Talk about "sex education" in your eyes.

Influenced by China's shy, reserved and introverted traditional culture, many people "talk about sex" and feel embarrassed when it comes to sex education. In my heart, I am even more repulsive, and I have a sense of shame.

We are born after 80, and we are a generation of "trash cans".

1. My birth: Fortunately, I didn't find it in the trash.

About my birth, I learned it from my mother chatting with other treasure mothers. My parents divorced when I was two years old. After my parents met each other halfway, I was awarded to my mother by the court. In my impression, my mother has been gossiping about my father. When chatting with her neighbors and friends, she will tell a series of stories about her marriage, pregnancy, divorce and litigation. So I am lucky to know that I am not a "baby picked up in the trash"

2. Menstruation: My menarche came a little early.

/kloc-when I was 0/0 years old, my mother told me about "menstruation" in an understatement, and I also saw menstrual supplies. I didn't know what the TV advertisements were before, but I felt that the advertisements were all very beautiful. I also have a best friend who said that when I was a child, I thought it was my mother's diaper (in fact, the principle was similar). She thought it was prepared by adults because they didn't have time to go to the bathroom at work. The idea of dolls is naive. )

My menarche is on the New Year's Day of 1 1. At that time, I was still wearing cotton trousers in the northeast winter (yes, cotton was wrapped in cloth), so no one noticed. Fortunately, I can handle it myself. I was afraid to formally tell my parents. At that time, China's parents would not hold a ceremonial party for their children's growth, but I plan to do so in the future to celebrate their growth and transformation.

Later, when menstruation came, I should have soiled the quilt, so I passively announced it to the world. I feel like my parents think it happened suddenly, too. It is said that my mother's menarche is 16 years old. I am obviously precocious.

3. Formal sex education: Books are good study partners.

When I was in grade 5-6 in primary school (my mother had foresight), she gave me a book, which seemed to be a must-read for parents of adolescent sex education. I don't remember the name. This book has written some contents about adolescent sex education objectively, appropriately and in detail. I felt very benefited at that time. At least in many cases, I didn't panic or be too ignorant.

In the era of information explosion, it is difficult for everyone to avoid violent pornographic audio-visual content. Parents should start with sex education for their children. It is very harmful to children and even the whole society to "talk about color change", avoid or even spread wrong ideas and information about sex education.

The case I experienced:

1. A college boy who has a close relationship with his biological mother.

A 19 college student in Beijing, thinking that I was a psychological counselor, came to talk to me and said that she was a "mother-in-law" and had a close relationship with her own mother during this year's epidemic. It is said that this is the "sex education" that his mother sacrificed herself to stop him from whoring (the boy's classmate was punished by the school for whoring). Parents have been at odds for many years, and it was not until their children went to college that they formally divorced. My mother has arranged everything for her children since she was a child. This 19-year-old college boy has never made any decisions for himself, nor has he received the so-called "sex education". He just watched "Little Pornography" with his classmates. Serious physical and psychological age mismatch, the mother's behavior is the fetter of maternal love, which deeply imprisons and limits the child's physical and mental development. I don't know whether maternal love is selfless or selfish, so this will happen. Perhaps, as the parties said, it is an indissoluble feeling of loving each other and killing each other.

To my horror, this so-called "helper" described many details to me. At first, I respected him and understood him kindly, but later he began to tease me with words, and I felt very disgusted. My feeling is that my mother completely spoiled him as "love rat", without any sense of responsibility, and shifted all her misconduct to others with excuses and reasons. If this is not a deliberate trap, it is a typical negative case.

In fact, what is more common and not easy to find around us is the sexual abuse of children in different degrees. And many of them are committed by acquaintances, and sometimes parents may never know.

2. 1 1 was molested by my mother's friend.

1 1 years old, once, my parents and friends went to a KTV (then called a karaoke bar) near my home to sing. It's already after 10, and I'm at home alone. A male friend of my mother went back to my house first. I thought they came back together, but he was the only one. At that time, he tried to touch my body, and I avoided it for various reasons. Before that, he tried to flirt with me in the dark alley at the door. Fortunately, I broke free and fled home. Although I later learned to be wary of this person and told my parents that this person is not a good person, I never told them these things.

Fortunately, I still have judgment. There are many children and even many adults in the news, and it is impossible to tell whether the other party is kind or malicious. It's the same for girls to have enough to eat. Only when they have seen the world can they have a world view, so that they will not be deceived into the mountains by a candy.

In fact, sexual assault is gender-neutral. ? Some of them are just those abnormal psychological needs. In the dark net, some babies become victims, especially in backward areas. After the child is violated, he can't talk or stretch.

Therefore, as parents, we have the responsibility and obligation to provide children with adequate and good sex education to ensure their safety and social stability.

(a) Comparison of the current situation of sex education between the East and the West:

Britain: Children receive sex education from the age of 5,/kloc-kissing under the age of 0/6 is punishable.

In order to protect teenagers from sexual assault, the British government has completely revised the relevant laws. At that time,/kloc-young people under 0/6 will face criminal punishment if they caress or kiss each other. The British Family Planning Association said that if the proposed new bill is passed, teenagers under the age of 16 may be investigated for criminal responsibility for touching or kissing each other, and the maximum sentence will be five years in the detention center. At the same time, the British government stipulates that compulsory education must start from the age of 5. This is an important step for Britain to achieve the goal of "reducing the pregnancy rate of teenagers under10 by half by 20 10".

Japan: Sex is mutual confirmation of love. At present, most primary schools in Japan popularize sex education, but in middle schools, students can already learn some rough contraceptive knowledge from the classroom.

Finland: Sex Education Similar to Arabian Nights

Since 1970s, sex education has entered the syllabus of primary and secondary schools in Finland, and even kindergartens have positive sex education books. Set up sex education consultation telephone and child protection institutions to provide help to teenagers at any time. Finland has a nature education book-our bodies. Parents can give a lesson every day like "One Thousand and One Nights", and sex education will naturally begin.

Netherlands: Children begin sex education when they are 6 years old in primary school. Like other courses, there is nothing special. Children can also do their own research reports. The actual average age of adolescents having sex for the first time is 17 years old.

In the United States, babies who are equivalent to small classes in kindergartens can know their own bodies, understand the different body structures of their parents, and accurately say the scientific names of male and female reproductive organs. (In China, penis, penis, belongs to TEM-8 vocabulary for English majors).

Compared with developed and open western countries, sex education in China is actually very lacking and lagging behind. Although schools and kindergartens also have sex education initiation classes, it is too late for actual needs. Moreover, at present, the contents of physical health courses or life education courses in school education are still somewhat obscure and lagging behind. Generally speaking, China has not yet explored a set of very complete methods and systems of sex education in terms of universal education. Therefore, in China, where sex education resources are relatively scarce, family education is even more important.

In fact, although sex education cannot be copied from western countries, people actually have a certain period of growth and development. It is feasible to carry out necessary sex education for children according to their age. We have a timetable for reference, and space is limited. See link: timetable for sex education for children.

But before sex education for children, as parents, we must first get out of the misunderstanding of sex education.

(2) Compulsory sex education for parents:

1. Change the wrong sexual concept, face up to "sex" and respect "sex": parents should face up to the existence of sex, treat and respect it with an acceptable attitude and a positive attitude. Sex does not mean obscenity, uncleanness or vulgarity. In traditional culture, respect for mother is actually respect. We can't unilaterally understand traditional culture as feudalism and asceticism. Only when parents have a correct understanding can they guide their children from the front.

Many families are influenced by the idea that men are superior to women in traditional culture, and think that the life of husband and wife is to meet the physiological needs of men first. At the same time, the mainstream thought holds that women should be reserved, so in terms of sexual needs and expression, men are traditionally dominant. Women are very passive. Passivity is divided into two aspects, one is that needs are ignored, and the other is that feelings are not taken seriously.

Many men also want to complain about this. Under the bondage of such thoughts, men are also in a dilemma in intimate relationships. If you don't take the initiative, you are afraid that you can't satisfy your wife. If you are too active, you are afraid to put pressure on each other. Therefore, the biggest fulcrum of harmony between men and women lies in communication.

Although the husband and wife came from different families and backgrounds, they came together to form a family and lived together for a lifetime because of their appreciation, admiration and trust. Many details in life need to be run-in and inclusive. For example, the choice of venue, frequency, posture, style and auxiliary facilities in intimate relationships.

Size is not enough, technology comes together, technology is not enough, foreplay is enough, learn to borrow money, add interest, try boldly, and do what you can, and you can always find something that suits you. Equality, respect, honesty and understanding of the beauty of sex are not just "handing in homework". The sense of accomplishment brought by perfect sex is no less than a big business. Female friends, if you want your husband to become confident and responsible, give him affirmation at this time. Very efficient! If a male friend wants his wife to have less unreasonable temper, then a short hug and chat after warmth is very necessary (although it is a burden for you)!

2. Have a good sense of self: don't blindly pursue so-called "standards", such as height, weight, genital size, and life span of husband and wife. These actually vary from person to person. Only when husband and wife understand, coordinate and appreciate each other can they have a better intimate relationship. Know how to love yourself and others.

Sex is actually a very primitive instinct of human beings, and the feeling of connection and recognition between people also comes from this moment. Give an inappropriate example. Chimpanzees greet each other with "sexual intercourse", which helps them to confirm their relationship, just like human acquaintances greet each other when they meet. So sex is also our most instinctive external confirmation. In order for my wife to ask, "Do you love me?" Then a strong hug and caress when meeting is a better confirmation and affirmation than sweet words.

3.？ In terms of sexual satisfaction, parents are good role models: parents' holding hands, hugging, kissing and making love in daily life actually meet some sexual needs well. We should educate children that sex is a part of a complete life, and the stimulation of sex to body and mind can reduce anxiety, restore a good emotional state and release stress. At the same time, intimate time is also a good time for couples to communicate with each other. If there is any important topic, we might as well discuss it at this time, and everyone's attitude will be softer. It is more conducive to solving problems. As the saying goes, fighting at the end of the bed is the truth. In addition to sexual harmony, parents' role model education should also include mutual respect and care in life. So the whole sex education will be more complete and full.

Conclusion: Sex education is a long-term and silent process, and it is an inevitable choice to prevent problems before they happen. Not only parents should do their best to educate their children, but also schools and society should pay attention to and take action. Only in this way can we protect our children from the pain of sexual ignorance and sexual assault in the future!

postscript

Six thinking hats is a kind of thinking training mode, or comprehensive thinking mode, developed by British scholar Dr. edward de bono. It provides a tool for "parallel thinking" and avoids wasting time arguing with each other. Emphasis is placed on "what can be" rather than "what is itself", and it is to seek the direction of progress rather than arguing about who is right or wrong. The application of Deno's six thinking hats will make chaotic thinking clearer, turn meaningless arguments in groups into brainstorming, and make everyone creative.

"Liumao Village", also known as Liufen Community, was founded by "Village Head" Zhang (WeChat nickname: Mingshashi, 007 non-stop practitioner 007er-70 12, 10 old smoker, founder of Liufen Community)-a form of sharing ideas, with six thinking hats as the underlying thinking logic and collaborative writing. For details, please refer to account number-Six-dimensional Thinking.

Express one's gratitude formally

This article was created by one-sixth of the community and by Jin Xin (police tactical unit).

White hat: Zhou Xiaohui

Red hat: Zhang

Yellow hat: He Zheng

Black hat: Cao Zhibin? Wang Jin

Green hat: Guo Shuai? Di hongying

Six-dimensional thinking-release your thinking energy