Please wake me up before dawn-written on the first day of 20 19.

? In fact, wishes don't have to be made in the New Year. I prefer to make decisions at some special time nodes, such as the New Year, the beginning of the month, the anniversary and so on. So I want to write the first text of the New Year for myself.

Only this sidewalk is this sentence.

? How to put 20 18? In the first half of the year, I expected happiness, then loneliness and peace. In the second half of the year, I just accepted the fact that I was mediocre until one day I suddenly realized that I had to change something.

? The goals set at the beginning of last year have basically been achieved. After reading more than 40 books, I went to Chengdu to eat and drink with my girlfriends for a long winter vacation. I was cheated by myself when I went to Chongqing, and my family in Qinghai went to road trip. From the Loess Plateau to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau, I am still full of curiosity. My little sister and I rode rickshaws on the streets of Xi 'an, climbed Huashan Mountain to watch the sunrise freeze, and went to Huoshi Village in Guyuan to enjoy the Danxia landform ... I usually study English hard, don't chase drama, run and keep fit, and get up early instead.

? It opened in March. I write articles occasionally and update them at a slow pace once a month. When my interest comes, I will also contribute some interesting photo albums or official WeChat accounts, and of course I will write to myself more. I've always been lazy and never wrote casually. Although the writing results are gratifying, I don't regret returning empty-handed.

? But 20 18 was also a very bad year. Losing love hurts me a lot. Listening to his unsatisfactory explanation, I feel that I have been blindly loving a stranger. Maybe all my efforts to get better are not in the same direction as what he wants. I always thought there would be grand compensation for such a scribbled farewell, but farewell was just a hug without temperature. I didn't say what I wanted to say after all, and then I disappeared into the sea of people. In this way, meeting each other is too short and parting is too simple. Perhaps this is the taste of fate, and the destination you think is actually just a transition. Love is also a kind of temptation. It depends on how much we can pay without asking for return, and how long we can persist without asking for results.

? Later, I heard that his old injury had healed and he changed his mind. After leaving the army, he got a good job. After all, he can't leave the northernmost part of the north, the city I can't reach. Then I am probably the wind that gave birth to his new leaves this year. The wind blew, leaving nothing but lush green and rustling. During that time, I became particularly fond of crying, my eyes were dim and my work was a mess. With the increase of age, the wound heals more and more slowly, but it will eventually scab and heal, won't it? I gradually understand that people can't love as much as they want, and loss is not the most serious thing in this world. Life is a constant separation and meeting. We should learn to adapt, and then try to make ourselves stronger and have the ability to keep the people we want to keep. Walking in the snow, I found myself much braver than I thought.

? I always make new friends at an extremely slow speed, just like a snail and its shell. But I cherish every relationship and thank every confidant who comes into my life. I am willing to be sincere and faithful to a relationship that appreciates each other. No matter where we are, hope is a person who will feel beautiful when we think of each other.

? At the same time, in this year, frogs were boiled in warm water at work without any waves. One night 10: 30, I finally turned off the computer to stretch and did a set of stretching before going to bed. The day's work is over. After putting on the mask, I looked at this face that I hadn't seen carefully for a long time. Is this still me? Fine lines in the corner of the eye, dark yellow skin and acne marks are clearly visible. No, it shouldn't be 25! A 25-year-old girl should be beautiful, bright and dazzling, and her whole body will glow.

? In an instant, I suddenly felt a deep sadness, and for the first time began to doubt the meaning of this rush about. On Sunday, I packed my things early and took the bus to school twice. On Friday, I took the last bus home in the dark. Life between two points and one line goes on and on, and I am afraid of dying carelessly. I remember once posting a sarcastic Weibo on the bus home: The two things you shouldn't miss in life: the person you love the most and the last bus home. A stranger replied: I was on the last bus home to meet my favorite person. I hope you are too. I thank my blessing for wetting my eyes.

? This job is like chicken ribs to me. Eating is tasteless, but it is a pity to abandon it. Although it didn't pay me well, it also gave me a stable life. I'm not challenged to the limit. I'm constantly learning and making progress. Education used to be my favorite job, but the bad working environment and interpersonal relationship always made me doubt my life: what went wrong?

? Until one day I read a sentence in the book, which hit me hard. Yes, this feeling is "lost in the world of adults!" "Painting, calligraphy, poetry reading and writing have been put on hold for too long. Here, all your hobbies and self-improvement have to be sidelined, because there is no time and energy to think about those "playboys", and I am not a "quiet" person myself. So that kind of anxiety often haunts me.

? I see that my heart is getting worse as my eyesight. How much time I spend socializing, and then I need to read and be alone several times to make up for it. Some people think I am passionate, others think I am reserved, so that I don't know how to define myself so far. After all, dual personality always gives people the illusion of mental illness.

? This is the first time I have doubts about the profession of teachers, which has been shrouded in various auras. In Huayuan Middle School, it was my hardest and most fulfilling year, with the greatest pressure and the fastest growth. There, for an open class, I can practice in front of the mirror all night and ponder over every word. I can sleep 12 and get up at 5 am to study for the exam. I face up to these pasts. I didn't leave because of disgust, and it was by no means a successful turn. I just want to try a new beginning and start over. I don't want life to be the same, it's that simple.

? ? Plums are ripe and gardenias are fragrant.

? Yu Xiansheng said: "Bitterness produces contempt, contempt produces tenacity, tenacity produces efficiency, and efficiency produces ease." Only when people have a sense of pain and shadow can they truly understand the pure and self-sustaining light it sets off.

? We want to be comprehensive, interesting, stable and changeable, and we also want the least restrictions and the greatest freedom. This is a contradiction in itself. Balance is an art, and it is never difficult in life. If there is no love in the heart, it will often blur the boundaries, make it difficult to choose, and then fall into repetition and pain.

? I remember chatting with brother Wang once, and I suddenly asked him, "Is there anything you want to do to the extreme in this life?" He said without hesitation, "Yes, basketball." Then he asked, "What about you?" I said, "I also have literature." Then we smiled at each other, as if we had a look at the secrets in each other's hearts.

? Of course, I am also very fortunate that geography, mathematics and natural science have given me the opportunity to think rationally since I started work. I am not addicted to the perceptual world of literature, and the perfect balance between emotion and reason is alive.

? There is a saying: don't let what you like participate in the game. Literature can only be regarded as a hobby, not a profession. Imagine that if a writer only thinks about how much his works will cost all day, his writing will be hurt. When a person has a job, it will be easier to go back and face literature.

? My heart is sensitive, shy and cautious. I understand those who are obviously affectionate but forbearing, and those who express accurately and directly attract me more. Since I was 24 years old, I have been practicing and learning to express my love, restrained but not concealed. Don't try to wait and test for a long time, express your feelings accurately and sincerely, "I like you a little bit", "I am very grateful to you" and "I am very lucky to meet you" … let the other person know and let yourself know. We need to be alone to make ourselves more sober and peaceful, and we also need intimate friends to make our pursuit of life warmer.

? Real life is not always beautiful. Travel is an antidote to my trivial daily life, and it is also a necessary opportunity to get rid of myself and realize myself. Fortunately, my mother is not too strict with me. In the past two years, I have used the May Day winter and summer vacation to go where I want to go, but the short-term trip of three to five days always treats the symptoms rather than the root cause. When you come back, you will plunge into trivial daily life and be emotional. I want to be a person I like, just do what I like and be warm.

? Mr. Ji Xianlin once said: People should not look like cattle and sheep, but should have their own personality. Seeing friends around me buying houses, getting married and having children, I know I'm not ready for this kind of life that I can see my head at a glance. Life is so long, I'm not afraid of being tired, but bored.

? People often say that "everything is difficult at the beginning". In fact, it is not how far the goal is, but the psychological construction that has been tossing before taking that step. ? In 20 19, I bought an early notebook and didn't want to forget every day I was alive. The trip to Tibet is postponed until next year (it will always arrive on the right day), and reading, running and writing are all planned. I want to start from bit by bit. The bigger the event, the shorter the time to take root. When life gradually degenerates into an inertia-dependent machine, I want to choose to give myself another chance and fall in love with life again.

? In fact, values are not abstract at all. When you get great happiness from the values you pursue and cherish, you will know that you are right, and you should not find it difficult to persist. Just like running, the changes brought to me are gradually becoming prominent. For three years, I forgot how many sweaty mornings there were. I am really tired, but I am beginning to become light, healthy and strong. Good things are not easy after all, but if you persist, you can see them in the mirror and in the years. ?

? Life should always be sober, always gentle, and always know how to advance and retreat. Growth is not a goal, but a process that flows like water. Enjoy it.

All right, enjoy it.