Halo1300 million, all you need is a funny sentence.

Widows are most afraid of staying up late, and bachelors are also afraid of sleeping in cold beds.

Be less afraid of being frivolous and always afraid of being crazy, poor and short-lived and rich and afraid of being stolen.

Loyal ministers are afraid of your infidelity, and dutiful sons are afraid of your father's bad behavior.

A good wife is afraid of her husband's recklessness, and a lonely child is afraid of her stepmother.

Chickens are afraid of weasels, fish are afraid of otters, melons are afraid of Artemisia valley and frost.

The house leaks and fears rain, and the sheepfold is damaged and fears jackals.

Grass is afraid of cold dew and frost, and heroes are afraid of meeting hooligans.

The street is afraid of meeting debt collectors, and the enemy is afraid of meeting a foreign land.

I am afraid of frustration when I am proud, and I am even more afraid of stabbing in the back.

False feelings fear time, fair-weather friends fear eternity.

Loving couples are afraid of trouble, while elderly children are afraid of death.

Gentlemen are most afraid of small ambitions, and people are most afraid of rising prices.

Business management is afraid of home, mahjong robbery, and sitting in the village.

To ask netizens what they are afraid of, it is really a disaster to crash and lose power.

Businessmen are afraid of rape, officials are afraid of greed, and enterprises are afraid of sending stalls at random.

Not afraid of workers' anxiety, but afraid of leaders' heartlessness.

Bamboo shoots are afraid of peeling, meat is afraid of cutting, and management is afraid of reaching out.

I'm afraid that the tax bureau will pay taxes, and I'm afraid that everyone will collect fees indiscriminately.

Men are afraid of chaos, women are afraid of meanness, and couples are afraid of changing their minds.

I'm not afraid of having no money at home, I'm afraid of having an affair.

Afraid of the estrangement between husband and wife, afraid of a third party to participate in peace.

We are afraid of counterfeiting, commodities are afraid of counterfeiting, and customers are afraid of being cheated.

Not afraid to climb, not afraid to compare, but afraid to follow the ceremony every month.

Doctors are afraid of the dark, medicine is afraid of expensive, and people are really afraid of medical expenses.

I'm not afraid of getting sick occasionally, but I'm afraid of a quick knife in the hospital.

Not afraid of fakes, most afraid of fakes killing people.

The play is afraid of dirty, the film is afraid of pornography, and the film and television are afraid of her going to bed.

I am not afraid of adults watching porn, but I am afraid that children will follow suit.

Five words floating in the air,

A day is full of things;

I waved to the sky,

That's nothing!

A broken pot has a broken lid,

Fools have their own love!

You should eat and drink,

Don't take it to heart!

If you drink today, you will be drunk today.

Heartless people are not tired;

Do what you want,

Live my spirit!

Other jokes:

1, Xiao Ming didn't do well in the exam When he came home, his father saw him and gave him a good beating. He complained to his mother: What would you do if someone hit your son? My mother immediately replied: whoever hits my son will hit his son. Tell me, who hit you? The son said: nothing, I'm just asking. ...

My wife and I took our five-year-old son to the vegetable market and public toilets. My son and I came out first, and my wife called: I didn't bring any paper, so I ordered him to come quickly! I asked my son to get the paper. Xiong Haizi ran back to the door and said, Dad, you'd better go. I'm embarrassed to go into the ladies' room!

3. One of my kindergarten teachers, Xiong Haizi, is a special cow in kindergarten, and made a big mistake today. I told him to take the bag home. Who knows, the goods grabbed my leg and cried: Teacher, I love you, I really love you, don't drive me away ~ ~ Suddenly I laughed, this is the first confession of naked fruit in more than 20 years!

4, an iron buddy went on a blind date, and soon came back with a depressed face. He asked how it was and said no. Later, I learned that the reason was that girls wore high heels when they met, and the steps were empty. He could have held it, but considering it was not appropriate to meet for the first time, he watched others fall. The falling posture was so funny. His first reaction was hahaha, and he didn't see the girl's mother black until he had laughed enough.

There is a little nephew at home who wants to have a barbecue this day. My brother gave him a braised chicken wing. If you don't eat in your hand, you still have to eat barbecue. This bothered my brother and ignored him at all. He has been crying. Finally, I couldn't stand it. I took his chicken wings, took out my lighter and returned it to him. I took it and ran away with joy.

6, a sister is particularly melodramatic, always making some remarks in space, and her girlfriend can't get used to it. One day, my sister made a statement: If I disappear one day, who will look for me all over the world! Then I saw my girlfriend's reply: black and white are impermanent. .

7. I took my five-year-old daughter to the mall, and bought her a set of clothes. My daughter was very happy and showed them in the shopping center. Salespeople praised these beautiful clothes one after another. This is an elder sister saying, hey, isn't this Xiao Gege? After the daughter stood still, she said, Sister Rong, it's your turn to open your eyes. Just me.

8. Once I came out of the canteen with a chubby classmate. It was rainy and slippery at that time. When I went down the steps, the fat man slipped and sat down on the ground. The fat man stood up and patted his ass and said nothing. At this time, a sister next to her said weakly, classmate, the tile is broken.

9. I changed my job. Today is my first day at work. It was strange to see someone waving at me while driving, but I didn't think much. After passing another intersection, I saw two beautiful women waving at me again, wondering, what is this situation today? When I saw someone waving to me again, I finally realized that I was driving a taxi.

10. My brother told his niece the story of Little Red Riding Hood. When he told her that Little Red Riding Hood had successfully rescued her grandmother from the wolf's stomach, his brother asked her: Have you learned anything? She said: chew it when you eat.

1 1, the first date, it was very cold that day. Girls deliberately don't wear coats to give boys a chance to show off. Halfway through the date, the girl said, it's so cold today! I forgot to wear my coat. The boy said, nothing, nothing, I remember to wear it, otherwise it will be as cold as you.

12, my wife called: Hello, dear, we have an engineering project. I'm in charge of bidding, and four blocks will be constructed at the same time. As we are in a hurry, we can go directly to the construction site. There is still a paragraph. Have you thought about it? My husband, who is shopping outside, is suddenly very excited: what project, is it good to collect money? Wife: Good collection, no advance, on-site settlement. Husband is ecstatic: what project? Wife: You need one to play mahjong.

13. The father told his son a story: Uncle told Xiaoyang to cut wood. Unexpectedly, Xiaoyang cut down his uncle's favorite peach tree. Uncle was angry but didn't scold him. Do you know why? The son replied that it might be because Xiaoyang still has an axe in his hand. So I dare not scold him.

14, one day in class, the teacher asked me to answer questions at the same table, and the same table stood up for a long time and bought a sentence. I whispered B. but my deskmate thought about it and said, C. Class is over, and I asked him if he didn't trust me. He said: at that time, my mouth was full of crispy noodles, and when I said B, I sprayed it all.

15, my girlfriend is a violent player and fights with me every time. Yesterday, she was in a good mood and said to me, honey, I am very happy today. You must do something that moves me, or I will beat you! I almost cried and said, honey, don't talk nonsense. How dare I touch you?

16, when I was in high school, I looked more like another boy in my class, and my figure was similar. He talked about a girlfriend. After class in the evening, he walked hand in hand with his girlfriend and was seen by the class teacher in the car. And then the next day, damn it! I invited my parents.

17. The dormitory is on the sixth floor. When I climbed up, I found that I didn't have my key. I went downstairs and asked my aunt for it. Then I climbed up to open the door, returned the key and climbed up again. I found the door closed. A classmate next door passed by and asked, do you think your door is open? I'll turn it off for you.

18, my 4-year-old daughter is always curious about this and that. She once pestered me to ask where she came from. I couldn't twist it, so I lifted my clothes to show her the scar on my stomach by caesarean section. I thought I could educate her that it was not easy to be a mother, so I said, you did it. Daughter puzzled: I didn't. This is where you asked the doctor to take it out. I said, my daughter was surprised: in your belly? I said: Yes. My daughter burst into tears. Mom is a monster. Mom is a monster. She ate me! Crying and running to find her father!

19. Before going to bed, my daughter wants to eat an apple. I coaxed her into saying: There are bugs in the apple, so you can eat them tomorrow when mom washes them off. Daughter: Mom, please let me eat quickly. The apples will be eaten up by insects tomorrow.

20. There is a long queue in front of the toilet. A gentleman: I can't hold it any longer. Can you let me in first? The person in front clenched his fist and squeezed out a sentence through his teeth: at least you can talk!

2 1. A farmer's daughter was so ugly that he had to make her work as a scarecrow in the corn field to scare crows. As a result, not only did she scare away the crows, but even three crows were scared to send some corn back.

22. When traveling in our carriage, a sister paper goddess came by. She is tall and has a good figure. When she was carrying her luggage, she suddenly said to me, handsome boy, will you help me put it away? I can't reach it. I was so excited that I stood up and suddenly found that I was not as tall as my sister's paper. . .

23. The teacher asked Xiaoming, Shuang Shuang and Li Hua standing outside the classroom: What are you three doing in class? Tell me honestly. Xiaoming: Pointing out the mountains and inspiring writing, the dung was in Wan Huhou. Teacher: Speak human words. Xiaoming: Fight the landlord. Teacher: Stand outside all day.

I was very excited when the courier company called me to pick up the courier just now. Because I randomly copied three uncommon words as the recipient's name, just to see the embarrassment that the courier brother can't pronounce the name. But the reality is, I saw a wily uncle sitting in the express car clutching my parcel and looking at me contemptuously. Then ask: What's your name? If it matches the packaging, I will give it to you.

25. One night, I called home. My mother answered the phone and didn't recognize my voice. Who am I? Forget it. Then I called my mother, and my mother agreed, and then I asked, who are you? I was speechless for an instant. I said, do you have other daughters besides me? Meeting such a mother is also drunk. . .

26. The matchmaker complained to Yue Lao: Grandpa, fewer and fewer people come to our Yue Lao Temple now. Old Yue sighed: They all went to worship the land temple. Matchmaker is puzzled: Why? Yue Lao patted her on the head and said, People are in charge of real estate. How can you lead the red line without a house?

27, kindergarten teacher and sister, a little boy in the class sent hairpins to the girl he liked. Then ... teacher, teacher, is Xixi's hairpin nice? I gave it to her. It's beautiful. Why don't you give it to the teacher? I want it, too. Well, wait till you look so good! . . .

28, I have a small hair, I am very handsome, and my family is quite well off. Three years ago, he had a flash marriage with a woman and left two months later. On May 1 day last year, he remarried and divorced again six months later. I made him the best man twice. Last night, I was drinking beer and watching TV. That buddy called me and said he was going to get married on New Year's Day. I said without thinking: Are you finished?

29. I have a second-rate wife at home Recently, I made up my mind to lose weight and resolutely refused to eat sweet things. Yesterday, I saw the unfinished chocolate in the refrigerator, all kinds of saliva, tangled, and finally I had to eat a piece. As soon as I put it in my mouth, I saw her squatting next to me and said pitifully, Is it delicious? Let me smell your breath! Give me a smell! Smell it!

I picked up a piece of meat at dinner yesterday, and just as I was about to bite it, it fell at my father's feet. Father picked it up with a distressed face and wiped it with his hand. I looked at my father and found that my parents' generation was frugal. Just when I thought my father was going to eat, he stuffed the meat into my mouth with lightning speed. . .

Qq is very funny. You laugh when you talk.

Qq is very funny. You laugh when you talk.

1, the real force, dare to face your face without thickness.

2. Maxima is very common, but Maxima's mother is not common.

3. Carve loneliness on the bottle, drink it into the bladder and pee it out, so that loneliness can be scattered everywhere!

God arranged for me to be an affectionate person, and also arranged for me to meet countless heartless people, so I finally honed myself into a promiscuous person. Others are loved by everyone, and I am loved by everyone.

In life, everyone is an actor, and those who pretend to be B are only the best among them.

6. If you don't like it, shut up and be careful to give you a slap.

7, the wind is really hanging, blowing my cell phone signal into Unicom!

8, eldest brother, you won, the earth people have been unable to stop you!

9. Homework is a sense of guilt, and writing more homework is a sense of guilt.

10, heartless, can live a hundred years. Have a clear conscience and never get tired of life.

1 1, a real warrior, dare to face up to his uneven face.

12, do you think I will watch you die? I close my eyes.

13, Jianghu rumor: the quality of teachers' lectures directly determines the traffic this month.

14, man, this life is like singing opera, and it is always difficult to sing well.

15, for my sweet dreams, I can only say that spring dreams are always awakened by urine.

16, now that the world has changed, sanitary napkins are too expensive to buy.

17, calm is to get lost and not let others know that you can't find your home.

18, life is laughing, crying, missing, narcissism and stealing.

19. Why are some men afraid of their wives? I long for a harmonious and stable home.

20. Women should remember that the ultimate destination of Youlemei is the trash can.

2 1, there will be bread, but I just found it. Actually, I prefer sausages.

22, beautiful you, beautiful him, a beautiful life depends on everyone!

23. Not every kind of milk is called Sutron, and not everyone is as pure as me.

24, sleep in class, fight after class, and die in the exam.

25, look at your appearance, I don't even know how to write custom.

26. Did your mother also say that you and your father are both of the same virtue?

27. Sometimes your own problems will be solved if they are not solved.

28, stinky tofu-like man, smelling stinky and eating incense, this is called connotation.

29. If you belong to me, you only belong to me. I don't like sharing with others.

30. The most famous woman in history is not Pan Jinlian or Wu Zetian, but Rong Mammy.

3 1, benefactor, if you bully being original, you will disgrace Jesus!

32, lost things, in fact, never really belong to you, there is no need to regret.

33, you his mama when I am a prostitute, or when you are a John.

34. Tomorrow is tomorrow. How many tomorrows are there? Since there are so many tomorrows, we might as well postpone it again.

35. Be grateful for everything, learn to be grateful, and thank all the people who let you grow.

36. Behind a successful chef. There must be a knife in the back.

37. I woke up in the morning thinking that I had grown up, but the quilt was covered horizontally.

I dare not look into your eyes, because I saw the gum in your eyes yesterday.

39. I knew it was so difficult to find a girlfriend, so I decided to kiss the doll.

40. It is said that falling in love affects learning. Doesn't study affect falling in love?

4 1, I don't like taking pictures, I just try my mobile phone pixels occasionally!

You must chat with me, otherwise, I will write your name on the tablet.

43. I want to improve my life. I don't eat dried noodles. I want to eat instant noodles.

44. The wind is rustling and the water is cold, and the strong man hits the dog, which is gone forever.

45. The day of the senior high school entrance examination is the Dragon Boat Festival. It's up to you to eat zongzi or jump into the river.

46. A big woman can't live without electricity for a day, and a little woman can't live without money for a day!

47. Posing is a symbol of vitality, while vanity is a sign of youth.

48. Before I touched the flowers and twisted the grass, I was already pulled out by others.

49. Your Majesty, do you still remember Doraemon by Daming Lake eighteen years ago?

50. I have been mixed up until now, and I can afford it. Only chopsticks can be put down.

5 1. Women like two kinds of flowers all their lives: one is to spend money, and the other is to spend as much as possible.

52. Drop the chain when it is critical, and don't drop the chain when it is not critical.

53. Your explanation is cover-up, cover-up is fact, and fact is the beginning of evil.

54. Tell me from the bottom of my heart that it's good to have you in the air conditioner. How can I live without you!

55, the so-called holiday, the family is suspected, no money to go out, especially free every day.

Diaoyu Island Poetry: Diaoyu Island is the heart of1300 million compatriots.

Diaoyu Island is a drop of blood boiling in China.

Diaoyu Island is the hot tear of China.

Diaoyu Island is China's angry fist.

Diaoyu Island is an anti-Japanese warship of China.

Diaoyu Island is a China blood concentration spectrum book.

Diaoyu Island is the roar of China.

Diaoyu Island is an earthquake in China.

Diaoyu Island is the heart of1300 million compatriots.

Diaoyu Island is a treasure of 56 nationalities.

Diaoyu Island-

We use blood

Buddhist monk

Your sacred body

Draw an edge

Bright five-star red flag

The five-star red flag fluttered in the wind.

Fly on the beautiful Diaoyu Island.

The five-star red flag fluttered in the wind.

Fly on the beautiful Diaoyu Island.

......

I'm sorry, did you laugh or faint?

1, the person who has seen the best x is the cyclist who scolds the big truck driver: you fucking want to die! 2. Psychologist: Your problem is that you are a little competitive, but it doesn't matter. I was about the same as you when I was young.

Patient: Impossible. You're definitely not as competitive as me.

3. Take a taxi and wait for the driver to say the red light.

One sentence shocked me. He said: grass, where is this? !

4. I am an installer. I installed it outdoors today. It's raining. I told the landlord that I was afraid of water leakage and would install it tomorrow!

Landlord: It will open tomorrow. I'm not afraid of leakage. I'm not that bad!

Me. . .

5. Look at a tight hip skirt and ask your girlfriend if it looks good.

My best friend said: this kind of clothes is suitable for rich people, not for poor people like you.

I really regret that I was too headstrong to buy a skirt without listening to my good friend. Now I jump on the bus.

6. Go and buy watermelons. I told my boss that I couldn't finish eating such a big watermelon by myself. Can I buy some?

The boss said yes, I'll cut you as much as you want.

I said no skin, everything else.

The boss looked at the knife for cutting watermelon. . .