Degang Guo had a cross talk, in which he went to Xi 'an or somewhere to buy antiques, all of which were fakes, and then he came back. Which crosstalk is this?

In Shaanxi, I bought Fuwa painted by Tang Bohu and "One World, One Dream" written by Wang Xizhi.

Actor's lines

Guo: Thank you, thank you for your applause.

Y: applause from two people on the stage and one person from you.

Guo: I'll shoot it for you again (applause). Thank you again for your applause. I'm so happy to say it. I'm just kidding.

Yes

Guo: My brother and I have been working together for six years. If Degang Guo has achieved so much, it is entirely because of myself (Yu Qian) and my own efforts.

Y: I want to discuss something with you. If you don't want to introduce me in the future, don't compare with me, ok?

Guo: I'm not finished yet.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: A single filament does not make a line, and a single tree does not make a forest. How many nails are full? Can we have today without the help of others?

Y: I dare not.

Guo: I want to thank my wife, who helped me make use of a treasure house in Shanghai.

Y: Is there me here or not?

Guo: I have you.

Y: Hey, tell me about me.

Guo: Without you.

Y: A。

Guo: I have long been popular.

Y: Ah, I've been confused, haven't I?

Guo: Are you kidding?

Y: Just kidding.

Guo: Where did I leave you?

Yes

Guo: In cross talk, I am the A.

Y: Hey, I'm the best,

Guo: Just kidding.

Y: I am the champion.

Guo: For example, I am a star in the sky.

Y: and I am?

Guo: I am the sun.

Y: You said it again.

Guo: If I say insulin,

Y: what about me?

Guo: Your blood sugar is on the high side.

Y: There is such a big competition.

Guo: If I am Pleasant Goat, you are Big Wolf.

Y: All the cartoons have come out.

Guo: This is; & gt

Y: what about me?

Guo:>

Two movies.

Guo: If I am an orange in Guangyuan, you are Sanlu's milk.

Y: I can't sell it.

Guo: If I were.

Y: Oh, I'm not Cecilia Cheung.

Guo: You are your son. Your name is uncle.

Y: There is no such metaphor.

Guo: Tell a few jokes.

Y: A。

Guo: If you don't talk, you won't laugh, you won't be lively, and Li Er won't smile crooked.

Yu: Tullier

Guo: Just smile.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: Eliminate all the depression in people's hearts.

Y: Let it be.

Guo: Well, actually, to tell the truth.

Y: A。

Guo: I have a question I especially want to ask my teacher.

Y: ask me?

Guo: I'm afraid you're not happy.

Y: Then what's the matter?

Guo: The level is limited.

Y: that's all right.

Guo: I have a cold. Let me ask you a question.

Y: oh.

Guo: Should I take the liberty?

Y: hey.

Guo: Let me ask you a question.

Y: you said

Guo: Hehe, you (ahem), you are under great pressure.

Y: Can we cut the crap? Are you playing dumb and swearing?

Guo: Oh? Shanghai people also know this?

Y: nonsense! Now promote putonghua.

K: Oh, I'm sorry. Speak some Beijing dialect and solve the case.

Y: There is no such problem.

Guo: Are you under pressure?

Y: there must be.

Guo: Tell me about it.

Y: Well, for example, you have to publish a new book next to it every year.

Guo: Well, there is some pressure.

Y: Whether the audience accepts or not after the work comes out is another pressure.

Guo: It's true. How uncomfortable are these pressures? You have to work hard. You say these unhappy things, which makes us very happy.

Y: What kind of mentality? Le Er, right?

Guo: No, we are in the same boat.

Y: You too?

Guo: No one understands. Look at the platform Oh, it's dazzling, laughing and cursing.

Yes

Guo: It's all pressure.

Y: Everyone is under pressure.

Guo: Oh, well said, the audience scolded the street, well said, the peers scolded the street.

You are totally cursing the street.

Guo: It's easy to become popular, and a bunch of shameless people sue you.

Oh, great, you made it.

Guo: It's all about things. Fortunately, you are a good actor, thinking of the people.

Yu: I also think of the people.

Guo: You stand here and say cross talk. I hope everyone likes you.

Y: it's all like this.

Guo: There is still a gap between you and mainstream actors.

Y: Am I different from them?

Guo: Yes, you live on box office income.

Y: that's right.

Guo: The mainstream actors are genetically modified.

Y: Wow, actors are genetically modified, too.

Guo: You are different from them.

Y: There is a difference.

Guo: It's a good life.

Y: hey.

Guo: Go your own way.

Yes

Guo: To tell you the truth, I am also under great pressure. I am a strong person.

Y: I can see that

Guo: I have done a lot of work.

Y: oh.

Guo: None of them are very satisfied.

What did you do?

Guo: Hey, it's a long story. Sometimes I feel like I can't hold it in my stomach.

Y: I also said.

Guo: I am under great pressure. I am very strong. I really want to show my value. I especially hope that everyone can help me and give me a love. I'll return your one-night stand.

Y: nonsense.

Guo: Wrong.

Y: Isn't that right? You can't talk nonsense like that.

Guo: It's me ... Help me. I'm under too much pressure. How many setbacks have I encountered in these years? Fortunately, I have always been strong inside.

Y: that's all right.

Guo: Lie down if you fall.

Y: I haven't got up since then. I fell down. I can get up from where I fell.

Guo: Where you fall, you fall and get up.

Y: Dad, get up again? Can you use anyone arrested here?

Guo: Get up from where you fell.

Y: I made myself clear.

Guo: Sometimes I can't sleep all night. Alas, I dreamed of trekking to climb the Himalayas.

Y: I'm tired

Guo: Climb Mount Everest.

Yu: the highest

Guo: Climb Mount Everest step by step. "How can I go down? ! "

Y: Your dream is really realistic.

Guo: Thank you for your encouragement. Well, I'm a restaurant.

Y: Oh, I've also done catering.

Guo: Open a restaurant.

Y: oh.

Guo: The hotel is called Qin Hang.

Yes

Guo: Not if you are not diligent.

Y: right.

Guo: How difficult is it? Why does the whole family go to your house for dinner?

Y: it must be distinctive.

Guo: I was ambitious at that time. I want to be a leader in the catering industry.

Y: it's too idealistic.

Guo: I will be Guo Laoda in the future. The hotel I run is called "Guo Laoda Hotel".

Y: It's really hard to say.

Guo: Sit in the room after opening it.

Y: A。

Guo: Come to dinner: "This is Mrs. Guo's restaurant."

Y: Well, this eye is not good, and it has cataracts.

Guo: Look at these two people. I am so angry. I have a can of coke in my hand, and it comes out when I shake it.

Y: wow.

Guo: Put your mouth together quickly, and the coke will come out down your nose.

Y: spit water.

Guo: Where is nonsense?

Y: What is this image?

Guo: Bang.

Y: There's enough pressure.

Guo: I don't think so.

Y: A。

Guo: It's embarrassing. Wow (vomiting), what do you want to eat?

Y: Who else can eat here? !

Guo: He didn't speak.

Y: right.

Guo: Take off your shoes and come to me.

Y: ok?

Guo: Oh, you think I'm Bush.

Y: hehe.

Guo: Sichuan cuisine, Shandong cuisine and Cantonese cuisine are all cooked by people. Should I get something that others don't?

Y: I wish this function came out.

Guo: I thought about it. I sell Henan food.

Y: Are there any cuisines in Henan?

Guo: Henan cuisine is very popular in Guangyuan. I sell Kaifeng dishes.

Yu: Kaifeng restaurant

Guo: I made it full of foreign flavor.

Y: How foreign?

Guo: You can't write Kaifeng dishes. Take the first word of the English alphabet, open, k, seal, f, dish, c.

Y: Listen to these three letters.

Guo: OK, write KFC.

Y: oh.

Guo: Let's take a picture of my grandfather wearing glasses (everyone is very happy) and then eat here.

Y: who is it?

Guo: Not so many diners came in.

Yes

Guo: But I heard from KFC that they all came out to spit on me.

Y: Do you know that you stole someone else's name?

Guo: Otherwise, make real western food.

Y: What is real western food?

Guo: Zhajiang Noodles, Old London.

Y: I haven't heard of it. Is there a river in London?

Guo: Old Tansanik steamed and fried buns, while old Tansanik electroplated Nicia.

Y: electroplating Nicia?

Guo: What's your name?

Yu: Indonesia

Guo: Ah, I was wrong. I don't make money.

Y: I don't make money.

Guo: Selling pizza.

Y: Oh, yes.

Guo: Call it a loser.

Y: It's too unrequited.

Guo: If diners don't come in, they will say it's unlucky.

Y: How fresh is it?

Guo: Why don't I sell Korean food?

Y: Oh, Korean food.

Guo: There is a Korean restaurant called "The Moon is 3,000 Li" that sells Korean food.

Y: oh.

Guo: Barbecue.

Y: right.

Guo: Why is it called three thousand li?

Y: Well, people have three thousand miles.

Guo: Ah, our Chinese civilization has a history of five thousand years. It's called three thousand Li, and mine is five thousand years.

Y: People are fighting with each other.

K: It's called.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: For confrontation, Ming is right, Ming is right, and the moon is right.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: He is the Bright Moon Three Thousand Li.

Y: and you are?

Guo: Five thousand years in the daytime.

Y: At that time, you even had to pay people.

Guo: Why?

Y: why?

Guo: The police station called me. "Your hotel is indecent."

Y: Who got up for you?

Guo: I worked in several restaurants, but I spent almost all my money and didn't make any money. What should I do?

Y: huh?

Guo: Gee, later a friend told me that you were going to dump some antique jade articles.

Y: selling antiques.

Guo: This makes a lot of money, but selling vegetables makes limited money.

Y: that's true.

Guo: An antique can fetch a lot of money.

Y: you can make a lot of money.

Guo: Oh, go home and look for it.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: Let's see what antiques we have at home.

Y: Is there anything to see?

Guo: There are many things.

Y: what's the matter

Guo: These are my uncle's slippers.

Y: hey.

Guo: My grandmother pickled sauerkraut.

Y: oh.

Guo: The medicinal liquor made by my grandfather is very powerful.

Yes

Guo: My second uncle drank it to death.

Y: huh? You dare to sell this?

Guo: The formula of forensic autopsy is the same as arsenic.

Y: it's poison. Selling things is not available to others.

Guo: I know.

Y: what's this?

Guo: Uncle's ashes.

Y: who wants it?

Guo: Grab one and try it.

Yu: Nonsense, has anyone tasted the ashes?

Guo: Later people said

Y: A。

Guo: Do you want to get rid of antiques, jade, calligraphy and painting?

Y: A。

Guo: Shanxi and Shaanxi.

Y: That's the ancient city.

Guo: I can't go to Shanxi.

Y: really?

Guo: I really went there with a shovel to dig, dig, dig, and dig into a small coal mine. If I die there again, it's not worth Shaanxi, is it?

Y: ah, yes.

Guo: Shaanxi is very good. The snacks in Shanxi are called mutton and bread pieces in soup.

Y: A。

Guo: In the future, I will be in the ocean of making buns.

Y: That's not afraid of boiling soup.

Guo: Find something and get the money ready.

Y: A。

Guo: Let's drive my BMW.

Y: Er, OK, OK, wait a minute. Li Xia of BMW, what kind of car is this?

Guo: The BMW logo was put on it.

Y: Hey, what nonsense?

Guo: I am creative.

Y: you.

Guo: BMW brands buy apples to eat. I did all this. When I was driving out, someone stopped me and patted my window. I knew her at first sight.

Y: hey.

Guo: Your father, your father Mr. Yu Degang.

Yu: Wait, my father Yu Degang.

Guo: Hmm.

Y: The full name is Degang.

Guo: Beautiful you.

Y: What am I using? What is there to see?

Guo: Ah, your father's name is Yu Deshui.

Y: How fresh is it?

Guo: Water runs away easily.

Y: oh.

K: Put that cylinder on.

Y: What do you think? This is?

Guo: This is your father's idea.

Y: Drink, don't talk nonsense.

Guo: Bang bang, Degang (turning his head) Degang.

Y: hey! Two Germans have just met.

Guo: Our relationship is very good. We forgot to make friends, like brothers and sisters.

Y: hand, foot and mouth? ! Feel related to sb.

Guo: Foot-and-mouth disease.

Y: huh?

Guo: Get on the bus and slide the door to the co-pilot. "This car is too small and narrow."

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: "Look at this space, too. Are there eight dishes and two bottles of beer here? ""let it go ""okay, bang! ! "

Did you throw up here? !

Guo: Look, he is not telling the truth.

Y: A。

Guo: Here's another bowl of rice.

Y: it's delicious.

Guo: Open the door. He left.

Y: Just because you threw up? ! Use your car as a trash can, right?

Guo: This man is so wicked. I'll take care of him after he leaves.

Y: A。

Guo: I can't clean it up.

Yu: Youville.

Guo: I could smell the wine from Erli, and I was stopped by the police on the expressway. "How much to drink, your car looks at the top."

Y: Hey, how did the police find out?

Guo: I'm not in a hurry. I have to hurry. Look at my car, zher, turn on the alarm, engaged, engaged ~ ~ ~ ~

Y: Let's go.

Guo: The police are happy. Get down, get down.

Y: no

Guo: Private people are not allowed to install this. Take it off! Doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle.

Y: A。

Guo: No, it's embarrassing to sit here. The window is open.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: Engen Gengen.

Y: You do it yourself, right?

Guo: I can't speak when I shout to Shaanxi.

Y: I'm hoarse.

Guo: They are all purple.

Y: hey.

Guo: Oh, let's go shopping first.

Y: What's good?

Guo: Antique calligraphy and painting are really good things to buy.

Y: is there?

Guo: Buy some new paintings.

Y: Wow, then you can copy it.

Guo: The works of naturalists in the Tang Dynasty.

Y: it's very precious.

Guo: Oh, beauty.

Y: Hey, draw this for him.

Guo: Mountains and rivers.

Y: He is good at it.

Guo: Fuwa

Y: huh? Tang Bohu painted Fuwa?

K: A set of five.

Y: Hey, what a fool!

Guo: I also bought Wang Xizhi's handwriting.

Y: that's not bad either.

Guo: It was written by the great calligrapher Wang Xizhi.

What did you write?

Guo: One world, one dream.

Y: Oh, I must work hard.

Guo: I appreciate it.

Y: and you?

Guo: I also bought a good fan, which was written during the Qianlong period.

Y: good.

Guo: Qianlong imperial pen

Y: what to write?

Guo: Four big characters.

Y: A。

Guo: Hide secrets and discharge oil.

Y: Oh, don't hold back.

Guo: It's still written at the bottom

Y: A。

Guo: I gave Mr. * * * encouragement.

Y: His old man knows about it.

Guo: I'm going to be rich.

Y: hehe.

Guo: It's all settled. Drive back to Beijing.

Y: come back.

Guo: There was a traffic jam as soon as I got on the expressway. I was anxious. My roots are in front of me.

Yu: Call the police.

Guo: I have already rushed there.

Y: A。

Guo: No.

Y: oh.

Guo: A peddler called me here to "be the alarm of real estate".

Y: That's also true.

Guo: Ah, alarm, buy, buy and install. The effect is really good.

Y: go ahead.

Guo: It's very loud.

Y: oh.

Guo: When it opens here, it says "clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean".

Y: The alarm is too regional.

Guo: Drive all the way back to Beijing.

Y: Is this for Beijing? I can't understand this when I am out of Shaanxi.

Guo: Clean, clean, clean. On the edge of Beijing, the police stopped it.

Y: A。

Guo: Don't you know how to promote Mandarin?

Y: Well, I really don't understand.

Guo: Then what are you shouting? What is this? Look at my license plate

Y: A。

Guo: Say it.

Y: what's the matter

Guo: The Olympic Games is coming. Let's practice even and odd numbers.

Y: yo.

Guo: This is an even number. You can't come out on 3 1 tomorrow. Go home and take a day off.

Y: A。

Guo: I understand. You have to pay for a car.

Yu: odd number

Guo: You can come out on the 3rd1. Wait a minute.

Y: A。

Guo: Today is the 1st. what do you think?

Y: These two days are connected.

Guo: I hope so.

Y: A。

Guo: Go to Grade Two.

Y: A。

Guo: I lost my car as soon as I went out.

Y: Oh, the BMW brand Li Xia has also been occupied.

Guo: And those with eyes open.

Y: what should I do?

Guo: I sold my calligraphy and painting.

Y: A。

Guo: No one wants it.

Y: nobody wants it.

Guo: Put aside, put aside five dollars?

Y: huh?

Guo: You hate me enough to pay the police.

Y: forget your alarm clock.

Guo: What can I do?

Y: A。

Guo: The car is gone, and so is the money.

Y: You are wrong.

Guo: Let's see where it comes from. I'll sign up.

Y: oh, yes.

Guo: Do something.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: I want to apply for a job at KFC.

Y: go ahead.

Guo: Sit in a row of examiners, "Hello everyone" and "What are your specialties?"

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: I can sing.

Yes

Guo: Sing a song.

Y: A。

Guo: More happiness, more laughter, all in McDonald's.

Y: No matter how good it is, it's wrong. It's like singing in a hot kiln

Guo: I'll come out and his supervisor will come out. "Wait a minute, tell you, I didn't want you because I sang the wrong song."

Y: what's that?

Guo: Your Kaifeng dish is stamped.

Y: This is still under consideration.

Guo: I panicked.

Y: A。

Guo: The pressure is too great.

Y: there is pressure.

Guo: Let's go out for a walk.

Y: A。

Guo: Turn here, turn there, and Shanghai will turn.

Here we are.

Guo: We arrived at Jin 'an Temple. Go in and burn incense.

Y: A。

Guo: God bless me. I went to burn incense. My mobile phone came out and left it in the ethics box.

Y: it's really frustrating.

Guo: (looking around) Nobody. Find a brick.

Y: Break this moral box.

Guo: Four security guards came over and said, "I'll kill you!"

Y: People think they will invest.

Guo: Come to the old road, "benefactor, you have a rich face."

Y: he can see.

Guo: "After a month, you have completely changed. I have a piece of jade here, 5000 yuan, which has been in my mouth for a month. You are all right. " Give someone money and put it in your mouth.

Y: I gave it to someone else.

Guo: In less than a month, my tongue turned green in two days.

Jade: Jade will fade.

Guo: Everyone scolds me.

Yes

Guo: "What a simpleton! Is Jin 'an Temple sophisticated? "

Yes, is this the monk temple?

Guo: Lama?

Y: What Lama?

Guo: Anyone who sees me will ask.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: Are you broken?

Y: Guess what? This isn't it?

Guo: No, I said I drank Sanlu milk. "Sanlu should be white." It smells of mint.

Y: Come on, don't explain it to others.

Guo: Alas, the pressure is too great.

Y: The pressure is increasing.

Guo: There is nothing at home.

Y: ah, it's poverty.

Guo: Well, you have to be careful with your money.

Y: There are many flowers in a flower.

Guo: Eating is a problem.

Y: scrimp and save.

K: Before Christmas.

Y: A。

Guo: I want to relieve the pressure as soon as I stand up. I convinced myself to live a good life.

Yes

Guo: No matter what you see, you will be happy, and you will not feel bad if you don't take it to heart.

Y: good.

Guo: I didn't expect to hear a message.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: Okubo Matsuo is dead.

Y: Do you still have this luxury? ! Starving to death is not much, you know?

Guo: My spiritual pillar.

Y: well, I'll see if I don't eat.

Guo: I pointed out that he was still alive.

Y: ok?

Guo: She left me.

Y: She's gone.

Guo: You didn't say hello to me.

Y: What are you talking about?

Guo: I am not her ... (I'm not sure)

You're finished, you know?

Krishnamurti: Well, I wish you success.

Y: I didn't have a chance either.

Guo: I don't like it.

Y: A。

Guo: Go out to play by yourself. I'm hungry. There is a noodle restaurant that sells Daoxiao Noodles.

Yu: Daoxiao Noodles.

Guo: The big bowl is five yuan a bowl.

Y: A。

Guo: A small bowl costs three yuan.

Y: two pieces are missing.

Guo: I have to eat a big bowl here.

Y: quite a lot.

Guo: But the big bowl costs two yuan more.

Y: it's not good either.

Guo: I want to save some money, and I also want to commemorate Mr. Matsuo of Okubo.

Y: it has nothing to do with it. Just talk about saving money.

Guo: I eat a small bowl.

Y: hey.

Guo: A small bowl is definitely not enough to eat.

Y: three dollars.

Guo: I'll eat quickly

Y: eat quickly?

Guo: I cheated my stomach.

Y: What's it to you?

Guo: I'll take it as full.

Y: where?

Guo: After eating, the greedy bug was teased.

Y: I'm hungry

Guo: Take a walk in the street.

Y: A。

Guo: Hey, there is a big table in the nearby restaurant. Take a look.

Y: A。

Guo: Degang

Y: My father.

Guo: Hey! !

Y: I really like screaming.

Guo: I feel much better now.

Y: Hey, you mean me and Okubo Matsuo.

Guo: Oh, you play with Okubo Songhui.

Y: I haven't heard of it. Who is it? What a mess.

Guo: Your father eats.

Y: A。

Guo: Have dinner with your friends. I'm going in.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: Let's eat together.

Y: eat there.

Guo: I'm full. Someone suggested. "Let's find a place to play cards."

Y: Oh, play for a while.

Guo: There is a five-star express hotel next door.

Y: Is this a five-star hotel?

Guo: I don't understand this. Go ahead.

Y: I wonder where I have been?

Guo: I opened a room.

Y: A。

Guo: Come in and let's play cards. We can win or lose at cards.

Y: oh.

Guo: People are having a good time. Look at the names of several people.

Y: A。

Guo: Live, get rich, get happy, win big, win.

Y: I'm just playing with you, boss.

Guo: I'm sorry about my name.

Y: Don't embarrass others.

Guo: One didn't win.

Y: ok, I'm really back.

Guo: Then I left at 1: 30. I packed my things and left. Let's stay here honestly. I paid for my room, slept for a while and left here. I am very angry.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: Think about them, alas, why do I have so many worries when the phone rings?

Y: hey.

Guo: A woman called, "Can I help you?" (Voice of Li Jing)

Y: Is Li Jing there?

Guo: "What services do you have here?" "Our service here will be exciting" (Voice of Li Jing)

Y: Hey, this is still Jing Li.

Guo: I said you, you are shameless.

Y: A。

Guo: Why don't you eat? This job must be dirty, isn't it? Come on, come on up and I'll teach you a lesson!

Have you been called up?

Guo: I want to reprimand her.

Yes, it's good.

Guo: I reprimanded her critically.

Y: wow.

Guo: I'll be right there, big eyes.

Y: A。

K: OK, sit here. What's your name? Li jingjing

Y: there's another sentence.

Guo: You are so rude.

Y: A。

Guo: What happened to Line 360?

Y: wrong.

Guo: Dirty, low-grade, dirty.

Y: right.

Guo: Why don't you take a bath? !

Y: Wait a minute, come back.

Guo: Purification of the soul.

Y: Can you wash your soul? Where is this guy?

Guo: Sitting there wrapped in a bath towel.

Y: ah,

Guo: Is it human?

Y: A。

Guo: To do or not to do?

Y: A。

Guo: I'm really hot and dry. I am an upright person.

Y: and you?

Guo: A person who breaks away from vulgar tastes.

Y: keep her clean.

K: OK, let's talk.

Y: A。

Guo: The door is open.

Y: huh?

Guo: There are many police comrades here.

Y: wow.

Guo: The public security riot squad has more than 100 PLA uncles.

(The above lines from Baidu Degang Guo, unfinished)

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Let's talk about the students who answered "Antique King" first. Definitely not the "antique king". This is stand-up comedy. Don't fool others with Baidu search. (Who wouldn't? It is easy for people to go out. )