What is "love a specific person"? What is an "abstract person"

The famous Russian writer Dostoevsky once said: "Love concrete people, not abstract people; Love life, not the meaning of life. "

This short sentence reflects a very common phenomenon in love, that is:

When many people fall in love with someone, they often love their ideal other half. This image has some overlap with the real partner, so I know and love each other.

But in love, knowing each other and loving each other is much more difficult than knowing each other and loving each other.

When the novelty of love and hormones fades, you will become more and more familiar, and you will gradually know what kind of person he is, what kind of shortcomings and problems he has. At this time, are you still willing to love him? If you are still willing and willing to accept this person's everything, you really love him, and you may know each other forever.

But many people can't love a person like this. When they see the shortcomings of the other half, the first reaction is often: you are wrong, I can't stand you doing this, and your characteristics don't meet my requirements for the other half. So they will ask the other half to change according to their own expectations to meet their expectations for love.

At this time, the other half often feels that his partner is negative, critical and dissatisfied with himself, rather than being loved, accepted and understood. Their hearts are prone to produce negative emotions such as injustice, disappointment and depression.

Driven by these negative emotions, two people will have disputes and express their dissatisfaction in the form of quarrels and cold wars. , and then fall into a mode of mutual consumption, and finally lead to a very painful relationship between each other. Once one of them can't stand this mutual torture any longer, this relationship will come to an end.

To avoid this situation, you need to change your view of love, get rid of your inherent cognition, stop loving the person you imagined in your heart, and grasp the concrete and living person around you in reality.

You should know that loving someone is not about loving the perfect and dreamy Mr. Right/woman in your mind, nor about loving only the advantages of the other half, but about loving the living person in front of you. Ta exists in reality, with family background, personal experience, own expectation and pain. Ta is a "concrete person".

That is to say, to love a person, you must learn to accept all of him, his complexity, his many aspects, including his advantages, his shining side, his attraction to you, his shortcomings, his cowardice, his mediocrity, his unbearable and so on.

Let me give a simple example to illustrate this point.

For example, if you fall in love with ta because of his thoughtfulness and gentleness, then you should not only accept ta's gentleness to you, but also accept ta's family. Maybe ta comes from a bad family and has a controlling father or mother, because it is his family that shapes his gentle obedience.

I know it's hard to do this, but as long as you work hard, your relationship with your partner will become closer and closer, and your love life will be less contradictory and quarrelsome, and more happy and happy.

If you have been unable to love specific people, and your feelings are too self-centered and demanding, you can only keep the abstract portrait of your partner in your heart, compare it with specific people again and again, and then be disappointed again and again, and you will never get true love.

Finally, lemon wants to say that although love is beautiful, it will always exist in reality. We should all learn to love concrete people, not abstract people, and not let obsession ruin hard-won feelings.

May you cherish the people you love, learn to love, give love and reap love.

If you have other emotional problems and don't know how to deal with them, you might as well tell Lemon about your situation and I'll give you advice.

Tip: Click on my avatar, find the si key, and you can contact me. Come to me, I will always be by your side ~