Husband, did you agree to replenish my wedding ring?

Recently a girl complained on Douban:

There is still one month left before the wedding, because the man does not want to buy a wedding dress, but wants to rent it. The woman feels that she will get married once in her life. She was very aggrieved, they broke up, and they didn't get married.

After carefully looking at the chat history sent by Abao, I found that the person was actually quite sincere. He paid the down payment for the house, and all his relatives and friends informed him that it was in place. Wedding preparations also cost a lot of money.

As a result, my happiness was blocked by a wedding dress.

When it comes to wedding rings, wedding dresses, wedding photos, and weddings, women’s eyes light up and men are depressed.

This four-piece wedding set has also become the second stumbling block for many lovers on the road to eternal life: they finally survived the betrothal gifts from their parents-in-law, but they fell unexpectedly at the feet of their sweethearts.

The man was filled with indignation: I mean it sincerely, but I can’t compare to these things that go through the motions and waste money? Women are too vain.

It is really necessary, but if you don’t understand women’s real needs, you still have to work hard, brother~

You can’t think about having children before you get married. Review: Having children is out of love, and so is not having children.

1.

The Magic Woman

Fantasy is a defense mechanism for self-satisfaction after the unconscious desires are frustrated.

When I was a child, when I saw someone getting married, I thought the bride was the happiest and most beautiful person in the world, and I unconsciously wanted to be such a person.

But reality did not allow it, and my wish was blocked, so I started splashing ink to outline my fantasy: a dream wedding, a charming wedding dress, a handsome prince gazing tenderly, lovingly kiss.

The little girl’s bridal dream was born.

Until adulthood and entering the marriage stage, the longer this fantasy is suppressed, the more vivid the details are depicted, and the stronger the desire.

How strong is it?

Jenny once said in "The Romance of a Wife" that he was looking forward to his wedding. He shouted "buy super" and urged to make up for the wedding.

Looks, love, treasure, and money, in the eyes of others, are the pinnacle of a woman, but they still cannot control her desires.

As for Anita Mui, in her last concert, she wore a picturesque wedding dress. She cried for herself and everyone.

A woman's desire for this fantasy cannot stop until her life is completed or near the end of her life.

But then her "prince" suddenly said: "It's not cost-effective to buy a wedding dress. Just rent one and go through the motions."

The "bridal dream" that has been in business for many years was ruined in one day. The feeling of cherishing and caring came to my heart. Can I not feel wronged?

Women’s excellent fantasy ability is also reflected in the construction of meaning.

Take wedding rings as an example.

The ring represents life and eternity, the ring finger symbolizes entering the heart, and the diamond is eternal. One person can make love last forever.

Women like this very much. Every sentence satisfies their fantasies about love and marriage.

But this time the "Prince" was smart again: isn't it just a carbon? Just a broken rock. It tricks you into paying IQ tax. Don't waste money.

Deconstruction is really beautiful. By the way, I deconstructed the happiness at my fingertips.

Some boys who are not good at emotional communication are single because they are "strong". Looking back, at 32 years old, I was still a virgin.

In fact, what men say makes sense, and their thinking tends to be more rational and realistic.

But while shattering the fantasy, it also hurts women's narcissism and feeling of not being caught, causing them to instantly fall from the paradise of fantasy to the unbearable hell.

This huge sense of frustration and loss is so uncomfortable for me, and it will be projected on whoever pokes me.

My fantasy is right, but you are wrong. You are stingy, stingy, and don’t love me. Bye-Bye.

2.

Women who want a sense of security

Security is related to the degree of trust in the world.

This is an important issue for women. When they get married, women's need for security reaches a peak.

The latest episode of "Qi Pa Shuo" discusses the fear of marriage. Qiu Chen said:

My partner wants to marry me.

Has he tried to understand my struggles with raising children after marriage, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the issues of parents supporting the elderly?

Especially in an era where cheating, domestic violence, difficult childbirth, jumping off buildings, and even killing one’s wife and cheating on her insurance are frequent occurrences, “Unmarried, Infertile, Safe” has become a resounding slogan.

No wonder a survey by China Youth Daily showed that as many as 61.2% of the respondents were afraid of marriage.

From the perspective of evolutionary psychology, since primitive times, due to special p

With the development of society, the marriage system has created better conditions for women, locking Create a reliable object, share responsibilities and risks, and ensure the quality of life of future generations.

The reliability here is reflected in: being able to support the family, being able to accompany the baby, and helping the baby grow up together.

After all, this is a matter of gene transmission and bloodline continuation, and it is also a major event for mankind.

But whether this person is reliable and whether the future is controllable is a huge unknown and risk in itself.

The "fear" of marriage is that men are more afraid of losing freedom, and women are afraid of uncertainty. To put it bluntly, they don't trust and trust the person in front of them enough, and they don't know whether the person inviting them to spend the rest of their lives is a human or a ghost.

From an economics perspective, Professor Xue Zhaofeng gave a more interesting explanation:

Get married, run a family business, and sign a lifetime wholesale futures contract.

Both sides come up with resource packages. The woman pays earlier, gives birth to children, and takes care of the family, while the man works later, sows and harvests.

There will be a problem, the people behind will be more likely to rip off the people who pay in front.

No one wants to suffer. For women, the need for security is particularly strong.

So women are always testing men, including bride price, house book, and four-piece wedding set. At least they can get the following information:

1. Is the financial strength okay? Will the baby still have something to eat in the future?

Second, is your character okay? Are there long-term operations and sincerity towards risks?

Third, is the attitude okay? Will you respect my feelings and wishes?

Any mistake will reduce a woman's sense of security, but there are no three. Sorry, you're out.

3.

A woman with a sense of ritual

The sense of ritual is a kind of self-suggestion and a way to actively give meaning and realize identity.

Relatively popular and complete: Because people have certain psychological needs, they have constructed a series of processes, given them a certain meaning, and are full of beliefs. When the process is complete, autosuggestion is complete, their wishes are fulfilled and their identity is recognized.

For example, religious ceremonies complete prayers, funerals complete mourning, and Spring Festival reunions complete.

The four-piece wedding set is originally a ceremony, and what it accomplishes at the same time is: witnessing love, establishing a new portal, and claiming a new identity.

For example, at a wedding, a father accompanied his daughter onto the red carpet and solemnly handed his daughter's hand to the groom.

At this time, many fathers and daughters can’t help but have red eyes.

Its symbolic meaning is very obvious: when a girl grows up, she will say goodbye to her original family and join hands with another man to form a new family.

Also represents psychological separation and reconstruction.

The white wedding dress, the bright ring, and the beautiful photos complement each other and witness the girls’ innocence for the last time together. After the wedding, she will officially become a wife.

In this process, women complete self-suggestion and actively accept new identities. From now on, a lot of energy will be invested in the new home, taking care of life, and running the family.

A friend got married on a trip, which saved her from the trouble of a four-piece suit, but when I think about it a few years later, I still feel a touch of regret:

Maybe something is missing. I have always had the mentality of a little girl, not like a married person.

So women need such rituals to help them complete their identity transformation and recognition.

Why are men so weak in consciousness?

First, although the division of labor between men and women in modern society is becoming more and more equal, for most men, the main battlefield is still "outside", that is, their career. In other words, with a stable home base, they can better devote themselves to their careers.

Because there is no obvious psychological transition, it is difficult for them to understand and identify with their new identity more deeply.

Second, marriage is a natural constraint on financial freedom, reproductive freedom, etc. It's too late for a man to subconsciously resist, so it's strange that he wastes money in such a big way.

Don’t give up, but in the face of this profound ritual (especially for women), if you show perfunctory, impatient and disrespectful, don’t blame others for thinking you are selfish, cold and rude .

4.

A man with a beautiful wife.

There must be some men who complain: they are just talking about their feelings. It's another thing for rich people to do flashy things.

Really don’t underestimate these “feelings”. Most women are sensual and they like it that way.

If the economic strength is really average, it is particularly important for women to accept, embrace, and empathize with the above three feelings when they cannot meet all their requirements at the moment.

Provide a reference example.

My cousin’s husband works in IT for an Internet company and his family conditions are average. They have been in love for three years and have saved a lot of money.

Towards the end, my cousin asked for the diamond ring. At that time, the man had just paid the down payment for the wedding house. In a first-tier city, this is not a small sum, and he spent all his savings.

The man did not agree immediately, and the two quarreled over the matter and had a cold war for two days.

On the third day, he deliberately left work early, cooked a sumptuous dinner, and formally sued for peace.

This is what he said:

Honey, I know you want a diamond ring. Every woman is the same. (View and accept)

Just like men want to wear Rolex, Rolex symbolizes status, and diamond rings symbolize love and your uniqueness. (Feeling the same)

I didn’t agree. I understand your loss, sadness, and anger, and I feel sorry for you too. (Hold)

But now that you know my financial situation, I will give you the most sincere and best within my ability. (Sincerely)

If you have a diamond ring, can you find a suitable time to supply it to you in the future? The platinum was wronged first, and the diamond was kept to bear witness to our true feelings of adversity and love after marriage. (Propose a plan and reconstruct the meaning)

My cousin was very moved. The man successfully passed the test and was promoted to my cousin-in-law.

They all say "Long live understanding". Behind understanding is respect for feelings, which is just an expression of love.

When emotions are seen, understood, and firmly grasped, and when women feel respected and loved, psychological space is created. The little girl who loved fantasy, was narcissistic, and felt insecure stopped crying and began to think rationally:

Do I want a diamond ring or someone else?

In this process, men give themselves a lot of extra points. Except for those who really have higher requirements for material life, they generally have a high chance of winning.

Of course, after marriage, please be sure to fulfill your promise and don't cheat.

It is difficult for my beloved woman to bury her own light in the daily necessities of life. When she was exhausted from fighting with the baby, she asked with great bitterness: Husband, where is the wedding ring you promised to give me?