How should parents divide their work in educating their children?

I often hear children being asked, "Which is better, father or mother?" In fact, in the process of children's growth, parents are equally important, but the focus of influence is different. In this issue, we invited Dr. Li Wendao, one of the authors of Save the Boys and a lecturer in the Department of Psychology, School of Education, Capital Normal University, to tell parents what kind of influence you will have on their children and what you should do to make them have a healthy personality.

Dad sets the rules for the children.

China's Saint Amethyst said, "It is my father's fault to raise but not teach"; The German philosopher Fromm said: "Father is one of the children's mentors. He showed them the way to the world. Although father can't represent nature, he represents the other pole of human existence, that is, the world of thought, science and technology, law and order, discipline, experience and adventure. "

No matter how good a mother is, she can't replace her father, because paternal education is different from maternal education. Father's education for children is mainly reflected in two aspects. First, the education of rules. When interacting with children, mothers are more in physical contact and language communication with children, while fathers are more in game communication with children through sports. In terms of rules of the game, mothers tend to accommodate their children, while fathers pay more attention to "establishing rules". In other words, children will know what rules are from their fathers, observe how their fathers face abusive people, how to face setbacks and resolve crises, and then imitate them.

Second, form gender awareness. Fatherly love has an important influence on the gender development of boys and girls. Boys will imitate their fathers' roles and behaviors and form their own gender characteristics. Girls often find the reference of their future life from their fathers, and adolescent girls even regard their fathers as the standard of their future husbands.

Nowadays, many parents are worried that entertainment programs will affect their children's gender awareness, and "fake mothers" and "tomboys" will make their children confuse men and women. Ross Parker, an American expert on the role of fathers, believes that if the father is decisive and dominant at home, boys tend to show a high degree of masculinity; If the father is weak at home and the mother is dominant, the boy will show more feminine characteristics.

What should a father do to influence his children correctly? 0-3 years old, dad should spare at least half an hour to an hour every day to concentrate on playing with his children. We can play games and watch cartoons together. Let the children feel the attention of their fathers.

The primary school stage is the initial stage of the formation of children's gender consciousness, and the role of the father is the most critical. Take children to outdoor sports and encourage boys' adventurous spirit and courage. For girls, dad's behavior and attitude towards others have a very important influence on girls' social skills in the future. ▲

A mother lets her children have love.

Be pregnant in October and give birth once. Mother's experience of "birth, rearing and education" is different from that of father. Motherly love often means more care and protection.

In the process of children's growth, mother's education is mainly reflected in three aspects. First, positive interpersonal relationships. If fatherly love is regular, maternal love is gentle and delicate. Mothers should fully let their babies feel love and care. Establishing a positive parent-child relationship with children makes him feel that his mother is a "safe island". Children who feel full of maternal love will be more independent, love others and love the world in the future. It is helpful to establish positive interpersonal relationships when you grow up.

Second, the formation of emotional patterns. When mothers are with their children, they will talk a lot. Keeping eye contact and communication with their children can help them form a healthy emotional model. A mother can immediately perceive and respond to her children's requests, and when she grows up, she will also keenly feel the emotions of others. This point, embodied in boys, is a strong sense of responsibility, embodied in girls, is gentle and delicate.

Third, the formation of gender consciousness. Both parents have different roles in the formation of children's gender consciousness. A daughter imitates her mother, and she will understand the gender characteristics of women by observing her mother.

So, what can mom do to get better results? First of all, remind mom that maternal love is boundless, but don't overprotect and spoil it. A good mother will learn to let go and let her children be independent as they grow up.

Before the child is 3 years old, the mother needs to establish a close parent-child relationship with him. This is different from that of fathers. Mothers have to spend more time with their children. This is a fleeting process, and mothers need to shift their focus to their children and become their first caregivers.

After the child goes to primary school, the mother's main task is to start practicing "letting go" and encourage the father to actively participate in the child's education. During this period, the father's influence on children will be more prominent.