What should a visitor ask a counselor personal questions?

In consultation, when the relationship between the counselor and the visitor has a certain trust foundation, the visitor will often be interested in the counselor himself, and some visitors will tentatively and challenge some personal privacy issues about the counselor, such as the counselor's family, marriage, work, personal growth experience and so on. You can also ask the counselor about his attitude and views on certain things. What is the consultation at this time? How can we understand the state and needs of visitors at the moment, and how can we better respond to visitors?

Included here.

A visitor asked me a personal question. My understanding is that the visitor's interest in the consultant is a signal and an invitation to establish a relationship with the other party, and the signal consultant should accept it. The questions that visitors are interested in consultants are actually related to the visitors themselves. Sometimes they want to see some positive lessons from the personal experience of the consultant, and sometimes they want to test whether the consultant has any life experience in this field and whether he can really understand his own difficulties. I think it is more appropriate for the consultant to make some simple responses to personal questions first, and then further discuss this issue that TA is interested in with the visitors. In a word, the self-disclosure of consultants should be based on serving the visitors, and whether it is beneficial to the consultation should be measured, rather than meeting the self-sharing of consultants or simply meeting the needs of visitors to obtain private information.

When I first started consulting, I was very nervous when I met a visitor who suddenly turned the topic to me. I may have a process of thinking. I am worried that the case will find me thinking, so I will hide it, which will make me more nervous. So my answer must be evasive and defensive, and will be captured by visitors.

With the increase of self-growth and experience, I gradually found such a moment, usually during a period of consultation, I had some trust, but the trust was not very deep. Tourists will be interested in me. For my family, work, school learning psychology, learning motivation, growth difficulties. ...

I will find it interesting now, and feel that visitors are trying to get to know me and get close to me. I think this is a test before the relationship deepens further. I am glad to have this demand, and will share myself with a welcome attitude in combination with the current situation and problems of tourists. Use your own feelings and experiences to tune in or encourage visitors, promote the relationship between them, and continue to explore and advance.

When visitors begin to be interested in the personal problems of consultants, I feel that visitors have more expectations and the relationship between consultants and visitors will develop. Visitors hope to feel each other's truth and enrich themselves through the exploration of consultants. Each of my visitors will ask me some personal questions to some extent, and I will answer them truthfully. A visitor wanted to talk about my personal situation and experience in a holistic consultation for nearly two hours. Sometimes I talk to visitors about some problems, and I will also take the initiative to mention some of my own experiences. The process of psychological counseling is the collision and interaction between two people's true feelings. Owen Aron said: In the end, the counselor has only one tool, and that is the counselor himself. I am deeply convinced, and I realize that self-exploration and growth will accompany my career.

If I am in the framework of dynamic orientation consultation, I generally don't answer specific questions. Although the direct answer can temporarily relieve the superficial anxiety, it will close a channel to understand the visitor, and the visiting question is a window to understand his personality characteristics and psychological needs.

For example, visitors want to evaluate whether the consultant is competent and credible (relationship security? ); Bring out personal doubts in the form of questions (questions are difficult to capture and express? )

Visitors ask personal questions to psychological counselors. I think this phenomenon is very similar to the "little secret" in the hearts of visitors being revealed at an appropriate time. I understand that this is an "aggressive" performance. More aggressive ones will be shown after simple tests at the initial stage of consultation; Those who are less aggressive will not be put forward until a certain consultation period. This problem may have been brewing in the hearts of such visitors for a long time. But whenever it is put forward, this aggression will bring some pressure to the counselors. No matter how the counselor answers, this answer always seems to be difficult to satisfy the visitors.

We can understand that this is for visitors to ask the counselor for proof and learn relationship skills; Or visitors are curious about the consultant and try to close the relationship with the consultant; Or just deliberately making things difficult for the consultant. However, the psychological meaning that visitors try to express is not limited to these. What TA really cares about is not the consultant or the problem itself, but more like verifying "Am I really understood and accepted by you?"

Originated from visitor-centered therapy, pioneered by Rogers. His main point is that everyone has initiative, self-affirmation and unlimited growth potential. This theory based on humanism emphasizes human autonomy. This kind of therapy emphasizes the non-guidance of the visitors, and requires the counselor to remain neutral to the questions raised by the visitors, without giving direct answers or giving any suggestions, but letting the visitors make their own decisions. It is advocated that the most basic responsibility should be placed on visitors, and consultants are in a passive position and only act as followers. That is, in the process of psychological counseling, no judgment, no guidance, no initiative.

Self-exposure refers to the process of telling each other what you really think and enjoying your inner feelings with each other. It is to tell each other about your past related emotional experiences and experiences.

Self-exposure promotion consultation needs to evaluate visitors;

The consultant must ensure that it is for the visitors, not the consultant himself; Assess the situation of visitors and whether they can gain understanding through self-exposure of consultants;

Evaluate the effectiveness of self-exposure, observe the visitors' reaction to it, and if the visitors feel uncomfortable, they should change to other ways.

Need to consider the feedback of tourists' feelings and use appropriate wording; Counselors should pay attention to self-protection when revealing personal information. The breadth, depth and time of psychological counselors' self-exposure should be centered on the needs of visitors.

The visitor asked, "Are you married? Are you happy? " How did the consultant answer:

1, you are curious about my marital status now, so what will it mean to you if I get married? What does it mean to you that I'm not married? (The same is true of happiness. )

I think you ask me if my marriage is happy, but you want to find a psychological counselor with happiness experience, which can help you get happiness. Is that so?

It sounds like you have contradictory opinions about me. On the one hand, you want me to be an adviser, and my marriage must be happy before you can listen to my advice. I think this function is more suitable for parents to undertake.

I can't answer. I don't know if I should give a good answer.

With the advancement of consultation, visitors began to have more interest in consultation. At this time, I want to echo such a psychological process with the following poem: spring is silent and precious, and the shade of trees shines on the water and loves sunny and soft. The delicate lotus flower bud shows a sharp corner from the water, and a naughty little dragonfly stands on its head.

Just like this poem, the reason why visitors are interested in consultants is because the consultants' concern and care for them in the process of consultation has aroused their enthusiasm and desire for life and made their inner emotional world want to try something abroad. The rigid, closed and distorted psychological structure began to revive and activate. This is what visitors want to do after accumulating their self and feelings for many years, trying to establish contact with the world and others.

The hope of this attempt is as tender as the sharp angle exposed by Xiao He. It needs to face the closure, distrust, avoidance, depression and conflict of the past, the wounds that have been deposited for a long time and the uncertainty of the future. At this time, visitors have both expectation, pressure and fear. This can be said to be an important moment in his/her life. A long-buried soul is trying to trust the world again. The only resource he can find is the consultant, who is his/her window. At this time, the visitor is trying to turn the consultant into a very important person in his/her life, hoping that the consultant can face the heavy life with him/her.

To what extent can a counselor be true and frank, to what extent can he help visitors, and to what extent can he give emotional response.

The sincerity of the counselor at this moment is an opportunity to change the direction of the visitor's life: trusting the counselor means believing in the world, and the honesty of the counselor means that the world accepts him.

When the counselor can really face and get along with himself, your sincere and emotional response to the visitor can become a resource for the visitor and a window to his inner world.

This is a wonderful moment, the meeting of hearts, you can stay a little longer.