Why do you hate your mother? How can a child who hates his mother go on?

A friend of mine came home from a business trip recently and fell ill in less than two weeks. It's not just an old problem: love and hate with mom.

My friend grew up in this environment: she seems to have exchanged roles with her mother. From small to large, she often plays the role of decision maker, supporter and person in charge. On the contrary, the mother lives freely, willfully, chic and muddleheaded.

It can be said that sometimes she rushes to take care of her like an "old mother", but what she finally gets is her mother's disgust, blame, but no praise. The pain and tears along the way, the sadness that no one supports and no one guards, broke out into her infinite hatred for her mother.

She said to me on the other end of the phone, "What can I do to satisfy her?"

I said, "Maybe nothing you can do can satisfy her, because you can't satisfy someone who has been feeling uncomfortable."

Because this friend is independent too early, she seldom enjoys the feeling of being taken care of and feels lonely and painful, but another friend is the opposite of her.

Another friend of mine has a very capable mother who takes care of her in all aspects of life: washing clothes, cooking and cleaning the house. Her mother did everything for her. At present, I am 30 years old, can't cook, and I am not married.

Some children hate their mother and can't live without her. Looking back: 30 years old or a virgin.

My mother is also generous to her, giving her the best things in the family, and many seemingly unreliable things are willing to give her full support. Everyone told her that she had a good mother.

But she will also have the pain of having a good mother. After a long time, she will feel powerless in life, unable to do simple things well, poor self-care ability and even worse mobility.

Although working and living in other cities, she is tortured by her own life, but she can cope with her own life. When she got home, she almost became a big baby. She doesn't know where anything is, she can't help, she doesn't have to do anything, and she is weak.

Whenever she makes an unreliable decision and her mother is willing to support her and sacrifice herself, on the one hand, she will be grateful to her mother; On the other hand, she felt that her mother sacrificed too much for herself, and her mother's misfortune was her own fault. Her body is full of lingering guilt.

"Incapacity and sin" is the evidence that she accepts her mother's "love".

At the same time, she also gave her mother the right to use part of her life. Sometimes, she feels that she is controlled by her mother like a puppet and can't walk out of the deep pool of her mother's tears.

She hates her mother, hates this life, and hates herself now.

Two completely opposite families, two different children, have similar love and hate for their mothers.

There is too much love for mother, but few people can tell their hatred for mother. Not only is it difficult to tell others, but few people can face this emotion. So what role does "hate" for mother play in our life?

Why do you hate your mother?

I'll tell you a story to get rid of your hatred more vividly.

You must remember Jin Yong's Xie Xun the Golden Lion. His master Cheng Kun killed 13 of his family. The tragic death of his family made him crazy and vowed to kill Cheng Kun.

After that, he killed innocent people in the name of Cheng Kun, just to force him to step down. Master Kong Jian of Shaolin Temple asked Xie Xun to beat him 13 in order to resolve this feud, hoping that Xie Xun could tell the evil spirit that killed 13' s family. However, Xie Xun had a plan to kill his master's foresight and loss, but he felt guilty all his life.

In the end, this feud is that Xie Xun finally made Cheng Kun useless and then converted to Buddhism.

In this story, Cheng Kun is the master of Xie Xun. Xie Xun/KLOC-started at the age of 0/0 and left school at the age of 23. This master can also be said to have assumed the role of mother education. But this is an evil "mother", much like a witch.

Xie Xun has been entangled with Cheng Kun all his life. Cheng Kun designed everything, from his success to his madness. It can be said that he is a sad child who has exhausted his heart but failed to leave his "mother".

The hatred between Xie Xun and Cheng Kun began with Xie Xun's love for Cheng Kun. At first, he trusted his master, but Cheng Kun betrayed him and killed his family, which almost destroyed all Xie Xun's hopes and relationships.

This story is so subtle that many years later, Xie Xun only remembers Cheng Kun. Because of the kindness of others, he remembered: Master Kong Jian, Zhang Cuishan, Yin Susu and Zhang Wuji. I have to say that this story, like a prophecy, reveals the mother's paranoid possession of the child and the child's determination to run away from her mother crazily.

Why do you hate your mother?

Because mother is not always a gentle caregiver, the other side of her may be a dark witch, occupying your almost paranoid state, and you are determined to leave her like crazy.

Your mother is your creator. For this reason, she has the right to do whatever she wants with you. Because her mother is not always a gentle caregiver, her other side may be a dark witch, occupying your almost paranoid position. You'll never get rid of her control. These controls are presented by various euphemistic words: preference, hope, expectation, etc.

Although hate makes you uncomfortable, it also creates a space gap between the mother and the child, allowing the child to escape from the mother.

How to forgive your hatred for your mother?

There are thousands of children in the world. They may hate their mothers for various reasons: mothers not only want control, but also beautify control into love. They hate their mother's control and hypocrisy.

Mother's hatred may also be manifested symbolically, for example, women can't show their own characteristics, show extreme differences with their mothers, can't provide food for themselves, despise their hometown, women hate their breasts, and men trample on their breasts.

But it is difficult for them to see and admit this emotion. Culture tells us to love our mother, but people's feelings are complicated. Emotions can't be fixed by rigid words. Love is real, hate is real. Only when you can grasp your innermost feelings can you give full play to your greatest strength.

How to forgive your hatred for your mother?

Whether it is hate or love, it is easy for people to "go online." When you are blinded by hate, remember that hate and love are adjectives that connect you and your mother, but it is you who makes the decision, so keep calm. I hate you and your mother and give you a gap to escape from your mother and become yourself.

If hate comes from love, then the most important thing in this matter is not what the mother did, but how to fill the inner black hole.

You may become a good person because you love someone, but everyone you love may hate another person at the same time, so you won't become a bad person because you hate others. Please forgive your hatred for your mother. This is the only way to forgive your mother for doing something wrong.

Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Hate as much as you want, hate as much as you want.

Only when you see that you love and hate your mother can you become a complete self.

Some people say that a mother is the fate of a child. How can you be controlled by this fate? Come and test your family report ~

About the author: Li Shuting, Zeng Qifeng, studio content editor, national third-level consultant. Writing is a kind of recording thinking and connotation. I hope to understand life from a unique perspective.