How to help children learn to express emotions?

"Expressing emotions" is a very important skill in one's life and is related to mental health.

Duo’s mother was a child who was very incapable of expressing emotions when she was a child. Her parents only had near-perfect requirements for herself and never accepted her bad self or herself who made mistakes. So from childhood to middle school, I was judged as "never angry". When I was a child, I thought this was an advantage. Later I gradually realized that something was wrong. On the one hand, everyone bullied others and they were very careful. When I came to my place, anyone dared to bully me, because there would be no consequences even if they bullied me. On the other hand, sometimes I was really angry and sad. , angry, but I can't express it. Specifically, I don't know how to be angry. When I discovered this, I was shocked. How can a normal person not even be "angry"? !

Fortunately, in the following few years, I learned to slowly adjust myself and "let go" myself, and then I personally brought myself back to the group of normal people. So for my children, how would I avoid the tragedy that happened when I was a child? Written below for your reference.

The first reason why children cannot express emotions is that they are afraid of not being understood. Imagine that when a child is very young and still doesn’t understand “emotions”, he will sometimes be particularly irritable and will only show signs of crying, being manic, or even throwing things. What do parents do at this time? ? If you only see the surface and don't want to pursue the underlying cause, you will become irritable and restless, thinking that your child is ignorant and troublesome, and may even use violence to solve problems.

The correct approach is to believe in your child from the bottom of your heart and try to understand that there are definitely other reasons behind his surface behavior that caused all this. Don't be anxious or angry, and explore his heart calmly to find out the root cause of the problem.

How will we react when we know why our child instantly turned into a "little devil"? Do you say disdainfully, "That's it? Is it worth crying? My child, you are too fragile!" Or do you put yourself in the perspective of an immature child and look at the self-experience he has experienced from his small perspective? Think it's a big deal? The result of this choice is a reflection of whether you understand "love", and it is also the child's decision whether to express his true emotions in front of you in the future. If a child is afraid to express his emotions in front of his closest parents, how can he express them in front of others?

Acceptance, as the name suggests, no matter how glass-hearted, how "pretentious" or how "princess sick" a child may seem to us adults, accept his temporary imperfections and accept his temporary fragility. I believe that he will get better and better in the future, and he will be able to face their bad sides with the same emotions he used to treat their good sides. This way the child feels secure enough to express his or her emotions. Because they know that no matter how "bad" they are, their parents still love them and can still accept their bad selves.

Perhaps expressing emotions is something that requires training, but building the mind well will give children enough security to be willing to express their emotions. Therefore, whether children can express emotions is not a question of "teaching", but a question of the parents themselves.

Children cannot express their emotions because they do not know how to express their feelings and do not know how to solve problems when they encounter them.

When children are in kindergarten, they are away from their parents and grandparents for the first time. They are inevitably timid and don’t know how to tell the teacher when something happens. Many children will wet their pants.

A child only cries when he wets his pants, but doesn’t know how to tell the teacher that he needs to pee. When encountering this situation, parents should guide the child on how to communicate with the teacher, raise his hand or run directly to the teacher. Saying things like I need to pee.

I am a mother of two children. My second child is 7 years old. When he has emotions, he can express his feelings, speak fluently, face problems calmly, and then find solutions to them. way.

How did he do it?

1. Express feelings

Parents can let their children tell the entire incident that caused emotional changes, and use language to guide their children to release their emotions and express their feelings. For example: One day, my son went to buy ice cream after school, and his classmates sued the teacher. He would first describe the incident to me, and I would ask him: Do you feel scared? After the child finishes telling his feelings, I ask him: "What do you want to do?" Listening to the child's opinions is also a way to teach the child to release his emotions.

2. Relaxation exercises: take deep breaths.

Cultivate hobbies: practicing calligraphy and painting. Reading: Emotional picture books.

3. Thinking from positive and sunny aspects

Parents should guide their children to think from the positive aspects of sunshine when they are emotional. For example: A classmate knocked him down, and he had a swollen lump on his head and forehead. I guided him. Could it be that your classmates didn't see you? He thought for a while and said: It's not the fault of the classmate who bumped into him, it's because other classmates were chasing him. He ran very fast and bumped into him without seeing him. His emotions were released by himself after a while, and he went to do what he liked.

4. Trust

Parents must give their children enough trust. Trust your child and give him space to handle what he can. When children gain confidence, they will reduce negative emotions.

Psychological research shows that emotional management ability can positively predict children's future academic performance, interpersonal relationships, health, achievement, etc. In the process of children's growth, parents have too many opportunities to get close to their children's hearts, so do not ignore the guidance of children's emotional expression ability.

Harvard Professor Taylor: We form habits, and our habits shape us. Make it a habit to express your emotions and how to deal with them!

Being able to express emotions well is undoubtedly a sign of high emotional ability.

If you want your children to be able to do this, first of all, parents must be able to understand their children's emotions and have some understanding of their children's emotional development patterns.

The first year of life: basic emotions

American psychologist Paul Ekman defined 6 basic emotions. Including six aspects: happiness, anger, sadness, surprise, fear and disgust.

These emotions appear early in the child's first year of life, right after birth. There is a strong physiological basis. Moreover, no matter which country they are in, which language they speak, or which customs they have, humans all have these same emotions.

Once basic emotions appear, they never go away. To this day, even if we are 20, 30, 40, or 50 years old... these basic emotions still often appear in our lives.

1.5-2 years old: self-awareness emotions

When a child is about one and a half years old, self-awareness emerges, and self-awareness emotions will gradually appear.

Parents can observe their children between 1 and a half to 2 years old. Can they already recognize themselves in the mirror or in photos?

Knowing that the person in the mirror or photo is me and not any other child, this is a sign of budding self-awareness.

Self-conscious emotions include sympathy, jealousy, embarrassment, pride, shame, guilt, etc.

It is also because of this that many two-year-old children are not as generous as they were when they were young. They do not like to call others and are embarrassed at every turn. If their mother praises other children, they will be angry and jealous. .

This is not a step back. In fact, it is a big step forward in the emotional development of children.

Every child has the ability to express emotions when he is born. Just like the day a child falls to the ground, expressing his emotions with crying is a kind of vent and a kind of temptation. There may be some innate genetic influence on expressing emotions, but I think the most important factors are the influence of education and environment.

First of all, there is the family environment. The people a child has the most contact with since birth are parents and elders. Parents should give their children an open, loving, cheerful and kind environment. Under this kind of care, they will live happily. Relatively speaking, I become more expressive. Children who grow up in an open, harmonious and humorous environment will be more cheerful and know how to express their emotions.

As a child grows, he has to face more uncontrollable environments. At this time, if you want him to learn to express emotions correctly, you need to help him build confidence and learn patience. Especially for children who have already entered kindergarten, they have to face the eyes of their classmates and the recognition of their teachers. At this time, self-confidence becomes very, very important. They must be able to express their ideas more freely and confidently regardless of what others say. and ideas.

During this period, I think family education also needs to be adjusted accordingly, encourage normal expression, and refuse to cry loudly or act coquettishly, or use extreme words. What you need to teach your children at this time is not just whether they dare to express themselves, but also what is the most correct way to express them?

Parents can reach an agreement with teachers to develop their children in terms of expression and self-confidence. Create a positive atmosphere for children, and children will become more willing to express themselves and integrate into new environments more easily.

This is a great topic if you want to help your children learn to express their emotions.

To let children express their emotions, first let them know what emotions are. Everyone has emotions, and it is normal to have emotions. Don’t ignore the child’s feelings, such as when a child falls. , don’t tell your child directly that he won’t cry or it won’t hurt. This way of expression directly ignores the child's feelings. If the child's feelings are ignored, the emotions will be suppressed psychologically and will not be expressed. You should accept your child's emotions and be affectionate with your child to let your child know that you and him are on the same wavelength, so that your child knows that he is safe.

You can think of some ways to express emotions with your children, such as crying, making trouble, tearing paper, eating, exercising, etc., and then work with your children to select better ways to vent your emotions that do not hurt others. It is a better way to not hurt yourself or others when you are angry. For example, you can exercise when you are angry, and exercise is a better way to exercise.

Let children live in harmony with emotions and know where emotions come from. The famous emotion theory ABC can be a good explanation. When event A happens, if event B is explained, the result C will be formed according to the explanation. If A is the same, but because B is different, the final C is also different, so you can treat one thing and let the children try out the results of different emotions. Let the children slowly learn to adjust the way they see problems, and then learn to live in harmony with their emotions. In this case, there will probably be different results!

Emotional management is a kind of ability. Parents should cultivate their children's emotional management ability from an early age:

1. If parents want to teach their children to vent their emotions, they must first know what emotions are?

Some parents often say that they feel very unhappy today. So what is this unhappiness about? Is it anger? Is it a grievance? Is it jealousy? Or sadness? Only when we know what our emotions are, can we know how to express them, and can we teach our children to vent their emotions. Only when parents themselves have a clear understanding of emotions can they naturally help their children to vent their emotions, and parents can set an example of emotional management skills.

2. Parents should see their children’s emotions in specific situations and understand their children’s emotions.

Parents tell their children what they saw and felt, ask their children to repeat it, and then ask them: Is that so? If not, "Tell me, what's wrong with you?" to induce the child to express. When the child has finished expressing, we will not comment and repeat the child's feelings. Then the child will get much better. Young children can be hugged and caressed, which is good for stabilizing their emotions.

3. Parents should let their children find emotional outlets and correct ways of expression.

When a child loses control of his emotions, we should not simply say "Don't cry, if you keep crying, do whatever you want", or "If you cry again, the police will come to arrest you, and the big bad wolf will I will eat you up" and so on. Tell the children what the current emotion is, such as anger, sadness, depression, etc. Let the children know the name of the current emotion so that they can directly recognize and express their current emotions. mood, and at the same time find alternative solutions to help the child find an outlet for venting. Parents should listen patiently to their children when they express their emotions.

4. There are many ways to express emotions.

a. Narrative method: Let the child name his emotions and tell his mother the reasons for the emotions.

b. Review method: After the child's mood is relatively calm, parents and children review the entire incident together, and give the child some appropriate suggestions to help him deal with what he may encounter next time. question.

c. Rehearsal method: Play role-playing games with your children, re-enact what just happened, and use the method your mother just taught to solve it.

d. Celebration method: When the child has solved the problem well through the game, the adult will do a Give me five with him to encourage the child to use it next time. This way to deal with the problem. Psychological research shows that emotional management ability can positively predict children's future academic performance, interpersonal relationships, health, achievement, etc.

The first step in expressing emotions is to recognize them. Only by clearly knowing what emotional state you are currently in can you express your emotions.

People are different in their ability to recognize emotions. Some are naturally sharp, while others are dull. People with high emotional recognition and expression skills are also more comfortable in interpersonal communication.

What parents can do is to help children label their emotions. For example, when children are angry, they can ask, are you very angry now? When you are unhappy, you can ask, are you a little sad? Wait and let the children identify different names for their different emotions. Then learn how to deal with different emotions.

It is recommended to take your children to watch the movie Inside Out, which vividly and interestingly expresses several basic human emotions using various animated characters. Psychiatrists in American elementary schools will also use these images of villains to help children identify and express emotions.

However, identifying, expressing and managing emotions is a long-term process. Don’t lose confidence in your children because of occasional loss of control. Be patient.

As for the issue of emotions, we must first correct our attitude. Many parents cannot tolerate their babies crying and throwing tantrums, and in fact they themselves often lose their temper.

Emotions include joy, anger, sorrow, and joy, and losing your temper is a behavior caused by emotions. No matter what kind of emotions they are, they are all natural and worthy of acceptance. Emotions are not something you can have and I cannot have, but everyone has it and everyone needs it. When we have fun playing games and laugh, we are accepting; when the baby cries when his needs are not met, we think this should be accepted, not rejected. Therefore, we say that emotions must first be corrected and accepted. Only then can we better guide emotions, control emotions, and even express emotions.

As parents, the first thing we have to do is accept emotions. While accepting, listen carefully to the voice behind the child's emotions, which events, people, and things affect the child's emotions. Only when we accept and listen can we discover more clues to help children think about ways to solve problems.

In the face of the child's voice, we should pay active attention and respond actively, find reasonable needs to satisfy him, discover unreasonable needs, and give correct explanations and alternatives. Many times, as parents, we are too strong in this regard. We do not want to give, support, or understand. Power can only cause resentment.

Then, in the face of needs, rational, non-coddling, appropriate and unconditional love can fill children's hearts and learn to be tolerant.

In addition, when a child's needs are reasonable but cannot be realized, there is a method called fantasy realization, which is like Cao Cao's historical allusion: looking at plum blossoms to quench thirst. can achieve the same effect.

After all the above efforts, the child's emotions still come, so the first thing parents must do is to learn to calm down. At the same time, effective methods are used to help children control their emotions reasonably. For example, when we are angry:

1. We can find ways to relieve stress through exercise.

2. You can also use drawing to decompress.

3. If you have been understood and respected by speaking out, you will feel much better psychologically.

4. Use a calm and firm tone to make your children feel your attention.

5. When a bad temper comes, do not punish or resent, just talk about the facts and discuss the matter as it is.

6. When a child makes a mistake and becomes depressed, appropriate encouragement should be provided so that the child has the courage to face his or her own mistakes instead of escaping from them.

7. When yelling is about to happen, we can yell into the pool.

8. Reading and other calming methods can help children heal themselves.

In fact, not only this parent, everyone will have such anxiety.

Especially after numerous child abuse incidents, everyone seems to be more anxious.

Actually, it’s not that the children don’t want to tell you, but that they don’t know how to express it.

Children have strong perceptive abilities and can often feel many emotional fluctuations, but their ability to interpret is very weak, and they cannot add their own subjective judgments and cannot consciously analyze what emotions are. Expression is out of the question.

There are ways to teach children to recognize and express emotions. Let’s learn about them together!

Parents should be able to read picture books and stories to their children. In fact, storytelling can help children understand emotions.

When children want to listen to stories, use this method to guide them to recognize and express their emotions.

If children cannot correctly recognize their own emotions, they will not be able to express their emotions in words, and will eventually have to lose their temper or cry.

Let children correctly understand their emotions and describe their feelings clearly so that they can communicate with their families in a timely and effective manner and avoid unknown misunderstandings and dangers.

I hope every child can grow up healthily and happily.