Classic funny quotations

1, sleepless at night, just want to have sex, no one is here, a wild dog is working.

2. "In the future, I hope you can go on alone." "What about you?" "by car."

3. If I pretend to have amnesia, how many people will take the opportunity to abandon me.

4, one mountain can not tolerate two tigers, unless one male and one female.

5, the east-west road, walking north and south, bumping into people biting dogs on the road, picking up the dog's head and smashing bricks, being bitten by bricks. It is right to tell the truth by turning right from wrong. I know my heart, I wish you happiness every day!

6. "Go, go out to play", "I see through the cold world and just want to get rid of it", "Talk to people" and "It's too cold outside and I don't want to move"

7. River God: Son, which one is yours, this golden axe or this silver axe? Woodcutter: Neither. River God: What about this iron axe? Woodcutter: Not really. Give me back my diamond axe. River God: I won't give it.

8. Look at beautiful women in the street. If you look up, you will appreciate them. If you look down, you will be hooligans.

9. Why give up your responsibility as cow dung to nourish the whole forest for a flower?

10, the early bird has breakfast, and the late bird has dinner.

1 1. There is a match. If you don't wash your hair for a few days, your scalp itches. I caught it and burned it.

12, hungry, can keep a clear head. Loneliness can restore the lack of humanity.

13, buying a computer without broadband is like a monk who eats only when wine and meat are ready.

14, "Since you didn't want to be together, why did you take a photo with me in the first place?" "I TM warn you again! Can you not talk about graduation photo! "

15, wife, I love you, I really care for you, my family moistens you, and Amitabha bless you. I take this short message as proof: I will always be with you.

16, there are billions of people in the world, but I hate you. I have to say that this is also a kind of fate!

17, friends who know about sports cars, please recommend a sports car of 4 million to 8 million, which requires good performance, fast start, high horsepower, high comfort, fashionable appearance and good appearance. I regard it as a paper wall of my mobile phone.

18, 90% of women don't like men in pink shirts, but 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

19, it's not my fault that I was ugly, but I was in a hurry when I landed, so I didn't dress up quickly.

20. "Who will you save first when an English teacher and a Chinese teacher fall into the river?" "Throw the math teacher with you."

2 1, don't let people get you easily, or you will be easily forgotten.

22. The only thing I can afford now is chopsticks.

I met a fortune teller downstairs. He stared at me for a long time and sighed, "Young man, your Tang Yin is black!" " I quickly gave him ten dollars to crack it. He said slowly, "Don't be afraid, just go home and wash your face!" " "

24. As the saying goes, men don't care, unless they come to menstruation, women are not coquettish enough and their grades are not high enough.

25. Why don't I have a handsome deskmate, but my deskmate does?

Teacher: Xiao Ming, tell me why the dog sticks its head out of the window when sitting in the car. Xiaoming: SB, if you were put in a car full of dogs, you would stick your head out of the window! Teacher: Get out!

27. National Day is scolded four times a day for seven days: if you don't get up in the morning, you surf the Internet when you get up, you don't want to eat, and you don't sleep at night.

28, er, I went, and the days passed quickly. Today, I officially ran two.

29. Learning has two hazards, one is memory loss, the other is not knowing numbers, and the fourth is memory loss.

30, youth is like playing mahjong, either shooting or touching yourself.

3 1. The students who play mobile phones in front remind the students who talk in the middle not to disturb the students who sleep behind.

As a monster, my wish is to destroy at least one Altman!

33. I hope I can kiss you before going to bed, hug you when I sleep, and see you when I wake up! I always hope so.

34. The sign of immature men is that they can die bravely for their ideals, and the sign of mature men is that they can live humbly for their ideals.

35. They all say they love you and want to sleep with you. I am different. I can live in the living room, kitchen, sofa and floor.

36. When all my typing skills know you, I think I really fell in love with you.

37. I am the gum in your hair (next88), and you want to get rid of me unless you cut your hair.

38. Teacher, something bad has happened. My homework eloped last night.

39. I didn't know I was a small official until I arrived in Beijing. When I arrived in the northeast, I realized that I was timid; When I arrived in Shanghai, I realized that I was not well dressed. When I arrived in Shenzhen, I knew I had no money. I didn't know I was in poor health until I arrived in Hainan.

40. My head has been acting weird recently. I often get up in the middle of the night and stare at the pig shed in a daze, thinking about the reasons, and finally figuring out that you were kicked by a donkey.

4 1, life is a big market, people buy this and sell that.

42. I hope to talk about a seven-year love, hold hands for 50 years, and proudly tell our love to future generations.

43. "This child always has a bad cough." "Most of them are fake, just have a meal."

44, some people, knowing that falling in love will hurt, still have to love.

45. Don't complain behind my back. Come out and kill me if you're not happy.

46. "Are you good at math?" "Well, what's the matter?" "Ask me to lose the shadow area in your heart now."

47. The world is crazy. Monsters work for Altman as bridesmaids.

48. Six gods without a master mean: Whose toilet water is this? ...

49. Many people have jumped off buildings recently, so be careful not to be hit.

50. It is said that falling in love affects learning. Doesn't study affect falling in love?

5 1, "Buddha, why don't you shine?" "The old woman threw away her glow stick."

52. A person's greatest sorrow is his unwillingness to be himself.

53. Protect yourself and love others. Please don't come out in the middle of the night to scare people.

54. Wages are like running water, and loans are like hungry ghosts. You eat a big meal at the beginning of the month and learn from the tortoise at the end.

55. I have fixed the wedding date, and now I just need to fix the groom.

Taking a vacation means doing your homework in another place, doesn't it?

57. Rogue is a temperament; Old hooligans are a kind of faith.

58. Do you remember the black rice brother who refused to go out on a mission by Daming Lake?

59. My current relationship is to accumulate experience for my son.

60. People love the city, but we have a power outage in the whole city.

6 1, if you are well, it will be sunny, if you are happy, it will be the end.

Your concern is the reason why I am happy.

63. Earn other people's money and go to hell with poverty.

64. Who can I die for? Now I want to die for whom.

65. Swallow became a director, Wei Zi became a director, Mei became a director, Jinsuo became a goddess, and only Erkang became an expression pack.

Please don't cry, because your sad face looks too ferocious.

67. I have never understood one thing. You can talk to foreigners when you learn English, but you should learn classical Chinese! You fucking tell the ghost!

68. It is said that when a girl is angry, she will hold her down and kiss her hard, but why am I beaten by her boyfriend?

Dear: On this special day, I can only think of you silently and love you. I just want to tell you: I love you forever, and everything about you is affecting me.