiaobai, a working mother

People often ask me, why is the father-in-law taking care of the children in your family? ?

All I can say is that as a middle-aged mother who doesn’t want to work full-time, I have no choice in life.

My husband was sent out of town, and my sick mother and mother-in-law who were looking after a 90-year-old man couldn't take care of me. In the end, it was expedient for an old man from the Northeast who was enjoying his retirement life to rush to the south. count.

I am already grateful that my father-in-law is willing to help.

But at that time, I could not have imagined that the direct consequence of asking my father-in-law to take care of the baby was that for a long time, when I came home from get off work, I just wanted to sit in the car for a while. Don't want to go upstairs.

Because no one has ever taught me how to deal with a stubborn old man born in the 1950s who puts too much effort into parenting.

1

I don’t know how other people’s grandfathers look after their children, but my grandfather’s refinement and rigor far exceed expectations.

I was quite surprised at first. After all, in order to take care of his 5-year-old granddaughter, an old engineer watched Douyin and Huoshan videos every day to learn about parenting. This thing in itself is touching enough.

But when it comes to my children’s meals, I gradually feel that something is not good.

First of all, the grandfather’s persistence in feeding the baby is scary.

The dishes in my refrigerator are basically my daughter’s taste descriptions. She loved to eat spare ribs, but spare ribs were expensive, so her grandfather went to the supermarkets and vegetable markets near her home to find the most cost-effective spare ribs, filled the refrigerator, and cooked them every day.

Because my daughter said that okra is delicious, my grandfather found it too expensive even if potatoes went up by 2 cents. He could still buy okra for 40 yuan, and he couldn’t bear to take a bite.

Eating dinner with the baby every day is a special ritual for grandpa.

Let the rice cool down until the temperature is just right. Then the baby starts eating, and grandpa is serving dishes next to him. This one is nutritious, that one helps digestion, five-star service. But the daughter can't say no, otherwise grandpa will threaten to cancel the cartoon and make grandpa angry. He even said "I won't eat it then" and put a spoonful of vegetables into the child's mouth.

Children all have rebellious feelings. Once, they were fed by their grandfather until they burst into tears. My husband, who came home on the weekend, couldn’t stand it: "Dad, I can’t even eat if you feed me like this. Just let me The child can eat it by herself, right?"

"I won't eat it. I'll wait until she finishes eating." Grandpa would not be happy if my husband said more.

This is what makes people even more anxious - the child's eating situation directly determines the grandfather's mood.

Every day when I come home from work and open the door, I can know how my daughter is doing at dinner from the atmosphere in the living room:

Either the grandfather and grandson are loving each other and laughing happily. This shows that the child performed well during dinner, and most likely ate vegetables and fruits after dinner as requested by grandpa. Then the wrinkles on the old man's face will be like a flower, and he will be happy doing anything;

If the atmosphere is depressing Coupled with the daughter's tears...then it's over, it must be that the daughter is causing trouble, not eating well, eating less, or not completing the vegetable and fruit quota. The old man must have been frowning and sighing all night, and his visible irritability lowered the air pressure in the whole house, making it difficult for people to take a breath.

So during that time, whether I could have a relaxed and happy dinner at night depended on my daughter’s performance during the meal!

If the daughter does not eat well, then as soon as the mother comes in, she will immediately switch to the second half of the day's work - family emotional management.

I coax the children first and then the old man... In order to prevent the stupid dog at home from whining and barking and being beaten by the angry grandpa, I will drag it to the kitchen and feed it a piece of ham. .

When grandpa sees it, he will scold it angrily: "Eat! You eat a little bit and eat a little bit."

2

Not only eating, but also eating. When it comes to his daughter's studies, grandpa has even shown surprisingly high standards and strict requirements.

The middle class in kindergarten requires children to learn how to shoot a ball. The teacher said in the class circle that some children can take more than 100 pictures. But my daughter is still hovering within 10.

Grandpa was not happy when he saw it. What’s so difficult about shooting a ball? Just practice! So I made two balls with different feel and urged my children to practice in the community. I actually practiced in less than two weeks.

What's even more amazing is that the neighbor's mother said politely: "Uncle, when will my son learn it too?"

The grandfather seriously called the neighbor's little boy from playing. When I came back, I forced myself to shoot the ball all night and got more than 300 shots. The child said that his hands were numb from practicing

After that, my neighbor’s mother saw me and said: Your grandpa is great and he has a way! If this is used to help children with homework in the future, it will definitely be no problem.

Haha. I thought to myself, there is no need for me to help with my homework at home now!

My husband enrolled my son in an online course on mathematical thinking, with the intention of gradually enlightening him. The grandfather who wants to accompany his child to class is more anxious and angry than anyone else. Whenever his daughter counts on her fingers for a long time before she can answer the teacher's question, the grandfather can't wait to rush over and teach her again by his ear. The most serious time was when my child was absent-minded in class, and my grandfather wanted to slap him in front of me.

This thing shocked me. At that time, he almost instinctively slapped the table and shouted: "In our house, you are not allowed to spank your children!"

The old man was so angry that he didn't talk to me for several days.

That day I also began to reflect on many small problems in life, from eating to online classes. Because I know that the elderly love children, I naively thought that some problems were not problems.

But in fact, I have discovered that every time my daughter does the mathematical thinking after-school exercises, she will be very panicked if she does not score 100 points, because grandpa will be angry. Coupled with the fact that this time my grandfather lost control and wanted to take action, I think I have found the reason for my daughter’s recent anxiety and lack of security.

I told my husband about this, but he could only sigh after me on the phone: "I knew it would be like this."

Grandpa is a strong and bad-tempered person. My husband said that a large part of the father's love he received was the same as that of his daughter today. Although it was warm, it was also depressing.

We didn’t want our children to experience this feeling again, so we decided to think of ways to improve Grandpa’s emotional state.

3

My husband’s method was not very clever. He began to post sensational educational chicken soup articles in the family group every day. The titles were shocking to many: "How smart children change." Stupid? ” “A parent’s action can affect a child’s life” “Suppressed childhood, unspeakable pain”...

I am so embarrassed that I almost have cancer. But my husband was very confident. He said, “Don’t worry, grandpa at his age trusts ‘experts’ the most.

”

After thinking about it, I felt that the biggest depression of the old man is actually having only children in his life and no relatives or friends here. So I went to apply for a fitness card for my grandpa so that he could have a swimming pool. It's better to relax and divert your attention, right?

It's better. I can feel that grandpa is also afraid that his behavior will hurt the child.

So. After that, my daughter went to the mathematical thinking class again, and he just sat at the door of the study with a small stool.

In the morning, he no longer used shouting to urge the children to eat, but instead used Xiaoya to tell stories at the loudest volume. .

How can a lifelong behavior pattern be so easy to change?

After the math class, the grandfather still couldn’t help but summarize his daughter’s “bad behavior”: “Wiggled around in class.” , "How come you don't know how to solve the problem of equal parts", "Why did you do the third question wrong in the after-school exercise"...

I was surprised by the super memory of an old man in his 60s, and at the same time he also had a crush on his daughter. I felt so much sympathy. Why did the life of a 5-year-old child become so difficult?

Next, it was my turn to take the blame.

My grandpa stayed up all morning. Saying "It's weird to wake up so late every day", the implication is that I let my children go to bed late; if my daughter doesn't eat well, my grandpa will point the finger at the snack cabinet I set up for my child, "How can I still eat after eating such a mess?" ;My daughter is constipated and can’t poop, and her grandfather’s conclusion is “eat meat without vegetables, don’t follow mom’s example”...

I~ want to refute, but I know I can’t explain it clearly, so I can only get it as soon as I have a holiday. Go out and have fun with your baby, and try to avoid the impact of conflicts and negative emotions on your children.

But many problems in the family are unavoidable, and they will all appear in the children——

One Friday, when I came home, I saw my grandfather chasing my daughter to eat a mango and telling her a story if she didn’t eat. The child was busy playing with toys, desperately trying to push grandpa away, frowning and hitting him with his little fist. , shouting "You go, you go", the mango was also knocked over during the conflict.

The old man got angry and threatened the child, "I will go back to my hometown and I won't care about you." The daughter cried when she heard that her grandfather was leaving. , shouting "Grandpa, don't go, grandpa hug me." "

I felt like my head was going to explode. I first held the child down and asked her to apologize for hitting grandpa, and then went into the bedroom and asked her to explain why she hit her.

Before the child In the intermittent sentences, I gradually heard complex emotions: I enjoyed grandpa's meticulous love, but I was also afraid of the ubiquitous oppression. Although the child was still young, he understood that grandpa was only happy after eating mangoes, and only when he got 100 points... That plate of mangoes was Grandpa’s conditional love.

Invisibly, hitting people became an outlet for her anxiety.

After becoming a mother, I also read several books on child psychology. book, I understood that what my child said was true. It was a problem that we adults did not clarify, and it eventually became the child's problem, causing her stress.

My husband came back that night and listened. I was heartbroken about what happened at night. I thought about it for a long time while holding my sleeping daughter.

Finally, he said: Let me talk to grandpa tomorrow.

4

The next day I went out for something, and when I came home I felt that the atmosphere in the living room was not right.

I asked my husband "What's wrong?" He and my grandfather answered in unison: "Nothing." ”

After that, my daughter went back to the room and told me: Dad and grandpa had a fight.

Dad asked grandpa to "go back"!

Sure enough, my husband told me in the afternoon: "We can't expect the old man to change his temper at this age. This is not good for the child, so let him go back."

Actually, I know it well. My father-in-law was a man who was laid off in the Northeast during that time. In his 40s, he picked up books again, took professional courses to learn English, and passed the professional qualification as an engineer. He relied on such a tough temper. But my mother-in-law complained more than once that my father-in-law was too straight-forward and stubborn, and he often did bad things with good intentions.

My husband and I will go back as soon as we come together. When the children go to kindergarten every day, it is not impossible for us to give the housekeeper a little extra salary and pick them up after school in the evening.

But I was afraid of breaking Grandpa’s heart. We decided to take it slow first and find a suitable opportunity before telling the old man.

Unexpectedly, one month later, something happened in my hometown: my husband's grandma was hospitalized.

The grandfather hurriedly packed up and rushed to the airport. Before leaving, he hugged his granddaughter and kissed her again and again. Both grandpa and grandson were a little sad, and the child cried several times.

However, once grandpa left, my daughter and I felt a long-lost freedom.

My child asked me if I could "eat when I want to eat, and don't eat if I don't want to eat." I said yes, as long as you are not hungry. But what I didn't expect was that the child ate better without forcing her to eat, and even asked me to buy fruit for her. I don’t lose my temper anymore.

What’s even more amazing is that without the grandfather following around the clock to tidy up the toys, my daughter actually started to tidy up by herself...

My emotional pressure has been greatly reduced. After putting the baby to sleep every day You can also sit on the sofa and watch a movie.

Even my dog, who usually doesn’t dare to show off his temper, dares to go to the sofa to bask in the sun, and yells at his aunt for ham...

But I have to say that there are few people at home. There was only one person, a bit deserted. My daughter sometimes says "I miss my grandpa".

I also have to rush home every day after get off work. We have to use our lunch break to go to the supermarket to buy groceries, and we have to wash the dishes ourselves after dinner. When my daughter’s bicycle breaks down, she has to wait for her husband to come back to repair it on the weekend~

At this time, we think of my grandfather’s daily life inside and outside. I also planted green onions and vegetables for us on the balcony... I said to my daughter, "No matter what, you know that grandpa loves you very much, right?" My daughter said, "I know, I love you very much too." Grandpa’s.” So we thought about calling Grandpa.

The grandfather was very happy to receive the video from his granddaughter. After a few words of greeting, he started to ask, "Have you had a bowel movement in the past few days?" Why didn't you ask me if I had a good meal?"

Grandpa said: "Grandpa watched you eat through the camera and knew that you ate well. But you watched TV yesterday from 4:10 to 5:03. It was too long. Why didn't you eat at all? Are you conscious?"

Grandpa finally said to the baby: "You wait for Grandpa, I will go back in a while!"

My daughter and I were silent for a while, not knowing whether it was happiness or not. It's worry.

I feel a little sad when I pay my aunt my salary at the end of the month. I told my daughter: "We don't want to eat food on weekends. We can just eat noodles."

My daughter asked: "Mom, why do you give aunt so much money?"

I think After a while, I said to my daughter: When you grow up, you will understand that this is the price of freedom!