Joke Collection Website - Mood Talk - Why is the first sentence of parents important when a child loses his temper?
Why is the first sentence of parents important when a child loses his temper?
People have positive emotions and negative emotions, and there is no difference between good and bad emotions. It's all our inner feelings. Crying and laughing are both ways to express emotions, and crying is always a healthy behavior. From birth to life, crying plays a positive role.
Babies crying is their only communication language with their parents.
Children cry because they haven't mastered enough language to communicate with their parents.
Children crying is the fastest way to vent their emotions.
After the child cries, the rational brain will take over the emotional brain and communicate with parents for help. Therefore, when a child cries and loses his temper, the first sentence of the parents is very important. We should let children know that crying is a normal emotional expression. We have already felt their emotions and will give them support and help.
When the child is crying, parents should carefully observe the child's feelings at this time. If the parents say the first sentence, they can tell how the child feels at this time. Even if parents don't help their children and solve any problems, children know that they are understood by their parents and their emotions are recognized by their parents. The child's inner bad experience will be much lighter.
For example, "Are you sad that the balloon flew away?" It's just a description of the child's mood and a hug from his mother. For children whose balloons fly away, they can quickly let go and play happily with other children, instead of falling to the ground and crying and pestering their mothers to get the balloons back.
Babies before the age of 2 cannot be expressed in words. When a child is angry and crying, parents can use emotional guidance to describe the child's mood in the first sentence, and the effect will be better.
As a baby before the age of 2, children will be angry because the folded building blocks just fell, but they can't express it to their parents in words. Children may cry, lose their temper, pat their heads and throw blocks. Because in addition to these instinctive behaviors, children still don't know how to express their emotions.
First, carefully observe the child's emotions. The child's inner feelings will be undisguised in behavior. It is easy for parents to judge the emotional state of children after careful observation.
Only observe without stopping, and allow children to have negative emotions. Children's good moods and bad moods are just like packaged goods, so parents can't choose what they like. Parents should not get excited and angry because of their children's negative emotions.
Second, describe the child's emotions. Describe the child's emotions with words that accurately express emotions. "You put the building blocks down. You are very angry now, aren't you? " Often using emotional vocabulary to describe children's emotional state can help children establish the corresponding relationship between emotional feelings and specific vocabulary, and make it easier for children to learn emotional vocabulary.
Allow children to cry, crying is anger, sadness and other negative emotions, instinctive expression is helpful for children's emotional recovery. Parents just need to let their children know that it is better to express emotions in words than in instinctive ways.
Third, * * * emotional language describes children's emotional feelings, so don't stop children's emotional expression. Language gently responds to the child, which makes the child understand that his parents have understood his emotional feelings and his emotions. "If my building blocks drop, I will be angry, too."
* * * Love children's emotions, let children know that parents also have negative emotions and know what they are like. Listening (allowing children to cry) is the best comfort for children. Listening makes the relationship between parents and children closer, gives children a sense of security, and makes children understand that parents can get support and help here at any time.
Fourth, guide children to express their emotions in language, there is no good or bad, only the behavior caused by emotions is good or bad. Preventing children from crying is a way to block their emotional expression. Children may give in to their parents' authority, stop crying, or resist crying more.
Encouraging children to express their emotions in language or other better ways is easier for them to develop in the direction their parents want than preventing them. For example, "When you are angry, you can tell your mother that she will help you."
We should guide children to express their emotional feelings in a better way. When the child can say, "Mom, the building block has fallen, I am very angry." Children's negative emotions can be expressed in words and ask their parents for help. The child's mood will soon become calm, and parents will respond to the child in time and give help. A smile soon appeared on the child's tearful face.
Hello, everyone, I'm glad to answer this question. Now I watch my granddaughter lose her temper and cry. I looked at her and told her it was no use crying. Although I cried, I ignored her. She cried and I left. It worked. She saw that I really ignored her and naturally stopped crying. Now she wants to do what she is not allowed to do, and she is angry. Her father said that she, you cry, she said that my grandmother said it was useless to cry, and children should be obedient. That's true. I don't know if I did the right thing. Granddaughter really listens to me, but I just can't get used to her and let her know right and wrong.
"Children lose their temper" is a problem that puzzles many parents. They don't reason with children at all. If they neglect their children, they will cry even more. If you compromise with your child, you are afraid to spoil your child.
In fact, it is normal for children to lose their temper, which shows that children's physiology and psychology are developing normally. The key is how parents handle it, which is very important.
Facing and accepting is more important than reasoning and suppressing. Once I went out to eat with my husband, and the table next door was a family. This family has a 4-year-old boy. The child wants to play when he is in the middle of eating and tastes bad. His mother said a few more words and the child began to cry.
The first thing the little boy's mother said to her child was, "You child, why are you so unreasonable?" This sentence is telling the child that you are an unreasonable child, and as a result, the child cries even more.
Then the father said to the child, "Have a good meal when you eat, and then play after dinner." The child won't listen. Finally, the child was beaten by his father before he stopped crying honestly.
By beating and scolding children, the problem is solved, but in fact, it lays a hidden danger for children's future behavior.
Brain science research shows that human rational brain is behind perceptual brain. Children before the age of 6 are more likely to fall into emotional kidnapping and cannot be pulled away.
Before dealing with children's emotions, he is incapable of thinking with a rational brain. Therefore, compared with reasoning and suppression, it is most important to face emotions with children first.
"I know" is the first sentence to ease a child's temper. I once went to my girlfriend's house to play. She has a five-year-old daughter Jia Jia. When we were eating, Jia Jia piled the wood on the coffee table, as if the building blocks had collapsed. As soon as the child pushed the building block, he began to lose his temper and began to cry.
My best friend walked over and quickly calmed the child's mood. The first thing she said was: Jiajia, mom knows you are sad. If mom's building blocks collapse, mom will be as sad as you. Jaga immediately stopped crying and sobbed in a low voice.
Help children to confirm their emotions and express acceptance and understanding with empathy. This is what girlfriends use to appease their children.
James, an American psychologist, said: "The most essential need of human beings is the desire to be affirmed."
When a child loses his temper, instead of saying "Stop it", "Stop crying" and "What you did is wrong", it is better to replace it with "I know you are sad", "Are you angry" and "If it were me, I would be as sad as you".
A "I know" can make the child's subconscious surface. After realizing his emotions, the rational brain began to slowly return to work.
When a child's rational brain begins to think, his anger is reduced by half. At this time, the rational brain and the perceptual brain began to connect.
"Gentle persistence" is an important way to train children to deal with their emotions. When a child loses his temper, the first thing parents say is very important:
A "I know" is better than sincere reasoning;
A "I will" is better than simple and rude suppression;
A "I understand you" is better than a thousand words of comfort.
When a child loses his temper, the first sentence of his parents is very important in an irrational state, because it may lead the child's mood and behavior to two extremes, and it will also affect the direction of parent-child relationship. Specifically, we should understand it from two angles: "empathy" and "* * * emotion".
There is a difference between empathy and affection. Empathy is rational, that is, substituting into other people's situations, analyzing their feelings and behaviors in this scene, and understanding other people's behaviors. * * * Emotion is emotional, that is, feeling the other person's current emotion, understanding and accepting the other person's current emotional expression, and the reasons behind the emotion.
A child losing his temper is an expression of emotion, expressing anger and dissatisfaction. Behind this emotion is an unmet need.
Generally speaking, in the face of children's temper, parents will have the following two reactions:
In the first case, don't accept the child's temper. In this case, the child's emotions are unacceptable. It also aroused the temper of parents, who angrily taught their children "nothing to lose their temper!" " Will you talk well? " .
At this time, the child may have two reactions: ① under the authority, the child suppressed his emotions, his temper converged, and he stopped talking; (2) Children have bigger tempers and parents are more angry. Finally, children may be beaten or subjected to corporal punishment. Finally, the child gave in and stopped talking.
In this case, the child's temper seems to be gone, but in fact it is only suppressed, and his heart may be even more angry. More often, children will know that my parents don't understand me and it's useless for me to lose my temper, so I simply don't say anything and refuse to communicate. Over time, the gap with parents may become bigger and bigger, and the parent-child relationship becomes tense. In the face of children's various problems, parents feel powerless, unable to communicate and unable to help.
In the second case, accept the child's emotions. And try to ask, "Are you angry about something?" "What do you want?" Children's demands may or may not be reasonable. Wait until you fully understand your child's needs, then refuse or meet them, but explain the reasons clearly.
In this case, it not only found an outlet for the child's temper, but also standardized the child's behavior. Children know that my parents understand and accept me, I can freely express my emotions, and the communication between parents and children will become smoother and better.
In real life scenarios, it will be more complicated than the above two situations. Generally speaking, when a child loses his temper, the appropriate way is to use "empathy" to analyze and understand his emotions and the reasons behind them, instead of using the language of "* * *" to communicate.
On this issue, I think so:
Accepting children's emotions is more important than blaming them. When a child loses his temper, the first words of his parents often determine whether we accept the child or not. Or blame the children? Take my children for example. Every time he loses his temper, I will say, "I know you are angry now." Can you tell me what happened to make you so angry? " But my husband often says, "Why did you lose your temper again?"
This is acceptance and accusation. Obviously, I accept the fact that I lost my temper with my child. The husband's temper with the child obviously means accusation.
Parents who accept their children are often more likely to gain the trust of their children; Parents who accuse their children often encounter stronger counterattacks from their children.
This is why the first words of parents are very important when children lose their temper.
What should parents do when their children lose their temper? When a child loses his temper, parents should not rush to blame and accept his emotions, so that the child can be willing to open his heart and tell you why he lost his temper. Find the reason for losing your temper, accept and affirm your child's emotions, and your child will communicate with you deeply.
It is normal for children to cry when they lose their temper. The more you stop him, the more he cries. When he cries badly, you can't help cursing him or even hitting him. This will not solve the problem, but will make children distrust you.
I don't think there is any good way for children to lose their temper. Because children themselves can't control their emotions very well, even admit it. Therefore, give your child some time to grow up, tolerate and accept his emotions, and then give appropriate guidance when your child trusts you. This method is more practical than blaming and reasoning from the beginning.
There must be a reason for the child to lose his temper. As a child's mother, we should carefully investigate and observe the internal causes of the child's temper, carefully adjust the child's mood, and don't blame and scold the child on the premise of the child's emotional instability. This will aggravate the child's mood, make the child's mood more emotional, make the child's mood more surging, and make the child's mood more unstable. Because of patient analysis, patient conditioning, patient adjustment, patient investigation, patient ridicule, patient investigation and study, patient adjustment of atmosphere, patient adjustment, patient investigation and study, patient Nike attitude, find out the internal causes of children's temper and solve their internal contradictions with practical actions! Remember not to suspect that children are unreasonable, don't complain and blame, don't complain and blame others, don't complain and blame perfection, don't complain and blame bells, don't complain and blame bells, which will misunderstand children, mislead children, spoil accidents and lead to injustice. This will cause injustice and humiliation to children, which is worse than Dou E. We should solve the problem with a correct attitude, not create problems. We should solve contradictions with a correct attitude, and don't create contradictions, so as not to hurt our children and ourselves! So as not to hurt the child's self-esteem, so as not to hurt the child's leap of faith, so as not to hurt the child's name of faith!
Not to fight or scold is not to ignore, but to accept it gently first and then to be reasonable. Let children truly realize their mistakes from the heart, not because of fear. Correct parenting will also make children full of love and strength, so as to better face the future.
A baby who is as cute as an angel on weekdays is a small bomb when he loses his temper, which makes many parents helpless. What some parents do is to repeatedly tell their children not to be angry or cry, and what's more, to scold them directly. In fact, this is not conducive to the release of children's emotions, and when children lose their temper, the more parents say, the more they do. Might as well be divided into two situations:
Children "just talk and don't do": If children just cry and have no violence, parents can let ta express their anger and grievances first. This narrative process itself is a kind of guidance to children's emotions. If the child's appeal is correct, promise to meet him and negotiate the time and conditions of meeting with him; If it is an incorrect claim, wait for him to calm down and analyze with ta why he can't meet his requirements and whether there are other solutions.
Children "talk and do things": If children cry and throw things or hurt themselves, the first thing parents should do is to stop ta's violence in another way. For example, "You must be angry for a reason. Tell your mother, but hitting people is not good. " Or: "You broke your chair. I thought you wanted to eat standing up in the future. Did something happen? " . If the child is crying, the ear will automatically "block" the adult's voice, and try to change a tone different from usual, so as to attract the child's attention.
At any time, don't underestimate a child's "intelligence and combat effectiveness."
He won't cry for no reason, nor will he stop for no reason.
Therefore, if you want to contain "Xiong Haizi", you don't have to yell at him or hit him. You can cultivate "reverse thinking". Let your first sentence "hit the nail on the head" and you can "defeat the enemy with one move" [laughs]
Once after work, I passed a community. At the entrance of the community, a girl of about 4 years old. She cried and played with her mother, but she couldn't pull it away. Her mother was angry, but she pretended not to want her. She turned and left, and the girl cried even harder. Moreover, the girl is very smart and cries and becomes "tactical". Her mother left, and so did she; When mom stops, she stops. I just can't lose myself, and my mother can't catch it ... It's so annoying and cute.
I always like to tease children [laugh] and of course I want to help helpless mothers. So I stepped forward, grabbed the girl's little hand and said loudly, "Whose child is this?" Nobody wants it, I can take it! " .
The girl broke away from my hand in an instant and ran to her mother in tears, holding her hand tightly and never letting go [covering her face]
Tell another story about outsmarting his son [laughs]:
Probably when my son was six or seven years old, he was infused in my department because of a fever. The hemodialysis room was next door. I am treating a patient with his father.
After the infusion, his father was afraid that it would affect my work, so he pulled out the fluid himself. After all, he is an amateur. As you can imagine, the technique caused his son to scream and play endlessly with his father, accusing him of pulling out too much fluid. ! …
After I heard it, a word in the past stopped him. "You make a hullabaloo about, make the grandma who is doing dialysis next door have a heart attack, and we have to pay. What do you say? " …
When my son heard this, he immediately stopped [covering his face] and later wrote a diary to review his mistakes.
The history of children's growth is, to some extent, a "history of struggle" with their parents.
It's fun to fight wits [cover your face]
Humble opinion, laughter, criticism and correction [prayer]
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