A funny joke about drinking.

Drinking funny jokes, drinking is a way of entertainment in life, many people will join bars after work, and some jokes are often said to enliven the atmosphere when drinking. Jokes are usually funny. Here are some funny jokes about drinking.

Drinking funny jokes 1 1, drinking wine on the wine table and drinking the future; Drinking with friends, drinking the present; Drinking alone is about the past.

2, a man's dream: there is a good fool at home and a lovely one at work; Drinking is accompanied by a joke; There are lively and wonderful plays; I miss you for a moment outside; On Valentine's Day, there was one in the Woods.

3, a buddy's cell phone ringtone is this song. One day, he and I went to the bathroom while drinking and eating. I was about to start when my cell phone rang. He took a phone call and didn't pee. He just hung up the phone and it rang again. This time, he put on his pants and didn't pee. I asked him why, and he said that he couldn't pee in his heart, and something terrible finally happened. I see a river under the dining table.

4. A gentleman is addicted to alcohol. If he has any wine, he will be drunk, and if he is drunk, he will vomit.

A customer asked him what he did.

A friend replied, "The manager of the import and export department is engaged in foreign trade."

5, drink too much to brag, friends say that he only drinks old white fuck when he goes out to drink! Guess what good wine it is, and the names are so domineering! Fuck! At this time, a brother in the corner who failed to pass CET-4 four times floated a sentence: "Isn't it" temptation "? Just like really ... "

6. A few days ago, my classmates got together and played a game. One person said I didn't do XX. If others drink it, they should drink it consciously. One of the girls who played first said, "I have never masturbated."

The five boys on the table immediately silently picked up the glasses on the table. This is cruel.

7. The wife has many complaints about her alcoholic husband. One day, she saw a news in the newspaper and said to her husband with the newspaper: "Look, how dangerous it is to drink! The newspaper said that a young man was drunk, took a boat, fell off the side of the boat and drowned. "

The husband quickly said, "Let me see-smell it, he was not dead before he fell into the river. He drowned. How can you blame the wine? "

8. The wife told her husband, "You can't drink every day. Our family's economic situation does not allow it. "

Husband: "Then look at your own expenses. You need to spend 65 yuan, a perm of 65,438+050 yuan, a manicure 30 yuan, clothes 300 yuan, vitamin 50 yuan and fitness 600 yuan. It is you who should save money in our family. "

Wife: "I didn't do it for you."

Husband: "For me?"

Wife: "Yes, it makes you think I am more beautiful and charming."

Husband: "In that case, don't bother next time. Just a bottle of wine can solve the problem. Every time you get drunk, I think you are charming. "

9. Go to my buddy's house to drink alone. After drinking for 30 years, he saw that his buddy's sister-in-law was beautiful and said, "Dude, if you touch her breasts, I'll make a drink."

Sister-in-law retaliated mercilessly: "Brother-in-law, hold on and drink him to death!" "

10, a driver who drove your wife was careless. One morning, he went to work without shaving. When his wife saw it, he asked, Bill, how often do you think it is appropriate to shave? Bill stood there looking at his employer for a long time, and finally said, Madam, you don't have much beard, only once a month. There is a person who is not good at talking. One day, a neighbor gave birth to a son, and everyone went to congratulate him, and he also went. As soon as the host saw him coming, he was afraid that he would spill the beans, so he quickly let him into the house to drink and eat meat. He also knew that his mouth was bad, so he lowered his head, just ate and kept silent. It was not until after dinner that he said to everyone, you can all prove it. I didn't say anything today. If the child dies, don't blame me.

1 1. Some buddies are drinking. Asked me to come over for a drink.

Me: "What's delicious?"

Buddy: "Four dishes and one soup."

Me: "OK, I'll be right there."

When I arrived, I saw two packages of peanuts, one package of pistachios and one package of broad beans, which were just placed on four plates. I asked, "Where's the soup?"

The buddy pointed to the wine and said, "Isn't this?"

Ni Mei, these scavengers.

12. Not long ago, I went out drinking with my friends. The waiter in the hotel knows him well. He is very beautiful … as soon as I sat down, my friend called the waiter for a beer … a minute later, the waiter came for a beer! By analogy, if a * * * asks for 12 bottles, the middle waiter will not be angry! ! ! I just want to say that in the end, the waitress Nima became my friend's girlfriend. Is this a new skill for chasing girls? ..... drunk.

13. I had a drink with two buddies last night, and two Jin of white wine. One buddy had a drink when he had something to do, and the rest was for me and another buddy. In the end, the buddy who had something to do bought the bill and left first, and I'll drink the rest. Suddenly, the buddy said to go to the toilet to pee, so I went with him. When I came back, the table was cleared, and I was someone else! It was a fire at that time, and the boss came to accompany me. He served two new dishes and poured two glasses of white wine. I can say that Nima had two more drinks in the end, and my buddies and I came back to throw up! ! ! ! The guy said he knew I had to pee twice and then he left. ...

14, the reporter interviewed a drunk driver who was just caught by the police with a microphone and asked him: Comrade, how can you drink and drive?

The driver pushed away the reporter's microphone drowsily and said, stop it, please, I really can't do it. I did drink too much. I really can't sing any more ... sing again. ...

15, a person is addicted to alcohol, but in front of his family, he uses another method to make himself drink well. One day, he raised his glass and said, "I wish my parents-in-law good health." Say that finish and drink it off. Raise a glass to his wife again and say, "Here's to your health!" "Say that finish back neck and dry. His wife asked him, "What's your wish?" He said, "Am I too selfish to drink only for myself? "

16, live in the third grade. At that time, I put two beds together and slept with five brothers. We bet who caught up with Banhua in our class, and the rich second generation invited me to drink ... The next day, I pulled Banhua out of school and said, "I have always had a crush on you, but I was embarrassed to say it, but last night a brother vowed to catch up with you, forcing me to confess before you. I like you. " I was drunk the next day!

17, the smoke is fake;

Drinking-knowledge level;

Mahjong ... touch the bright spot;

Work ... ask three I don't know;

18, my junior worked as an intern in a graphic design room in Shanghai, and my boss was very stingy.

A week after arriving at the company, just after a project was completed, the boss said to invite everyone to eat and drink.

After a few drinks, everyone was drunk and prone on the table. Only when my boss and I look at each other, I feel a little embarrassed. Suddenly, a colleague around me poked me in the waist and gently reminded me: "Get drunk quickly, or it's your turn to check out ..."

19, I invited a sister to drink. My sister was so drunk that she took her to get a room. When she was in a daze, my sister said, "Wait a minute, wait a minute, where is my husband?" "What are you waiting for? I am your husband. " "No, you weren't even there."

20. Policeman: "Have you been drinking?" Ren Lei: "No!" Policeman: "Why does it smell like wine?" Ren Lei: "I drank a glass of beer." Pol-ice: "beer is also wine!" " Ren Lei: "Is the snail a cow?" Policeman: "No." Ren Lei: "Is that girl a mother?" Policeman: "No." Ren Lei: "Is beer wine?" Policeman: "No." Ren Lei: It's all over! ! "

Funny joke about drinking 2 1 A friend of mine divorced last year and remarried this year because of the children. In the meantime, the women met again. Once several people were drinking and chatting, and my friend lamented that they couldn't let go of that hurdle. My other buddy said, what is this? It's okay. Think of your electric donkey as lost. It's been riding for a while.

2. Edward: "Yesterday Jim and I went to a bar to drink, and a thief came to my house and stole something." Duncan: "Did you lose anything at home?" Edward: "Did you lose it?" . However, my wife thought I was drunk, so she hit the thief indiscriminately. The thief couldn't beat him and shouted for help. Fortunately, the police arrived in time to save him. "

She quarreled with her family that day. She went out drinking and got as drunk as a fiddler. I called anyone, and she said, "Come out. Hi! Ha ha ha! " After a while, she fell asleep until someone patted her. She woke up. "Hey? So, I called you. Have a drink? " "Drink you a ghost! Say what you are stimulated by? " He seems a little impatient. "Don't, so fierce. I am so pitiful. " "Then what did you do?" "They collapsed, and I'm an unwanted child now! Nobody wants me! " "Bullshit! I am still there! " "I knew you were the best, hahaha!" Then she really passed out. He took the bottle in her hand and took a sip. Silently picked her up: "I'll take you in, let's go home."

4. A drunk takes a taxi home. After arriving at the station, the drunk asked, How much is the master? Driver: 15 yuan. Drunk: 15? Don't lie to me when I drink. Driver: Big Brother, this is really the price. Drunk: Isn't it always 20?

The husband came home drunk, and his wife complained that he drank too much.

The husband said, "Madam, wine is a good thing. Song Wu is famous for killing a tiger. Song kills tigers and doesn't drink? " ? And Mr. Li Bai, can you become a great poet without drinking? "

His wife asked him, "What kind of big shot did you become by drinking?"

"I'm Brewmaster, white wine hanging in my stomach, gradually dissolved and dissipated. Ah, there is a feeling of flying high. "

The wife got angry and slapped her husband.

The husband still smiled: "Although there was a thunderbolt, I was still in a fog."

6. Everyone drinks during the Chinese New Year, and my uncle gets drunk every time. I got drunk again at my friend's house today. I went home alone, and I was peed by a small tree on the way, which was very close. When I finished urinating, I tied my belt to the tree and said while pushing the tree, big brother, I really can't drink, I really can't drink!

7. As soon as I got home, my mother was furious and asked me, "Have you smoked?"

"No."

"Have you been drinking?"

"No."

"Is there an object?"

"No."

Mother said seriously, "well, you can have it!" " "

I said, "This ... is really not ..."

8. I am a person who has read history. I died in my sister's happiness in summer and in da ji in business. These historical lessons are engraved in my heart. Therefore, when I was promoted to the position of supervisor, I was always wary of women. Female subordinates invited me to drink and sing, but I didn't go. My boss invited me to travel, but I didn't go. If you want to drag me into this, no way! I played with these foxes all day at work, and I was exhausted when I got home. Still comfortable at home, rest assured. My wife patted my leg: Thank you, Director. I'll give you a little girl to rub and relax. I complained to my wife about my adventure at the station. The wife said: You did the right thing. Those people are all outsiders. None of them are after your strength. You can't be fooled How can one of our own be so sweet! My brother is a driver. Do you want him to drive for you? "Good," I said. "Let him go to work tomorrow and quit driving Wang.

9. The leader is drinking: drinking is like drinking soup, and this person goes to work in industry and commerce; Drinking is like drinking water, and friends must be in the construction Committee; There won't be a bottle left per capita. These brothers are finance. If you don't persuade people to drink, you must work in the court; Toast, this person must be the public security; A person can do two or five things at a time, and this person must be a country; If you don't get drunk after drinking eight or two, this person is definitely a national tax; Don't shout tired for three meals a day. These brothers are local taxes.

10, a male classmate and a female classmate met to drink, and everyone drank a lot in the evening. The woman squatted directly on the table, and the man smiled treacherously and said, I won't succeed this time. The time is ripe, so drunk, you will definitely fail the exam tomorrow! Say, oneself also follow down.

1 1. On the third anniversary of their marriage, the couple celebrated by drinking to their heart's content. After three glasses of wine, my husband said, in fact, our combination is a big misunderstanding. The wife asked in surprise: How do you say this? The husband went on to say: I asked for a taxi in the street that day, and my taxi didn't come. I didn't expect you to come soon!

12, He Wen and Zhao Jun are close friends, and they both have the same hobby of football. When you arrive at a major event, you will meet at a person's house to drink and watch the ball. He Wen likes to be serious because he lost his finger in a bet with others. But he himself is often proud of it, and feels that he is a real man, and he dares to do it. The four-year European Cup is coming. The fans are most concerned about this game. Tonight is the group match between England and Portugal. Zhao Jun is a fan of the English team, and He Wen likes Portugal. They made an appointment early in the evening, and Zhao Jun went straight to watch the ball after the night shift. At 2 am, He Wen Gu's door rang. When I opened the door, it was Zhao Jun. ...

13, the senior dog graduated, and the New Year's Eve dinner was supposed to be served for drinking ... I played with my little cousin tactfully and naturally received a lot of lucky money.

14, a large sum of money invited a friend to drink. A friend saw him drinking remy martin, so he praised him and said, Is this really Bill from China? Gates. The man leaned close to his friend and whispered, do you know what people called me a year ago? Bill? Beggar!

15, I went to the private room next door by mistake when I went to the toilet. A room full of people looked at me, and I said, sorry, your food is all here. Then he turned and ran away.

16. Today, I took my wife to drive to play with my friends. As a result, I have to drink at night, but I can't drink while driving. As a result, my friend couldn't do it, so I had to drink fruit beer. Come out at night, really encounter drunk driving, let me off. When I got off the bus, I vomited ... The traffic police were very happy, and I might be fined. It's a pity that I didn't drink. Blow, wipe, exceed the standard, explain.

17, Aunt Zhao came home to see her daughter and son-in-law quarreling. Aunt Zhao asked what happened, and the son-in-law explained, "Mom, I went drinking with an old classmate last night ..."

Aunt Zhao said generously, "It's normal to drink with old classmates. It's all interpersonal communication! "

Unexpectedly, my daughter cried and said, "Mom, he went drinking with a female classmate last night!" " "

"What?" Aunt Zhao is unhappy. She stared at her son-in-law with big eyes and roared, "What do you drink with your female classmates at night? This is not a relationship between people. This is a lover relationship. "

18, A: You can buy a Porsche key online, then go out to pick up girls and put it on the table. I don't know how awesome it is ... B: What if a girl wants to take the bus after she gets it? A: Just say you can't drive while drinking. Take a taxi back.

19, a colleague was chatting with me just now. He asked me: You don't smoke, drink or gamble now. What do you want as a man? What's the fun? I said weakly, after you died, were there many people watching your funeral? I'm too witty. ...

20. Ask your buddies out for a drink tonight. My buddy told me: no, I have an appointment with a net friend tonight.

I met him the next day and asked him: How was the war?

He said, don't mention it. I thought it was playing with two women, but it turned out to be a woman and her boyfriend. Stop it, it's all tears, and my ass still hurts …

2 1, my husband is not at home on business these days, and my son is crazy.

Today, my husband came back for a drink and scolded him.

My son went to do his homework angrily.

I secretly glanced at the Chinese summer composition: "My father."

My father likes drinking. He drinks stars every day and is at a loss.

22. I once drove my wife out shopping, and my friend called on the way.

Is it convenient to ask me? I said I would take my wife out shopping. what can I do for you?

Did you get rid of the woman who drank last night? 1 yes, 2 no. If it's inconvenient for you, just say the number. I'm speechless, man. Do you know what a car phone is?

23, car accident! The driver was unconscious, and only the pet dog was safe and sound.

The traffic police asked the dog: What was your master doing before the accident?

The puppy drinks water and wobbles. ...

Traffic police: Oh! He's drinking ... then what are you doing?

The puppy sits up and drives with both hands.

24, the goddess took a bath and went to my bed. As soon as a phone call came, she told me to have a drink and eat snacks ... Drink your sister, hang up the phone and go back to sleep ................. ……MD, I couldn't sleep because I couldn't continue my dream, and the snacks were scolded by me. How can I stand this night?

25. From now on, I will give up all entertainment activities in the evening, and will not ask me out for dinner, tea and bars, because I have to take care of other people's wives! I became a father yesterday and gave birth to 1000 yuan.

Funny joke about drinking 3 1

When pouring wine, it drizzles gently. You can talk sweetly when you persuade wine. When drinking, say something bold. Drink too much and talk nonsense. Finally, it rained cats and dogs. Fall to the ground and say nothing.

Second,

Bold words, wine makes courage. Sweet talk, persuade friends to drink more. Nonsense, no depth of thought. No words, dream. Talk to yourself, wake up and regret it.

Third,

People can't walk around without wine. How can people not drink too much when they are floating in rivers and lakes? It is a waste in the world for men not to drink. Dude doesn't drink or have good friends. As long as you have it in your heart, everything you drink is wine. Wine is the essence of food, and the more you drink, the younger you get.

Fourth,

Deep feelings, a stuffy. Feelings are shallow, lick it. Strong feelings, not enough to drink. Feelings are too weak to drink. Feelings are iron, so you can't help drinking.

Five,

If you want to get drunk, leave the wine in your stomach. If you are afraid of getting drunk, add water to the wine. Really drunk, dare to drink dichlorvos. Drunk and sleeping under the table. Pretend to be drunk and don't want to tip.

Six,

It looks like water and smells intoxicating. Drink in a spicy mouth, lingering. Stumbling around, looking for water at midnight. Wake up and regret, exhausted.

Seven,

People who drink have committed five evils, but they don't want to drink for a few days. Watching others drink evil spirits and drink them in their mouths makes them feel uncomfortable, and when they wake up, they regret it.

Eight,

The sky is blue, the sea is blue, and cups are handed down. It rains in the sky and it is dry underground. That cup doesn't count.

Nine,

Emotional iron is not iron, iron, then you are not afraid of stomach bleeding; If the feelings are not deep, you are not afraid of dribs and drabs.

Ten,

If guests want to drink well, they must drink at home first. People have to get drunk when they drink, or the host will be ashamed!

Eleven,

If you don't drink, who will? Show your skills in times of crisis, and my sister will give my brother a drink.

Twelve,

Liquor washes teeth, and beer is tea. Wine and meat pass through the intestines, but friends stay in their hearts!

Thirteen,

Generally, women don't drink, and women who drink are unusual.

Fourteen,

If you are not drunk, I am not drunk. Who wants to sleep?

15,

Every bosom friend has several glasses of wine. Drink as much as you can. Run if you can't.