Selection of weight loss jokes

1. Running to lose weight

The doctor told the fat man that if he ran eight kilometers a day for three hundred days, he would lose 34 kilograms. After three hundred days, the doctor received a message from the fat man. On the phone, he has lost so much weight, but it has also added a problem.

"What problem?" the doctor asked.

"I have left home with 2,400 yuan." Kilometers".

2. Doctor's Worry

A doctor said to a fat woman who came to ask for weight loss: "What worries me is not your weight, but your weight. Height. According to the ratio of weight to height, you should be at least 2.3 meters."

3. A good way to lose weight

Patient: "Doctor, what is a good way to lose weight?"

Doctor: "Turn your head from right to left, then from left to right, shaking your head like this."

Patient: "When did you do this exercise?"

Doctor: "When someone is treating you."

4. Before and after meals

A fat man asked a doctor for a magic pill to lose weight. The doctor said: "You should drink more tea."

"I drink almost every day."

"You should exercise more and sleep less."

"I only sleep three hours a day, most of the time They are all exercising." The fat man said seriously.

"Then, if you only eat one piece of bread every day, I am sure you will lose weight immediately." The doctor was anxious.

The fat man happily said Said: "Great! But, should you eat it before or after a meal?"

5. Let's wait until you have enough.

Jack received a call from his sister: "Brother, I have Decided to go on a diet."

But Jack heard what she was chewing and asked, "What are you eating now?"

"Cake." "I just weighed myself, and it's only 79.5 kilograms. I'm going to get 80 kilograms before I start dieting."

6. New ways to lose weight

There is a big fat man who wants to go to a family Special weight loss center to lose weight.

As soon as I arrived at the door, I saw a boss and two signs: one sign said "Losing weight only costs five dollars." The other sign said "Losing weight only costs twenty dollars."

The fat man wanted to go to the five-dollar store first, so he paid the boss five dollars.

I entered through the door on the left. As soon as I entered, I saw a beautiful woman wearing a three-point swimsuit with a sign hanging on her body that read: "If you catch me, I am yours."

The fat man ran out of the door without saying a word, thinking that five dollars would buy a beautiful woman, and twenty dollars would be enough...

He took the money and gave it to the boss. Run into the door on the right as fast as possible. As soon as you enter, the door is locked. A female orangutan appears in front of you with a sign hanging on her body that says "If I catch you, you are mine."

......

After twenty minutes of struggle, he finally broke through. He immediately told the boss that it was a lie and wanted his money back.

But the boss gave the fat man a weighing machine, and he saw that he had really lost twenty kilograms...

7. I lost weight

Wife Standing on the scale, she happily said to her husband: "Dear, come and see, I have lost two kilograms!"

"Dear, that's because you haven't put on makeup yet."

8. The horse lost weight

A: "My wife wanted to lose weight, so she went horseback riding every day."

B: "What was the result?"

A: "Ma lost 40 pounds in one month."

9. Refrigerator

In order to prevent weight gain, my wife put a sticker on the refrigerator door. Post a poster of a slender and busty beauty in a swimsuit to remind yourself not to open the refrigerator to get something to eat.

Sure enough, she lost four kilograms, but her husband gained seven kilograms.

10. Image comparison

A fat woman came to a meat stall and wanted to buy four pounds of pork for seventy-two and five yuan.

"You are too awesome," the salesperson said, "Just buy five pounds and forget it!"

The fat woman hurriedly explained: "You don't know, I am losing weight and have already lost it. I paid seven taels and five cents for four pounds. I want to see how big a piece of meat this is.”

11. Brother: When will you come to my place to play?

Me: I am losing weight recently, and I will go after I lose weight.

Buddy: Your sister, if you don’t want to come, just say so.

12. I am getting fatter and fatter after being with my boyfriend. . Gained a lot of flesh.

I said, I want to lose weight, but I can’t. What if I keep getting fatter and you dislike me and abandon me?

This idiot said: How can I throw it!

13. My friend recently wanted to lose weight and found a weight loss diet plan online, saying that eating tofu and cucumbers can help lose weight.

Then she asked me: "Is it better to take this before meals or after meals?"

14. Husband: Wife, look at my belly, have I lost weight? ?

Wife: Do you want to hear the truth or lies?

Husband: You must be serious.

Wife: That must have been reduced!

Husband: Really?

Wife: Just listen to it seriously...

15. “Damn it, I’ve been losing weight for so long, why hasn’t there been any change!!”

"Nothing has changed. You've obviously gained a lot of weight!"

16. My friend, I see you are losing weight again. Why are you always losing weight? Have you finished your snacks? Your boyfriend Don't you feel sorry for you? You should think about your parents. It's not easy for your parents to raise you so fat. If you lose weight without eating enough and don't work hard to explore delicious food, how will you gain a foothold in society in the future?

You must not be obsessed with losing weight. Come out of the world where thinness is considered beautiful, face plus-size clothing, and embrace delicious food.

Organized by: zhl201612